Chapter 1: Falling Apart

Wash was beside himself and fast losing all hope. He drummed his fingers on the console while his eyes scanned the expanse of space before him. No way that his luck could be this bad – there had to be a way out! Maybe he had miscounted… He turned again to the computer screen and called up his personal calendar. One, two, three… twenty-nine, thirty, thirty-one… thirty-five, thirty-six. “Oh, son of a gorram…”he yelled, jamming his fist against the console to instantly close the screen. In the next moment he had swept all his dinosaurs onto the floor. He hadn’t been mistaken. She had won. He was certain of it. He dropped his head into his hands and tried to calm himself. Problem was that it wasn’t doing any good. For the first time he could recall, he was angry, really seriously angry… with his wife. Worse yet, he was afraid. As tired as he had become of the constant dread and fear he had felt in the last two weeks, finally having his worst fear realized was infinitely harder to deal with. He just couldn’t even imagine how Zoe could possibly make up for what she had done. It just couldn’t be undone. She had used him. Used him very badly, indeed… “Well, not that badly…” a small voice in his head spoke up. “In fact, you weren’t complaining,” another chimed in. “Shut up!” he yelled aloud. “It wasn’t right! She shouldn’t have!” “Uh… who you yelling at?” Kaylee asked, looking a bit spooked. She had come on up, as was her habit before turning in for the night. She always looked in on Serenity’s pilot before going off shift. The two of them were what kept the boat both fair and flying. She had stepped onto the bridge just in time to see his display of temper, something which was never associated with the even tempered fly boy, except when… “Oh!” she said, comprehending what it had to be. “Zoe got you all upset again, Wash?” Wash stared at her with bloodshot eyes and it looked as though he had actually been on the verge of tears. “Are you OK?” she asked, suddenly very concerned. This wasn’t like him at all! True, he hadn’t been himself for the last few weeks… but for him to be this upset… well, it really frightened her. “No,” he answered, tersely. “and I doubt I ever will be again!” Jumping up, he left the bridge. Kaylee did a quick check, noted that the ship was on auto-pilot and relaxed a little. She followed him out, but stayed just far enough behind him to see where he was headed without drawing attention to herself. Turned out that he was headed into the quarters he shared with Zoe. “Fei hua !” she said aloud, feeling that something truly bad was brewing between the pilot and his wife. She wished she could do something to help, but Wash had made it pretty clear that he didn’t want anyone’s sympathy at the moment. Shaking her head sadly, she retreating to her own berth.

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In their shared quarters, Simon awoke to find his sister talking in her sleep. “Angry. So angry,” she mumbled, moving restlessly beneath her blanket. “Scared! Not right! Underhanded! Took advantage…” “Who’s angry?” Simon questioned her. He knew her abilities better than anyone and he knew she had to be reacting to one of the crew. “Love her. Need her, but for her to do this…” “Who, River? Who did it?” Her answer was loud, a yell which was echoed by another, “Zoe!” “Zoe!” Wash’s simultaneous scream of the same name died away in the background as goosebumps rose on Simon’s skin. “Spooky…” he whispered, before climbing back in his bed and pulling the covers up to his chin. It was a long while before his heartbeat slowed back to a normal level. Still, he found he couldn’t sleep.

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Captain Malcolm Reynolds dismounted and turned his horse loose. On either side of him, his second in command, Zoe, and his hired muscle, Jayne, did likewise. They slapped the horses on their rumps and watched them trot off back towards town before turning and boarding the boat. It sure felt good to be back on Serenity. He turned a pleased smile on Zoe, who didn’t smile back. She hadn’t been herself in recent weeks and there was a definite strain in her relationship with that strange husband of hers. Still, for her to be so guarded even when returning from a successful financial venture… Well, it boded no good. “If you won’t be needing me, sir, I have some things to see to,” she said. “Have at it.” As she started to move off after Jayne, he snagged her arm. “You know if there’s anything I can do…” he began. “No sir, don’t see as how there is anything you can do to help me,” she answered. “Let’s just say that I made a mistake and now I have to live with it.” “Told you that you shouldn’t marry him,” he replied before he could help himself. Zoe’s face hardened. It was the look she wore just before she shot someone dead. “Wash will NEVER be a mistake, Captain,” she ground out. “Right now I dare say that he doesn’t feel the same way about me. If you want some advice, you’ll have him fly this boat to the nearest port where you’re likely to find a decent replacement pilot.” Mal’s mouth dropped open in shock. “My God, what did you do to the man?” “The one thing he begged me not to do, sir,” she sighed. “I’m serious. We should dock somewhere and plan on staying for a while. In the end we may or may not still have Wash as our pilot. Don’t know as yet about the husband part of that…” She turned and stormed off. Mal suddenly realized that the pilot had not met them in the cargo area, something he always did when his wife was returning. Zoe’s advice hit home hard. If Wash hadn’t greeted her, then chances were that he wasn’t waiting for her in their quarters either. Best that he get them into the nearest port now then. He took the stairs three at a time and moved briskly up the corridor into the bridge.

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Chapter 2: Issues

Zoe found exactly what she had feared finding when she entered their berth: Wash had taken all his things and moved out. She sat on the edge of the double bunk, gripped her stomach and doubled over. The physical pain was bad, but that was something she could take. Losing Wash, well that was another story. Trouble was that he had good reason to leave. She had pushed things too far, overstepped the boundaries even of a relationship as close as theirs… And she really didn’t know what she could say to him to make it all right. Telling him the truth of how things were wasn’t good enough. The damage that had been done had to be fixed first. She looked up when she heard raised voices drifting down from the bridge. Sounded like Mal had overstepped himself as well… Maybe she should just give Wash some space for now, wait him out a while and then feel the waters…

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Mal stopped short just after entering the bridge. Wash had apparently set up shop in the corner because it now sported a hammock, two trunks and a pile of clothes. “What in the hell is going on here? Wash! You can’t sleep up on the bridge!” The pilot tilted his head and shot him a sour look over his shoulder. “Why not? I already spend most of my time here.” “Look, I don’t know what is going on between you and Zoe, but…” “That’s right, you don’t!” Wash yelled, coming to his feet. He actually succeeded in making the captain back up a step or two. “And until you do, I’ll thank you to keep your advice to yourself!” “Well then, tell me. I’m listening.” Mal took a threatening step forward, placing his nose just inches away from his pilot’s nose. As expected, Wash backed down and moved back a few paces. “Can’t. Not yet, anyway.” Wash’s voice dropped back down to its usual even tone. “Me and Zoe need some time to think, Mal. We can’t do that if we’re in the same quarters and seeing as how my old berth now belongs to someone else, there isn’t really anywhere else for me to sleep. This is probably the best place for now. And just think, I’ll be able to respond to an emergency that much faster.” Mal moved up to stand beside Wash and clapped a hand on his back. “Zoe seems to think that we should pull into the nearest port. She said I should probably see to it.” “Did she?” there was defeat in the blond pilot’s voice. “Maybe we best then.” Both men remained silent for a while, staring out the front window at the stars. Mal finally spoke up, his words carefully chosen. “I think it would be best that we did, but not for the reasons Zoe did. You’re the best damn pilot I ever met, Wash and a right decent man. I know you always do try to do the right thing by Zoe. I believe you will this time, same as every other…” He met his pilot’s eyes, which had turned an eerie neon blue in the glow of a passing ship’s floodlights. “We’re putting in for some R and R. Take the time you need, just so’s it ain’t longer than two weeks.” Wash did the unexpected then. He hugged Mal. Hard. Then he broke away and nearly jumped into the pilot’s chair. “I’m right on that, captain!” he said, a ghost of his former good humor restored. Mal shrugged and left the bridge. “The things I do for my crew…” he muttered.

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“So what’s up with you and that oddball husband of yours?” Zoe finished fishing her laundry out of the cleaning machine and gave Jayne a withering look. “How would you like to swallow this entire bedsheet?” she snarled. The big guy held his hands up to show he was unarmed, a universal sign of truce. “Just asking is all. Everyone is gossiping about it. At least I had the decency to ask you up front.” As the second in command finished fishing her things out of the machine, Jayne began shoving his in. When it became apparent that she wasn’t going to say anything more, he shrugged. “Suit yerself,” he sighed. “but you ought to know that so far the general thinking is that Wash caught you bedding the captain.” Zoe stood bolt upright and stared at him. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!” she sputtered. “Naw. What they’re really saying is,” Jayne grinned. “I just wanted to get a reaction outta ya.” “So what are they saying?” “Why don’t you tell me what happened and I’ll tell you if they’re right?” Jayne countered. “Ni ta ma de!” she replied, and then turned on her heel and stormed out with her wet laundry. When she got back to her berth, she hung the sheets over a make shift clothesline and then collapsed on the bed. She had spent the last few days trying to get Wash’s attention without actually approaching him. She had learned early on that when he was angry it was best to let him sort through it and approach her when he was ready to talk. Unfortunately, her pilot husband had pretty much kept to himself, rarely even leaving the bridge. He hadn’t even come down to join the others for dinner and she had instead fixed him a plate and brought it up to him. All it had gotten her was a terse, “thanks” before he turned back to his controls and refused to look at her again. She was out of time. They were due at the station in just a few hours and after that she could not be certain that Wash would remain aboard or ever return if he disembarked. She had therefore asked Inara if she could set up some sort of impromptu luncheon before R and R officially began. The companion had been more than happy to help her and the crew after being informed of the luncheon, showed great interest in it, especially since its primary draw was real food and some really good cider. All she could do now was hope that Wash would put in an appearance. Chances were good that he would. He wouldn’t want to disappoint his crewmates.

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He showed. He stayed on the opposite side of the room and laughed and joked with the others, just as he always had, but she was completely ignored. It went on for what seemed to be an eternity, while she kept a fake smile on her face and pretended to be as unconcerned and happy as everyone else. The only hope she had that her husband did indeed still care about her came a little later on, when she caught him watching her with a puppy-dog look upon his face. He had thought she wouldn’t see, as she had just collected the dishes and was on the way to the sink with them, but she had caught it over her shoulder. He wore a look of such hopeless longing and adoration on his face that for the first time in weeks, her heart felt that it was no longer being constricted. Wash still loved her. He still adored her. It filled her with hope that she could patch things up with him. Maybe their marriage would even be better when all was resolved. As she began scrubbing the dishes in the sink, he came up behind her, slipping his arms through her own and making it look as though she had four arms which were all cleaning dishes. It had always been one of his favorite things when they pulled kitchen duty. He rested his chin on her shoulder so that he could see what he was doing and more than once he brushed his cheek against hers. After a short while the voices behind them faded off down the corridor and they found themselves alone. The dishes were clean. They dried them and cleaned the table, then the floor, all the while working in an easy unison without feeling the need to say a word. It was only as they finished and he picked up his travel bag from the couch, where she had failed to notice it that her uncertainty returned. She found herself lightheaded and woozy for the third time that day and fought it off. “You’re going then?” she finally spoke up. He sighed. “I have to, wife. I need the time.” “Promise me that you’ll come back?” “Can’t.” His bluer-than-the-sky eyes held her own. “But I will return to at least say good-bye if it comes to that.” “Come back to our room. Let’s talk about it.” “Already tried that. Tried it for four months.” He turned and headed for the door. “I don’t think I can stand to have you dismiss the conversation again.” With that he stepped out of the room and headed down the hall and first flight of steps at a brisk pace. “Come on, honey, you’re making this out to be far worse than it really is,” Zoe called out as she followed. “Move back in with me and let me make it up to you,” she pleaded. “We can work this out.” Wash stopped suddenly and rounded on her. “This is a big deal, Zoe,” he said, raising his voice. “We are talking about the loss of trust and respect in our relationship. The way I see it, there is no relationship without it!” “I just don’t see how bringing a new life into this world; a whole new person who will be made up of both of us, is such a terrible thing,” She whispered, joining him on the landing. She saw his expression soften and pressed on, “Can you just imagine: a child of ours could crack off a joke and then take the bad guy out in the next heartbeat…” Again his expression changed, this time becoming pained. “You’re right, and I’d give much to have a child who could do that, but that doesn’t change the fact that I wasn’t ready yet. You knew I didn’t want this and still you pressed the issue. You manipulated me…” “Honey, I…” “Stop! Just stop!” he yelled. “There will be no more honey thrown into this. Do you deny that you manipulated me?” “Well, no,” she yelled back. “You have free will. Just because I stopped taking my birth control doesn’t mean I manipulated you. I told you I stopped taking it.” Wash’s cheeks began to turn red, a sure sign that he was reaching his limit as far as patience was concerned. “We’ve been through this over and over, Zoe. Neither of us is changing our opinion on it. Yes, you have the right not to take medication if you don’t want to, but I have every right not to be a father if I’m not ready for it and in stopping your meds, you were intentionally attempting to force my hand.” Zoe crossed her arms in front of her chest and planted her feet firmly at shoulder width apart. She glared at him but remained silent. “And what happened when you stopped taking your meds, Lamby-toes, hmmm? Did I just ignore the risk and jump your bones?” “No,” she ground out. “No,” he reiterated. “Our sex life took a dive, didn’t it? All because ol’ Wash was no longer willing to risk anything that might result in a pregnancy. Yeah, we did just about everything else under the sun, but a lack of penetration really caused some serious frustration on both our parts, didn’t it? Yet, did I ever once knuckle under and ignore any of the consequences?” “No,” she whispered. “That’s right!” he bellowed. “For over three months I towed the line. I refused to give in to you even when you cajoled and used all your wiles on me and yet, you refused to go back on the meds, despite what it was doing to us…” “OK, let’s just drop this for now,” she asked. “You’re stepping over the line…” “No! You are the one who crossed the line. You’re the one who keeps stopping me from saying what has to be said. What’s the matter, tough girl? You afraid to hear it?” She gave him her best scowl and turned away, intent on ending the conversation, but Wash grabbed her arm to stop her. Without thinking she spun and landed a solid punch to his jaw. He landed hard on the metal landing and had to shake his head to clear it. His bag nearly flew over the walkway, but managed to remain more on than off. In a second she was beside him, running her hands over his face, panicked over the pain she had caused him. “Wode tìan! Oh honey! I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to do that!” “Yes you did,” he whispered, then spat blood. He was vaguely aware that the rest of the crew had gathered in the doorways below and were witnessing their fight. He didn’t care. As far as he was concerned they needed to hear the ugly truth so that they’d understand what he had to do. He struggled to his feet and spat again. “You’re going to hear it and nothing short of killing me will keep me from saying it out loud…” “Wash… please…” her eyes pleaded with him to drop it. “Three and a half hellish months after you tried to force my hand, I went into town with Mal, Jayne and the others,” he started. “Wash….” another plea. “It was when we all found out that Jayne was none other than the official town hero, remember?” Zoe nodded. “And it was the first decent drinking I had done in three and a half months.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Stupid of me to think that just because I was away from you that it was safe…” As though all the strength had gone out of his legs, he again sunk down onto the landing next to her. “Mal and I returned to the ship and you wasted no time in hauling my drunk ass up to our quarters…” “Please don’t say it…” Zoe paled noticeably. “When you tried to climb aboard, as it were, what did I tell you?” When she clearly wasn’t going to answer, he continued. “I told you no, didn’t I? Didn’t I, Zoe?” “Yes,” she whispered. “but you weren’t fighting very hard…” “Very hard? Zoe! I was fighting as best as a drunk-off-his-ass man can fight while being pinned down by a woman with military experience! Point is that I said no several times, yet you took advantage of me!” She stared into his eyes as tears began to track down her face. “I wanted a child so much, Wash. I thought that maybe you would change your mind once it was a reality….” “There is a word for what you did, Zoe!” he cried, his voice finally breaking. Then he whispered it just for her ears. “It’s called rape. Now I’m inclined not to use that word where the others can hear, cause truth be told, I really didn’t mind all that much at the time… still, no means no…” Then the anger returned. He sat back and raised his voice again. “To get your way, you took advantage of a drunk, relatively non-violent man who happens to be your husband. You destroyed my trust in you, my respect for you… because you didn’t respect me or my feelings in anything pertaining to this child!” She reached out to him, attempting to embrace him, but he moved further away and stood as quickly as his shaking legs would allow. Blood still dripped from the corner of his mouth, and he wiped it with the back of his hand and picked up his bag as he tried to get control of his voice. “Don’t know if this can be set right, Zoe,” he whispered. “Of course I’ll always love and want our child, seeing as it’s not its fault that it exists… but I don’t know if I can forgive you so easily. Don’t know if I can ever trust you again… or even if I want to try… Maybe time will tell. Maybe not.” He walked away and slowly climbed the stairs on his way back to his make shift berth on the bridge. Zoe stayed right where she had fallen after knocking her husband down. She didn’t move and she didn’t even give any indication that she saw the crew moving towards her. It was only when Mal pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her that the tears finally came. She sobbed quietly, without making much noise, just as she had on those rare occasions during the war. She would weep silently while Mal comforted her, because you couldn’t make noise when the enemy was around… Thing was that she would give anything for it to be Wash comforting her now, but he might not ever do that for her again… and she had only herself to blame.

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She found him in the corner, behind his hammock. His arms were around his legs, his head resting upon his knees. He wept as though his heart was breaking and Kaylee figured it wasn’t the first time in the past few weeks that he had done so. She moved beside him and when she put her arms around him he instantly moved into her embrace and wept upon her shoulder. She rubbed his back and whispered what comforting words she could and when he finally calmed, she wiped his face with her sleeve and smiled at him. “Hey…” she whispered. “Hey,” he whispered back. “It’ll be OK, Wash. You have to believe that. Zoe’s a good woman, just too logical and not feeling enough sometimes, is all.” She gave him a hug. “But she’s crazy about you… Told me once that she’s never been crazy about any man but you.” “She did?” he sniffed. “Sure did. And I imagine that when you love a man that much, you want to see more of him in this world. I think maybe that’s why she wanted this child so badly. Maybe she was blinded by her need to actually live for once…to bring forth life rather than deal death…” “Kaylee…” “Hush now,” she admonished. “I’m not done talking yet. In case you doubt what I said about her feelings for you, you should know that she’s crying. Ain’t none of us ever seen that happen before. Maybe the captain has, don’t know about that. But I don’t think she meant to hurt you, Wash. She just wasn’t thinking clear, ya know?” “Name’s Hob.” “What?” She looked at him like he had lost his mind. “My given name is Hoban, but don’t you go telling, dong ma?” “Cross my heart!” She did so with a forefinger. “Hob?” “Yeah?” “Why don’t you want a child?” He sighed heavily and let her go. “I once swore that I would never put another child in danger, Kaylee… and I can’t… I won’t… What I was trying to tell Zoe is that I do want a child with her, just not now. Not on this boat when we take so many risks.” “Why did you swear? What happened to you?” Wash’s face nearly crumbled again. “It’s a long story, my girl… and I’m tired. “You have to talk to someone about it,” she insisted. “Actually, you should probably tell Zoe, don’t you think?” “Can’t” “Why not?” “She’d hate me if she heard the full story.” “Zoe could never hate you. She really loves you!” “Well, you’ll have to trust me on this one and I daresay that you’ll agree once you know the truth of it.” “Well tell me and let’s find out!” Wash sighed. “I come from a long line of military pilots,” he began. “Every one of them served with honor and it was expected that when the time came I would do the same. So when I turned twenty-one, after completing my basic studies, I applied for the top flight school in the quadrant. I was accepted and left my family and the life I knew behind in order to learn to be a pilot… for the Alliance.” Kaylee gasped loudly then covered her mouth with her hand. “You flew for the Alliance?” She was deeply shocked. She just couldn’t see the lovable pilot she knew so well working for such a ruthless organization. Wash sighed again. “It was all I knew at the time, Kaylee. It was all I was taught to know and expect my entire life, but if it makes you feel any better, I learned otherwise…”

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Mal held Zoe away from him, his hands on her shoulders. She had had her short-lived cry, as was her way. Zoe never dragged anything out longer than she had too, not even her cries. He was about to ask her if she was OK when it became apparent to him that she was anything but. Her tone had become pallid, taking on an ugly gray hue all those who has served on the frontlines in the war knew so well. It was the color a person turned just before they left the world. “Zoe!” “Sir, please don’t let him leave…” she whispered, just before she collapsed. Sweeping her up in his arms, he made for the infirmary, bellowing for the jing tzahng mei yong duh doctor the entire way. Simon reached the infirmary entrance at the same time he did. “What can it be, doc?” Mal asked, beginning to actually feel a panic set in. “Probably a ruptured ectopic pregnancy,” the doctor ground out. “I’ll go get Wash!” Mal took a step towards the door. Their pilot was the one person on the boat whose blood was a match for all of them. “Captain, we have to get her to the nearest hospital! She’s bleeding out into her abdomen and she’ll require far more blood than Wash alone can provide.” Malcolm Reynolds called for a medical shuttle. Then he held his second in command’s hand and silently willed her to find a reason to stay with them

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Chapter 3: Running

Serenity’s pilot slipped out the main cargo bay door and disappeared without any fuss or fanfare. Truth be told, he was surprised by how easily it had gone, having felt certain that at least one crewmember would spoil his stealthy exit. He reminded himself that there was no need to draw attention to himself now and forced himself to walk calmly over the docking ramp and into the cavernous main building of the skyport. If you ran, then you drew the attention of any meat-eaters in the vicinity. Still, he didn’t relax until he was out of Serenity’s sight, then he began to walk at a faster pace, took the main staircase up two flights and disappeared into one of the skyport bars. He put his bag down next to a barstool, settled down and ordered a shot of their best liquor. It was expensive, but he felt he deserved a little treat, considering how bad the last few weeks had been. ‘Ah, who am I kidding?’ He thought to himself. Truth was that he needed the drink to help him keep his resolve to spend the next few weeks away from Zoe. The bartender poured up his shot and moved on. “Well, here’s to freedom,” he said in a low tone and then upended the glass. The fiery liquor burned going down, but it burned in such a good way… Slamming the glass back down, he stood, picked up his bag and straightened. “Yaaah!” he involuntarily yelled, seeing as how Kaylee was sitting right next to him on the next barstool. “Wuh duh ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh!!! What the hell are you doing here?” he finally managed to ask. “Knew you’d stop in,” she answered with a grin. “Wasn’t anything for me to beat you off Serenity and wait for you in this here building. Soon as I saw you heading this way I knew I was right.” “But how did you beat me off the boat?” he asked, a very confused look on his face. He ran a hand through his hair. “And when did you get on that barstool?” “Now, now…” she admonished. “A girl’s got to have some secrets.” He leaned in closer and squinted fiercely at her. “Then answer me this one question… Why the hell are you here?” She became serious. “I ain’t letting you disappear until I know where I can find you. Hell, Wash, you know we don’t have the world’s best luck. Best that I stick with you until you get settled somewhere.” “I don’t have a clue where I’m going yet,” he protested. “Well then, maybe we better start exploring until you figure it out,” she chirped. “Don’t you have something better to do, like annoy Simon?” “Yeah, I could do that, but right now this is the best thing I could be doing,” she replied, then grabbed his shirt and pulled him out of the bar after her. “Time’s a wastin’…”

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“Where’s that ambulance?” Mal yelled in frustration. He had been pacing the docking ramp outside his ship for what seemed like hours, although an inner voice told him it was more like a few minutes. Even more frustrating was the fact that aside from himself, the doc and Zoe, everyone else seemed to have already disembarked. He hadn’t even been able to carry out what might have been Zoe’s last wish: that he keep her husband from leaving. Just then the sound of retrothrusters firing drew his attention and gave him back some hope. An ambulance was landing right in front of him on the only part of the landing pad not taken up by Serenity. Maybe his second had some chance at living after all. As soon as the engines cut off, he ran up to the shuttle. Before the attendants were even out he was barking at them to get a move on. The men were good. They knew their trade, that he’d give them. Within less than five minutes, they had Zoe strapped onto a gurney and in place. “Hurry up, Doc!” he yelled above the sound of the ambulance engines as they started. Simon rushed through the cargo bay with his medical bag and closed up the bay doors before joining Mal aboard the ambulance. Seeing the look Mal shot at his black bag, he leaned in close and whispered, “It might come in handy should I get the opportunity to grab some more supplies.” Mal’s eyebrows rose up as he gave him an approving nod. After that there was nothing to do but count the minutes until they arrived at the hospital.

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Wash sat on the bed in his hotel room and idly turned the visitor’s information disk over as he pondered what he wanted to do first. He had finally settled for a moderately priced hotel near the heart of the city. It had everything he really needed: A pool, all the much missed conveniences of civilization, such as running hot water, a shower, a tub, vid entertainment and a great view of the landing areas, as well as the main downtown strip. Once he had a room, Kaylee had finally left him, but not before trying to get him to take her out dancing somewhere. He chuckled at the notion. That gal was a real sweetheart, endearingly naive, and a great friend, but somewhat silly to boot. Just imagine him and her shaking it together on a dance floor! Not that he couldn’t dance, but really, if Zoe had learned about that… well, he’d be a dead man dancing. Then he frowned. Besides, it would be dangerous for him to be seen so publicly. It was a risk, him being on this planet to begin with. No sense in pressing his luck. No, he would have to scurry about the sights the locals frequented; not those that the fly boys liked to patronize when they were on leave. Speaking of which… where should he go first? He pondered a while longer and finally decided that a few hours in a virtual game room, followed by some good take out food that he could eat in his room was the way to go. After what was meant to be a quick shower, but ended up lasting a good half hour due to how great it felt, he combed his hair, put on his most comfortable old jumpsuit and favorite Hawaiian shirt and surveyed himself in the mirror. Hmmm. Too bad his beard was such a light color. He hadn’t shaved in several days, but despite a good growth it still wasn’t enough to alter his appearance. Times like these, he wished his hair were darker. He’d be less conspicuous in a crowd as well… He briefly thought about dying it, then dismissed the idea. Zoe loved his hair. Hell, she even loved his pale skin and freckles. She found his coloration most attractive and had said so on many an intimate occasion. The sentiments were mutual. He found her exotic, sensual and beautiful beyond belief. Nothing pleased him more than to watch his pale hide moving over her smooth, coffee colored skin. She felt like silk… Silk covering lean, toned muscle. Nope. No way was he gonna change his appearance. Damn! A glance in the mirror showed that his face was now flushed, each cheek sporting a crimson patch. He forced himself to change his train of thought. Not for the first time he wondered what their child would look like. Zoe had told him once that they would make a beautiful baby and of that he had no doubt, but just what would the little fella or gal look like? Well, if it’s a girl, I hope she takes after me, he thought with much amusement. And he would definitely want a son to take after Zoe. What an interesting family they would make! Then he remembered his situation and the happiness drained away again. What kind of life could he offer them? Could he even convince his wife to leave her fighting ways and dangerous dealings behind and settle somewhere safe? Not likely, he was thinking. Yet he couldn’t live with the thought of his child growing up in such surroundings as they were in aboard Serenity. It was just a matter of time before he got caught or Serenity got caught up in a battle she couldn’t win, or he took one risk to many trying to outrun a faster boat... With a sigh, he turned and left the room.

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“Damn it, Kaylee!” Mal yelled over the com. “Haven’t I told you to always take a communicator with you when you’re away from the boat? What if I needed you back here right away?” “Hey, Cap, Serenity’s just fine,” she chirped. “No need to be so cranky!” “Yes there is,” Mal’s voice dropped to a normal speaking tone, but Kaylee picked up on the anxiety that made it waver slightly. “What’s wrong?” “It’s Zoe,” he sighed. “Baby was growing in one of her tubes, instead of her womb, I guess. Her tube ruptured and took out a major artery. She nearly bled to death.” Kaylee felt her face crumble. “She gonna be OK?” she asked as tears began to flow down her face. “Yeah, but it was a close one.” Mal made an effort to calm himself. “Look Mei mei, we need to find Wash pronto.” “I know where he is, Cap. Made him tell me,” she sniffled. “I’ll call him, tell him that there’s been a problem and we need him for a short while…” She wiped her face with the back of her sleeve. “Is the baby…” “No, mei mei. The baby died when Zoe’s tube busted,” he said gently. Kaylee began to sob. “Kaylee, I need for you to be strong now,” Mal urged. “Don’t let on to Wash that Zoe’s hurt bad, just get him to the hospital, dong ma?” She nodded. “I’ll find some way, Cap.” “Good girl” Mal cut the line and sank down into one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. He was hoping, hoping real hard that Wash would get there soon, before Zoe woke up. As much as he loved her, he didn’t think he could bear to be the one to break the bad news to her. Figured that was her husband’s responsibility.

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Deirdre Dirk’s Virtual Game Arcade was located in a shadier area of the city, but it was still light years ahead of any of the virtual places he had seen on the back world planets. After touring around the multi-leveled game complex for the better part of an hour, Serenity’s pilot plucked down some credit to play a flight simulator game. He had watched a few other people give it a go and been taken with it’s complexity and realism. Hell, there was nothing better than pushing the limits of human flight ability in a non-lethal simulation. Looked and felt like the real thing, but no going “splat” if you goofed. He seated himself in the cockpit and chose the most maneuverable fighter in the game list over the most powerful one. Power was a good thing to have, but it was even better to sacrifice some of that speed for grace and precision… He figured that was why so many of those who played this simulator lost – they were in love with the feel of powerful engines, but lacked the real flight experience to know that the real thrill came in turning so fast that your crew found themselves stuck to the walls. The game was a great deal of fun and it would have been ten times more fun if there was an option not to be the pilot of an Alliance boat. Worse yet, the game involved hunting down Independent boats while other Browncoats tried to blow you out of the sky by hook or by crook. Still, he soon lost himself in the joy of flying, taking the risks that made most pilots back down and vomit. The simulation was top of the line. It was good, real good! He felt the G-forces, could feel the rumble of the engines in his chest. He lost himself in the joy of flight and was transported back many years to when it wasn’t a game, but a reality. Again he saw buildings disintegrating, giving up huge plumes of fire and debris. He heard his wingmen cheering him on over the com, whooping in triumph. And then again, he found himself disobeying orders, flying low over the charred landscape and seeing bodies everywhere… Dead children littered the charcoaled dirt like burned ragdolls, women screamed and cried as they looked for their babies… Wash slapped the pause button and gasped as the agony of those memories made his stomach twist. If he had eaten, his food would already be on the floor. His hands were white knuckled and he couldn’t seem to release the death grip he had on the stick. He was shaking, his teeth chattering. Perspiration beaded his face and dripped down his neck. He became distantly aware of people shouting and cheering and looked up to find nearly every patron in the arcade circling his booth and screaming in excitement. They were carrying on about his score, about the fact that he hadn’t even used up one of his virtual lives yet and had already broken all the known records for this particular simulation. Some were screaming that he must be crazy to just stop like that. Others were chanting for him to continue… He wiped his face with his sleeve and staggering to his feet, left the booth. “Sorry,” he mumbled to the onlookers. “Got a might sky sick. Can’t continue…” Wash pushed his way through the disappointed crowd and made the fastest possible getaway that wouldn’t raise people’s suspicions. He hadn’t realized what he was doing. If word of this got around, and he felt certain it would, it was best that he be far away and laying low…

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Kaylee had tried to get up with Wash over the hotel com, but unfortunately it seemed that Serenity’s pilot was already out somewhere on the town. Anxious to find him and not one to simply wait around, she had finally decided to go looking for him. She figured that she’s swing by the hotel first on the off chance that he had returned, but when she arrived it had become apparent that something was going seriously wrong… Pushing her way through the huge double doors of the lobby, she had approached the main desk only to find two men standing there interrogating the desk clerk. She had quickly altered course and acted as though she was reading posted information about the local entertainment. They looked like military despite their civilian clothes. Their hair was short and neat and way too perfectly trimmed around the ears. Both of them were trying to convince the desk clerk that they had lost touch with a buddy and needed to know if he had checked into the hotel. The man they were describing was definitely a ringer for Wash. Fortunately the desk clerk knew her business and was above both harassing threats and monetary bribes. Or perhaps she really didn’t know about Wash when she said that she had been away from work for several days and had only just started her shift. Either way, Kaylee was grateful that the two men walked away without any new knowledge. The big question was why they were looking for Wash. Had he done something wrong? Had he accidentally drawn attention to himself? Or was it that he had downplayed the military’s interest in him when he had told her about his past? Kaylee felt extremely unsettled. Her gut was telling her that Alliance military would not react so quickly to the sighting of a missing pilot unless he was someone of either great interest or significant importance. She waited a few minutes after the men left before heading out herself. She figured that Wash would be looking for something to take his mind off his troubles. And for Wash, the only thing that would probably do the trick was to fly. Which meant his only option at this time was a simulator. Stopping at the nearest street level directory, she punched up a list of local arcades. There were at least nine that she felt the pilot might have chosen. Kaylee printed a list and a map and headed out in search of him. To be Continued....