Title: Freedom Author: Ana Sedai Rating: PG Character(s): River Prompt: 049 – First Love Word Count: 572 A/N: 5/100 for Joss100

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The first time River fell in love, she was four years old. She had been in town with Mother and Father and Simon for the first time. They were on the main street, with Simon keeping a tight grip on her smaller hand as they trailed behind their parents. She spent most of the time gaping a bit nervously at all the activity going on around her. It was so much noisier than back home, and from time to time, she felt little tickles in her thoughts that felt strange. It was all starting to get a bit suffocating, and Simon looked a little worried when he saw her face.

“Are you alright, mei-mei?” Even at twelve years old, he took the role of Big Brother very seriously.

She was almost ready to beg to go inside so she wouldn’t feel so closed-in, when she saw it. A small ship was taking off from a nearby dock. It was fairly old, and definitely looked to be in some disrepair. It should have been clunky, but in the air it had a grace to it that was beautiful to watch. She watched as it lifted higher and higher above the noisy crowds and bustling streets. It was flying. It was free. She felt something inside her blossom and grow, but she was too young to understand what it meant. She just knew she felt safer. She rose into the air along with the ship, and for the first time, the barely-whispered voices were quieted. She felt her breathing ease.

At last, the ship disappeared into the clear blue sky, and she looked over to see Simon still giving her that worried look. She smiled at him, the noise and tickling not bothering her as much. “It’s okay, Simon. I feel better now. We should catch up with Mama and Daddy.” Simon gave a start as he realized they’d fallen behind. He tugged on her hand as he hurried down the street. River let him drag her along, but she kept her eyes on the patch of sky where the ship had vanished. How nice it must be to be that ship, to fly into that inky black solitude, into the silence of the stars and the sky.

When she was with Mal, she felt the same as she had when she first saw that ship lift into the air. He gave her the same feeling of wonder, of safety. His presence and calmness had given her the silence she craved. It was the same feeling Serenity herself gave her. Man and ship both protected and freed her. They healed her. She had been trapped for so long.

Now, his silence and steadiness were jumbled in with noise. He felt as trapped as she had been so long ago. He thought he had nothing to give. She could show him he had everything. His prison was his memories, his anger, his confusion. She knew she could free Mal, if he would let her. Why wouldn’t he see that? It hurt that he pushed her away. She had to get through to him, or she couldn’t heal him. He would be imprisoned in his own mind, like she had been, forever.

It would be painful. His scars were buried deep, and fixing them meant tearing them open first. Still, she would not give up. She couldn’t. He was her first love. He was her freedom.