If you want us to read the story I am surprised you don't just post it here so we can just read it. Ali D
You can't take the sky from me

Believe me, I tried to post it here but I got an error.

Vanekl-

Well I just finished reading all 120+ pages of your opus. As a quick aside, I think that might have been why you had issues posting here, the site has issues handling longer pieces (i.e. my stuff that's over 20 pages I usually post in two chunks).

Since I don't want to blow it for anyone, my comments will be necessarily vague. First and foremost, I really like the plot and themes you deal with here. So much so, that I was kind of disappointed that you didn't explore them further. I wanted to see more of River/Simon subplot. I also wanted to see more of the Wash/Zoe/Mal subplot developed.

Alex is a fascenating character, but she reads (at least for me) as being throughly unlikable. That's cool if that's your intent, but some how I don't think it is. I want to know more about her and the Protectorate (great name for that character by the way). Also, given the relative risks and results, all the other characters seem to go very easy on her.

Some of your other characterizations seem a bit off. Characters either divulge information to easily or seem over circumspect when approached. Inara and Book in particular read a bit strangely, though I ultimately liked what you did with them.

Your choice and use of music in the piece is brilliant. It almost read as Resvoir Dogs esque for me. It was very effective in either setting or irronically commenting on the mood of each scene.

Lastly, science/sci-fi rules play an interesting part in your piece. Sometimes they seem to be obeyed, sometimes disregarded. At othertimes its somewhat difficult to gage exactly what's happening due to your script format for writing.

In short (too late), I guess I would like to see this piece expanded and broken up into more digestable pieces, just so the reader gets a more fully fushed out view of what's happening.

Due to popular demand, I've reformatted some of the scenes to make them easier to follow.