Chapter 12

Mal winced as Inara unwrapped the bandage on his side, cleaned around the stitches, and re-wrapped it. It was cold in the galley and he wanted to wear a shirt, but he didn’t have much skin above the belt that wasn’t tender and broken. As Inara cleaned the wounds and smoothed fresh salve over his skin, Mal looked bitterly at his broken hand and wondered if the thing would ever heal properly again. Over the past ten years, that bone made a habit of breaking, and he told Sky it was her fault, because she was the one that broke it first. Mal hissed and flinched as Inara’s hand rubbed over his side.

“Sorry.”

“Just tickles,” he said, because it did tickle a little, the way her fingernails danced feather-light over his skin. They could hardly look at each other.

Things weren’t right – not even close. But at least things hadn’t gotten worse in the last three hours. It took them awhile to suss out that River’s possessor had probably been on that ship that Jayne shot down, and that’s why things had settled. There was no reason for Mal to believe things were safe, even if they looked it at the moment.

The kids were down stairs – Zoë and Cole not wanting to leave Michael, Genny not wanting to leave Cole. Inara had been down there for awhile, but she kept coming up every hour to tend to Mal’s cuts so they didn’t get infected. It wasn’t like someone else couldn’t have helped him. It’s that he wouldn’t ask, and she wanted to do it herself.

Kaylee had finally given up fussing over Jamie, mostly because she was exhausted and injured her own self. She sprawled over the small couch in the alcove behind the dining area, one arm over her eyes, and had cried herself to sleep a half hour ago. Jamie sat at the table in the galley, hands in his lap, eyes downcast, plate of long-cold food in front of him. Every now and then, he’d poke at the noodles, separate one with his fingers, and eat it. He went back and forth between hugging his knees to his chest and resting his elbows on the table. Jamie was too scared to sit alone, but he needed the space to sort stuff out. Simon knew how to balance that somehow – probably because he was the same way. Mal had promised to take Kaylee and Jamie to the hospital to see Simon come morning. For now, he told them to get some rest.

Inara pressed her lips to the base of Mal’s neck and he sighed softly, hearing the prayer in her breath. He reached for her hand, pulling her around so he could tend to that bump on her head, but she said she was fine and went downstairs to be with the kids. Mal wanted to follow and be with his family, but Michael got shaky seeing him all wounded, so he decided it best to wait until morning when he could handle the friction of fabric on his skin.

Inara’s kiss tingled on his skin and Mal nearly nodded off in his chair. He jerked awake at a clamber from the hall, wrapped his hand around his gun, and though only, ‘what now?’ He would’ve stood up, but he was light-headed from losing too much blood in one day.

Jayne cursed and climbed the ladder to River’s bunk, half pushing, half hauling the girl up with him. They’d cleaned her up, tended her wounds, and done what they could, but she was still suffering severe drug withdrawal, and until Simon came up with the right cocktail, a bit of psychosis as well. They didn’t quite have an Infirmary to leave her in, so they’ set her in her bunk and agreed to take shifts watching over her. Mal thought she’d be sleeping or throwing a fit, not stumbling into the galley like a gorram drunkard, hanging off Jayne’s elbow.

“Is something wrong?” Mal asked as Jayne propped River in a chair and set her head on the table, because she couldn’t seem to hold it up on her own. She slurred and drooled slightly and her fingers clenched and unclenched slowly. Even so, she looked better than before, and had a little color back in her skin.

“We was hungry,” Jayne explained, filling a cup with water and setting it next to River. She dipped her finger in the cup and dabbed the liquid on her lips. Jayne went to the stove and started frying up the yellow protein scrambled eggs style. Mal looked doubtfully at Jayne, perturbed that he’d disrupted River just to feed his own stomach. River took a deep breath, lifted her head, and looked at Mal with apologetic eyes.

“We were hungry,” she said seriously, then laid her head on the table again.

“You’re cleaning it up,” Mal told Jayne. There was no if. Hungry or not, River was not keeping anything down tonight.

Jayne ignored him and kept cooking.

“Zhi zi,” River sang, her fingers dancing across the table and tickling Jamie’s hand.

Jamie jerked away, jumping out of the chair like he was avoiding a snake. River grimaced and her eyes filled with hurt.

“Jamie,” River called gently, lifting her head from the table and reaching out again.

“Feng le gou cao de e mo!” he shouted, shaking her off and running to the alcove with the couches. That boy could be quiet, but when he had words, he could out-curse Jayne, and he didn’t care how much trouble he got in for it.

River turned to Mal, her eyes wide with guilt.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, as if she could have stopped all of this just by not being on board. Maybe she could’ve, but Mal wasn’t going to bring it up.

Jamie paced in a circle in the lounge, ripped at his hair, then slumped on the floor near Kaylee. Kaylee stirred and rubbed her eyes.

“Jamie, apologize to your aunt,” she said tiredly, her eyes still closed.

Jamie whined and hugged his knees. He had a right to be scared and angry at River. It wasn’t a secret any more that her push had knocked Michael off the catwalk. Protection or no, Mal was struggling not to hold it against her too.

“Cry all you want, but you will not leave this boat tomorrow until you apologize,” Kaylee warned.

She would do it too – she would keep Jamie from Simon. Given the circumstances, Mal would’ve let the indiscretion slide or sent the boy to his room to cool off, but Kaylee wasn’t the type. As much as Jamie needed to get off the ship, he could manage so long as he wasn’t alone on the lower deck. It was extortion threatening to take away his visit to Simon, but sending the boy to his room would’ve been downright cruel.

Jamie opened his mouth to protest again, but he thought better of it, mumbled his apology, and sulked. Kaylee ruffled his hair as she rolled to her feet, then came over to the table and sat next to River, wrapping River in a warm hug. With Simon gone, it fell to Kaylee to comfort River. It wasn’t much of a leap. Those two had been sisters since before Kaylee and Simon ever signed a paper making it a legal fact.

Jayne came to the table and set a plate of food in front of River, then another plate with more food in front of himself. River picked at the food, resting her head on Kaylee’s shoulder, looking guiltily at Jamie brooding by himself.

Sky meandered into the galley next and Mal wondered if any one would be getting sleep any time soon. They were all so exhausted, but so wound up, and no one wanted to be off guard when the next bombshell hit.

“Thought you were sleeping,” Jayne said as Sky folded her arms across his hunched shoulders and started eating off his plate.

“I’ve been on the cortext the last hour with Walker,” she sighed and Mal bristled. “He heard tell we hadn’t started our job yet.”

“Did you tell him he heard right?” Mal asked, rubbing his forehead, wondering if he could back gracefully out of a job he had fought with bullets to get into.

Sky smiled deviously. “I may have accused him of routing us through a plague town and bumped up our fee 10%. He is profusely sorry, and will transfer the money as soon as possible. We can get his goods to him by next week, right?”

Mal laughed incredulously. “Um. No.”

“Oh. Ok,” Sky shrugged. “Maybe I’ll discount that 10% again when we’re late.”

Too much to do. Getting their hostages to make good on the agreement to fix the ship. Getting the kids through the trauma and making them feel safe. Getting Simon out of the hospital and bringing him home. Putting a job on top of it was a bit much, but it may be just the thing they needed to restore normalcy. And the way Sky made it so they were getting paid more instead of less…

“How does she get men to agree to this?” Mal asked Jayne.

Jayne shrugged his shoulders and just kept shoveling the food into his mouth. “You’re asking the wrong man.”

-----

Mal tested his feet and they were working okay. Since no one had been too keen on sleeping, he, Jayne, and Sky had dealt with their prisoners, and gotten them a square meal. Mal didn’t like taking hostages as a rule, and he didn’t like neglecting those in his keep. If they hadn’t had the day they’d been having, two of those kids might still be alive, and that ate at him so.

Sending the others to get some rest, Mal found a broom and swept his way through the lower deck. Inara slept on the couch outside the burnt out Infirmary, cuddled against Michael. Mal checked to make sure they were okay, and moved on through the hall, but the other kids’ rooms were empty. Zoë’s door was open.

Mal peeked inside and found his daughter sitting against the head board, dozing lightly, butt of her gun sticking out from under the pillow. Cole was sitting sideways on the bed, head tipped back, mouth hanging open, sleeping too. Mal couldn’t decide whether to lay them down or to keep watching, but he figured he should speak when Zoë’s fingers closed subtly around her weapon.

“It’s me, Zo.”

Zoë opened her eyes, blinked at the light, and relaxed.

“Was Genny here too?” Mal asked, stepping over the mattress that had been dragged in from one of the other rooms and tossed in the middle of the floor.

“For a bit,” Zoë said, stretching her limbs carefully so as not to hit Cole. “I sent her upstairs an hour ago. Jamie won’t believe this is over until his dad comes home and Genny started talking about stealing a shuttle to get to the hospital … that kind of trouble is above my pay grade.”

They shared a half-smile, then Zoë looked away again. Mal wondered if he should leave.

“You want to talk?” he offered.

She shook her head and the silence hung between them. Mal sat at the foot of the bed and Cole slumped a little when the mattress shifted. Zoë rolled onto her knees and pulled him gently until he lay down. He sighed as he stretched in his sleep.

“All this time I’ve been protecting him,” Zoë murmured distantly, hugging her arms across her chest and looking at her brother. “I never thought to prepare him for what it’s like…”

She covered her face with her hand, alternately looking at Cole and looking at the gun under her pillow. Crossing the space quickly, Mal pulled Zoë’s hand away so she’d look at him.

“Hey,” he soothed, trying to get her attention. “It’s not your job to raise your brother.”

She nodded and slouched, weighed down by weariness as much as guilt. Mal wondered if he could lift Cole with a broken hand. The answer was no, but he had to try.

“I’ll take Cole with me. You get some rest.”

“No, it’s okay,” Zoë said quickly. She pushed him away and scooted around on the bed, making a space for herself next to Cole. “He can stay. I know something about what he’s been through – being a kid, holding a gun between your family and your foe. I’ve been there, since I was younger than him.”

She pressed her lips together so tight they disappeared, then she lay down beside him – not snuggled, just there.

“It’s been kinda lonely up ‘til now.”

A dam burst in Mal’s heart, pouring out grief, guilt, and love, but he had no words to offer. They looked so small, the two of them, and yet stronger because they weren’t alone. Zoë’s eyelids were getting heavy and Mal turned to duck out.

“Baba,” she called and he paused. Zoë hesitated like she didn’t know how to ask the question, and she wouldn’t look at him when she did. “Is Uncle Simon coming back?”

“Yes. God, yes! Zoë!” He couldn’t believe she even feared it. He thought it was just Jamie thinking thoughts like that.

“We just left him there,” Zoë said. “And Aunt River …”

Mal scratched his head and turned in a circle, not knowing how to tell her it was a stupid thing to be scared about. “Zo, I’ve left that man on a dozen worlds. Him and his sister both. They’re like gao cao de Hansel and Gretel, the way they find their way back here.”

He waited until she nodded again.

“Get some sleep,” Mal said. “And watch out. He kicks.”

Zoë looked at Cole sleepily, then closed her eyes. “I’m used to it.”

-----

EPILOGUE

(three weeks later)

It was crowded in the Infirmary, but not in a way that Simon minded. His patients were stable and non-critical, his machines were sparkly and new, and he had visitors. There was a little bit of Christmas morning, in the smell of new medical equipment, boxes of bandages and suture thread, and the lingering scent of the apple cider that Kaylee was brewing upstairs. Kaylee had been waiting with a recorder so she could capture the look on his face when he saw the new Infirmary. It amazed him how clean Serenity had gotten in the three weeks he’d been gone, and he was secretly glad he’d been too injured to be put to work.

River sat on the side bed, hugging her knees to her chest because the new meds made her a little queasy. It had been awhile since Simon had put her through a complete detox, and he was glad she’d done alright without him there. She was responding amazingly well to this treatment, and had been lucid and cheerful all morning. Simon didn’t want to keep her on this cocktail for more than a few months because it would start to damage her liver, but the psychological effect was profound. He’d never seen such a good mix of her sweet, bratty, smart, naiveté all at once. It was possible his own new lease on his own life was coloring his vision a little.

Michael was sitting up on the center bed, playing a game with Zoë. Simon had taken the more immobilizing braces off that morning, which turned out to be a mistake because Michael kept forgetting his ribs weren’t healed and twisting the wrong way. Zoë wasn’t helping. Still, there were more smiles than tears from Michael, and as long as it stayed that way, Simon wasn’t going to tie him to a bed.

Simon hobbled to the counter, using a cane because his right knee wasn’t healed enough to bend, nearly tripping over Jamie. The boy was literally attached to Simon at the hip, and had been since Simon limped out of the hospital that morning. Jamie had stayed with him planet-side while the rest of the crew finished the job for Walker. He’d had to medicate the boy just to get him back onto the ship that morning, but now the downer was wearing off and Jamie seemed calm enough, aside from wanting to maintain constant physical contact. Simon couldn’t get him to sit on the bed with River, nor could he convince Jamie to sit on the floor and stack the new splints in the lower cabinets. He never strayed farther than his arm could reach and Simon told River that she had some serious competition for the honor of most persistent shadow. River and Simon shared a laugh at that, and it was one of those moments he knew he could heal her just by being close.

Throwing a hand up to keep from bowling Jamie over, Simon found his balance, tottered to the counter, and leaned heavily on the countertop with Jamie wedged in front, arms hooked over Simon’s elbows. Jamie was somber and laconic, half-heartedly helping as Simon opened a box, pulled out the various cold medicines, and arranged them on the shelves. It was like having a third arm – a traumatized and lethargic third arm.

More accurately, it was like having eight-year-old Jamie again. Jamie had always been a shy boy, but he’d started coming out of that shell the past year, mostly because of the way Emily took to him. His hostage experience had regressed him those two years of maturity, and their return to Serenity that morning just about undid all the progress Simon had made in their time planetside. Simon planned to scour the literature later for any advice on how long to let this behavior go on. They’d go upstairs soon, and hopefully then Jamie would relax.

Cole and Genny dashed by, nearly wiping out as they stopped by the door to the Infirmary, all squeals and giggles.

“Jamie, Zoë come on! Auntie Sky is making the special bread!” Cole said breathlessly. Genny reached out her hand and Jamie took a step toward her, one hand still on Simon’s elbow.

“Go on,” Simon encouraged. “I’ll meet you up there.”

Jamie bit his lip and stepped back, wrapping his arms around Simon’s waist. Disappointed, but not surprised, Simon hugged him gently and dismissed the other kids with a nod. Genny lingered a moment longer, but Cole wasn’t waiting. He grabbed her arm and pulled her up the stairs.

“I want to go! I want to!” Michael cried, bouncing and then wincing. Despite the broken legs, he was still trying to swing himself off the bed, but Zoë held him back.

“Careful,” Zoë warned, and he pressed his head against her shoulder in frustration.

Jayne trotted in next, wearing a slightly crunched birthday hat with sparkly streamers coming out the top. He wore a tight t-shirt, a loose apron, and a slightly drunken smile.

“I’ve been sent for the mini,” he said, winking at Michael and Michael squealed in delight.

“And you, Mr. Sweet tooth,” Jayne said to Jamie, pulling Jamie into a chokehold as he strutted into the room. “Your mom found those strawberries and you know how she is about sharing.”

Jamie’s eyes lit up and he looked toward the door again, keeping hold of Jayne as if that could protect him from the ghosts in the hall. Effortlessly, Jayne swung him over one shoulder, but gauging the less-than-receptive response, put him down almost as quickly.

“Will you fly me, too?!” Michael asked excitedly.

“No!” Simon said firmly.

They made it up the stairs slowly, but with many amusing antics. It was Jayne’s birthday, but Simon felt the party was for him, because they’d postponed the celebration for his return. River’s hands were on his shoulders like she was leading him toward a surprise. Her hands were trembling with effort to stay upright, but she was determined to have fun and radiating mirth. The whole galley smelled of cinnamon, apple cider, and French toast. Kaylee and Genny were running and squealing, Genny trying to protect the last pint of fresh strawberries while Kaylee tickled her sides. Sky was cooking, Mal was setting the table, and Inara was swatting Cole away from the birthday cake on the table. All of them wore silly hats.

“Well there’s the rest of the party,” Mal cajoled as the group of them came into the galley. Simon smiled, realizing that half the ship had been with him in the Infirmary. Genny vaulted over a tipped chair dashing toward Simon, and he reached out sideways for balance, but didn’t have anything but Jamie holding him up. Genny gripped his shirt, hiding behind him as Kaylee slowed her approach, her eyes suddenly off the strawberries and on him.

“Clever girl,” Kaylee crooned, wrapping her arm around Simon’s neck. “Distracting me with my other favorite thing in the ‘verse.”

She wove between the children, pressing in closer to Simon in that way that made him forget anyone was watching. Her body was warm against his, her leg wrapping around his hips, pulling him close. She pressed the flat of her palm against his chest, splaying her fingers as she stroked upward toward his chin. Her warm tongue painted over his lips, tasting of strawberries, and he was lost. So lost in the feel of her. Simon danced his fingers lightly through Kaylee’s hair, then trailed down her spine–

“Hey, keep your shirt on. Both of you!” Mal hollered.

Simon froze, embarrassed, and tugged his ear while Kaylee giggled bashfully against his chest. This wasn’t their party … yet. One look at Jayne told Simon he wasn’t stepping on any toes, though.

-----

Jayne winked at the Doc encouragingly. Hell, if he’d been away from his wife for three weeks, he’d have been all over her like frosting on cake, not spent the morning unpacking supplies in the Infirmary. That little man had a strange mind, and Jayne had been tipsy for a week, waiting for him to get back so he could finally open that gorram present Sky was hiding from him.

“Papa,” Emily said, tugging at Jayne’s pant leg. “Where’s the hats? Jamie needs a hat.”

Jamie brooded in the corner, munching on the strawberries, keeping his distance since Kaylee had crowded him away from his father.

“Think Jamie needs a hug more,” Jayne told the little girl, scooping her up, planting a sloppy kiss on her nose, and handing her the last stack of party hats from the table.

She nuzzled him sweetly, then leaned close to his ear and whispered, “Papa, drink safely.”

Releasing her to her mission, Jayne watched hopefully as Emily held a hat out to Jamie. Little Jamie looked up at the ceiling like he was trying to get away, but finally, he picked up Emily and let her put the yu ben de hat on his head. It was a small step, but it was something.

“Food and presents!” Jayne crowed, calling everyone to the table. The families gathered and the conversations bounced left and right, getting rowdy like it always did when it was someone’s birthday and nothing tragic was coinciding.

Jayne saw how everyone clung to the normalcy of the shared meal, trying to convince themselves that things were done going wrong, even though they were still wound pretty tight on the inside. Now Simon and Jamie were back on board, River was walking upright, and they could be whole again. Jayne saw it in the way Mal held Inara closer than he normally would with everyone together and watching. Jayne also saw River sitting alone.

She was the only one among the adults that didn’t share a bunk at night, and it was because of situations like this. How do you break it to a man that sometimes your brain goes funny and you start killing without meaning to? She was so afraid of herself and so alone. It made Jayne want to fix her up with someone, but they didn’t have that kind of friendship and she would just read pity in the gesture. So he reached into the bread basket, pulled out a roll, and chucked it at her. He wasn’t afraid of her. He knew her and he knew she wouldn’t kill him on purpose. That was all he wanted to say.

River made a face when the roll caught her square in the chest, but any disapproval was buried under an impish smile. River was a mischievous punk in the kind of way that made Jayne laugh from the belly so long as he wasn’t the target of her pranks. She picked up the roll off the floor and threw it back at Jayne, smacking hard into his cheek. Jayne didn’t care if he was setting a bad example for the little ones. It was his birthday and he’d keep up whatever he wanted ‘til Mall hollered at them and told them to stop.

-----

Inara stepped onto the catwalk, not surprised to find Mal sitting alone, staring down into the cargo bay. He drank directly from a bottle of engine wine; he probably needed to if his stomach was churning with the same fearful memory knotting hers. But this was their spot, and they’d either reclaim it or sell the ship, and she didn’t see the latter one happening any time soon. Inara sat on the floor next to her husband, crossing her legs, since their child-proofing modifications prevented them from dangling their feet over the side anymore. Mal offered her a cup of wine that he’d been neglecting in favor of the bottle, and she nearly gagged when she swallowed it.

“You’d think for all the years we’ve lived here, we’d have wine less … fresh.”

Mal laughed distantly, caught in some happy memory. “We could make a side business out of it. Kaylee’s Engine Winery.”

“We could retire,” Inara added. The silence nestled between them and turned cold. Mal hung his head a little, twiddling the bottle in his hand.

“Are you asking me to?”

It was a fear that grew more apparent in him with every passing job – the fear that he couldn’t keep up this life. Inara bumped his shoulder genially, and he winced from old injuries.

“I plan to grow old on this ship,” Inara told him.

Mal tipped his head back and chuckled, taking another swig of wine from the bottle. “Don’t see that happening.”

She looked at him in surprise, but he just smiled in his special Mal way.

“You haven’t aged a day since I met you,” he said warmly. “Me on the other hand … I think I’m aging for the both of us.”

“I didn’t see you stopping that food fight,” Inara teased.

“Don’t see me cleaning up either,” he answered roguishly. He drank from the bottle again, returning to that internal struggle that kept drawing his eyes to the floor of the cargo bay where their boys had nearly died. Inara knew what he wanted for them; she knew he worried that they wouldn’t get what they needed here. But she grew up in that privileged life, with all its amenities, safely tucked into a warm bed every night, and she knew there was nothing safe about being in a place like that. It was the people surrounding her that kept her safe – her family on Serenity. There was little point in trying to explain it to Mal with words, so she pulled the bottle away from his lips and kissed him gently.

Mal usually didn’t like being so intimate in a public place, especially now that the kids were old enough to know what they were walking in on, but he’d had just enough wine, and Inara could be very persuasive with her tongue. It was nearly a minute before he pulled back, but he wasn’t pulling away. He brushed her cheek with the backs of his fingers like he wanted for all the worlds to sink into that kiss again, but was fighting the instinct.

Mal screwed his lips thoughtfully and nodded back toward the galley where the others were still cleaning up. “Did we agree to watch the munchkin tonight?”

“I think so,” Inara said, kissing Mal again. She’d forgotten they’d agreed to look after Emily so Sky and Jayne could have the night alone after his birthday party. They didn’t have much time, then.

“Can we get Zoë to babysit?” Mal asked between kisses. It was too hard to kiss his lips while he was thinking, so Inara cradled his face and nibbled along his jaw.

“She’s tending Michael,” Inara said.

“Genny?”

“Nursing Cole back to health.”

“Jamie –”

“Not ready to work yet.”

Mal groaned in frustration, and Inara wished he’d just let it go and be satisfied with the moment rather than trying to claim the whole night.

“We’re running out of kids!” Mal complained and Inara laughed.

“Simon and Kaylee are working on that,” she whispered.

“I want to work on it,” Mal pouted, sticking out his lower lip.

“So work,” Inara teased, running her fingers inside his shirt. Finally getting it, he wrapped his arms around her, half tackling, half dancing, he dipped her in front of him, and kissed long and hard. There was no safer place Inara could think to be than there in his arms.

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