Not mine. Wish they were. ---------------------------

Simon sat on the couch in the passenger lounge. He’d been there ever since Serenity had lifted off of St. Alban’s, after the funeral. River had absently brought him a pillow and blanket and muttered something about sinking into the ship before heading off to bed. The soft parcels lay on the edge of the sofa, barely touched.

The doctor had been jealous of Tracey. It was hard to admit, even to himself, but he had been. Ever since he’d tried to steal into the engine room to apologize to Kaylee, all Simon could hear was the recording being played over and over as the mechanic listened intently. The knowledge that the same man who made the recording had threatened Kaylee’s life made Simon’s blood thicken just a little.

I did the same thing. A pair of slightly worn hands held Simon’s face upright, shielding him from the slivers of light that poked through the darkness that cycled around him. I used her to further my own ends.

Simon recalled that horrible day. The argument with Mal. The horror and helplessness he’d felt after being discovered. The sound of the bullet being fired and landing right into a sweet girl’s abdomen on account of him.

I made the captain turn and run. I threatened Kaylee’s life to get him to do it.

He heaved a deep breath. Later on, after the affair had been settled, he was amazed he hadn’t been spaced. Or shot himself. He remembered Kaylee telling him that it had been no one’s fault, but it wasn’t something Simon was ready to believe all that easily.

And then Tracey does the same gorram thing. Uses her as leverage.

It was hard for Simon not to want to dig the man out of his grave and punch him, or at least curse him awhile. The truth was, Simon had been just as capable of finishing Kaylee the very day he met her as well.

The only difference is, I didn’t.

But could I have?

That idea settled uncomfortably with the young man a long time. Simon was so engrossed in his thoughts he didn’t hear the patter of feet coming down the stairs.

“Simon?”

“Hmm?” Blue eyes flickered upward briefly, just catching a silhouette settling down on the couch next to him. The pale light coming from the infirmary bounced off the button nose he so adored, even covered in engine grease.

“Can’t sleep, huh?”

Simon swallowed thickly. “Uh, no. Not so much.”

“Somethin’ botherin’ ya?”

“No,” Simon said, hoping to make the woman smile. “If that were the case I’d be cleaning the infirmary for the hundredth time about now.”

“Only so many times ya can do that.”

“So I’ve learned.” The doctor heaved out another long sigh.

“It’s about earlier, ain’t it?”

Very softly, almost too softly for Kaylee to hear, Simon answered, “Yes.”

“He didn’t mean ta hurt me, Simon.”

“I think you’re wrong, Kaylee,” Simon countered. “I think he may very well have hurt you—even killed you—to make sure he wasn’t caught by that fed.”

“You weren’t even there.”

“I heard about it later.”

“Happens sometimes.” Kaylee started wiggling her feet, as though she were working out some kinks in her toe joints. “So why’s it got you all riled?”

“I’m not riled.”

“You’re somethin’.”

Simon exhaled slowly. “I was just thinking…”

“About?”

“That I did the same thing to you. That Tracey did, I mean.”

“That ain’t so!” Kaylee exclaimed, her voice hushed. “You didn’t shoot no one…”

“I may as well have. That fed shot you trying to shoot me. Then I threatened the captain--”

“You were tryin’ to protect River. Besides, you wasn’t gonna let me die.”

Simon turned and faced Kaylee. “It’s just…I don’t know. I couldn’t let the Alliance have River back—not after what they’d done—and at that point I would have done anything to make sure they didn’t get her again. Not so much unlike what Tracey was doing, I suppose.”

Kaylee put a hand over Simon’s, clutching the stiff fingers as though they were another socket wrench or pair of pliers. “Wasn’t anyone’s fault.”

“It just bothers me. To think I could have been so callous…”

“Cap’n says he threatened Wash too. Shot ‘im, even.”

“He did what?”

“Well, it was just that graze you patched.”

“Wash told me he fell…”

“You know how Wash gets. Always wants to see people happy, not mad.”

“Still,” Simon half-admonished. “I’m…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Over and done with.”

“I meant about earlier…with Bessie?”

“Oh.” The light dimmed in Kaylee’s eyes.

“I was jealous,” Simon continued.

“Of who?”

“Tracey.” Before Kaylee could speak, Simon added, “Because he knew exactly what to say. I can’t seem to string together a coherent proper thought when I’m with you.” He blushed a little. “What does that say about me?”

“Well,” Kaylee said, the light brightening in those beautiful brown orbs of hers once more, “ ‘tells me that maybe there’s somethin’ you’re still trying to figure out.”

“Maybe…” Simon pulled her closer, his heart racing.

Just then the sound of padding feet startled the pair, causing them to sit a little straighter.

“Good night—or rather, good morning.”

Simon sighed. “Good night, Shepherd.”

“G’night,” Kaylee mumbled, straightening herself up and starting for the ladder to her bunk. As she reached the landing, however, she turned and gave Simon a very sweet, very brilliant smile.

And sometimes, things just work out for the best, he thought.