My hands are trembling And my eyes are on fire This house is crumbling Left brain, left out on the wire They did their usual dance. They glanced at each other as they passed in the hallways. They shared an occasional smile over the dinner table. Inara wandered the ship as much as Mal did. She had enough time on her hands now. Shortly after they left Mr. Universe’s moon, she received a wave from the house mistress, chastising her for disappearing from the training house. With ‘that pirate captain, no less’. She tried to explain what happened. She told Sheydra what they had seen on Miranda. She thought she could trust her confidence. The next morning, her guild license was revoked. She was no longer a Companion.

You make me happy You magnify my better half You make me certain Though all I have today is your photograph

They hadn’t argued in weeks. They hadn’t said much of anything to each other. It weren’t for a lack of trying. They just didn’t have much to say to each other. Mal would watch her walk the ship. He suspected she had time it to offset his usual walk. He had slipped her up a few times, caught her on the bridge, just staring out into the black. She would notice him, mumble an apology and good night, and she’d be gone. Again. His heart stuck in his throat every time he saw her. But she was intangible, unattainable. Look, but don’t touch, just like his ma had always said. She was as the capture he kept of her in his bunk: a constant reminder of what he would never have. She had seemed preoccupied at dinner the night before. He started his nightly walk, hoping to catch her in her wandering. But she was nowhere to be found.

My past is perilous And each scar I bear sings Monuments to where I have been And melodies to where I am going

Her life as a Companion was over. The house had crumbled around her. She sat on the solid bunk in her shuttle, her bed long gone. Her life now long gone. She felt small, insignificant amongst the grande scheme of things. Nothing but the cold of the black filled her soul now. Ren ce di fozu, what am I going to do now? Mal walked up the steps to Inara’s shuttle. His wanders always brought him here. He still hadn’t found her yet tonight, so the shuttle was the next most obvious choice. He stood in front of the door, nervous suddenly. She was going to talk to him if he had to tie her down until she did. His hand reached for the latch, then he decided to not be manly and impulsive and knock first. A moment before his knuckles hit the door he heard a loud thud. He opened the hatch and rushed in. He saw Inara, on the floor, her face in her hands. He went to her side quickly and dropped to a knee. “’Nara?” He put his hand gently on her shoulder. She turned quickly and wrapped her arms around his neck, nearly knocking them both over. She buried her face in the crook of his shoulder. With one hand planted firmly on the ground to keep them vertical, he wrapped his other arm around her waist. “It’s okay,” he whispered to her. “No, it’s not,” she said, her voice strained through her tears. “Everything is not okay.” He couldn’t help but run his fingers through her hair. “Tell me what’s wrong.” She shook her head, but didn’t release the death grip she had on his shirt. “I can’t help if you don’t tell me . . .” “I can’t, Mal,” she whispered. “I can’t I can’t I can’t . . .” She mumbled over and over. Mal brought his hand to her face, and she pulled back enough to look in his eyes. He wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb. “I can’t make you tell me, but I ain’t lettin’ you outta this shuttle til you do.” She pulled away suddenly as anger flared across her face. Her hands dropped from his shoulders. “I don’t need threats right now.” She gathered herself up and stood, quickly wiping away her tears. He stood as well, only slightly annoyed now himself. “Why won’t you talk to me? Why’s there gotta be a constant battle of wits between us?” He stepped closer to her, only a hands-breadth away. “We’ve stared the Alliance and Reavers in the face, fought them and won, but you can’t tell me why you’re hurting.” “And you always tell me what you’re feeling?” she asked, incredulous. “I ask, you evade. You always have.” She paused and pursed her lips. “It’s not fair.” “Fair?” Now he was pissed. “You wanna talk to me about fair? Life ain’t fair. Two members of my crew being gone ain’t fair.” He took a step away from her. “You runnin’ away from me ain’t fair.” He headed for the door, not wanting to wait for a response. He had nearly reached the hatch before her voice stopped him dead in his tracks. “Make me!” He slowly turned to look at her. “Shen me?” “Make me, Mal.” That was all the encouragement he needed. He was by her side in a second flat, and his lips were pressed to hers not a millisecond later. She pulled away just as quickly. “Wait, wait, I have to tell you . . .” “Darlin’, you ain’t doin’ me any kindness here,” he said, a sardonic grin on his lips. “I’ve . . . they’ve revoked my Companion license.” The smile dropped. “Bao bei,” he said, placing his hand against her cheek, “I’m sorry.” She laughed, slightly bitterly. “No, you’re not. You never agreed with my profession anyway.” “And you know why I don’t.” “It is . . . it was my life.” “There anything I can do? Talk to them, explain . . .” “There is no explaining. Certainly not from you.” He bristled and pulled away. “Why not from me?” “All of this is the reason! You, Miranda, the battle. The know everything.” “How much of everything, is everything?” She stopped and looked up at him. Mal knew an incredibly guilty face when he saw one. “I thought I could trust Sheydra.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Mal. I was trying . . .” “You were trying to save yourself. Wouldn’t expect any less.” This time, he didn’t let her stop him from walking out.

When will I see you again? Still-life can only go so far Need you in front of me Saying my name Saying to me “I want you the way you are You the way you are”