*I am in no way connected to Firefly, I only wish that I was.

Mal was sitting in the kitchen gazing at a quickly cooling cup of tea. No one had been sleeping well since the incident with Early; least of all the captain. Mal wished that he could convince himself that the bounty hunter’s visit was the only thing troubling him but, as always, she was on the edge of his thoughts. Inara. Perhaps he should have followed after she announced that she was leaving, but something in the way she held herself as she walked told him that he would be even less welcome than usual. It didn’t make sense. Mal could think of plenty of reasons why Serenity wasn’t the best place for her but they were all reasons that had never seemed to concern her. She didn’t seem to be worried about her safety or the fact that they weren’t always near core worlds were she would get better business. As far as the captain had been able to tell she’d been happy. Kaylee was as much Inara’s meimei as she was Mal’s. He tried to imagine what Kaylee’s face would be like when she heard the news; it would be devastating to her. He wouldn’t let her do it. He wouldn’t let her hurt Kaylee, not after everything that happened with Early. Mal purposefully rose from the table and headed to Inara’s shuttle.

It was late but Inara couldn’t sleep. She sat in front of her mirror but she was not focused on her reflection. She kept seeing Mal’s face as he left Nandi’s room. He was embarrassed certainly, but he was happy. Inara loved to see him happy, loved his smile. The fact that she so rarely saw it made her love it even more. She couldn’t be angry at Nandi, not only for the simple reason that she was dead but because she had done nothing wrong. Nandi hadn’t known how Inara felt, how could she when Inara worked hard to hide the truth from everyone, herself included. No, she was not angry at Nandi. If anything she was jealous, jealous that Nandi got to feel everything Inara wanted. She was leaving, she knew it was the right thing to do. She was still slightly shocked that she’d been able to tell Mal that she was leaving, look him in the eyes and tell him that one day soon Serenity would no longer be her home. She’d known as soon as she saw him leave Nandi’s room that she couldn’t stay. The rest of the crew didn’t know yet though Inara suspected that River was aware of what was going on. Recently when River would look at her there something in her eyes that Inara could not quite place, it looked like a mixture between sadness and understanding. “You can’t leave, not like this.” Inara jumped slightly, she hadn’t heard him come in. “Mal, it’s late. We can talk about this later.” Inara said, quickly regaining her composure. “I want to talk about it now. Kaylee has been terrified ever since that bastard bounty hunter came aboard, she can’t handle you leaving right now. And I won’t have you hurtin Kaylee.” “You want me to stay for Kaylee?” Inara asked. Mal swore to himself as he sat down on one of the soft plush chairs that were throughout the shuttle. He sat silently for a few minutes trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say. Inara gazed at him, waiting. “I want to understand. Why are you leaving?” “Mal, can we please not do this now. I’ve already told you…” “Gou pi Inara, that’s gou pi and you know it.” Inara sat very still. She could feel a lump forming in her throat. She wasn’t going to cry in front of him, she wouldn’t let herself do it! “Is this because of what happened with me an Nandi? Cause you said you was alright with that.” “Oh for god’s sake Mal! I lied. That’s what we do, we lie to each other all the time. Do you have any idea what it was like to see you with her?” As soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. She was a companion, she was supposed to be able to control her emotions better than this. She lowered her eyes and fixated on an indiscriminant spot of carpet. “You have no idea what it feels like” she said softly. “How can you say that?!? You leave with clients all the time!” Mal yelled as he jumped to his feet. “Mal that’s different” yelled Inara standing to face him. She hated this. How was it he could always make her lose control like this? She could tell that her face was flushed. She opened her mouth to continue but her harsh words were lost as Mal’s mouth descended on her lips. The kiss held a rough urgency that took her breath away. Inara responded without thinking. She was keenly aware of all the places that their bodies were touching. His hands roughly on her arms, her breasts crushed against his chest. All the desires and longing of the past year seemed to be poured into that kiss. Nothing mattered but the feel of his lips. Mal broke the kiss first and Inara quickly glanced down so that she wouldn’t have to look him in the eyes. Mal loosened his grip on her arms but instead of letting her go he wrapped his arms around her in a warm and protective embrace. Inara didn’t struggle, she simply laid her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes as he whispered in her ear. “You say we’re always lying, so why don’t we try bein truthsome for a moment. What do you want Inara?” He loved her. She knew that, had known it for sometime now. She loved him too though she had yet to admit it to anyone. Could she stay? Could she be with him? This was what she wanted. It had somehow happened that the rough man holding her gently in his arms had become not only what she wanted, but what she needed. “You” she said softly “I want you.”

Translations: Gou pi=bullshit Meimei=little sister