Chapter 4

Mal woke up the next day looking like twice baked death. As he began his morning routine, he thought about how he was going to take out his frustrations out on Simon. After all, he was the one that got them in this gorram mess in the first place. As he finished his shave he thought, to be fair, it was my fault we got drunk. 'Course, that don't mean I can't go wake 'em up and enjoy his misery. Mal smiled as he finished getting dressed and climbed out of his cabin.

Mal cheerfully greeted Zoe as he passed her in the galley on his way to the stairwell that lead to the infirmary and the passenger dorms. Zoe returned the greeting with a neutral response. Her curiosity over his unusually high spirits was obvious, but she asked no questions.

Mal stood outside the door to Simon's room with a smile as he remembered his first truly horrific hangover. Matter of fact, I was also in a fight the night before. Next mornin' my entire world was achy and loud. Mal took a deep breath and threw open the door.

"GOOD MORNING DOCTOR-" Mal cut himself off, momentarily shocked into silence. "And uh… Kaylee…"

The small bed could not contain the startled couple and Mal saw more of Simon than he was comfortable with as the doctor tumbled over the side.

"Are you psychotic?" Simon yelled as he labored painfully to bring himself into a sitting position.

Kaylee said, "Be gentle, Capt'n I ain't done fixin' him yet!"

"Things keep changin' round here an' I might fix him!" Mall continued yelling.

Simon's modesty was temporarily forgotten as he clutched his ears in his hands and pleaded, "Could everybody please stop yelling?"

"There a reason why you was here, Captain?" Kaylee enunciated the word 'captain' with precision and severely undisguised dislike.

"Yeah!" Mal continued lamely, "Big day today, just wanted to make sure everyone was up and ready."

"It's time for your checkup, big brother!" River announced as she cheerfully walked into the room, causing Mal and Kaylee to nearly jump out of their skin. Simon grabbed the nearest item available to cover himself, which happened to be Kaylee's flower tank top.

Well this is all manner of awkward Mal thought to himself.

"Eye's still swollen shut, pulse is elevated" River crossed her arms in a little pout. "I thought I ordered you to rest."

"Right uh…" Mal began as he searched for a graceful way to excuse himself. "I'm going to go… captain."

River wrote a few notes in one of Simon's Journals, "I expect you to take 1000 mg of Acetaminophen, drink plenty of fluids" River paused to stare at Kaylee again accusingly, "and refrain from strenuous activity."

Zoe, Jayne, and Inara were having breakfast in the galley when Mal returned. Zoe noted with some amusement that the captain appeared a mite more flushed and less mischievous than he had moments ago. She had a feeling that this meal would become interesting enough without her assistance, so she patiently kept her silence. Zoe had a feeling she wouldn't have to wait very long.

Mal quickly started a conversation before anyone could say a word to him. "Mornin' all. So Inara, you still think it's all my fault?" Mal asked on his way to the coffee pot.

"Yes," Inara said simply after taking a sip of her tea. Zoe wondered how long Inara's collected composure would survive in a conversation with Mal.

Mal spilled hot coffee on his hand and muttered a curse. Apparently he was not expecting that answer. Zoe allowed herself a small smile as she thought of Wash and how much they loved seeing the captain flustered.

Mal cleaned up the spilled beverage looked at Inara in confusion "Uh, why?"

"You had no business taking that boy there and you know it!" Inara appeared to be losing her temper already.

Zoe shook a little with silent laughter. That was lot quicker than I anticipated.

Jayne banged his fist on the table as he entered the conversation with the finesse of a sledgehammer,"And why'd ya bench me in favor of that pasty runt? You know I's always ready for a tussle!"

Mal replied, "Boy's a man. Needs to learn to stand on his own two feet. Can't shelter 'im from the whole 'verse forever." Mal turned to Jayne and continued, "And I wasn't plannin' on a fight!"

Jayne snorted, "When's the last time somethin' went in… ac… accord … the way you was plannin'?"

Mal looked into Zoe's eyes as if he were pleading with her and said, "Why can't things ever go smooth?"

Zoe arched an eyebrow and said, "You really want me to answer that, Sir?"

Zoe was spared his response when River's voice sounded throughout the ship via the com, "I need everyone inside the cargo bay in twenty minutes to meet our contacts. It may take a while so bring something to sit on."

Mal stated in incredulity, "I'm assume she's tryin' to make up for the blissful lack of crazy as of late. Don't know why else she would think she's my pilot, doctor and captain!" Zoe, Jayne, and Inara laughed at the flustered captain as they made their way to the cargo bay.

"Come on, Sir," Zoe smiled as she took Mal's arm and lead them on their way. "We wouldn't want to keep the new captain waiting."

"Why am I even on this gorram boat?"