Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction. No infringement is intended. All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy, not me. Bla Bla Bla Yackity Smackity.

A/N: This was written in response to the LJ FF Friday challenge (the topic is trust), but because of lack of a code to register for LJ I could not post it there. I am trying to be creative with this one so please let me know if it left you going HUH?

No Words by zoefan aka nkosazana

Zoe walks into the darkened infirmary. She locks the door and turns on the lights in the front. In the far corner of the room Mal lies on one of the beds. The top of the bed is raised and remains in the darkness. Zoe takes a couple of steps toward him and then stops. She speaks.

"There has been no use for words between us. We have a way of speaking with looks, gestures, nods, blinks."

Zoe laughs softly and takes a few more steps toward Mal.

"Nobody in this ‘verse knows me the way you do. No one else can look at me and know exactly which nightmare it was and whether to find some way to be alone with me or stay away. And I know without asking how to make you right again after you’ve stayed awake for days, too afraid to close your eyes. We share the same pain. That makes us connected in such a way that words aren’t necessary."

Zoe walks over to the chair beside his bed. She positions it so she is sitting directly in his field of view. She sits.

"I think this lack of words hurts us sometimes. Emotions can be lost in the translation of glances and winks. I’m not sure you really know. I don’t know if you understand why I did what I did. But, of course you do. You always do things for the benefit of others, even if it’s to your own detriment. You know that it was best for me, for all involved. It was the uncomplicated way to do it. To be silent. I know without question you wouldn’t speak on it. There are so many things between us that others are not privy too. You will never betray me and here I am ready to betray you. I remember that long stare. The unquestionable promise you made to bear in silence the heavy load I laid upon you. It wasn’t fair for me to reveal something so important with a quick touch."

Zoe stands beside the table and takes his hand in hers. She brings it to her mouth, her chest, and lastly rests it on her stomach before she returns it to his side.

"I’ve kept her from you. You had to sit in the back and watch with the rest of them. You had to ignore the bond you felt and endure jokes of the others. You had to pretend that your uneasiness was due to some deal gone wrong and nothing else. Inara was even fooled. Kaylee thought you were mad because of all the attention being given to a person that was not you. Wash joked and said you were jealous of him. He doesn’t know how close he was to the truth. But you still smiled and took part in the conversations. You trusted that I knew what I was doing. I don’t. I don’t think I made the right choice. I know you don’t see it as such, but it was selfish of me. I took the easy way out, and it ain’t like me to do that."

Zoe sits back down on the chair.

"He needs to know. They all do. This is something we kept not because it reminded of the pain and stench of war. We were silent because the truth reminded us that we found pleasure in something that would bring the people we love pain. It would reveal that we weren’t as solid as we let on. We’re flawed. I don’t know, maybe I came here so you could somehow talk me out of doing it. Tell me that some things are better left alone. Assure me that I didn’t hurt you. Convince me that the pain we felt was a whole hell of a lot less than we already knew it was. I need you to lie to me and tell me it was for the best, so I can pretend I believe you. I want you to tell me what to do. I’m asking you to order me to shut up and be happy. I don’t want a series of complex nods and glances. I want words. I need to hear you say these things to me."

Zoe sits there in the darkness with her head on his hand for several minutes in silence. She takes a deep breath and sits upright.

"I’m not thinking straight. After all that’s happened I’m not surprised. Before I came here I was convinced that the truth was the right thing. But it may be too soon to say anything. Everyone’ s still so raw. They may not be able to see the good in it. I don’t know, with time I may figure that breaking this trust will dishonor you rather than …preserve you."

Zoe walks over to the wall and turns on the second set of lights. She looks over at Mal. He remains still on the bed, head facing forward, eyes open and blank. Zoe goes back to the bed and sits on it beside him. She smoothes a stray patch of hair on his head. With much care, Zoe leans over Mal and softly places a kiss on his lips and closes his eyes. She gets up, turns out both sets of lights, and leaves. Out side of the infirmary a small baby girl with a head full of curly brown hair sleeps on one of the sofas. Zoe walks over to her and picks her up. She gently takes the baby’s hand and lifts it to her mouth, her chest, and finally puts it back to rest at her side.

Fin.<4CC97B><4CC97B><36C977><36C977><7380C2><7380C2><5C1E2B><5C1E2B><242BBB><242BBB>