(All these characters are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy)

All feedback is very welcome, good or bad please tell me what you think, as this is my first Fanfiction.

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Mal remembered hating Simon, hating the way he walked and the way he talked. Had hated him from the very first moment on Serenity's ramp. Thought him a stuck up rich kid who (like so many others of his class) looked down at him.

As that first journey had progressed, he had had Simon pegged first as a fed, then a killer and even a slaver before coming to realise that the Doc was just a good man who would do anything for his sister. But that didn't stop Mal from hating him.

The first time Mal realised he had stopped hating Simon was when he and that gorram crazy sister of his got pinched and the Shepherd shot on that backwater hellhole. All the time they were on the Alliance cruiser Mal had felt very restless and uneasy. He put it down to where they were at the time but the feeling continued as he and Zoe saved Simon and River from being burnt at the stake. It only went away when they were all back on Serenity and the crew was complete once more.

Then when Simon had had to patch him up after the compression coil had broke and he had been shot and almost suffocated, Mal felt a warm feeling spread over him but convinced himself that it was just plain old relief at having cheated death once more.

Mal was finally forced to admit to himself that maybe there was something more going on when Simon was re-attaching his ear after his run in with Niska.

Simon's fingers were warm and steady and every touch sent little waves of an exciting tingly feeling long forgotten down Mal's body. He told himself to stay calm, tried not to think of those fingers touching other, more intimate, places.

After that, Mal spent his time desperately alternating between wanting to hide in his bunk and never look Simon in the eyes again and wanting to confess all to the world, but that was only on the inside. The crew still needed a competent Captain and Mal was eager to not let then know that anything had changed. He even went so far as to sleep with an ex-companion, Nandi, to try and get rid of those creeping emotions inside.

Giving up on that, he led in his bunk and tried to relieve himself of the growing tension in the old fashioned way. He was somewhat thankful that the walls of Serenity were pretty thick so he could at least have some privacy.

There was a knock on Mal's door.

'Tamade! Whada ya want?' he shouted, sitting up on the edge of the bunk.

The hatch swung open and Kaylee climbed down.

'Hey lil' Kaylee! To what do I owe this pleasure?' Mal asked smiling at her, a little distressed to see that she wasn't smiling.

Kaylee looked down at her hands.

'I'm worried 'bout Simon' she said.

Just the mention of his name sent shivers of delight through Mal's body. He got a vivid image of a naked Simon in his bed and had to close his eyes to push away the thought.

'Captain, shenme shi? you look kinda pale' he heard Kaylee say with growing concern in her voice.

'Nothing to worry about, meimei. Everything's shiny. Just tired is all. Now what were you saying? he asked.

'It's just.... he's been spendin' a lot of time with 'Nara lately. It's not that I'm jealous cos 'Nara wouldn't do that but he's actin' almost like he don't wanna look at me. I think I've done somethin' to upset him, make him mad, but I don't know what!' she said.

Kaylee looked so unhappy that Mal just had to stand and envelope her in a warm hug.

'I'm sure you ain't done a thing Kaylee, but he's a Tam. They're not like us, both a little funny in the head.' Mal paused. 'But then, ain't we all?'

'Captain!' Kaylee laughed and elbowed him in the side before relaxing and reverting to her usual sunny disposition. 'I really like him!' she said.

'I know you do, meimei. It'll all turn out shiny in the end' he reassured her gently.

Kaylee knew better than to question her Captain. To her his word was on a par with God and if he said it would turn out shiny then she had no doubts that it was true.

'I love my Captain!' she said standing on tip-toes to kiss his cheek. Then she was scampering away and out of his room.

Mal stood still in the middle of the room even after Kaylee was long gone. Inside his heart was breaking. He felt as if he had already lost the battle before it was waged and that was a feeling he did not like. But who was the boy more likely to choose? A grumpy old man with too many battle scars and no way to show his emotions or lil' Kaylee, with her smile that could light up a whole room. Even a Reaver could figure that one out!

But even so, there was a small glimmer of hope in his heart still. This war had not yet begun, there was still time to draw up plans, discuss strategies and mobilise the troops. He wouldn't go down without a good fight, wouldn't repeat the battle of Serenity. This time he would be victorious!

It was a few days later that Jubal Early, Bounty Hunter, had invaded the Firefly to steal River and had threatened to rape Kaylee, had hit Inara and shot Simon but he didn't get away, Mal saw to that.

Later on Mal stood by the door of the Infirmary as Zoe and Wash (under the Doc's instruction) worked away to get the bullet out of Simon's leg. The Doc passed out a few times but had to admit that they did good work.

It wasn't until Mal went to see how Simon was doing the next morning and found him and Kaylee huddled up together asleep on the operating chair under a worn blanket, Simon's face showing his pain, that Mal knew he had been beat. Had lost the one thing he had wanted for so long. Knew it for sure.

Looking at them sleeping, a sudden realisation came to Mal. If he had succeeded and won Simon's heart then he surely would have broken Kaylee's and that was not something he wanted to do. so he did the only thing he could do in the circumstances, he waved the white flag, effected a strategic retreat. He would never speak of this to anyone, could not, would not be able to bear it.

Mal turned and walked across the Common Room, tears forming in his eyes.

He knew that loving people would always end in pain.

So Mal's heart was once again steeled as he moved past another loss, as he had done so many times before, and got on with his life as he had always done and would always do,

His last thought on the subject, as he kicked open the hatch to his room, was 'It's for the best' and then he climbed down into the darkness and slammed the hatch shut.

THE END