{Usual disclaimers apply. Most of the following characters belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, Universal, and probably a bunch of other people and organizations I don’t know about (none of for whom I’m applying for jobs). I’m just messing with them a bit. Oh, and I had a couple nice responses to an earlier bit of fluff, which has had the effect of not dissuading me, for better or worse, to burden you, poor reader, with the following. First of x parts (ending has been determined). ‘Tis better to contribute than to lurk.}

Action! Adventure! Sex! Guns! Humour! Things never go smooth.

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Given he was lying prone, with inadequate time to properly brace her, the force of Vera’s recoil slammed Jayne near his shoulder with the impact of a mule’s kick, enough to choke him more’n a bit and, worse yet, crack his collarbone. A sharp exhalation was all he allowed to mark the sudden agony, for he was disciplined in battle in a manner that rarely surfaced at any other time. So he was able to mark that the bullet caught his target in the throat, gorram pirate erupting with a huge spray of blood and dead long before she had the grace to tumble to the deck and leave a line of sight for a shot at some other hun dan. Human flesh and cartiledge offered negligible impediment upon the bullet’s trajectory, as it continued unimpeded out the airlock entrance until it slammed into the substandard material constituting the wall of the walkway between Serenity and the pirate ship, rending a 5 centimetre tear before tumbling freely into space. Vacuum breach alarms began blaring from both ships. Moreover, the keening whistle of air escaping into space through the hole in the walkway added to the cacophony of gunshots, ricochets, yells from the several combatants, various yelps and crashing cargo. Serenity’s emergency sprinkler system added its own whoosh to the aural mix, choosing this moment to engage despite the lack of any flames to douse. For all the noise, Jayne didn’t hear River’s approach until she had flattened herself along his left side. As he was currently engaged in the painful attempt to transfer Vera to his left arm, he was fortunately unable to deliver an effective hit to his perceived assailant. He chose instead to roll on to her, maybe to stuff Vera’s butt end into a soft spot somehere... but gorram it! “River!” The lightning bolts ramming through his shoulder, coupled with his newly found awareness of whom he was lying on top of, served Jayne to choke off further invectives. Instantly, he wanted her to LEAVE. “Move! What’re you doin’ here... Go away! Hide.....” “You’re heavy,” River complained. Just then an errant shot screeched millimetres above her head and careened off of a metal case containing a generic brand of kibble, ultimately stopping at impact with Serenity’s hull, compressed lead emitting with it’s last energies a baleful “pong”, seemingly upset by not having found a useful target. River, untroubled by the close call, added, “and you smell bad. I wonder where that bullet will go?” “Huh?” “Spinning through space, will it find a stable orbit? Will it dance between gravity wells for eons?” River shimmied into a slightly less uncomfortable position on the wet floor. “Can’t know everything. Do know you’ll break his heart.” For all his expertise in battle, Jayne was momentarily dumbfounded. Yet he managed to roll back on to his belly, instinctively drawing River with him, low, down, to make a harder target, even though he had to lose his grip on Vera for a bit. All this elicitted a double hisser, cuz the pain was gettin’ all kinds of bothersome. Then don’t his limited capacity for mental discipline take another hit as, at the corner of his vision, he noticed River was soaking wet, and the flimsy, too often laundered hand-me-down dress from Kaylee’s wardrobe was leavin’ precious little to his imagination. Not that he’s ever been so imaginative to begin with. Still, a scrawny little thing, needin’ his protection ‘n all.... Ta ma de! There’s shootin’ to be done here! Hadda keep his wits about him! Jayne let go of River, so he could cradle the more useful gal in his good left arm. Quickly finding the silk trigger, he let go a random shot in the direction of the airlock, just to keep the offensive happening. Staying still too long was no good, some others of the crew could be gettin’ hurt. Better to be showin’ some action, right then. ‘Cept he was gettin’ drenched. “What the hell?” muttered Jayne, all kinds of worries tryin’ to creep in, since Vera, for all her powers, didn’t much take to the wet. Like any gal, she functioned great in pristine conditions, not so good if things weren’t exactly right. Time was now! He braced the gun firmly against a convenient tiedown hook that was jamming his ribs, and let go a short, controlled burst at the shadowy figures near the end of the airlock walkway. Could see one feller take one in the chest. Impelled by Vera, the bullet made short work of the pirate’s sad excuse for body armour, then tore apart a good chunk of ribcage before exploding his heart. One more opponent done for. River leaned toward Jayne’s ear. “Told you!” She then drew a choking breath, using it to begin screaming. Wo de ma! Fong luh girl weren’t helpin’ him concentrate! It was also gorram hard to see through all the water jetting from the sprinklers. Jayne bore down, wouldn’t let these additional distractions affect him. Scanning for the next sign of big trouble, off toward the bay door controller he could see Dr. Pretentious struggling to stand up just as another pirate took dead aim with a mean sumbitch of a repeater rifle, point blank from Simon’s head. One of Vera’s warning lights began blinking, yellow flashes in the rain. ___________________