Come to my window Crawl inside, wait by the light Of the moon Come to my window I’ll be home soon

Inara didn’t know how any of them were still alive. Images ran constantly through her mind, flashes of an injured Kaylee on the floor, Simon shot, River standing like some sort of warrior goddess amongst the corpses of dead Reavers. And the one that always cause her breath to catch, Malcolm Reynolds, bloody and broken, stumbling back up from the bowels of the compound.

It had been two long weeks since the order to stand down stopped the alliance paratroopers from killing them all. Two weeks that felt like years of sitting by bedsides, helping change bandages, taking care of Kaylee or Simon, Zoe, or often, Mal. Watching River ghost from one bed to another in the nights, sitting quietly be the person’s side and seeming to keep vigil.

It had been Inara who had slipped away and found the man who had taken her hostage less than a month before, and asked for men. It had been Inara and Jayne who had directed the removal of Sheppard Book’s bones from the front of Serenity and had them carefully packed into one of her old trunks, wrapped into silk torn from her old robes. It had been Inara, with two corpsmen from the Alliance medical team, who removed Wash’s body from its seat, and brought it into a tent quite apart, where she had undressed the shell of the funniest man she ever knew, washed it, and then shrouded him decently for burial. And it had been Inara who took rags and water and tears and scrubbed the bridge free of blood stains and gore.

In the quiet hours, when she had no company but her own mind, she found herself back in her mostly empty shuttle, covered in a sheen of sweat, her body tangled with Mal’s as they finally gave in to the unspoken desire that had lain like wall between them for so long. That one hour, fire and tragedy, abandon and need, had been born out of the desperate belief that it was all they had left to live. Now, she didn’t know what to think. She didn’t regret it, would never regret it, but Mal, when he was conscious and lucid, was withdrawn deep into himself, clouded by grief and guilt. As she lay quietly in a cot off to the end of the room, clutching his old shirt, her hand would drift down, unable to bring herself to seek answers to any of her questions. Not until she knew what he was thinking, not until she knew if Serenity could fly again, and not until she knew if she was still welcome to fly with it.

I would dial the numbers Just to listen to your breath I would stand inside my hell And hold the hand of death You don’t know how far Id go To ease this precious ache You don’t know how much I'd give Or how much I can take

Malcolm Reynolds had managed to remain standing until the order had crackled over the intercom, telling the Alliance to stand down. As soon as he knew the rest of his people were safe, that she was safe, he let go, crumpling to the ground like a used up rag doll. Nothing registered after that for what he would later learn was days. His first conscious thought after that was that his side itched suspiciously like he had gotten stitches, and that a hand softer than kid gloves held his lightly.

She would sit by his side for hours, but he wasn’t sure what to say. Their hour together before the end had seemed so right, but now, knowing they would likely live, that she could leave and go back to her home, left him adrift and alone. It was too much loss, first of Book, then Wash, and possibly his ship, for him to face losing her now, too. He would rather go back to their old limbo than know it was all over.

Just to reach you Just to reach you Just to reach you

The day Mal was able to leave his bed for the first time was the first morning Inara had become sick right after breakfast. Simon, who had convalesced quickly, had figured she had a minor bug and suggested she drink some tea and get some rest. Instead, she had fled into Serenity, curling up on her old bed, and wondering what she was supposed to do. This had never, ever been something she considered. In the life she was raised to, the training that had shaped her, this was never part of the grand scheme. She wasn’t sure it was something she could, or should do.

Looking up, she found River standing in the door, staring at her. The girl had floated around the periphery, disappearing for hours at a time. Now that no one was trying to catch her, now that what she had seen was no longer a secret, she seemed…calmer, almost normal. Drifting across the metal grate floor, she reached out and brushed a loose curl from Inara’s face. Inara looked up at her, and was shocked by incredibly lucid look on her face.

“New Beginnings,” River whispered. Before Inara could respond, she had disappeared again.

Come to my window Crawl inside, wait by the light Of the moon Come to my window I’ll be home soon

Malcolm Reynolds walked on to his bridge for the first time since he had bodily dragged his first mate away from the body of her husband. Most of the rest of the ship was well repaired, but he had been dreading this space. He looked around in confusion at the clean floor, the repaired pilot’s chair, and the carefully placed dinosaurs on the console.

“I didn’t want Zoe to have to…” she said, coming up behind him. Mal whirled around to see Inara, pale and drawn, standing just outside the hatch. “No one should have to see their …well, anyways. His body is in cold storage in the morgue, with Mr. Universe, until we can…”

“Thank you,” Mal said, quietly. She looked so tired. “Are you okay? You look done in.”

Her eyebrow arched in the way that it does when she’s bemused and annoyed all at once. “Done in?”

“Ah, Nara, I didn’t mean,” he started, then winced as his healing side pulled. “I just meant, you’ve done a lot. For all of us. I’m sorry it was necessary.”

“I care about you all, Mal,” she said, stepping in and sitting down in the co-pilot’s seat. She felt terribly worn out and a little ill. “You do things for those you love.”

“Love,” Mal whispered. “You…love…us? All of us?”

“Each in their own way,” she replied, leaning back and closing their eyes.

“Even Jayne?” Mal chuckled.

“Even Jayne,” she said. “Though like the cousin you would be fine talking to once a decade.”

Mal pondered that, leaning against the wall next to him. Pondered whether he should say anything to upset the balance, pondered…

“Malcolm,” Inara said, her eyes still closed.

“Yeah, Nara?”

“I love you most of all.” Then she reached for the trash bucket under the console on her side of the bridge and vomited up most of her tea and dry toast. Taking the refuse with her, she left him standing agape on the bridge and went to find Simon. It was time to confirm that she didn’t have a stomach flu.

Keeping my eyes open I cannot afford to sleep Giving away promises I know that I can’t keep Nothing fills the blackness That has seeped into my chest I need you in my blood I am forsaking all the rest Just to reach you Just to reach you Oh to reach you

Mal stood outside the infirmary, watching Simon run tests on her. She loved him. She had said it, not less than an hour ago. She loved him. And he hadn’t said it back. Mind you, he had been a mite shocked that declaring her love for him also inspired her to heave her guts up. Now though, he wondered if maybe, just maybe, her stomach flu was something bigger, something of his doing.

Even now, thinking about their one brief hour, he felt part of him stir to life, a part of him he once thought had died with the destruction on Shadow. Malcolm Reynolds had loved deep, once before, and left the girl behind with his mother while he went for a soldier. He still remembered the Chaplain’s face when they came to his unit and told him his home had been fire-bombed, that everyone was gone. He had locked that part of him away, and then he threw away the key and his cross necklace she had given him in the camp they sent him to after Serenity Valley.

He had been so blown away by Inara in their first meeting. She had gone biting remark for biting remark with him, gave as good as she got. From the first moment, he wanted to touch her, feel her, move her world. At the same time, what she was, what she did, made him want to run away. In his raising, there were no companions, and while he’d known his share of working girls, he’d never felt like that about one of them. Pushing away from the wall, he headed back through the galley, nearly running into River in all his deep pondering.

“Hey little Albatross,” he said, catching the curious expression on her face. “What’s doing?”

“Kaylee and Simon are engaged in copulation in the engine room,” River replied. “She seems to particularly like…”

“I can’t know that!” Mal responded. “I thought Simon was seeing to Inara?”

“She’s all done, just getting dressed again,” River replied. “Why don’t you go help Jayne secure things in the hold?” Mal said, pondering whether he should see the woman or give her some privacy.

Watching her bounce off down the stairs, Mal grab a protein bar and went to see what needed to be done to get them back in the air.

Come to my window Crawl inside, wait by the light Of the moon Come to my window I’ll be home soon

Inara slipped back into her dress and then sat down on Simon’s examining table. The look on the doctor’s face when he read the print out confirmed things for her without him saying a word. As she sat, looking at the paper, trying to wrap her head around it.

The vid-clip on Miranda had changed things irrevocably. Even if she had thought at the time that there was some way they would survive, she couldn’t have gone back to where she had been before. Knowing that she had probably had the men who had done this as clients made her physically ill. Everything she had known, everything she had believed in had been gone in a minute…everything but him. She would never have thought Malcolm Reynolds would become her one last truth, and now that she had been as intimate as two people could be, she knew she couldn’t be who she was, what she was before.

Slipping quietly out into the hall, she headed to her shuttle, to think for a while, and meditate on her own sea change.

I don’t care what they think I don’t care what they say What do they know about this Love anyway

The repairs were complete, and Serenity was ready to fly again. As Mal came up the stairs from the hold, he found Inara crossing from her shuttle to the galley. “Ready to get off this heap, back to civilized life?”

Inara came to a fast stop. They hadn’t talked since that day on the bridge, a few days before. Mal hadn’t responded to what she had said in the least. She found herself unsure what to say. “I…uh…I don’t know.”

Mal smiled. “Good answer.” Turning, he walked to the bridge, ready to get underway.

Inara watched him go, the paper still clutched in her hand. Moving on into the galley, she set the tea pot on to boil and set down at the table, opening it again. She was so absorbed in what it said, she didn’t hear Zoe come in, or move to stand behind her. Not until she heard the simple, “Huh.”

Wheeling, she found herself looking at the other woman. They hadn’t spoken much at all since Wash…well, since they had survived that day.

“Zoe, I…”

“Is it the Captain’s?” the other woman asked. Inara found she could only nod. Zoe gave her a soft, sad smile and took the paper from her, just as the ship gave a great shake and they heard Mal curse from the bridge. Turning, the first mate walked out of the galley in that direction, and Inara found she couldn’t move and could barely breathe.

Come to my window Crawl inside, wait by the light Of the moon Come to my window I’ll be home soon

She was still sitting there, tea pot whistling to beat the band behind her, when he walked in. The look on his face was such a mix of emotions, she could hardly read any of them. “Nara?” he whispered, holding the paper up. When she nodded at him, he moved to kneel next to her. “So, what now?”

She turned her face away from him. “I don’t know. Simon said I had time before I had to decide…”

Mal couldn’t contain his shock. “Decide what? Nara, you can’t mean…”

She found tears running down her face. “Do you know, you have never said you love me? And you never liked the idea of couples on your ship, let alone…”

“Gorramit, woman, how can you not know that I love you? That I want you so bad, I would have taken you in that damn hospital tent , if I wasn’t all drugged and stitched up and hurting.” His hand moved up and pulled her head down to his, his lips finding hers with a fury. He could taste the salt from her tears and smell her perfume, and he wanted nothing more than to take her back to her shuttle or his bunk. “I do love you, Nara. Always have.”

She hiccupped as she took a deep breath, which made them both laugh. “So, you don’t want me gone, then?”

“NO,” he replied. “Not again. I barely survived the last time.” His hand drifted down and rested gently on her stomach. “I want you with me, Nara, and whoever comes with that. We’ll make it all work. Sides, way Kaylee and Simon have been going at it, I suspect this little one won’t be alone for long.”

She laughed, the sound so like chimes on the wind, and rested her head on his shoulder. She suspected it wouldn’t be easy, forging this new world. But she found that just then, she wasn’t afraid of the hard.