BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

SHINYTALENT

Jayne Goes Home
Monday, November 28, 2005

The Serenity crew find themselves in Jayne's home town. Hopefully it might be a part one, but it's not a polished first draft, I haven't added any mandarine yet- this is just to test the waters, so please send me any ideas/criticisms etc.. thanks! and be gentle this is the first fic I've posted ever!!


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 1999    RATING: 8    SERIES: FIREFLY

Jayne lay in his bunk, glaring at Kaylee knowing that his glare only served to double her meddling. "Come on Jayne, Cap'n says he needs everyone on side for this. This town can be a mite ornery 'bout strangers and if they find they don't meet all of us well we might be lose the job." "Tell Mal I'm sick." Kaylee fixed him her widest shiniest smile and called out for Simon. When the doc walked in he looked warily at Jayne's gun collection. Putting on his best serious-doctor face Simon checked his temperature. "Kaylee would you please go tell the captain that Jayne is indeed ill and unable to join us." "Right you are Simon, and Jayne I'm sorry I thought you were faking." With that little remark Kaylee bounced out of the room.

"Why are you so anxious to avoid this place? It's not another town where you're a folk hero is it?" Simon sat on the chair across from Jayne and stared at him. "Naw. I'm just sick is all." "Jayne, I can go and tell Mal that you have made a miraculous recovery, or you can stop being a pathetic infant and tell me." The options as Jayne could see them were this: Tell the truth and have the whole gorram crew know his past, lie and have the whole gorram crew think they know his past or he could shut his mouth and then the cap'n would find out he was fakin and drag him on this job, by his neck, then the crew would find out everything all on their own. "Look I pulled a job here a few years back and went south, the other guy shot through with everythin and I was left with nothin." "Ok, forget I asked I will tell Mal you're sick- you can keep up this charade as long as you need, but just remember Kaylee will mother you and I won't stop her and if she finds out we've been lying I'll say you threatened me and I won't be the one getting berated."

The crew spen a long day in town getting to know the locals, as policy on some border moons dictated. As it approached duck however Mal sent his crew back to Serenity to start making some supper. He however had some business to set up in the general store, according to Badger the owner of the store would have money for the cargo they carried.

Behind the counter was a red-headed female and she barely looked old enough to be out of school. "Mrs Cobb, hi. I have a package for you from Jayne." "Oh Rose honey, thank-ya. I'm sure one day he'll come visit- he keeps promisin' me and his Pa and Jayne says he misses you so much- he always drops a greeting to you in his letters, and there was that beautiful shawl he sent you last winter." Mal smiled, Jayne had said that shawl was for his sister. "Mrs Cobb-" the red-head Mal now knew as Rose was blushing awful fierce "Just, just give Jayne my warmest regards." She handed the older woman her package and some other purchases. Mrs Cobb wished her a nice evening and left. "Rose is it?" Mal asked approaching the scarlet-faced girl at the counter. "I do believe we have a common aquaintance." "Oh, did Badger give you my order?" Mal winked at the young girl, grinning. "Well yes he did and I have the order at my ship, it's being unloaded as we speak." The young girl broke out into a beaming grin, "You're much prompter than I hoped, this is spectacular news. I will be around first thing to take my order and give you your payment." "Actually I was thinking if you didn't have dinner plans maybe you could have supper with my crew and myself." "Well, I'm not sure, I still have a lot I need to do here." "Please it would be my pleasure and my crew would be very interested in meeting you."

*End Part One*

COMMENTS

Monday, November 28, 2005 4:45 AM

GYPSYLIFE


I think you did a very good job. I can't wait to see who exactly this redhead is and I love the fact that Mal invited her just to find out. My only critisism would be to 'verse up the language some more. Keep it up.

Monday, November 28, 2005 6:54 AM

BELLONA


aaw, jayne's just a mama's boy at heart...sweet

b

Monday, November 28, 2005 7:30 AM

FOREVERSHINY


Oh, please continue. Very nice job with this. :-D

Monday, November 28, 2005 10:32 AM

SAFEAT2ND


Nice job. I like how you kept everything not too wordy. Although, it did seem a bit choppy, like your fingers couldn't keep up with your thoughts. I have that problem too, just proof read to make sure it makes sense.

Still, nice for a first atempt. Keep it coming!

Monday, November 28, 2005 10:35 AM

AMDOBELL


Ah, can't wait for Jayne to find out who's coming to dinner! Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Monday, November 28, 2005 10:11 PM

LUCASHARPER


Really good start. As everyone else said, 'verse it up a bit and you'll be shiny.

And I laughed at this typo: "As it approached duck however Mal sent his crew back to Serenity to start making some supper."

I know it's a mistake but I found it funny.

Luc


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