Isn’t it amazing that a new beginning always means the end of something else? Our ship. No, I have to correct myself: this is the Captain’s ship. It became our home, Wash’s very livelihood and I can sense him everywhere. Together with Kaylee: he made this ship. I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know how I can walk around like nothing happened. That my husband didn’t die at the hands, well maybe not that literally, of the Reavers. Mal said it was quick and painless. I should have, if I only could…

“… Green, Zoe. Are you alright?” I register Jayne asking me something, but my eye catches a leaf swirling into the cargo bay. A leaf? Here? “Wash…” His name escapes my lips. I cannot show Jayne my weakness, but a glimpse of sympathy is mirrored in his eyes.

“You can tell the Captain she’s ready to launch.” Shortly I feel his hand on my arm. For a moment, I wonder who just talked to me, but there is no time for idleness: I have to remain strong.

“Zoe?” Mal’s voice is laden with concern. Pull yourself together girl, you can do this.

“The boards are all green, sir. She's ready to launch.” We both know I mean something else.

“Good. Make sure everything is secure. You think she'll hold together?” No! Yes! For him I have to.

“She's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true.” I fight to keep my voice. The leaf is caught again by the wind and dances playfully. “Likely to be a bumpy ride.” I hear my captain and friend saying, knowing he’ll be always here for me.

“Always is.” I answer, like my love will always be with me.

I am a leaf on the wind… watch how I soar.