They sat around the dinner table; it was too small for nine people (now eight since river had left for bed) but no one minded the forced closeness. The meal was finished, dishes piled loosely in the center of the table. The entire group laughed, chuckling as Zoe told another of her humorous war stories. The laughter died down, Simon whispered softly into Kaylee’s ear, Jayne talked to Book as he skewered an apple, Zoe and Wash discussed some of the details of the story, Inara pestered Mal for the details of their next stop. All perfectly at ease with each other aboard the ship- except perhaps for Mal and Inara. They all would have probably begun leaving to attend to their duties at that point, but unwilling to let one of the few tranquil moments Kaylee asked for Mal to tell another story. Mal thought for a moment, a slow sinister smile creeping on his face, “I think I have one, the Doctor might enjoy it especially well.” Kaylee nudged Simon, smiling as Mal began his tale, “You know Kaylee wasn’t our first engineer . . .” Oh no, nonononono, Kaylee thought, not this one, “Actually I think I had better check—“ “Wait a minute Kaylee they’ll hold,” Wash said, oblivious to her growing anxiety. Kaylee tried to kick the captain under the table, to make him stop, he naturally ignored her. Simon listened to the tail unfurl, it wasn’t very funny yet, which probably meant that it was going to get very funny very soon. “. . .so I rounded the corner to the engine room,” Mal continued, “and I found my engineer in the back of the room with Kaylee-“ Simon stood up in shock, swaying a little. The atmosphere changed, everyone fell silent, “I . . . I need to go check on river,” he mumbled weakly and stumbled out of the room. Kaylee stood to follow, the word wait resting on the tip of her tongue, but then she turned and ran to the engine room instead. Silence reigned in the dining room; even Jayne knew enough to remain silent. “I’m going to wash the dishes,” Book said and stood. Inara rolled her eyes at Mal, and then she flounced off to her shuttle. “Smooth captain,” Zoe growled, then she went off to her quarters, Wash hesitated a second, feeling a tad confused then followed her. Jayne left too, going on the excuse that “Vera needed some cleaning.” Mal leaned back in his chair and put a hand on his forehead. THAT went well. *** Simon staggered towards the infirmary and River’s room. To say that he was shocked would be a gross understatement, to say that he was shocked, appalled, and feeling more than a little hurt would be closer to the mark. River was asleep, for once not tossing or turning in the grip of a nightmare. He had no heart to wake her, even though he desperately needed something to distract him. He wandered out of the room, started to head to the infirmity, changed his mind and went to the kitchen. As he suspected it was deserted now, the lights off. Simon pulled up a chair and stared the windows to the stars. This would have made him sick if he was outside the ship, but in here, now, they were comforting pinpricks of light. For awhile he just stared, lost in the light between the darkness. *** Kaylee sank down against the wall staring at the slowly spinning engine. It’s not fair, just when everything was getting nice and shiny. She sat there for a moment more and then stood up. Tears threatened to spill down her face. She grabbed a wrench and began inspecting the engine. A minute or so later Inara walked in. “Kaylee . . .” she said. Kaylee put her wrench down and fell into Inara’s embrace. Now the tears did come. “Why did Mal have to do that? He knew that *sniff* it would . . .” “Shhh, it’s alright, you have nothing to be ashamed of.” If I have nothing to be ashamed of why am I ashamed? She wondered, “No I do, but . . . it ain’t possible to change the past.” *** Simon fell out his reverie, How could she? I never would have guessed that she . . . he sighed. I can’t deal with something like this now anyway. He told himself. I’m being chased by the Alliance; my little sister is crazy, I don’t, can’t, get involved in anything. At any rate, she probably doesn’t think much of me; I am always making her angry. He sighed, and was about to stand when Book spoke from behind him, “You know, it is easier to never try anything. Easier to always back down. But, well, nothing will ever come of nothing. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. People change, they have too, but they can’t change what they’ve done, only what they will do and what they will be. Nobody’s perfect Simon.” Simon didn’t turn, but he heard the retreating footsteps as Book walked away. He slumped into his chair, once again thrown into a quandary of his own design. She found him, sitting in the darkened kitchen staring out at the stars. Kaylee walked over and pulled up a chair beside him. “River loves the stars,” he said quietly, “I usually have a hard time looking at them myself. It’s just, all the emptiness between them I guess.” “Maybe if you focus on the light rather than the darkness they won’t bother you so much.” He smiled weakly at her, than a little more strongly, “Maybe.”