Of all the rooms on Serenity, hers was the only one that Mal would do everything he could to avoid. It was rather ironic, back years ago; he would barge into her shuttle headstrong, so confident in himself, all though feeling like a young schoolboy. Now, he did everything he could in order to stay away from it. But today, today was different. The room drew him in with the magnetic grasp that used to lure him in back when he still had his life, his family. Standing at the doorway, Mal told himself every reason why he shouldn’t enter, but the temptation was too great. After sweeping his, long, un-kept hair behind his back and tucking in his dirty, grease-stained shirt, in a futile effort to look dignified and respectable, his hand slowly reached for the hatch.

****** Mal entered Inara’s shuttle. Its lights were dimmed. The candles, lovingly placed around the room, burned. Their fumes hung thickly in the air, making the room seem gloomier that it was. Despite the pleasant fragrances that they let off, they still couldn’t mask the hopelessness contained in the room. Inara lay upon her bed, asleep. Her olive skin was pale and glistening in the candlelight from the sweat upon her brow. Over her stood the doctor, his kit neatly laid out before him. He looked up as he noticed Mal’s presence. “How’s she doing” Mal asked, breaking the silence which seemed to suffocate the room.

Simon took a moment to speak. He opened his mouth a few times, but the words would not come out. It was obvious to Mal that the boy was conflicted over what he was to say.

“Just spit it out.” Mal said with impatience “No matter how bad it is, I need to know. Tell me. Please”

“What am I supposed to say Mal” Simon responded after another moment of deep thought “Her body is shutting down systematically. Probably from some disease that she contracted through one of her clients. If I were guessing, it’s been ravaging her body for years”

Silence passed between the men that seemed to last forever. Neither wanting to state the obvious.

“She’s dying Mal” Simon said finally “I’ve done all I could.”

“Then do more!” said Mal. His voice was cracking but he was trying to disguise it “Try something else! She’s not gonna die! I won’t allow it!”

Sadly Simon shook his head. He packed up his medi-kit and walked towards the door. “I’m sorry, Mal” he said, placing his hand on the Captain’s shoulder. Silently, Simon walked out of the shuttle. Mal knew it was wrong to yell at the kid, he was doing everything in his power to help her, and it just wasn’t enough. Yelling at Simon did nothing but hinder him from doing what he needed to do. As he sat down on the edge of Inara’s bed he realized it wouldn’t change anything. She was dying. Slowly, Mal wiped the sweat away from her sering brow. She truly was the most beautiful woman in the verse; her morbid condition did nothing to change that. He started to stroke her raven black hair. Deep down, he knew he wasn’t ready to let her go.

Inara opened her eyes. She let out a tired smile. Mal tried to smile back, but the tears that had been welling up in his eyes began to fall. Wearily she raised her arm and lightly wiped them away. Mal reached for her hand and squeezed it. The hours passed. Mal continued to stay by her bedside, holding her hand. Even long after it went limp and the life left her body, he stayed, clutching her hand and silently weeping.

******

Mal let go of the hatch. He wasn’t ready to go back there, not again. Slowly he turned around and walked back into the rusted darkness. Some wounds just weren’t meant to be opened.