Trim Talk Part One of Three

You can quote me on this. My first fanfic in the Firefly realm and it's a Jaylee. Be gentle with me. *braces for grappling hooks* And, ha-ha, I named the planet after myself. Now THAT is my kind of modesty. - Romulus Blue

Disclaimer: Joss is Boss. You know the drill.

Rating: PG for now... Here cometh the plot lemming...

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"Another tipple please." Kaylee sang happily as she laid down a couple credits and beamed at the barkeep. It was good getting paid, and she was in a particularly fine mood for despensing said pay.

"Rusty nail, and quick." Kaylee's eyes followed the path of the honeythick voice and they came to rest on a particularly weary looking whore, who was busy counting out the credits she'd just pulled from her brassiere. Kaylee took in the sweaty brow, the disheveled blond hair and the very prominent hickey peaking out from behind her right ear. Her eyes were dark, nearly all pupil, dilating from husky passion and bone weary sex. She looked like she were on the darkest day.

Kaylee, the ever sunny individual couldn't stand for that. Least not on such a joyous day as a payday of actually getting paid!

"Rough night?" Kaylee asked, trying to be friendly as she cradled her own drink. The whore turned narrowed eyes on her, looked her up and down as if trying to gauge why she'd iniciated conversation.

"Long." She said in a clipped tone. The barkeep slid her drink toward her and she downed it in a gulp. "Another." She ordered sliding the glass back. She turned back to look at Kaylee and the young mechanic instantly flushed as the whore slowly began to scrutinize her more carefully. "Why? You lookin' for a good time, darlin'?" This time the woman smiled lazily and her voice took on a seductive honey drawl. Kaylee nearly coughed up her gulp when she realized what she meant.

"Oh no! I mean... I weren't propositionin' you none." The smile vanished and the woman tossed her hair as if the rejection were unimportant. "Just looked like you needed a talk, s'all." She looked down into her cup, hoping that Jayne would hurry up and join her so she wouldn't look so ruttin' foolish standing alone. The whore once again looked at her but this time her mouth twisted, as though it wanted to smile but couldn't.

"So what's a sweetie like you doin' in a run down go se hole like this?" The blond asked as she downed her second drink. Kaylee blinked up at her.

"Heard this was the best tavern in all of Romulus."

"It is." The whore conceded with a quirked eyebrow. "Doesn't say much for the town, though, do it?" She chuckled at her own joke. "Course, this whole gorram town don't attract much cept pirates and bottom feeders, so I'm a bit stunned to see a fancy kid like you in here." Kaylee smiled at the compliment, even if it wasn't mirrored.

"Why? What kind of scum'd you just take up with tonight, Maura?" the bartender asked fleetingly as he passed them to serve another customer.

"The usual sort." She said, "The paying sort." A baritone guffaw came from the other end of the bar.

"So how was he?" Drat! Kaylee thought, soon as the words left her mouth. Why'd she even ask? Truth be told, she'd always wondered about the nocturnal habits of her crewmates...

"Who?" The whore asked, turning back towards her new companion.

"Your client." Kaylee egged, her heart taking on an unusal beat.

"Client?" The whore echoed, one finely trimmed eyebrow rising. "I ain't a Companion, dear. Not near as glamorous." She chuckled. It was funny, her voice carried an older quality, yet she couldn't be any older than Kaylee herself.

"Well... then what do you call 'em?" The whore opened her mouth to answer but stopped suddenly. She played at her blue-green shortened sari, and Kaylee couldn't help but wish she could do the same to the flowy pretty fabric. Odd thing, so beautiful, in a dive like this one.

"You know, I don't know." She replied as she tucked a thin finger under her chin and stared on pensively. Not one to get caught up in colloquialisms and jargon were it not needed, Kaylee scooted closer.

"Well, then, the man..." Kaylee reminded.

"Hmmm. He was swai, I suppose." She said with a lopsided grin as she lit the thin black cigarette she pulled from her dress pocket. Kaylee's heart thundered on. Something about learning secrets she weren't supposed to know did that to her.

"But was he ..."

"A good tumble?" Kaylee nodded, grinning and the whore laughed at her obvious curiousity. One thing were for sure, she weren't shy or as doe eyed as the trim'd originally thought. "I had hoped he were, judgin' by the way he... carried himself," she sighed and sipped at her cigarette again, "but I suppose that woulda been too much for a girl to ask from sweet Buddha."

"He weren't good?!" Kaylee asked, her mouth hanging open a bit. Her heart took a long pause.

"All heat and unfit furiousity. Quick was all it were. But it was a shiny penny he threw my way, so I ain't complainin'." She said with a wink as she tucked her credits back in her top. Kaylee quickly looked down at the counter. The whore's face crumpled and she looked down at her own hands. "Sorry." Kaylee's head rose again. "Not too good at bein' proper. Sometimes forget there's folk better'n me. Plenty of, actually..."

"Oh that ain't it." Kaylee snorted as if it were preposterous for this bargain trim to think she were less than her. "S'just..." she began to snicker under her breath, "I, uh, happen to be acquainted with the swai gentleman you just saw to..."

The evil grin on her face was a match to the one on the whore's. Another new friendship had just been born out of secrety girl talk...

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It was the wee hours of the morning when Kaylee stumbled back up the rocky path toward the pasture on top of the mountain where Serenity sat waiting. She figured the Captain would have some words for her when she got back... mostly cussing ones. How a young, pretty thing like her ought not to be loafing around a strage planet by themselves, and she usually listened to the Cap'n's warnings. But after a couple more drinks, she and the whore had really got stuck in and conversed well past her curfew. They'd gotten to be as thick as thieves, well as much as you could be after a night of yakking away, and Kaylee had been disappointed when a fire-haired young welder came about and got to propisitionin' her shiny new friend.

"Guess I better be off." The whore said with a heavy sigh as she lifted to her feet, more graceful than was right for a small town whore to possess. "I suppose you won't be comin' round tomorrow neither?" There was a hopeful tone toward the end. Kaylee shook her head and grinned. "Oh well." She stubbed out her cigarette and threw her long hair over her shoulder, offering her hand to shake. "Drop me a wave if you're ever back in this pisspot town, y'hear?"

"Will do." Kaylee said, taking her hand and kissing her cheek clumsily. With a last wink, the whore disappeared into the backroom with her newest client.

The warm fuzzy feeling that accompanied the whiskey was beginning to wear and Kaylee quickened her step, desperate to climb into her snuggly bed. She drew her arms up as the goosebumps began to cover her chilled skin but felt a wave of warmth as Serenity rose over the dark horizon. She didn't know exactly when she started to run, ran like she was a little thing again, foot racing her sister for the swing in front of their house. Kaylee always won those.

Her boots stomped loudly up through the airlock toward the stairs, across the gang plank as she sighed her weariness right out her body. Yeah, her bed, maybe a nice quick session with her buzzin' phallic buddy and she'd nod straight off, content until the morning when her body would reject what she'd poured down her gullet that night.

"KAYLEE!"

Oh, why couldn't this wait until the hangover bit. At least then she'd already be miserable. She was reluctant, in her happy state, to become malcontent. Ha. MALcontent. Damn, but she were a witty drunk, she thought to herself merrily.

"Yes, Cap?" She whistled as she came up onto the bridge. Mal was leaning by her doorway, his fingers drumming away on her name plate. She smiled sweetly hoping he'd lose the grumpy look he was currently sporting.

"There a particular reason you're trippin' back home three hours later than I ruled you was to?" His voice was stern, woulda made her Pa proud.

"I got a bit...caught up?" The smile amped up a few megawatts. Mal sighed.

"Look here, mei mei, I don't mind you workin' out your ... frustrations," his eyebrow shot up and she barely kept from sniggering, "but do it before curfew. All sorts of unpleasant folk I'd like to keep away from you." She walked forward and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"You take such good care of me, Captain." His mouth twisted a bit into a small smile.

"Well, since I'm takin' care of you, I hereby order you to go to the kitchen, get some food and water in you." Her smile disappeared.

"But... it's real late-"

"Hmm... and who's to blame for that? Space monkeys again? No I do believe that they're busy playin' at tea with River tonight..." He said, placing his hand on his chin and feigning pensiveness. She rolled her eyes. "Got no use for a gut sick mechanic, dong ma? Go." He nudged her toward the kitchens as he crossed to his own bunk.

"Yeah, you get to go to sleep in your nice cozzy toasty bunk." She grumbled, looking at him over her shoulder. He stuck his tongue out to rub it in her face and she turned and stormed toward the kitchen door. Phewy Captain. She had to make a point to be snobbish to him tomorrow. If she remembered. Or was even capable.

She drew the door open and was surprised when she heard a grunt and looked up to see the man of the night himself, sitting at the table with his leg propped up, a tin cup tipped over his mouth. Her grin immediately returned.

"You get told to go raid the cupboards too by that shen jing bing Captain?" Jayne hollered the last part, peering around her.

"I can hear you!" Came the far off reply.

"That's the point." Jayne barked back. Kaylee smiled and quickly shut the door.

"What are you tryin' to do? Get him more sore at us?" She said quietly as she walked toward the can he'd already opened. She picked it up and looked inside, gauging its appearance.

"He don't scare me."

"You're drunk."

"Oh yeah." He said, and then chuckled as if it had just dawned on him. Kaylee gently tugged the fork out of his hand and began to nibble at the can's contents.

"Thanks for comin' to get me at the bar by the by." Kaylee threw in, trying to look mad but failing due to her cheeks being large and full of food. Yes, chowing down drunk tends to make you less scarifyin'.

"You're welcome." He said, obviously not bothered at all. It weren't like anything had happened to her, so why should he lose sleep? "So'd you get doctor'd up tonight?" Kaylee shot him a glare at the double entendre as he took another sip from his cup, masking his usual leer.

"Nope, but I'll just bet you did." She said, looking quite engrossed in her food for a moment. He beamed and scratched heartily at his inner thigh.

"Sure did. Pretty little tchen wah too. Nice romp." Kaylee snorted, and his eyes shot up to her. "What?"

"Nothin'..." She said, not meeting his gaze as she shoveled more food in her mouth. He eyed her suspiciously. "This, uh, pretty tchen wah...she didn't happen to be blonde, wearin' a bluey sari did she?" His eyes perked up, the glazy blue eyes suddenly snapping to attention.

"Maybe. What's it matter?" He asked slowly. She shrugged, still looking unconcerned, still feeling her belly shake with the humor of it. "Kaylee..."

"S'nothin'!" She said around a mouthful of protein. He leaned back in his chair, surveying the room, trying to ignore the nagging feeling. "Except... well..."

"Kaylee, you say what's to be said or so help me... I've never hurt a woman before, leastways not one who ain't had a gun to me, but if you-"

"I just heard, you know, she had a little bit of a rash problem s'all." She said stabbing the food and looking up to gauge his reaction. His mouth laid open, ready to catch space flies.

"A rash?" He repeated. She nodded, trying to quite her belly giggles. "What kind of rash?" She nearly snorted protein out her nose.

"The itchy, oozy kind." She stated matter of factly. She looked up at him. "Hope it ain't contagious." She said with a sugar spun voice, relishing her trickery over him. Jayne grimaced, his nose crinkling as he took in her explanation. He kicked over a chair, making her jump slightly.

"Damn." He growled, shaking his head. "Ai ya. Now I gotta go see the Doc and tell him I got a need for tendin' down there? Ruttin' unbelievable." He said as if he couldn't think of anything more embarrassing than having Simon concerned with Little Jayne. She couldn't hold it in. She laughed loudly, trying to rally it in, but the daggers thrown by Jayne's eyes made it all the more funny. "Oh you're a ruttin' comedian eh?"

The scrape of the chair against the floor made her jump back behind the counter for safety as he stalked up to her. "Hey now, you make fun a me all the time, I gotta get mine in when I can!" He seemed to ease back at that and sat back down. "Sides, it ain't like I let you go on thinkin' it were true to see Simon." She let out a bleet of laughter and he continued to glare. The glare eventually turned into a puzzled frown.

"Little girl," he asked slowly, the coggs turning Jayne-way-slow, "how'd you know what the gal I saddled looked like?" She smiled slowly and conspiratorily at his realization.

"Had a few words with her. Gossiping type words." She hinted, and his face lost all emotion. She felt the power that'd drained away rush back to her.

"None of these words happen to involve me, do they?" She looked away and he grunted. "So, what'd the trim blather on about?" She looked up sharply as he looked nonchallant at his empty dish.

"Jayne! She has a name, you know!"

"No, I don't know. Don't remember."

Kaylee's cheeks puffed up and she shook her head at his not even havin' the tenderness to remember her name. Then again if he remembered every single trim's name he's probably forget how to shoot or pee or some such information would drop right outta his head.

"Maura," she said pointedly and he nodded, "had plenty to say about you and your sexual performance. Didn't sound too good to me." She spoke sniffily, playing up her disgust at him. She was just itching for him to get indignant. When he didn't she was shocked. "Don't that bother you?" He looked up and didn't bat an eyelash.

"Just not so concerned with pleasurin' anyone 'cept myself." He said it like it were the bald truth. She shot him a searing look. "Well I'm the one payin' ain't I?!"

"Jayne Cobb, I always knew you was a selfish huandun but I never thought you'd be so evil."

"No gal's ever complained."

"Maybe not to your face..."

"And it ain't like I'm really puttin' any of my fancier moves on or nothin'..."

"There ain't nothin' fancy about you to begin with!"

"And where the Sam heck do you get off, girl, tinkerin' in my private affairs?" He was getting a bit irritated by what she was implying, feeling his competitive, manly nature start to take offense.

"I'm the unfortunate soul who had to hear about your affairs!" she cried in mock anguish as she rubbed a damp rag over the side of her face, feeling the cool moisture dull her cheek. "I'm the one nearly had to be doctored cause my sides were splittin' from not laughin'! And that there was a right curtesy in itself!" She punctuated this statement by tossing the sullied rag at his chest. He caught it lamely and bristled.

"Ain't like I can't satisfy a woman if I please." He huffed, tossing the rag across the table like a pouting child. "Happen to be plenty well endowed too."

"Sure, Jayne." Kaylee teased, rolling her eyes. He growled softly when he saw her stick her tongue out at him playfully. With a stony look, he stood quickly, puffed up his chest and stuck one large hand down the waist of his pants. Kaylee squealed and placed her hands over her eyes. "JAYNE!"

"Well, seems you want proof!" He barked, his other hand drifting toward his belt buckle. She waved her hands frantically, eyes still squeezed firmly shut.

"Jayne, that ain't cosure!"

"You want proof or not!?"

"NOT! NOT!"

"Hmmph, well it just don't seem right," he said, taking his hand out of his pants and sitting back down, slowly though, in case proof was still necessary, "you standin' there tellin' me I ain't a good roll, and me not gettin' the chance to dispel that nasty rumor."

"Well, you're not dispelling nothing all over the kitchen, alright?" She said, half laughing, half in truth.

"Alright, I won't, but this gets back to Inara, or the doc, or wuo de ma, the Little Man, I'll damn well yank you up against the engine room wall and dispel til neither of us can walk straight!" He punctuated his meaning by banging his hand against the table like a fleshy gavel. "And for gorram sake Kaylee, take your hands offa your eyes! You can look!"