Firefly Season 2, Episode 3: New Land

Mal is standing in a circle of raucously shouting men in a dark smoky room with a dirty floor. He is not wearing a shirt, and his upper body is badly beaten. His lip is swollen and bleeding, he has bruises on his cheeks and chin, and his right eye is puffed up, but his fists are clenched and raised. Standing across from him in the human circle is another man with a thick black beard. He also has no shirt on, and seems to be beaten at least as badly as Mal is. This man, however, is a few inches taller than Mal, and very large. Both men appear to be on the verge of collapsing. After a few moments of cautious circling, the large man roars and rushes Mal, picking him up and slamming him onto the floor. Mal, now on the ground with the bearded behemoth on top of him, covers his face from being pounded by the other man. After trading a few blows, Mal manages to roll over so that he is on top of the bearded man, and continues to hammer on him until he is thrown off to the side. Both of the men slowly rise. The bearded man spits out blood, and a tooth.

Man (gravelly voice): That was my favorite tooth!

Mal: Are you kiddin’? That rotten piece o’ bone? Don’t show me you’re least favorite tooth.

The men continue to circle each other.

Mal: Duncan, you’re a worse fighter than you are a loser.

Duncan: You cheated! Ain’t nobody in the verse’ can throw horseshoes like that! They was magnetized! You owe me thirty platinum!

Mal: That’s not gonna happen Duncan. I need that money to buy things. Like band aids for the job you did on my face. Admit you lost and I might not remind you what dirt tastes like.

Duncan: I ain’t admittin’ nuthin’ to a (Chinese expletive) petty thief like you!

Mal (fists clenching): Petty thief?

Duncan: You’re a low down, dirty, pathetic— Mal dashes forwards and sends a massive right hook into Duncan’s jaw. The sheer force of the blow knocks Duncan to the floor. Other than a little drool, nothing more comes out of Duncan’s mouth. The crowd roars its approval and disappointment, depending on who won lost their bets, and money is exchanged. Mal tiredly pushes his way through the crowd over to a nearby barstool and sits down. The barkeep slides him a dark beverage and nods.

Barkeep: On the house.

Mal looks over at the barkeep, and takes the drink, downing half of it in a few swallows.

Mal: You won your bet?

Barkeep: No. It don’t matter none. Man puts up a fight like that, he deserves a drink in my opinion.

Mal (raising glass): I’ll drink to that.

Man: So will I.

Mal turns around and sees a grizzled man with grey hair and short beard. His skin is tanned darkly, and although he is clearly older than Mal, large muscles are visible under his brown duster coat.

Mal (standing): Cap’n Murphy! You old bastard!

The two men seize each other in a bear hug and both have a seat.

Mal: Murphy I ain’t seen you since I was a private!

Murphy: Years ‘ve been good to ya’ Mal. Me, I’m a little crusty. Still fightin’ though. Much like yourself I see.

Mal: So what’ve you been doin’ with yourself?

Murphy: Been stayin’ out on the borders mostly. Central turf is a little too…central for me. Got myself a job with a transpo company awhile back on Abeosamu. I’m the captain of one’a their rigs now.

Mal (raises his glass): That’s damn good to hear Murphy.

The barkeep slides Murphy a drink. Both of the men clink their mugs together and drink deeply.

Murphy: It’s fine to see you Mal, but I’m here on business.

Mal: Yeah? What sort?

Murphy (shifting in his seat): Got this rich central type. Calls himself Cheswick. Man’s lookin to move out a big shipment planet side. Wants to run enough goods to build a brand new settlement about halfway round the moon.

Mal: Sounds good. How does it involve me?

Murphy: There’ll be about four carriers runnin’ supplies and two runnin’ people. Now bandits don’t care too much about the folks ridin’ behind, but the things they need to build a new life? Those are valuable. I’ve been lookin’ for a crew willin’ to run security for me, off the books. Heard tell you were in this part o’ the verse’. The whole trip should take a lunar day, which is roughly a hundred and twenty hours. Pay’s decent enough.

Mal ponders for a few moments.

Mal: Murphy, you got yourself a brute squad.

The men shake hands. Cue theme song. Camera cuts to the cargo bay of Serenity. Kaylee has the mule lowered, and is underneath it tuning it up. Jayne is spotting Grey on the bench press in the corner and Zoe is talking to Wash. The cargo bay doors hiss open, and Mal walks in. He now has on a shirt and his duster. Zoe looks up.

Zoe: How was the local dive sir?

Mal gingerly sits down on the catwalk stairs, wincing as he does.

Mal: The locals ain’t quite so friendly as I recall.

Zoe: So no work?

Mal: I didn’t say that. I ran into Murphy on my way out.

Zoe: Captain Murphy? Is that old wiseass still alive?

Mal: Alive and kickin’. Offered us a job too. Wants us to run security on his transpo rig on a moon off of this rock called Abeosamu. It’s about a five day job off the books.

Wash: Who’s Captain Murphy? Old boyfriend?

Zoe (to Wash): Murphy was our commanding officer on our first tour. Bit of a hard ass, but he was good to his people. Recommended Mal for his promotion to sergeant.

Mal: That he did. We’re taking the job.

Wash: Abeosamu is right around the corner from here. I can get us there in a few hours.

Mal: Good. Get Serenity ready. And call Simon. I think I need some pain killers.

The camera cuts to River sitting in her room, cross legged, eyes closed. She is wearing a short sleeve shirt and pajama bottoms. She appears to be meditating. Images rush through her head. Flashes of dark rooms with large needles and masked doctors, Reavers shrieking and running through towns and people’s homes, screaming civilians being slaughtered. Death. Memories. With some effort, she pushes them all to the back of her mind where they can no longer hurt her. She then sees Greyson, standing alone in a small, dirty apartment. He is in his space suit, holding the body of a pale woman wearing a yellow sundress in his arms. He is sobbing. There is a gun on the floor next to him, and the woman has a bullet wound in her head. Her eyes are bloodshot and her mouth is frozen in a ghastly smile. River is standing in the apartment, watching the scene unfold. A single tear falls from her eye. She shuts her eyes with concentration and the scene rushes out of focus. River is once again calmly sitting in her bunk. The visions of Greys past are gone, tucked safely away. River stands up and walks out of her cabin. The entire ship shudders and begins to rise. River walks into the saloon. Inara is standing in the kitchen, chopping vegetables. She looks up when River enters.

Inara: Say what you will about Kayuga, their produce is without equal.

River (walking over to Inara): We should make a pie. With berries.

Inara: I’ll have one ready when you come back.

River: From the job?

Inara: Yes, I’m certain that Mal will want you with him. He’s also taking Zoe, Jayne, and Greyson. (Inara puts down her knife and leans across the counter towards River) How is that going by the way?

River looks uncomfortable.

River: It’s fine. We’re good friends.

Inara (taken aback): “Good friends”? What does that mean?

River: It means we’re fine. How’s your hip?

Inara leans back and gently puts her hand on her side.

Inara: Your brother says that I should be back to my old self in a week. Until then, I need to keep taking the antibiotics. I can’t wait to be able to move correctly again.

River: You, Simon, Wash and Kaylee will be here on Serenity for five days. Sounds boring.

Inara: Yes, we will. I’m sure we’ll find ways to entertain ourselves.

River looks up as if she has heard something.

River: I think Mal wants me on the bridge.

Inara: Well good luck. I’ll see you in a few days.

River leans across the counter and kisses Inara on the cheek. Inara reciprocates, and River walks up to the bridge. Mal, Grey, Jayne, and Zoe are standing there, with Wash in the pilot seat. There is a tan planet in the distance. Mal has a few bandages on his face, and everyone else is dressed and armed.

Mal: River. I was just about to call you up.

River: I know. When are we leaving?

Mal: Wash says we’ll be planet side in a few minutes, so get dressed. Meet us down in the cargo bay in five.

Camera cuts to Serenity landing on an expansive salt flat. The cargo bay doors open, and Mal, Zoe, River, Jayne and Grey walk out, each carrying duffel bags. River is now in combat gear and Jayne is wearing his hat. There are multiple transport skiffs already there. The transport skiffs are run off of the same technology that powers the mule in Serenity, only these are much larger. About the size of small ferries, the transport skiffs are basically floating platforms with a single control tower located on the front right corner. There are six skiffs in total. Four of them are loaded with crates of freight. The other two transports are floating shanty towns. Every square inch of their surface has a tent, cooking fire, or person on it. The people look dirty and tired. There are crowds of workers walking around on the ground. Standing in a group of them is Captain Murphy, who is talking to a worker with a tablet in her hand. He waves her away when he sees Mal and company walking towards him.

Murphy (walking to Mal): I see you found the place! And Zoe! You still doggin’ after this guy?

Zoe: Just until he keels over and I get his ship.

Murphy: You all come with me. I’ll give ya’ the skinny.

Murphy leads Mal and his group through the organized chaos, talking as he goes.

Murphy: You see that ship, second from the front? That’s us. We’ll be carryin’ the food and medical supplies. Now I’ve saved a few bunks for you and your crew, but ya’ only got four cots. It shouldn’t be much of a problem if you work in shifts.

Mal: That’s alright. Jayne here can sleep on the floor.

Jayne: Over my dead body.

Murphy (to Mal): All I really need you to do is keep your eyes peeled for trouble when we’re under way. This convoy is a gorram fine prize for any bandits who happen by it, and they’re sure to know that we’re leavin’. Cheswick didn’t exactly keep it a big secret that we would be shippin’ out today. Advertised to about half the verse’ that he was creatin’ a whole new town for people to get a fresh start in.

Mal: Sounds like this Cheswick is askin’ for trouble.

Murphy: He’s just some spoiled (Chinese expletive) with too much of daddy’s money. Gorram kid can barely grow a beard and he’s walkin’ round givin’ orders like he’s the ruttin’ prince o’ Bellerophon. He’ll be ridin’ in the front of the pack in his daddy’s skiff. Thing’s like a floatin’ palace.

Mal: He sounds like a swell kid.

Murphy: (Spits on the ground) I know it ain’t any of my business, but if you saw the way the people on the skiffs at the back of the line have to live, then ya’ look at that kid in his little castle, it’s almost enough to make ya’ sick.

Mal: Can’t wait to meet him.

Murphy: Well hopefully ya’ won’t have to.

They walk past a group of about twenty men who are heavily armed. Each of the men is wearing a black vest with a dragon insignia on the back. They stop talking as Murphy, Mal, and the others walk past. The group with the dragon insignias wrathfully glares at Mal and his crew until they are out of earshot.

Mal: Who the hell were those guys?

Murphy: The Hungry Dragons. Group of private contractors hired by Cheswick. I don’t much like the look of em’. That’s why I hired you for my skiff.

Mal: Are they gonna be on your carrier too?

Murphy: Yeah, they might be. Keep an eye on them too.

Mal (stopping): It’s funny how this didn’t come up on Kayuga. You expect me and my crew to sleep with one eye open for the next week?

Murphy: Gorramit Mal, I need you right now. This whole situation is bad news. I can’t handle it alone. All I’m askin’ is that you act as a few extra pairs of eyes for me.

Mal: You shoulda’ been straight with me from the beginnin’.

Murphy: Are you out?

Mal: Go to your ship Murphy. If we decide to stay, we’ll meet ya’ there.

Murphy: We roll out in fifteen minutes Mal. Don’t take too long.

Murphy turns and walks to his skiff.

Mal: Well it looks like we got a situation.

Zoe: I can see why he would want the extra security.

Jayne: Are we gonna be sleepin’ in the same room as those fellas? No thanks.

Mal: I don’t know if we’ll be sharin’ bed space with em’, but we’ll certainly be close to em’ for the entire trip.

Grey: That doesn’t sound like a great plan.

Mal: Look, we need the money, but if you all think that it’s too risky, we’ll turn around and won’t look back. Zoe, didn’t you and Wash find somethin’ back on Kayuga?

Zoe: We found a few potential passengers and one old man wanted us to deliver a puppy to his granddaughter on Greenleaf. I wouldn’t exactly call those jobs sir.

Mal: Then I guess we ain’t got much of a choice.

Mal, Zoe, Grey, River, and Jayne all walk towards Murphy’s skiff. The transport skiffs hover about ten feet off of the ground. There is a large ramp connected to the side of each skiff. They appear to be used for loading cargo. The crew walks up the ramp and through a maze of boxes. Workers are busy tying down the freight all around them. Eventually, they reach a door at the base of the control tower. Mal opens the door and they enter the tower. There is a flight of metal stairs to the left. They walk up and open a metal door, entering the wheelhouse. The wheelhouse is a single room with wide windows in the front and on the sides. There is a catwalk surrounding the exterior of the bridge, and doors on the left and right that lead out to it. There is a single cot at the back of the room by the door. Below the front window, there is a table of controls and two captain’s chairs. Captain Murphy is sitting at one and another man is sitting in the other. Murphy doesn’t turn when they enter.

Mal: We’re in.

The camera cuts to the crew standing in a dark room with rows of bunks- really only metal frames with canvas strung across- rising four levels high. There is only about two feet of room between each successive bunk, and even less than that between the rows of bunks. Most are filled with duffel bags. A worker leads the crew of Serenity down to the very last row bunks. There are no duffel bags on these. The only other furniture in the room is a small table with a few chairs. It is positively claustrophobic.

Worker: Here you are.

Mal simply nods, and the worker leaves.

Grey: You know, I think I’ll volunteer to sleep outside. Jayne can have my bunk.

Mal: I ain’t seen beds like this since the transport ships back in the war. Can’t say that I missed too much.

River: They’re so small!

The entire skiff shudders, and an intercom crackles to life.

Murphy (over intercom): We’re movin’ out people. Everything better be strapped down.

The skiff lurches forwards, shaking the entire crew. After it stops accelerating, the ground becomes a little more stable. Jayne, Mal, Zoe, Grey, and River all walk out of the crew quarters, shielding their eyes from the sun as they do. The entire convoy is now racing over the salt flats at high speeds. River climbs up on top of a crate and looks off into the distance. The camera pans out for a reveal of the entire convoy-all six skiffs- roaring across the barren salt flats, then fades out. The camera fades back in to the bridge of Serenity, where Inara is talking to Wash.

Wash: Yeah, I’m gonna have to say no to that.

Inara: But why? We’ll be back in less than a day. And besides, I promised River a berry pie. I need berries.

Wash: Fine! So take your shuttle, I don’t see what the big deal is.

Inara: Usually I would do just that, but I haven’t been quite so mobile lately. I would much prefer to have the mule.

Kaylee walks onto the bridge.

Kaylee (brightly): Hey! What’s all the fuss about?

Inara: Kaylee, don’t you think tha—

Wash: She wants me to fly Serenity to Kayuga. Without Mal’s permission.

Inara: Just to stop at the farmers market for a few things. We wouldn’t be more than a day, and they won’t be back for another three.

Kaylee: Oh, come on Wash, it’ll be fun! We could go out, see some sights.

Wash: What sights? It’s a planet of dirty, angry farmers who charge too much for their cabage!

Kaylee: So you want to just sit here for three more days, not doin’ anything ‘cept playin’ with your dinosaurs?

Pause.

Wash: Yup.

Kaylee: I think we should have a vote. I’m gettin’ Simon.

She turns and dashes out of the room.

Wash (calling after her): This isn’t a democracy! (To Inara) Now look what you did.

Inara: Oh please, she wants to get out of here worse than anyone else. It was only a matter of time before she’d be asking you the same thing that I am now.

Wash: She’d be asking me for a shuttle. You’re asking me for a whole ship!

Inara: (Exasperated Chinese) Wash we’re on a moon of Kayuga right now. It’s practically a stones throw away!

Kaylee runs in practically dragging Simon by his arm.

Kaylee: Simon thinks we should go too!

Simon (stammering): I…um…what? All I said was that I’m a little bored.

Wash: I’m not discussing this anymore. No Kayuga!

Wash spins his chair around.

Inara: Isn’t your anniversary coming up?

Wash slowly turns around, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Wash: Yeah? So?

Inara: So, do you want to serve Zoe some protein mash with a candle in it, or do you want to give that beautiful woman an anniversary dinner that she can be proud of?

Wash (uncertainly): I am getting a little tired of protein mash…

Kaylee (excited): I’ll prep the engines! (Runs off to the engine room)

Wash: I’m definitely going to regret this.

The camera cuts to Grey and Jayne walking around the exterior of the skiff, near the stern. They are wearing dark goggles to shield their eyes from the ever present sun.

Jayne: This scenery is about as interestin’ as sittin’ through a sermon sober.

Grey: Monotonous. That’s what it is.

Jayne: Guys like us need a little more action. Some excitement.

Grey: I could surely go for some excitement right now.

Jayne: Some critters to shoot at while we ride by at least! There ain’t anything livin’ on this rock but people.

Grey: Apparently the place we’re headin’ is less salt, more dirt. Good for farmin’.

Jayne: And if that don’t just get my blood goin’.

Grey stops and looks towards to front of the skiff.

Jayne: (Drawing pistol) Trouble?

Grey: No, no, I don’t think so. Not yet at least. It’s just…I think we’re heading straight for a cliff.

Jayne (alarmed): We’re about to fly off a cliff!?

Grey: No, but we’re heading towards one. There’s a canyon that runs through it. Looks like it goes for miles.

Jayne: This ruttin’ convoy is headin’ through a canyon?

Grey: Looks like.

Jayne (slowly): If we were gettin’ ambushed anywhere…

Grey: It’ll be when we’re in that canyon.

Pause.

Grey: Should we tell someone?

Jayne: I s’pose.

Grey: Mal?

Jayne: He’ll be in the bunks with Zoe. Their shift don’t start for another … (glances at watch) four hours.

Grey: Never mind then. How about Murphy?

Jayne: He might be in the wheelhouse.

Grey: Then that’s where we’re goin’.

Jayne and Grey turn and begin to head towards the bow of the skiff. On the way, they pass a group of four hungry dragons. One of them bumps his shoulder into Jayne. Jayne turns around quickly, drawing his large bowie knife in the process. In retaliation, all four of the dragons pull out a variety of guns and knives.

Jayne (snarling): You wanna give me an apology, or should I just cut one outa you?

Hungry Dragon 1 (Chinese accent): Stupid man should watch where he is walking.

Hungry Dragon 2: Man will get hurt if he keeps wandering into other people.

Grey (uneasy): Jayne, you know that saying, ‘choose your battles’? This is what that saying is talking about.

Jayne spits at the feet of the offending dragon and thrusts his knife back into its sheathe. He turns and continues walking towards the wheelhouse without another word. Grey looks back uneasily, then follows.

Grey: We were very close to dying back there.

Jayne: So were they.

Grey: I’m a little more concerned with the ‘we’ part though. I’m not lookin’ to die in a scrap with another crew right now.

River peeks around a crate, sees Grey and Jayne, and walks over.

River: What happened?

Jayne: You don’t already know?

River: Sorry for being polite. (To Grey) You should probably hurry up and tell Captain Murphy about the canyon. The sooner he knows, the sooner we can change course.

Grey: Did you get all of that just now, or did you know the minute that I did?

River (slightly put off): I don’t live in people’s heads; I just visit from time to time.

Jayne: Well how about you knock first? I need you crawlin’ around in my head like I need a stick in my ass.

River: Your head isn’t a place I like to go, for obvious reasons.

Grey: You should come with us. It’s not safe to be alone down here when those dragon types are lookin’ for a fight.

River arches her eyebrow and gives Grey a look that says “are you kidding me?”

Grey (fumbling): Oh yeah, except you can… they aren’t really… never mind.

River: Come on.

All three of them walk up to the wheelhouse. Inside, Murphy is asleep on his bunk, and the other man is slouched in the pilot seat. He turns around when he hears the door open.

Co-pilot: Now isn’t really a great—

Jayne: We need to talk to Murphy.

Murphy sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Murphy (groggily): Someone better be dead.

River: We’re going to be attacked.

Grey: Well, we’re pretty sure—

River shoots him a look.

Grey: We’re definitely getting attacked.

Murphy (getting out of his cot): When? Where? And how the hell do you know?

River: Is this convoy heading through a canyon?

Murphy heads over to the control panel and taps on a touch screen a few times.

Murphy: (Curses in Chinese) Who the ruttin’ hell is the idiot who charted this course?

Jayne: We figure if anything’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen in there.

Murphy: And you’re damn right to think so! (To the co-pilot) Get me a wave to Cheswick.

Co-Pilot: Yes sir.

The co-pilot types something into a keyboard under a monitor. The screen flickers for a moment, then a woman’s face appears on the screen. Her face is flushed and she appears tipsy.

Woman: You have reached Cheswick’s Chariot. Please leave a message (hiccup) after the tone. Tooooone. (Giggling)

Murphy: Gorramit woman we need to talk to Cheswick. Get him the hell over here!

Woman: Artie is a mite… preoccupied at the moment.

Murphy: If I have to come over to that floatin’ love shack, ‘Artie’ and I are gonna have a gentlemanly exchange of words. You follow?

Woman (looking over her shoulder): Artie? An angry cave man wants to talk to you.

Voice in background: What does he want?

Woman: (To Murphy) What do you want?

Murphy (voice low): I want to see Cheswick’s face on the ruttin’ monitor in the next five seconds.

A look of concern briefly washes over the woman’s face. She rises, and walks off the screen. After a few moments, a young man in a red silk kimono sits in front of the monitor. His hair is jet black and mussed. He looks inebriated.

Cheswick: How can you help me?

Murphy: Boy, are you aware that this convoy is headin’ straight through a ruttin’ canyon?

Cheswick (frowning): Boy?

Murphy: Why don’t you just wave a gorram flag around for varmints to come down on us? We need to change course!

Cheswick: That’s not gonna happen Malfoy.

Murphy (growling): It’s Captain Murphy.

Cheswick: Whatever. We’re not changing course.

Murphy: (Chinese expletive) boy do you have a death wish!?

Cheswick: The course we’re on is the fastest. You have any idea how much fuel I’m saving going through that canyon?

Murphy: Son, you gotta listen to—

Cheswick: That’s enough you old (Chinese expletive). I don’t need to take this from you. I pay your salary, so I think you need to learn what ‘chain of command’ means. You take your orders from me. Keep this up, and we might just have a little talk about what your cut from this little venture will be adding up to at the end of the day.

The monitor goes blank. Murphy turns back to the crew, a defeated expression on his face.

Jayne: I’ve met fellas like that before. Usually relieve ‘em of a few teeth when the mood strikes me.

Grey: That’s the guy running this operation? He’s just a damn kid!

Murphy: You best wake up Mal and Zoe. We’ll be comin’ up on that canyon soon, and I don’t see this endin’ with hugs ‘n kisses.

The camera cuts to Mal and Zoe lying in the sardine like bunks of the crew quarters. The door hisses open, and Jayne runs into the room. He rushes over to his bunk and rips open his duffel bag. He removes Vera from it, as well as a bullet proof vest with grenades strapped to it. The commotion rouses Mal and Zoe.

Mal (yawning): Daytime already?

Zoe (glancing at wrist watch): Not for another few hours at least sir.

Jayne (checking sights on Vera): Well, turns out we might have trouble on our hands. You might wanna rouse yourselves.

Mal (suddenly alert): What’s goin’ on?

Jayne: We’re headin’ right into a canyon that has ‘ambush’ written all over it. Dumbass punk in Cheswick is leadin’ us straight through it. I ain’t goin’ down empty handed.

Mal: And this is the first I’m hearin’ of this because?

Jayne: Talk to Grey about that one Mal.

Jayne runs back to the door he came in from.

Zoe (putting on coat and checking repeater): I don’t like the sound of this.

Mal (strapping piece to hip and pulling on duster): Well, we’d best find Murphy before they let us sleep through everything.

Zoe: Right behind you sir.

The camera cuts to the wheelhouse, where Murphy, River, Jayne, Grey, and the co-pilot are all staring bleakly out into the distance. Mal and Zoe walk in.

Mal: Yes, we’re here, thanks for waiting. Really, I was having a great nap, I’m glad you didn’t wake me.

River: Look.

The camera pans around what everyone is looking at. There is a massive white stone cliff, running as far as the eye can see to the left and right. It rises a mile high. Directly in front of them, a trench runs straight through the wall, winding through the rock like a dark scar.

Mal: Well then.

The camera cuts to a cloudy sky over an expansive market. The place is chock full of shoppers in all arrays of clothing and ethnicities. The languages are as varied as the culture, and the entire area is awash in the babble of thousands of haggling voices. There are carriages being pulled by beasts of burden, heavily laden with exotic fruits and vegetables, as well as skiffs with similar loads. The mule is among the chaos, being slowly driven through the swarming throngs of people by Wash. Inara is sitting next to him. Kaylee and Simon are on the ground. The mule already has a cacophony of different foods on it.

Kaylee (running over to a nearby stand): Oh my god, strawberries! Inara, can we make a strawberry pie? Or a strawberry cake?

Simon (peering at the sign on the stand): These actually aren’t that expensive.

Wash: Fine, throw ‘em in. We have every other gorram thing here. Heaven forbid we forget the strawberries!

Kaylee (to vendor): I’ll have two dozen please.

Kaylee turns to Simon as the vendor begins to pack up the berries.

Kaylee: Isn’t this fun?

Simon: It actually kind of is. You know, it’s not too often that we can just go out somewhere and enjoy ourselves without some horrible consequence. (Simon takes out some credits and passes them to the vendor when Kaylee takes the box of strawberries.) I mean, it looks like the worst thing we have to worry about right now is a little rain.

As soon as the words leave Simon’s mouth, thunder ominously rolls in from the distance, and fat droplets of rain begin to fall from the sky.

Wash: (Cursing in Chinese) We did not just spend all this money to have our food ruined by some downpour!

Inara: There’s a building there down the road! Maybe the mule will fit in the garage.

Kaylee: We should lay low there till the weather clears up.

Simon: It looks like a barn. If there are a bunch of farm animals in there, I’m walking back to Serenity.

The camera cuts to Wash throwing open the doors to the bar that Mal was in the beginning of the episode. Inara, Simon, and Kaylee fall in behind him. All four of them are soaked.

Wash: Well, I’m getting plastered.

He begins to walk towards to bar, but Inara grabs his arm.

Inara: No, you’re driving us back to Serenity when the rain stops.

Wash: I think that someone else should be the designated driver. Someone who’s stupid idea this was in the first place maybe. Hmmm. Who could I be thinking of?

Simon: Inara, you really shouldn’t be drinking in your condition.

Wash: That’s my cue.

Wash walks down to the bar and sits at a stool, Simon close behind. Kaylee puts her hand on Inara’s shoulder and looks at her apologetically for a moment before she too joins Wash and Simon at the bar. Inara angrily crosses her arms, and sits down at one of the tables near the door.

Wash (to barkeep): I shall have your finest, strongest liquor sir!

Simon: Two more of those please.

The bartender nods and takes out a grimy bottle of dark liquid, pouring it into three shot glasses. Kaylee slides in next to Simon. All three of them take their drinks.

Wash (raising shot glass): To vegetables! May they be crunchy and delicious!

Simon: Here here!

They all down their glasses, and immediately begin to cough and splutter.

Wash: (Cursing in Chinese) What is this, rocket fuel?

Kaylee (to bartender): We’ll take three more please.

The camera cuts to Jayne passed out on the bottom bunk in the crew quarters. Vera is still in his hand, hanging off the side of the bunk, and his combat vest is still on. He is snoring loudly. Above him, Greyson and River are sleeping in the second and fourth bunks respectively. Mal walks into the room. The door hisses behind him. Hearing the noise, Jayne lurches up, slamming his head into Grey’s back above. He groans and slumps back onto the bed.

Grey: Ow.

Jayne: Gorramit Mal, you nearly gave me a heart attack.

Mal: Just in here for a drink Jayne. Your shift doesn’t start for another hour.

Grey: Still nothing?

Mal: It’s quiet, but we still have a ways to go. This may just be the longest canyon in the verse’.

River (peeking down from the top bunk): Are we there yet?

Mal: Not yet little one. Go back to sleep.

Mal walks back outside, leaving the trio to finish their last hour of slumber. Zoe is leaning out by the door, arms crossed. All around them, the walls of the canyon close in oppressively, partially blocking the sun, which has now moved from a noonday position to late afternoon.

Zoe: I’m gettin’ real tired of these walls sir.

Mal: They do tend to grind down on the mind. Can’t say I’ve been at ease since we came into these rocks.

Zoe: It’s always the calm before the storm that’s the worst.

Mal (laughing): Do you remember that one time when—

A massive explosion up ahead cuts him off mid-sentence. Mal and Zoe both draw their weapons without hesitation. The convoy comes to a sudden halt, throwing both of them roughly to the floor. Mal looks up from the ground to see huge boulders falling from the top of the canyon into the path of the convoy. Mal and Zoe shakily rise and begin to dust themselves off. The moment they are standing once again, another deafening explosion goes off from behind them. Mal and Zoe turn to see more boulders tumbling behind the fourth convoy. The first passenger carrier is crushed in the rubble, and the second is cut off from view. Jayne, Grey, and River rush out of the crew quarters.

Jayne: What the (Chinese expletive) just happened?!

Mal: It’s started.

No sooner than he speaks, a grenade arcs over from behind one of the crates. River pulls Grey back inside the door and slams it behind them. The others all dive to the ground. The grenade detonates in front of the door, but the thick metal holds. Jayne gets on one knee, Vera in hand. Mal and Zoe get behind a crate, using it as a bunker. Gunshots can be heard from the other skiffs. Mal looks at Jayne and nods. Jayne reaches onto his vest and pulls off two different grenades. The first appears to be a dark green canister with a pin, and the second is a classic cook pot. Jayne pulls the pin from the first grenade, and lobs it over to the other side of the crate that Mal and Zoe are hiding behind. Smoke billows out from the canister, shrouding the entire area in a cloud of smog. Jayne then pulls the pin from the cook pot with his teeth, and sends it into the smoke cloud. After a few seconds, there is a resounding boom, followed by screaming. Mal comes out from behind the crate, pistol out, and runs over to the clearing smoke with Jayne. Two of the hungry dragons are there. One of them is missing a leg, writhing in pain. The other is dead, his body a burnt ruined mess.

Jayne: I’ll take that apology now.

The dragon continues to scream, oblivious. Jayne shrugs indifferently and shoots him in the head. There are two gunshots from the wheelhouse above, followed by two thuds from behind Jayne and Mal. They turn around to see the other two dragons lying on the ground behind them with holes in their heads. Grey looks up from a sniper rifle scope on the catwalk. River is crouching there as well. She waves at Jayne and Mal happily. A moment later, sporadic gunfire rains down at them from above, forcing Grey and River to scramble back into the wheelhouse. Mal and Jayne run back behind the crate where Zoe is trying to get at a good angle to shoot at the source of gunfire above.

Mal (shouting over the chaos): We need to get to Murphy!

Zoe: Unless there are more dragons on the ship we don’t know about, we should have this skiff cleared out sir!

Mal: Inside, now!

Jayne, Zoe, and Mal dash back into the cabin, closing the door behind them. The crew inside, about fifteen workers, are all standing around, looking terrified and useless. Murphy, supported by River and Grey, staggers down through the door from the wheelhouse tower. He is bleeding from a wound in his thigh.

Mal: Get him up on the table!

Zoe pushes empty glasses and silverware off of the tabletop, and Grey and River gently place Murphy on the table. Mal stands over the captain, and Zoe rips up the table cloth and breaks off a leg from the chair. She to tie a tourniquet around Murphy’s leg.

Murphy (weakly): I knew those (Chinese expletive) hungry dragons was bad news.

Mal (putting a hand on Murphy’s shoulder): It’s alright Murph. They ain’t gonna bother us anymore.

Zoe looks up from her work with a somber expression.

Zoe: I can’t stop the bleeding Mal.

Murphy: How bad is it Mal? Tell me true.

Mal smiles, but tears are brimming in his eyes. He grabs Murphy’s hand and squeezes hard.

Mal: It’s barely a scratch. You’ve come back from plenty worse.

Murphy (hoarsely): Don’t bullshit me Mal. You were always a crap liar. (Labored breathing) I’m a goner son. I know it and so do you. Don’t fight it.

Mal: Gorramit Murphy, don’t give up!

Murphy (whispering): It’s alright Mal. It’s alright. I’m at peace and all. Fellas like me ain’t meant to live forever. Just promise me somthin’.

Mal (leaning in): Yeah Murphy?

Murphy: Get my crew out safe. Don’t let ‘em die in this hole. They ain’t old salts like me. It’s not their time.

Mal: We’ll see ‘em through this Murphy. You have my word.

Murphy weakly smiles, and exhales one last time. His eyes roll back into his head and his hand goes limp in Mal’s. Mal puts down Murphy’s hand and clears his throat to stifle a sob. Tears are falling freely from Zoe’s cheeks. Chaos can dimly be heard from outside, but the cabin is silent. After a few moments, Mal pulls himself together.

Mal: We need to get out of here. This canyon’s just been turned into a proverbial barrel, and that makes us the fish.

Jayne: And just how do you plan on doin’ that Mal? Ain’t one skiff here got the thrust to clear these walls.

Mal: That’s where you’re wrong. There’s one can make that jump. We just have to get on it.

River: Cheswick’s Chariot.

The camera cuts to Simon lying face down on the cargo bay floor. Groaning, he looks to his left and sees that his arm is draped over Kaylee, who is lying on her back next to him. She is in her pink dress. Confused, Simon attempts to get up, and is immediately overcome by vertigo and nausea. Incapable of rising, he looks to his right to see Wash slumped on the floor against the cargo bay doors, unconscious.

Simon: Waaaash!

Wash slowly opens one eye, then the other. He looks disoriented. He opens his mouth to say something and vomits all over the floor.

Wash: Are we dead?

Simon: This is literally the worst hangover I’ve ever had.

Kaylee rolls onto her side, murmuring. Inara walks down from the saloon with a tray of tea. She looks at Wash in the pile of vomit disdainfully.

Inara: Last night was perhaps one of the most unpleasant evenings I have ever experienced.

Simon: My head feels like there’s an Alliance cruiser on it.

Inara: I made you some herbal tea. This should help settle your stomachs some.

Inara puts the tray on the steps and places a cup next to Wash. She walks over to Simon with another mug.

Inara: Get up.

Simon: Can’t. Too sick.

Inara (voice hard): Now.

With considerable effort, Simon pushes himself up from the floor, moving himself into a sitting position. Inara hands him the cup of tea.

Inara: Careful. It’s hot.

Simon gingerly takes a sip from the tea. When he tastes it, he gags.

Simon: What is this?! It tastes like rotten radishes!

Inara: It’s an herbal tea that should help your body cleans itself of the prodigious amounts of alcohol you drank last night. It’s not supposed to taste good.

Kaylee props herself up on her elbows and sleepily looks around.

Kaylee: Hey Inara. My head feels funny.

Inara hands Kaylee a tea cup.

Wash: So what happened last night? My memory’s a little patchy right now.

Inara: What happened is I had to drag you three (Chinese expletive) out of that place at some ungodly hour of the night when Simon nearly got in a fist fight with one of the local drunks.

Wash: Ha! Simon, I didn’t know you had it in ya’.

Inara: I also had to unload all of the produce without you. In the rain. Thanks for that.

Simon: I was in a—

There is a knocking on the door. Inara walks over to the door and looks through the small square porthole to see Duncan peering in.

Duncan: Open the door woman! I got business with some folks in there.

Inara: You have no business with anyone here. Leave now.

Simon slowly struggles to his feet.

Duncan: You! Tam! Get your ass out here! You’re late!

Simon (shuffling over to the porthole): Late for what?

Duncan: Don’t play dumb with me boy. The race! Everyone in town is waitin’ on you. And when I beat you, I get this piece o’ crap ship, just like we agreed last night.

Simon stands at the door in shock. Inara slowly turns to glare at him, pure wrath in her eyes.

Simon (nervously laughing): Um, whoops?

The camera cuts to Mal, Jayne, Zoe, Grey, and River standing in the stairwell of the transpo skiff.

Jayne: Mal, there is no ruttin’ way that this is gonna work.

Mal: Your pessimism is noted, and unappreciated. Anything else you’d like to add before we get started?

Jayne: It was nice knowin’ ya?

Mal: I wish I could say that the feelin’ was mutual.

Zoe: We’ll be right behind you sir.

Mal nods, hoists the break room table up over his shoulders, and begins to trek up the stairs. Everyone else follows closely. Once at the top, Mal opens the door to the bridge a crack and peers through. Inside, the co-pilot is slumped in his chair, dead from multiple bullet wounds in his chest. Mal puts his hand back, and Jayne places a smoke grenade in it.

Jayne: Last smoker. Don’t blow it.

Mal pulls the pin and tosses the grenade into the wheelhouse. Smoke fills the room. Mal takes a deep breath and charges over the threshold, using the table as a shield. Gunfire rains down into the bridge, but the shots are sporadic and inaccurate. Racing across the room, Mal types a command into the main control panel, and metal shutters slide down on all sides of the wheelhouse. The gunfire continues outside, but cannot penetrate the metal exterior. Mal types another command into the control panel, and a ventilation system activates, clearing the smoke from the bridge. The rest of the crew slowly files in.

Mal: Step one. No problem.

Grey: Step two?

Mal pulls down a large monitor from the front of the top of the control panel. It blinks to life, displaying the wreckage in front of them. The skiff directly in front of them is not moving, and beyond that lays Cheswick’s Chariot, glimmering in the distance.

Mal: Step two is we get to that skiff.

River walks over to the pilot seat and sits down. She looks at the controls for a moment, and then seizes them confidently. Slowly, she urges the skiff forwards towards a gap in between the forward transpo and the face of the canyon. The gap is just barely wide enough for the skiff. As they pass through, the side of the skiff rubs up against the cliff, making an ear splitting screech.

River: Sorry!

Zoe: It’s alright, you’re doing fine.

River: At our current trajectory and speed we should be alongside the Chariot in eighty five seconds.

Mal: Sounds good! (Grabbing overhead radio) Attention crew! In one minute we will be passing a skiff that might be capable of gettin’ us out of this death trap. We have a very small window of opportunity to get on that skiff. Don’t waste it. (Hangs up overhead) We need to head down. They’re gonna need cover fire.

The group runs down the stairs. At the bottom, the transpo crew is waiting by the door. Mal stands in front of them.

Mal: Now listen, any second now you’re gonna jump from this skiff to the other. If you do not clear the gap, you will die. If you pause, you will die. If we’re gonna get everyone here off, we need this to be fast and flawless.

River: Five seconds!

Mal (ripping open the door): Let’s move people!

Mal, Zoe, Jayne, Grey, and River all run out of the door, firing as they go. There are five hungry dragons on the edge of the skiff, but they are quickly dispatched by the team. One by one, the transport workers run out of the cabin and leap over the three foot gap between the two skiffs. Cheswick’s Chariot is a floating, yacht like structure that is about one hundred feet in length. It has a fly bridge with a hot tub, and wooden panel floors. When all of the workers are safely on the skiff, River, Jayne, Grey, Zoe, and finally Mal jump onto the yacht. After the cover provided by the transport ship passes, the gunfire from on top of the canyon resumes, but it’s too late. Mal and the rest push through the group of workers to two sealed doors under the fly bridge. These also have anti-artillery metal walls deployed. There is a radio next to the door. Mal pushes a button on the radio.

Mal: Cheswick! Open the door!

Cheswick (over radio): Not likely!

Mal: (Chinese omen) Jayne!

Jayne saunters up to the door, pulling his final grenade from his vest as he does.

Grey: Everyone back up! Using the butt of Vera, Jayne smashes through the glass panes of one of the doors and drops the grenade in between the glass and metal. He scrambles back to where the rest of the crew has hunkered down, behind a grill, and plugs his ears. The grenade detonates, sending bits of plastic and glass flying over the grill. The camera cuts to Mal, Jayne, River, Zoe, and Grey dramatically walking through the smoking hole that was once a door with their weapons drawn. The yacht is filled with luxurious furniture and beautiful paintings. Across the room is the main bridge. Like in the transport skiff, all of the windows on the bridge are covered in an anti-artillery shell. Huddled under the control frame with a small handgun pressed to his chest is Cheswick. When he sees Mal, he shakily points the piece at him.

Cheswick (panicky): Don’t come any closer! I’ll shoot!

Mal ignores him and walks over to the pilot seat with River, who sits down and begins to press buttons on the control panel. Cheswick crawls out from under the frame, still pointing the gun at Mal.

Cheswick: I’ll do it! I’ll—

Mal grabs Cheswick’s gun hand and punches him square in the face. Cheswick falls to the floor in a heap and doesn’t move.

Mal: Can you get us out of here River?

River: Just one moment…

Using a monitor on the control panel as visual aid, River grabs the throttle and powers the skiff up. The yacht roars to life, and River carefully guides it into the air. As they continue to rise, bullets begin to pepper the exterior of the yacht. The machine begins to groan in distress.

Jayne: Could we maybe go a little faster?

River: It doesn’t go any faster!

On the monitor, the white walls of the canyon rush past, and soon they can see the salt flats. There are several small figures standing at the edge of the canyon, firing guns at the skiff. River slams the throttle forward, and the skiff roars over the edge of the canyon, knocking over some bandits in the process. The camera cuts to an exterior shot of the skiff soaring over the barren salt flats, away from the chaos, then fades out. The camera fades back in to the skiff floating over the salt flats near a settlement. The workers are walking off of the beaten and dented boat and onto solid ground, followed by Mal, the rest of the crew, and Cheswick, whose nose is now bent at an interesting new angle. Serenity is docked off in the distance.

Cheswick (to Mal): You WILL be hearing from my lawyer Mr. Reynolds.

Mal: Yeah, good luck with that.

Cheswick storms off towards the town after the workers. Mal and crew begin to walk to Serenity.

Jayne: I still think we shoulda’ killed that twerp.

Mal: I think robbin’ him blind is punishment enough.

Zoe: It’s almost unbelievable how much money he had in that safe.

Jayne: What’s hard to believe is how much of it we gave to those damn workers. I coulda’ retired with that much platinum!

Silence.

Mal: There were near a thousand folk on that wagon train when we set out. I count twenty one made it back.

The crew makes the rest of the trek in silence. Inside, mule is sitting in the middle of the cargo bay with a blue ribbon on it. Grey closes the door when everyone gets in.

Wash (over intercom): All returning crew are ordered to head up to the main saloon. That is all.

Confused, everyone walks up the stairs and into the saloon. Inside, the table is covered with an array of delicious foods. In the center of the table there is strawberry shortcake with “Happy Anniversary Zoe” written on it in red frosting. Other than the cake, there is a salad, steaming bowl of what appears to be mashed sweet potatoes, and even a large rotisserie bird of some nondescript species. Inara, Wash, Simon, and Kaylee are proudly standing behind the feast.

Wash: Happy anniversary baby.

The somber mood is broken in that moment. Zoe’s face breaks into a radiant smile, and she runs over to Wash, planting a kiss right on his lips. River gasps and quickly grabs a seat and plate. Jayne rips out his knife and rushes over to the bird, hacks off one of the legs, and tears into it. Grey sits next to Jayne and begins to carve out pieces of the bird for the rest of the crew. Inara walks over to Mal, who is still standing in the entrance, dumbfounded, and kisses him.

Mal (to Inara): How did you do all this?

Inara: Trust me, you don’t want to know.

Kaylee and Simon sit down next to River, and Grey begins to pass around plates laden with chicken, salad and potatoes. Mal, Zoe, Inara, and Wash join the rest at the table. Laughter and conversation fill the air. The camera slowly pans out to a shot of Serenity standing on the salt flats, then fades out. The camera cuts to a row of five Hungry Dragons on their knees facing the edge of the canyon. They are all handcuffed and blind folded. Behind the dragon at the end of the row is one of the bodyguard clones. The clone lifts a pistol and shoots a hole in the back of the dragons head. The corpse tumbles down into the canyon. Expressionless, the clone continues to execute the Hungry Dragons until there is only one remaining.

Hungry Dragon (voice quavering): Please! I can fix this!

Female Voice (off screen): You failed me Zhang Wei. I gave you one task. Kidnap Arthur Cheswick, and the rest is yours. How many men did you have at your disposal Zhang?

Zhang Wei: Plea—

Female Voice (sharply): How many?

Zhang Wei (sullenly): Fifty.

Female Voice: Fifty men. And yet you were foiled by five. Tell me Zhang, what kind of leader would I be to reward such incompetence? What sort of example would that set for my other soldiers?

Zhang Wei (desperately): Please, I know I have failed you, but I know who did this. Malcolm Reynolds. I will bring you his head, I swear it!

Female Voice: (Dry laugh) I am well aware of Malcolm Reynolds. He has been interfering with my work for quite some time now. And he shall be dealt with. But not by you.

Zhang Wei begins to sob uncontrollably, and steps can be heard walking away from the edge of the canyon. The final shot is fired, and the lifeless body of Zhang Wei tumbles down into the canyon. Cue credits.