Disclaimer: As ever, this universre belongs to others, and I have been visiting. Hope to do so again sometime.

This is the final part of this story. Sorry for the length and time taken. Life interferes occasionally. It has been tremendous fun, though. If any or all of it is posted elsewhere, please let me know.

*****

Zoe hit the throttle and the shuttle curved upwards at a reckless angle, barely missing the hilltop. Everyone grabbed whatever they could to keep from falling in the crowded space. Marcus and Frank, kneeling next to Mal, held on to him. Clutching Vera, Jayne made his way to the pilot’s chair.

“I reckon it’s safer for me to get us back to the ship. Go help Mal.” He looked at her with something akin to terror in his eyes.

*****

Wash hurried back up the stairs with a steaming mug. He pushed it into Inara’s cold hands as she listened intently to the voices and sounds coming through the speaker. When she ignored him, he lifted the cup up to her mouth.

“Drink.” He spoke softly.

Inara distractedly sipped the hot tea. She blinked and looked up at him. “Thanks.”

They both turned to the speaker when Jayne shouted at Zoe to go. River unfolded herself from the co-pilot’s chair and walked out without a word. Inara saw Wash was torn between the need to stay on the bridge and wanting to follow her.

“What’s going on?”

“Long story.” He waved in the direction River disappeared. “She’s reason Mal stayed on Harmony and told us to leave. Had it all set up with her and Simon. If she said anything, Simon was supposed to come tell him. And just now, she knew where to find him.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Looks like Mal was right. She is a reader.” He looked past Inara when a light on the console started flashing. “I’m supposed to be keeping an eye on her.”

“I’ll go.” The Companion handed him the mug and left.

*****

Zoe knelt at Mal’s head, fingertips pressing on his neck. “I can’t find a pulse. Is he breathing?”

Marcus, kneeling at the Captain’s right side, pulled open the sodden coat and shirt. He leaned over and gently put his ear on the exposed chest. He seemed to stay there forever. Marcus half straightened, shaking his head once.

“Boy’s so cold and we’re bouncin’ about too much to...” The prone figure at their knees coughed. “Seems he is. Help me turn him over so’s he can get rid of some the water he’s carryin’.”

They quickly removed the Captain’s holster and turned him onto his side. He coughed several more times, producing large amounts of cold water each time. Zoe cradled his head on her knee with both hands.

“Mal, can you hear me?” She bushed wet hair back from his face as the coughing subsided and his breathing came a little easier. “Mal? Come on, open your eyes.”

“Need to get him out of these wet things and get him warm.” Marcus began to peel off the Captain’s wet coat and shirt. He stopped and carefully felt his left side. “Feels like some broke ribs.”

*****

The storm suddenly closed on the house. Mal frowned. That was too fast. Thunder rolled in hard on the heels of each lightening strike. It felt more ominous than it should have been. Someone behind him screamed. As he turned, day became night, black and cold. The house was gone and he was standing on hard, uneven ground.

The darkness was split by the flash of exploding bombs, each one closer than the last. The smells of home were replaced by scorched earth and burning human flesh. Explosions and screams of the wounded and dying filled his ears.

He was back in that God-forsaken valley. No one got out of there alive and whole. And, now, he was there again.

*****

River sat on the stairs. Inara hit the com button next to the shuttle hatch. “Wash?”

“Hold on.” She heard a click. “Zoe? Where are you guys?”

Jayne’s voice growled over the speaker. “She’s busy. We’ll be there in three.”

“Uh, how’s Mal?” Inara could hear the hesitation in Wash’s voice.

“Pukin’ up water all over the floor.” They heard Zoe’s voice in the background. “Yeah, okay. Wash, get the stretcher.”

*****

“Can’t come back. Something missing.” River looked directly into Inara’s eyes as they heard the shuttle docking on the other side of the hatch. “Lost there.”

Inara frowned. “Where, River? What do you mean?”

“The Valley. No one got out alive.” Her eyes were mournful. But, when the hatch opened, she suddenly smiled as if nothing were wrong. “Home.”

*****

Simon glanced up as Wash rushed into the infirmary and grabbed the stretcher. “They’re here. Can you come?”

“Uh, I’m going to be busy for a little while.” The Doctor focused on Willem’s open chest. Book was looking a little uncomfortable as concentrated on the instrument he was holding in the wound. Suze Reston lay sleeping on the fold down bed, her husband standing at her feet, watching the surgery.

“What do we do? Where do we put him?”

“Check for injuries. He needs to be warmed carefully.” Simon nodded toward the door where Wash stood. “Put him out there for now. I’ll look at him as soon as I’ve closed.”

Wash disappeared with a nod.

*****

“He has a concussion. Don’t worry, there’s no fracture. I don’t think I need to do anything with the ribs. They’re going to be sore for a while.” Simon had slowly worked his way up and down the Captain’s body, grimacing more than once. “He’s bruised from head to toe, but nothing serious. I’ll stitch up this knife wound when I’m finished with the Restons.”

When he straightened, the Doctor found himself looking into Zoe’s dark, slightly suspicious eyes. “Honest, nothing looks serious. Besides the concussion and broken ribs, he’s suffering from exhaustion and hypothermia. His body temperature is almost back to normal. He lost a little blood, but pressure and heart rate are good. The medication I just gave him will help clear his lungs. It’s good that Mal’s asleep. Just keep him on his side for now while in case he brings up any more water. He’ll be fine.”

Zoe’s jaw tightened for a moment then she nodded, relaxing. “Thanks, Doc. Go look after the Reston’s. I’ll watch him ‘til you’re done.”

*****

“All the children snug in their beds for the night?” Wash watched his wife climb the last few steps to the bridge. “Mal awake yet?”

“Yeah. No.”

“Ready for bed?” The Pilot was hopeful. The last ten days had been brutal for them all, but he knew Zoe had gotten little rest. He watched her quietly twist her insides into knots with worry. Now he just wanted to wrap her in his arms and rock her to sleep. But, not yet. She would tell him when it was time.

She kissed the top of his head. “Soon. I think I’ll go sit with Mal for a while. Book may want a break.”

He grabbed her hand. “Don’t stay up too late. Okay?”

“Now, what did I ever do to deserve such an understanding man?” She smiled at his reflection in the windshield.

He kissed the palm of her hand. “Oh, just live, breath, walk, talk.”

“Love you, Husband.” With that, she disappeared.

*****

“You know, you two can get some sleep.” Simon flipped his stethoscope over his neck. He carefully opened each of Mal’s eyes and flicked a small light across them. “He’s going to be fine.”

Book smiled slowly. “That’s okay, son. I’m not ready for bed yet. He may be a tad disoriented when he wakes up. After all, the last time he was conscious, he was falling off a cliff.”

“I think I’ll keep the Shepherd company for a while.” Zoe’s eyes did not leave the Doctor’s hands as they moved skillfully checked the knife wound and broken ribs.

Simon straightened and turned to them. “I’m going to look in on the others and then go to bed. I’ll check him again in a few hours, but if anything happens, call me.”

Zoe touched his arm as he stepped past her. Her voice was barely audible. “Sheh-sheh.”

*****

Late the next afternoon, River and Kaylee sat on chairs pulled into the Preacher’s room and talked in subdued tones. He had insisted they put Mal in his quarters. It was near the infirmary and it would have been too risky and difficult to get him into his own bed. He was sleeping deeply and quietly, the only movement was the rise and fall of his chest. More than once, Kaylee crept over to make sure he was still breathing.

She sat down after checking him the third time and watched River study Mal for a minute. “It’s funny. When you and Simon first came on board Serenity and I was in the infirmary ‘cause that Fed shot me, Mal was watchin’ you just like you’re watching him now. I woke up and he was just standing there, lookin’ at you.”

“I don’t remember.” River frowned and stared at the sleeping Captain.

Kaylee grinned happily. “You was asleep. It was right after you got outta stasis. Anyway, he was just watchin’ you, real thoughtful like. I knew right then, that you’d be stayin’ with us.”

“’Cause he looks after everyone?” A small, knowing smile appeared the girl’s face.

“Yeah, he’s good at that. Making sure we’re all okay. I think it’s ‘cause his family’s all gone. We’re like his family now. He’s like a big brother.”

“Or a Daddy.” River added.

*****

Zoe, Wash, Book and Inara sat around the kitchen table with Marcus, Carl and Henry. They had left Harmony behind for the last time and were heading for the fueling station. Pots of tea and coffee sat around the table with cups in various states of emptiness.

“Katie and me wish you folk would visit more often.” Marcus reached for the coffee pot.

Zoe laughed. “You might not say that if you knew us better.”

“I don’t understand why you’d take such a liking to this bunch.” Wash mocked good-naturedly. He was visibly happy when he watched his wife. They were all finally able to relax, and it showed.

“Well, I’ll tell you. My brother met Mal and Zoe in the war.”

“Really?” Wash raised his eyebrows in surprise. “When?”

“Aw, it’s a long, sad tale.”

“Come on, we’d like to know.” Wash looked around the table to encourage agreement.

The big man drew a deep breath. “Okay. Time you knew, anyways. Hans was the baby of the family. He was conscripted by the Alliance early on. Got bad wounded on some rock that meant nothin’ to no one ‘cept them that lived there. Alliance deemed the locals to be Independents cause they weren’t overjoyed they was there.”

“I’m not really following you.”

The conversation paused as Jayne and Frank came in through the hatch leading to the cargo bay and sat down. A moment later, the Doctor appeared from the other direction. When Zoe raised her eyebrows at him, he held up one hand.

“Kaylee and River are with Mal. They have strict instructions to let us know if he wakes up. He’s fine.”

They all turned back to Marcus.

“Well, turns out Mr. Reynolds was a sergeant in charge of a small Independent unit causing mayhem for the Alliance. They were good at hit and run tactics, would keep nippin’ at the Alliance, pullin’ troops this way and that tryin’ to catch ‘em.”

Zoe slowly nodded, but said nothing.

“After a particularly nasty skirmish, my brother and a couple others in his unit were pretty much left for dead by their own troops. Some of the Independents wanted to finish ‘em off, but Mal wouldn’t hear of it. Ordered the wounded be tended to. When the Alliance made a counterattack, Mal withdrew his men and left Hans and his comrades for them to find.

Zoe bowed her head in thought then the light went on. “Caravelle. We barely made it out of there. How is he? How did you know it was us?”

Marcus smiled sadly. “Well, his injuries were serious. They patched him up as best they could and sent him home. Because Mal stepped in, we were blessed with his presence for almost a year. Knowin’ it was you was easy. Hans said everyone was dirty and bloodied, but he remembered a coupla things. Said this sergeant was kind of a big fella. Well, there’s lots of them about. But, he had a curious, crooked smile and a real easy manner, too. Didn’t seem in no rush or concerned, but Hans said you could tell he was watchin’ and knew what was goin’ on.

“And, there was this woman that appeared from nowhere to warn them of the counterattack. Said she was quiet as a ghost, didn’t say a word. She just came out of the smoke, cocked her head the way she’d come. The Sergeant didn’t hesitate. He directed his squad without a word, watched them leave, turned back to Hans, smiled and then disappeared himself. Described you real good. It was easy to know it was you two.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well, you could’ve knocked me over with a feather first time y’all took the job to haul my cargo to Boros. When Mal shook my hand, smiled, and I saw you, I couldn’t believe it. Just didn’t know what to say at the time. Didn’t seem right to tell y’all what happened to the man you saved.”

“I kinda wish you’d said something, Marcus.” Zoe smiled at him. ”I’m sorry.”

“No need to be.” Marcus sighed and reached over and put his hand on Carl’s shoulder. He looked at the Companion kindly “What happened down there? If you and Inara don’t mind talkin’ about it.”

Everyone around the table looked up in anticipation.

Carl glanced at her and she nodded for him to start. He let out a deep breath. “I’m gonna try to keep this short. We spent a lot of time just waitin’ around or runnin’. Well, you know where it started. Inara and the kids went back into town and we knew the Restons were there, too.” He paused. “What I want to know is how Mal knew them devils were comin’? And, that we didn’t have time to get back to landin’?”

“Science fiction.” Wash spoke first. He cringed at Inara’s glare. “Long story.”

“Anyway, we hightailed it into the hills, picking up some food and warm things while we fetched the Restons.” He shook his head. “I hate to think what mighta happened to those folk. Mal stayed down low to watch what the Reavers were up to while we went on to the cave. We sat up there for a coupla days. He came up to check on us one night and tell us it seemed like the Reavers were trying to get their ship fixed and get gone. Then he went back.

“We’re patient folk, but I tell ya, it was right hard to sit there and do nothin’. Specially not knowin’ what was happenin’ in town.” Carl’s expression was grim.

“Did ya see anything of old Seth?” Frank leaned forward to ask.

Carl rubbed one cheek with a calloused hand and let out a long breath. “Mal said he saw someone getting’ chased down and killed on the first mornin’. Guay! Musta been that poor old bastard. Well, the third mornin’, wasn’t it the third? It’s all a blur now. That mornin’, we see the ship fly over. Mal appears with a load of wood. He said the town was gone so it weren’t no use going down there. I reckon he just didn’t want us to see what happened there.”

He was obviously distressed, but pressed on. “Phil started a nice little fire in the cave while Willem and I went down for more wood. We thought we were safe. Weren’t no reason not to. We never thought they’d come back.”

Inara took up the narrative on Carl’s nod. “Mal just went in the cave to sleep. I don’t think he’d closed his eyes since Serenity left. About two hours later, he suddenly woke up and ran outside. He told Phil to put the fire out, but it was too late. A second or two later, the ship passed right over us. There was enough smoke from the fire for them to know we were there.”

“Yeah, Willem and me saw the smoke from way down the hill. Weren’t a lot, but it was enough. I’m grateful we didn’t all head to town. Woulda been hard for the women to run up that hill like Willem and me did. Specially with the child.” Carl shook his head slowly. “Damn near killed me.”

“Mal told us to try to get to the other side of the river as quickly as possible. He said he would send Carl and Willem on.” Inara added.

“Yeah, when we saw him, he climbed up the rock and took a quick look at the ship. Seems it was damaged real bad. He reckoned there was about twenty five of ‘em still alive and headed our way. Said to catch up to the others and get to the river. We tried to get him to come, but he wanted to try to pick a few off and slow ‘em down for us.”

“Yúchûn.” Jayne set his mug on the table with a thud, looking between Carl and Inara. A couple of the others matched his disbelief.

Carl looked at Zoe and slowly shook his head. “He’s good. By the time we saw him again the next day he’d killed thirteen of ‘em. Then, he found us in that maze of canyons. Some of ‘em were blocked by slides, includin’ the one I told Mal we were headed for. I wouldn’t ‘a give him any chance at all.”

“Wu de ma.” The Shepherd stared into his mug.

“Then he found us and killed three more. One of them had a knife at my throat. Mal just grabbed his head with both hands and broke his neck. I heard it.” Inara shuddered. She looked directly at Zoe. There was a tightness in her voice that no one there had heard before. “Zoe, when you came back with him in the shuttle yesterday, River said something strange. She said he can’t come back, no one can. He’s lost there. When I asked her where she said the valley. She said no one got out alive. What did River mean?”

Zoe hesitated and looked around, trying to find a way to say nothing. But, she saw the determination in the Companion’s eyes. After a long silence, she made the decision to break the silence that had lasted for years. “He went down into Serenity Valley after the bombing.”

Everyone had heard about that night and reacted. Henry closed his eyes and groaned softly. “Oh, God, you were there?”

“Yeah. Alliance didn’t occupy the valley for two days. Just too hot. They’d bombed it to hell twice over, including a lot of their own troops. Don’t think they wanted any witnesses.” Her eyes glazed over with a faraway look. “We were stationed up on the northern ridge. Front row seat. After they finished, and it took hours, Mal wanted to look for survivors. He wouldn’t let me go with him. Ordered me to wait up on the ridge and he’d send any he found my way. We had a lot of men down there. He found only a handful alive, and they were barely functioning by then. Shell shock, the smell and noise of the bombing and dead and dying, was too much for ‘em.”

Zoe stopped, long suppressed images flooding in. The others around the table waited silently for her to continue. She blinked back to the present, the pain of those memories etched on her face.

“When Mal came back the next night, he gave me a handful of Ident tags and other personal effects. Just a handful of bits and pieces. Out of all those men. Said it was all he could find. We buried the stuff deep as we could to keep it out of Alliance hands. After that, he didn’t say much at all for a while.”

Marcus leaned across the table to take Zoe’s hand. He spoke softly. “What happened to the survivors?”

“Couple of ‘em killed themselves in the first twenty-four hours. One or two more died of wounds. Others just wandered off. Never saw ‘em again. Don’t know what happened to ‘em.” She stopped again.

Everyone around the table waited, unable to say anything. The Shepherd finally broke the silence. “He’s never spoken about it?”

“Won’t. I asked twice. The first time was the night he came back after we buried the Idents. He looked straight through me like I wasn’t even there. The second time was a few months later. He just shut me out. Never tried again.” Releasing Marcus’ hand, Zoe stood. She took a deep breath and looked straight into Inara’s eyes. “She’s right. All of our troops, folk we’d known and fought with for days, months, years were gone. No one was left. At least, none that was anywhere near human anymore. No one got out of that valley alive.”

Wash also rose, and caught her hand. “Except you.”

Zoe gave him a slight smile and squeezed his hand. “Except me. But, I didn’t go down into the valley that night.”

*****

Their friendship and mutual respect had grown since he had come onboard Serenity. They sat in comfortable silence for more than an hour. Both were used to long periods of meditation and silence, so it wasn’t difficult. The ship was quiet. Everyone else was in their bunks. He finally stirred.

“It’s very late. You should go get some sleep.” The Preacher reached over and patted Inara’s hand.

She shook her head, glanced at him then turned back to the still sleeping Captain. “No, I don’t think I could right now. Simon gave me something last night that made me sleep for twelve hours. What about you?”

“Folk my age don’t need much sleep.” He smiled at her then raised his eyebrows. “Would you like some tea?”

“Yes, please.” The Companion nodded. She started to stand. “Let me make it.”

“No, no, you stay here. I need to stretch my legs anyway. Another side effect of age.” He left her with Mal. Realizing she would probably appreciate some time alone, too, he detoured to the bridge first. He needed a few minutes himself to digest what he heard that afternoon.

Inara knelt beside the bed and touched Mal’s face. The bruise on his temple was dark in the dim light. The beard barely hid an abrasion on his cheek, but the strain and exhaustion of the days on Harmony were fading. Movement in the doorway startled her.

“Doesn’t want to wake up.”

“River!” Inara jumped at the words. She quickly stood. “What are you doing up at this time of night?”

“Scared. Thinks he failed.” The girl dispassionately studied the sleeping face as she took a few steps into the room.

“What do you mean?” Inara whispered.

Now River turned impenetrable eyes to the Companion. “Thinks you’re dead. Thinks you all died. Just like the valley. Doesn’t want to live that.”

“How do you know?” Inara raised a trembling hand to pull her shawl closer.

“Does it matter?” River turned. As she walked out of the room, she looked back over her shoulder. “Do you care? You want to run away.”

*****

The Preacher was beginning to understand the Captain’s penchant for sitting on the bridge when the rest of the crew was in their bunks. It had taken him a little while to really appreciate the depth to that young man. Concern for his crew was one thing, but there was more than that. The boy was not as ignorant as he projected. He didn’t have much book learning, but he had good intuition and a quick mind. Mal was the first to voice his believe that River was psychic. That was no small thing. Book had barely begun to think in those terms himself.

Sitting on the bridge alone late at night was peaceful. The slow passing of the star field, planets and moons made for excellent meditation. He could sit here for hours and not even notice the passage of time. But not tonight. After a few minutes, he turned and headed for the kitchen.

Simon finished pouring hot water into the teapot as the Preacher entered. “Did he wake up?”

“No, just coming to make some tea. Inara is with him.” Book smiled. “Aren’t you up a little late?”

“I just looked in on Willem and the Restons. I was coming to check on Mal before going to bed.” The Doctor fiddled with the stethoscope draped around his neck, a slight furrow in his brow. “He hasn’t stirred at all?”

“No, something wrong?” Now Book frowned. “You think he should’ve woken up by now, don’t you?”

“I am a little concerned. There doesn’t seem to be any injury that would keep him out this long. I mean, he’s not unconscious or in a coma or anything like that. The concussion isn’t severe. He seems to just be sleeping. But I would have expected him to wake up by now, especially with all the poking and prodding I’ve been doing.”

“Should we wake him up?” Book set the teapot and three mugs on a tray.

“In the morning. If he doesn’t wake by then.”

*****

Mal stood on the ridge for what seemed like an eternity. The sun had risen behind gray skies to reveal the blackened remains of a dead landscape. Everything was gray or black or something in between. Silence pressed in on him. Wisps of smoke and mist hung listlessly in the air. The once beautiful valley was hard to imagine now, like the faces of the dead. Even her face would fade, too. Surprising how fast that happens.

This ridge was familiar to him. He’d been there too often. Mal felt nothing here, no pain, no guilt, no nothing. It was almost a relief. Time passed, or didn’t. There were no surprises here. But, he always watched for signs of life, of himself.

A voice made him turn. Someone was calling him. The mists thickened and obliterated the dead land. The voice continued to call him but he couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Then a small, soft hand slipped into his and he breathed again.

*****

“Mal, wake up. It’s okay.” Inara was kneeling next to him again, one hand holding his to her heart and the other resting on his chest. “We’re all here. You didn’t fail. You can wake up now.”

There was no reaction, so she squeezed his hand and reached up to stroke his cheek. Her voice was low but insistent. “Mal! Open your eyes. We’re all safe. Come on, wake up!”

She was relieved when he took a deep breath. His fingers stretched open then curled around hers again. She felt his breathing quicken a little and heard a low moan. He blinked and tried to focus on her face.

“’Nara?” There was confusion in his eyes.

“I’m here.” She put her hand on his cheek.

His voice was husky. “Yer okay? Not hurt?”

“No, no. I’m fine. We’re all fine.” She smiled at him, trying to stop the tears that stung her eyes.

“Sure?” He studied her closely, eyes stopping on a small cut on her cheek.

She smiled. “This is nothing. I wasn’t hurt. Honest.”

Gotta get up.” Mal’s voice cracked with dryness. He tried to move, but she gently held him down.

“No, don’t move. Do you want some water?” Inara crossed the room to pick up a small carafe and glass from the table in the corner.

He rolled to his side. “Tzao gao!”

“Mal, don’t…” She set down the carafe with a thump and rushed to him.

“I need get up.” He swung his legs off the bed and pushed himself to a sitting position.

She got to him as he started to sway forward. He leaned heavily on her and she could feel he was breathing fast and shaking.

Book and Simon entered the room. The Doctor hurried to the bed when he saw Mal sitting up. Inara kept one arm around his bare shoulders and the other hand on his chest to steady him.

“What are you doing?” Simon demanded as he knelt in front of him.

“He sat up when I went to get some water for him.” She looked from the Doctor to the Preacher with worried eyes. “I was trying to get him to lay down again.”

“No, it’s okay. Let him sit up.” Simon did not take his eyes off Mal’s face. “How do you feel?”

“Dizzy. Everything hurts.” Mal licked dry lips. One hand was clinging to the edge of the bed and the other gripped Inara’s arm for support. “Feel like I got hit by somethin’ very big.”

“Well, you could say that. You fell off a cliff yesterday.” Simon started to examine him. “What you hit was a river, about a hundred feet down.”

“Thought I was dreamin’ that.” Mal winced when the Doctor felt his ribs.

“Good thing that part of the river was deep. You have a concussion, a few broken ribs, a knife wound in your leg and a lot of bruises. Oh, and you almost drowned in an icy cold river.” Simon rocked back on his heels and grinned. “Other than that, you’re fine.”

“Yeah, just dandy.”

Book handed a glass to Mal, who took it with a shaking hand. Simon helped him steady it. After a few mouthfuls, the Captain nodded and looked around at them.

“Better. Thanks.”

“Glad to see you’re awake, son. We were beginning to think you were going to sleep all the way to Fairfield.” Book smiled broadly. He touched Simon’s shoulder. “I’ll let Zoe know he’s awake.”

After the Preacher left, Mal focused on Inara. “Everyone okay?”

Simon answered before she could “Yes. Willem was shot, but he’s going to recover fully. The Restons have minor injuries. They’re going to be fine. Kaylee and River have had fun playing with young Jeff.”

“And Inara?” Mal spoke to Simon while he continued to focus on her face, his hand still gripping her arm.

“A few scrapes and bruises. You won’t be able to see them in a few days.”

I’m fine. Really.” Her eyes filled with tears that didn’t fall. She whispered, “I thought you were dead.”

Simon cleared his throat. “Sorry. Do you think you can stand?”

Mal slowly turned his head back to him. He thought for a moment. “Yeah.”

They heard someone running in the corridor. When Zoe stopped in the doorway, Simon stood and moved away so that she could come closer to the bed.

“Mal?” She looked into his eyes as she approached him. Then she searched the rest of him. It was as if Inara and Simon were not there.

“Hey, Zoe.” He grinned sheepishly at her. “Saved my ass again. I owe you.”

“Like we’re keepin’ count. Glad you’re back in the land of the living.” She grinned then glanced at Simon and raised an eyebrow.

The Doctor nodded. “Everything looks good. He just needs to take it easy until the ribs heal.”

“Hear that? No gunfights, brawls or divin’ off cliffs for at least, what, six weeks?” Zoe chastised her friend.

“Yes, at least six weeks.” Simon agreed with her.

“Thanks.” Mal started to push himself off the bed, but Inara held him back.

Zoe stepped forward and put her hand on Mal’s shoulder. “Whoa! Should you be getting up right now?”

“Need to.” He glanced from Zoe to Inara, then at Simon.

Book entered the room again.

“Simon?” Inara held him firmly.

“Have to.” Mal insisted. “Doctor, I could use your help here.”

Simon moved to take Mal’s arm from Inara. “It’s okay. He should get up for a moment. Why don’t you ladies give us a few minutes. If you wouldn’t mind, I think a little soup would help speed the recovery.”

“Yes, I’m sure the good Doctor and I can take care of him.” Book stepped forward to take the Captain’s other arm.

*****

They busied themselves silently for a few minutes. Inara pulled a bowl from a cupboard and Zoe set a small pan on the hotplate and emptied the contents of a tin can into it. The silence wasn’t comfortable, though. Eventually, Zoe turned to the other woman and cocked her head.

“What?”

Inara knew she was under scrutiny now. “I want to apologize.”

“Why?” Zoe had not expected this. “You didn’t know what was…”

“No, not that. I’m talking about the war. I had no notion of what you went through. No idea.” The Companion held up her hand when Zoe started to speak. “I know I can never really understand, but I think I have some small insight now.”

“You don’t need to understand. Why should you want to?” Zoe’s expression was thoughtful, and a little confused.

“Yes, I do. I need to. It’s important to me. I always…dismissed the war. It was a distant thing that meant little to me, or the society I moved in. That was wrong, because it also dismissed the people that fought and died. Including you and Mal. I’m sorry.”

Zoe opened her mouth then closed it. She frowned at the soup and stirred it. “I don’t know what to say.”

“I have never been so frightened in my life.” Inara spoke softly. “How did you…”

“Get used to it?” Zoe continued to stir the soup. “You don’t want to. You’re afraid of daylight because they can see you. You’re afraid of night in case they sneak up on you in the darkness. You’re scared to sleep in case you snore. Hasn’t made a sound, has he?”

Inara slowly shook her head.

“Oh, Mal can snore as loud as anyone.” Zoe poured the soup into a bowl. “Just not when he’s fighting a war. It’s a state of mind you get into. Part of the fear.”

“He didn’t look or act like he was frightened.”

“Don’t bet on it. He gets as scared as the next person. Early on in the war we knew this guy that kept boasting he wasn’t scared. Mal sat him down hard and said he didn’t want an idiot in the squad.” Zoe laughed derisively. “Some ho-tze de pigu who wasn’t scared was either stupid or intent on dying. Guy like that will get himself and everyone around him dead real fast. Scared is a good thing. It’s how you use it that counts.”

*****

Mal carefully lowered himself into the pilot’s chair and let out a long breath. The only lights were on the console. Alone at last! He was finally able to get away from his “nurses” tonight. One or another of them had shadowed him for the twenty-four hours after he had woken up. Even sweet Kaylee had gotten on his nerves. One or two little dizzy spells and they got all alarmed.

The Doctor gave him a thorough going over this morning. He said the dizziness was just a residual effect and he would be right as rain in a day or two. Except for the ribs, that is. Well, he had no intentions of jumping off another cliff any time soon.

Now he turned to the star field outside, but he wasn’t really seeing it. Serenity was refueled and on her way to Fairfield. The crew and everyone else were safe onboard. Even young Willem was sitting up and eating. All in all, it should be called a good day. Yeah, a good day.

“It’s very late. Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Inara rested her hand on his shoulder.

Reflected in the windshield, she watched him bow his head a fraction and close his eyes. Then, one hand reached up and almost touched hers before it was lowered again. The beard was still growing on his cheeks. Inara knew it was soft because she had felt it the night before. She wanted so much to touch it now. Instead, she withdrew her hand and stepped back a little.

“I’ve slept plenty in the last two days. Just thought I’d do a little thinkin’ and maybe try to find us a payin’ job.” He flipped the switch to turn on the Cortex screen. “And, I haven’t forgotten.”

She had not expected this. “Forgotten?”

“Mind we still have to go to Fairfield and drop these folks off. And, it seems Katie’s threatening to tie herself to the landing gear if we don’t visit for a coupla days.” He turned to her, face carefully composed. “I hope that won’t be too inconvenient for you.”

She hesitated. “No, no. I don’t mind. I have no plans or commitments.”

“Changed your mind about leavin’?” Mal tried to keep his voice neutral.

Inara looked from him to the star field and back. It was a long few seconds before she whispered, “I have to.”

He watched her retreating back. He spoke so softly she didn’t hear him. “Can you?”

Mal turned back to the console and flipped the switch to the Cortex screen again. It blinked into darkness. He stared at the stars for a long time.

*****

Translations:

Sheh-sheh: thank you Guay: hell Yúchûn: stupid Wu de Ma: Mother of God Tzao gao: shit Ho-tze de pigu: monkey’s ass