White. Black.

Red.

People were screaming. He could hear them through the cotton in his ears.

He could hear them.

He wasn’t dead.

The red haze in front of his eyes started spreading out. The screaming became clearer.

Seemed odd to him that his eyes were open and he couldn’t see.

Someone was holding his face.

River?

The face above him sharpened.

Kaylee.

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Jayne. Say somethin’. Oh my God.”

Jayne blinked. Grunted.

Kaylee pulled his face against her shoulder. He could feel it shakin’. She was cryin’.

He let his head rest there for a minute. Let the blood get out of his ears and his eyes figure out what they was for. Let the feel of his cheek on her neck get in him.

Then he pulled away.

Hurt like hell.

It suddenly occurred to Jayne that he was bleedin’. His leg was bleedin’… dangerous close to little Jayne… and the bed was smokin’.

Gorramit, he’d been shot.

Kaylee took up a bundle of sheets and pressed it against the blood.

Jayne pushed her hand away and lifted the sheet. Looked carefully at the wound. Looked more like it was made by a knife than a gun.

Just a graze, then.

He put the sheet back down. Pressed against it himself and looked past Kaylee ta where River was standing. Her face was in her hands and her shoulders were shaking. The doc was standin’ with her. Mal was standing to the side.

He was still glaring at Jayne with cold eyes.

“It’s okay, mei mei. It’s okay.” The doc was cooin’ at River, strokin’ her hair.

River dropped her hands and looked at Jayne. She had blood on her cheeks. From her hands. Tears everywhere.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. Choked-soundin’.

Jayne looked down at the sheet. The blood had soaked through.

***

She’d tried to explain. Tried while Kaylee brought Jayne back to life.

He was bleeding. She’d made him bleed again. So much blood.

She’d tried to explain that Jayne hadn’t hurt her. That she’d hurt him.

She’d tried to keep everything from coming out sideways.

Simon was trying to understand her. But his eyes were narrow as he touched the side of her face. And he didn’t try to stop Jayne from bleeding.

The Captain wasn’t even listening.

River couldn’t bear to look at Jayne. His eyes were open. But they were closed. Kaylee hovered over him crying. Begging for him to wake up.

River couldn’t decide why she couldn’t look at him. If it was because of his face or the blood or because Kaylee was there instead of her.

She was crying and she didn’t know why and Simon was telling her it was okay when it wasn’t.

She only looked up when she felt his eyes on her.

“I’m sorry.”

He looked away. Her heart wilted.

“She—“ His voice was hoarse. Quiet. “She was havin’ a nightmare. I come in here ‘cause she was screamin’ like a banshee and no one was stoppin’ her.” He looked at Mal. Then at Simon. “Guess you all was at some real exclusive party.”

River could hear Simon grinding his teeth.

Jayne coughed. Winced. Kaylee got up and left the room.

“She wouldn’ wake up. Kept thrashin’ and clawin’. Tore me up real bad. Guess you seen that, though.”

Kaylee came back in. She had a cup, which she gave to Jayne. Jayne took it and held it.

He looked at it. Didn’t drink from it, though.

“She wouldn’ wake up. So…” He looked up. At River. She felt her heart speed up.

He nodded at her cheek.

“So you hit an eighteen year old girl.”

Jayne’s eyes flashed to Simon.

“What was I supposed ta do? She was liable to hurt herself worse with the way she was carryin’ on.”

“Care to explain the other bruises she’s got?” River looked over at the Captain. His voice was like black ice.

“Well, she was thrashin’ around! I had to hold on ta her.”

River looked back at Jayne. His eyes were going between Simon and the Captain.

His voice was gruff. “I did what I thought was right.”

He continued to look between Simon and the Captain. Then his eyes settled on the Captain. The Captain stared hard at him. Jayne stared back.

“Guess I thought wrong.”

He stood up. Kaylee went for him, to push him back on the bed, but he pushed her away. River’s heart was pounding.

“Well I ain’t gonna stay where I ain’t wanted.”

He tore off a piece of the sheet and wrapped it around his leg.

No one else moved.

River felt like she was stuck in mud. Slowly being sucked downward.

He limped toward the door. Looked around at them.

He held River’s eyes for a long time. She couldn’t read them. She felt deaf. Blind.

She wanted to shout to him that he was wanted. That she wanted him.

But she’d lost her voice.

He turned his back to them and limped out the door.