The Teaser Pony

By Mikelesq

Concept: The crew of Serenity provides passage for horse with an unusual talent, and a woman from Simon’s past.

Rating: R

Feedback: Please. E-mail Mikelesq@aol.com

Spoilers: For all episodes, including the three unaired episodes. Do NOT read if you’re remaining spoiler free until the DVDs. Takes place approximately three weeks after “Objects in Space,” and presumes that “OiS” was the final episode chronologically.

Legal disclaimers: "Firefly” characters and situations are owned by Joss Whedon and the producers of the show. The story is entirely fiction. Distribute if you like.

Part I

“I’m back!” Kaylee shouted, walking up the ramp to Serenity’s cargo bay. “I got some parts, plus some other stuff the local trading post said we can get a good price for as we get closer to the Core. Folks out here ain’t got much to spend on...oh, shiny!”

Kaylee ran to the edge of the makeshift steel pen that Book and Jayne were securing with rope. The horse inside the enclosure took a tentative step toward Kaylee as she approached.

“Ain’t he something,” Kaylee said, propping the box she carried under one arm, and petting the horse under the chin with her now free hand.

“Two-hundred-plus profit makes ol’ Barney as pretty as a geisha in my book,” Jayne replied.

“He certainly has an even temperament,” Book observed.

“He’s just a sweet boy,” Kaylee said. “Ain’t ya, Barney? I’ll bet the lady horses’ll be pleased as all when they get to meet this fella.”

“Well, meeting’s what he’s for,” Jayne said. “Course, his gong jing won’t get the chance to close the deal.”

“What?” Kaylee asked.

“Mal says he’s a teaser pony,” Jayne replied.

“A teaser pony,” Kaylee repeated. “What’s that?”

“You heard of testing the waters?” Jayne asked. “Well, this feller tests the damper regions of fillies who are fixin’ to get their play. You see, horses ain’t like people.”

“That’s usually a correct statement,” Book interjected.

“See, the preacher gets it,” Jayne said. “If a lady horse ain’t willing to lift her tail, you can’t just call her ‘dumpling’ or keep her glass full. Get close when she ain’t agreeable, and she’ll kick behind her with all her might, and a stud ain’t worth a ruttin’ copper if he’s holed up in a stall, nursing a busted eye socket.”

“So where does Barney come in?” Kaylee asked.

“He don’t,” Jayne chuckled.

“A teaser pony prevents the mare from damaging a prize stallion,” Book explained. “The teaser is led out to the pasture. If the mare is violently unwilling, there’s no danger of injuring a horse whose bloodlines make him valuable breeding stock. If the mare presents, the teaser is led away, and the stud is brought in to...ahem...complete God’s procreation plan.”

“Most horses don’t take to a regular mix of face-busting and blue balls,” Jayne said. “They get shy, won’t even leave the stall. But old Barney here just keeps taking the punishment, and that makes him a valuable commodity.”

“So the teaser never gets to have sex?” Kaylee exclaimed. “He just takes a kick or gets hauled back home, all lonesome and disappointed? Oh, poor Barney!”

“It’s nature’s way, Kaylee,” Book replied.

“Tain’t nothing natural about it,” Kaylee said. “Nature’s when two creatures of like disposition get together as they’re inclined. It takes a whole mess of stupid rules and kuang gui ze to come up with such a foolish way of coupling.”

“Ya know, Preacher,” Jayne said. “A thought just came to me. You know how this horse here never gets to dip his wick on account of his job? That’s sorta like your situation. Kinda symbolical, in a way.”

“Jayne,” Book sighed. “Most people would prefer not to be compared to a horse.”

“Alright,” Jayne said. “I won’t mention it again. ‘Course, if it fits, everybody’s gonna be thinking it just the same.”

“So we’re taking him to Xanthus?” Kaylee asked.

“Atreus,” Jayne corrected. “The other horse fell through.”

“That’s close enough,” Kaylee said. “I got a passenger set up for us. She’s headed to Iocasta. She didn’t mind a half day out of the way to Xanthus, and Atreus ain’t no farther than that. I got her to go for ten credits, which even after parts should cover our fuel costs.”

“Provided she don’t eat much,” Jayne said.

“I doubt that’ll be a problem,” Kaylee said. “She’s as skinny as a ji shan.”

Jayne raised an eyebrow, then asked:

“She a woman of some attraction?”

“Jayne,” Kaylee said. “You know the captain’s policy on passengers.”

“A policy I doubt he’s relented from,” Book added. “Given his prior shipboard experience with the fairer sex.”

“Well, at least it’s money,” Jayne said. “We need every credit we can scrape. Heck, don’t even want to think about how tight cash is gonna get if Inara stops renting that shuttle of hers.”

“So Inara still means to leave Serenity?” Book asked.

“Yeah,” Kaylee sighed. “Says she’s moving on as soon as we get close enough to the Core to find another situation.”

“No coin ‘til Mal finds another renter,” Jayne said. “Plus a drop in the eye candy between ports. Don’t sound pleasant. Speaking of coin, any of that junk you picked up worth anything?”

“Well, I got some regulator plugs for the engine,” Kaylee answered, fishing through the box. “And a few bits of jewelry and such that the settlers hocked. Some of it’s alright. Ooh, pretty!”

Kaylee pulled out a small silver handmirror, and squinted at an inscription on the back.

“It says ‘To M, from S’ on it,” Kaylee read. “How sweet.”

“Ain’t worth nothing,” Jayne said. “They’ll have to melt it down. Nobody’s gonna pay what it’s worth with somebody else’s letters on it.”

“Oh, I dunno,” Kaylee said. “You could always just turn the ‘S’ into an ‘8.’ That way, if you know an ‘M’ you want to give it to, you just go in on it with seven other well-wishers.”

Book smiled. “Creative, and sentimental.”

“Well, it only cost us three platinum for the lot,” Kaylee said, tossing the mirror back into the box. “The plugs are worth that, so the rest’s profit.”

“Any of that stuff hot?” Jayne asked.

“Maybe,” Kaylee said.

“Better stow it below, then,” Jayne said, walking over to Kaylee and grabbing the box. “Best put it away before your passenger shows her skinny self.”

Jayne turned and walked toward the stairs leading to the lower decks.

“What about the horse?” Kaylee asked.

“He’s legal,” Jayne called back, as he descended below. “No need to fib to the lady.”

“Legal cargo,” Kaylee said, scratching Barney behind the ears. “Always nice.”

“I’d like to think it’s my influence,” Book replied. “But I’ve got more sense than that.”

“The Captain’s on his way,” Zoe announced from the catwalk above.

“We got a passenger,” Kaylee replied. “She’ll be here at noon, then we can take off.”

“As long as we stay on schedule,” Zoe said, turning and walking back to the bridge.

“I’d best head back to my room,” Book said. “I usually say a series of prayers before we embark on one of the Captain’s...enterprises.”

“Think that helps?” Kaylee asked.

“Well, that depends on one’s point of view,” Book said. “Our propensity for finding trouble does give one pause, but the fact that we generally emerge unscathed might be considered miraculous.”

Book and Kaylee exchanged smiles, then Book turned and walked away. Kaylee gave Barney a final pat on the neck, then turned to head to the engine room.

--------------------------

“Check the mattress, Wally,” Sheriff Stallings ordered, gesturing toward the bed with the barrel of his rifle.

Deputy Morgan holstered his revolver and drew a large knife from the sheath on his belt. He plunged the blade into the mattress and sliced a large gash into the fabric, as a skinny man watched from the corner with his arms folded across his chest.

“Ke pa,” the man grumbled. “I hope you plan on payin’ for that, Frank.”

“That’s Sheriff to you, Tanner,” Stallings growled. “And we’ll see who pays for what when this day’s over.”

“There’s nothing in here,” Wally said, pulling his knife from the mattress.

“Happy?” Tanner asked.

“We’ll find it,” Stallings replied. “Wally, check the pillows.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Tanner protested. “You’ve torn my place apart, and I still got no idea what you’re looking for. Who put the fool idea in your head that I’ve been doing something unlawful?”

“Never mind who told me,” Stallings shot back. “If it’s revenge you’re contemplating, I’d worry more about how you’re gonna get out of this mess if I were you. Start cooperating, and maybe I’ll cut you some slack.”

“You’re outta your cork,” Tanner grumbled. “I still can’t believe that the best this town could do for a sheriff was a guy who couldn’t even cut it as a cattle rancher. Gorram cows had more sense than to pay you mind, then we go and put a star on your shirt.”

Frank Stallings slowly walked toward Tanner, his hands clenched tightly around the rifle in his hands. He glared into Tanner’s eyes, ready to snarl a threat, but then noticed that his final step toward the cowering man had made a hollow thud.

Stallings glanced down, and pounded his heel against the wooden floor. He then shoved Tanner out of the way, and shouted:

“Wally! Get that knife of yours and pull up the boards! This huai dan’s been standing on it the whole time!”

Wally scurried over, dropped to his knees, and worked the knife blade between the floor boards.

“They’re loose,” Wally observed. “There’s something down here.”

“Don’t doubt it,” Stallings said.

Tanner began to tremble, knowing that he only had a moment to act. A straight razor rested next to a water basin on the dresser against the wall. While Stallings and Morgan focused on the hole in the floor, Tanner slowly reached his hand toward the blade.

In an instant, Stalling’s right arm sprang up, and Tanner found himself staring down the barrel of the Sheriff’s rifle.

“Perhaps I should rectify a few misconceptions as to my timber,” Stallings said, his voice even, his eyes focused and narrow. “I’ll admit, I had troublesome spells, tryin’ to keep my herd tended. Truth be told, I don’t know cattle, or much of any other labor. Peacetime soldiers may pick up a trade, but this system wasn’t so peaceable when I wore purple.”

Stallings glanced quickly at Tanner’s trembling fingers as they hovered an inch above the razor.

“Six years,” Stallings continued, returning his sharp gaze to Tanner’s eyes. “I spent six years of war as a front line corporal, sendin’ slower men to shake the hand of God. ‘Course, in time, the ‘verse settled on a flag. Happened to be the flag I’d killed under, which put a swell of youthful pride in my chest. Regrettably, a swell don’t get meat to market. That left me mite turned around for a stretch, but I do believe I’ve now found myself a line of work that suits me just fine. ‘Cause you see, Tanner, you are a slower man, and if you don’t stand down, this day’s your last.”

Tanner’s jaw trembled. Stallings’ did not. Tanner eased his hand away from the razor, then slowly raised both arms in the air.

“We got what we need?” Stallings called back to Morgan.

“Just the packing boxes,” Morgan replied, sniffing the cardboard. “They still got the scent, and that’s enough to put Tanner behind bars ‘til his beard’s grey.”

“Here that?” Stallings asked Tanner. “Now, I’m gonna drag your sorry ass back to town. Then I’m gonna scare me up a posse. If you’ve got half a mind to see daylight sometime before your teeth fall out of your mouth, you’ll make sure I got a place to take that posse direct.”

Tanner sighed, then said:

“I was just holding it for Marsh. He picked it up three days ago.”

“Now, that was an intelligent moment for you,” Stallings said. “Wally, slap a pair of cuffs on this bai lei. After we park him in stir, we’ll be calling on Johnny Marsh.”

---------------------------

Kaylee gave her wrench a final turn, fastening the bolt on the regulator plug. She stopped as she heard footsteps approach.

“We have a passenger?” Simon asked, entering the engine room.

“Yep,” Kaylee said, turning to face Simon as he approached. “Who told ya?”

“No one,” Simon said. “I was standing outside the infirmary, and I could hear your conversation.”

“How long were you listening?”

“Oh, just a minute,” Simon said. “I didn’t want to interrupt while you were talking.”

“Really,” Kaylee said, stepping closer to Simon and cocking her head to one side. “If a girl didn’t know better, she’d think you were waiting for her to be alone.”

Simon smiled. “Well...that is...alone is good. Once we’re off the ground, everyone gets so busy, and, well, it’s nice to have a few moments.”

“More’n a few wouldn’t be so bad, neither,” Kaylee replied. “How’s that leg healing?”

“Oh, that,” Simon said. “It’s better. I know I’ve been a little out of sorts. The pain killers made me babble inanely for a few days.”

“Oh, nobody noticed,” Kaylee said.

“Oh, um, thanks. Well, I’m off the medicine, and I’ve stopped limping, so I’d say I’m back to one hundred percent.”

“Really,” Kaylee said, smirking. “So maybe, if we can put more’n few moments together at some point, we wouldn’t have to worry about that leg of yours being a bother?”

Simon’s face fell, as he wondered if the lingering pain from the gunshot had made him bad company. Then he saw that Kaylee was biting her bottom lip, with a childlike eagerness in her eyes, and he realized that Kaylee was not concerned that his leg would prevent him from making pleasant conversation.

“I’d like that,” Simon said, reaching out to Kaylee, resting a hand gently on her arm, and promising himself that, this time, he would say nothing that would make him sound like a damned fool.

“Course, it may be a bit crowded until we get to Atreus,” Kaylee said. “We got two passengers, with six legs between ‘em. But Barney’s a sweetie, and it’s nice to meet new people. Come to think of it, you and our passenger might have a thing or so to speak on. She’s a doctor.”

“Really?” Simon said, a slight grin crossing his face. “What’s she doing out here?”

“She’s said she’s doing something where doctors head out to the Rim to...I dunno, she said it’s part of her schooling.”

“Oh, yes,” Simon said. “There’s a program that allows doctors to do part of their residency offworld, where people might not have access to medical care. The hospital I worked at sponsored residents to spend a six month rotation on developing planets. I was actually thinking about signing up for the program, before I....”

Simon paused, his face suddenly blank.

“Kaylee,” Simon finally asked. “This doctor, did she say what hospital sponsored her?”

“No,” Kaylee said. “I didn’t catch...oh, God! Simon, you don’t think that she’d know you?”

“It’s unlikely,” Simon assured. “But do you remember her name?”

“Hang on,” Kaylee said. “It’ll come to me. It was something like a tree. No, wait. She was standing by a tree. Her name was like a...it made me think of a mountain, for some reason.”

“Kaylee, this is very important,” Simon said.

“I know, I know....”

Kaylee stared off as Simon focused on her lips, waiting for her to utter a name. Neither of them looked up as Mal walked into the engine room.

“We’re headed out soon,” Mal said. “Kaylee, get the engine prepped for takeoff, and make sure....”

“Brakestone!” Kaylee exclaimed.

“Well, good to know that my orders are getting all the attention I’ve grown accustomed to,” Mal said. “What’s a Brakestone?”

“Amelia Brakestone?” Simon gasped.

“I didn’t catch her first name,” Kaylee admitted.

“What the hell are you two talking about?” Mal asked.

“I got a passenger,” Kaylee explained. “She’s a doctor. I was telling Zoe we have to wait for her, but then Simon thought that maybe she’d know him, and....”

“Money change hands?” Mal asked.

“Used it to buy parts,” Kaylee said.

“Then we keep Simon and River below decks,” Mal said. “Just like we did when Saffron showed up. We strand a passenger after taking payment, she reports us on the Cortex, and then we’ve got the Feds checking our papers and cargo at every port. Not to mention bringing attention to a firefly, which ain’t good for the doctor if the Feds put two and two together. Now, Doctor, Kaylee gave you a name. You think you know this woman?”

Simon swallowed, then turned to Kaylee and asked:

“Blond hair? Long, around her shoulders? Fair skin? Blue eyes? About as tall as Zoe, maybe taller?”

“Sounds like her,” Kaylee said. “She had her hair all up, and she was grubby as hell from working in that dirt floor clinic they got set up here. Hard to know for sure.”

“Doctor, I’ll ask again,” Mal said. “Do you know this woman, or don’t you?”

“Captain, perhaps we should speak alone,” Simon said, his voice low.

“No,” Mal said, his voice anything but low. “Perhaps you should speak right now. I don’t got time for games. Now, for the last time, do you know her?”

Simon’s eyes darted over to Kaylee, then back to Mal.

“We were interns together,” Simon said. “Are you sure you can’t simply explain to her that she should wait for another ship to...?”

“Ships on lawful business come by this rock about once a month,” Mal said. “We say we’ll take her, then we don’t, as I said, that’s a whole mess of trouble for all concerned. Heck, by law, if I’m trading on a rock this far out, I’m supposed to take passengers who make the request even if it’s out of the way. Now, I’ve got valuable cargo, and it’s legal, and I’m in no mood for trouble that I ain’t made for myself. So, we’ll just stow you and your sister away like before, and everything should be alright.”

“We’ll have to be careful,” Simon said. “Any sign that I’ve been on this ship...a piece of clothing, something in the infirmary...she could easily notice....”

“Now, Doctor,” Mal said. “There’s no need to be skittish. You’ve been on the run awhile, so I’d think you’d be accustomed by now to....”

“How well did you know her?” Kaylee interrupted.

Simon didn’t answer.

Mal looked at Kaylee’s expression, then at Simon’s, and he realized that she’d sensed something that he had not.

“Well, Doctor,” Mal said. “Sounds like a fair question. We’re all sticking our necks out, we gotta right to know how far. So, who is this woman to you?”

Simon’s eyes fell to the ground. He then looked up, took a long, deep breath, and said:

“She was my fiance.”

END PART I