Our Cuddly Gunshot Wounds
Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Another (slightly longer) Simon/Kaylee rambling, this time from Kaylee's POV. A "sequel" to "Their Bunk."


A/N: Thanks for all the comments, kids. They were much appreciated. Enjoy once more!

Kaywinnit Lee Frye was born in a hospital on Harvest. Not many people would imagine that. People asked where she was born, she’d say Harvest, and they’d all think that meant she was born in a hay barn, wrapped in rutting swaddling clothing or something. For some reason, they didn’t believe that there was an actual sanitary hospital on the entire planet of Harvest.

The planet was pretty small, however, so Kaylee grew up very close to the family that delivered her. Her first boyfriend was actually the son of the doctor who brought her into the world. She didn’t really like him; she just went with him to get close to his father. His father was gorgeous. It didn’t work out with either man, however, and, long story short, she ended up getting grounded for a month.

It wasn’t that she was easy. Far from it. It was just that she learned at an early age that most men were. She never had to wait for a man. When she’d call, they’d come a-running. She didn’t understand why she would have to be ashamed of who she was. People liked her, and she liked people. At the end of the day, everyone went home happy. Who could slight her for that?

When she got on Serenity though, a new relation monopolized her life. She had always loved the machinery in a ship. And Serenity was the pinnacle of machinery. She still remembered the first time she went flying in her. The Captain let her stand on the bridge with him and the pilot as the boat lifted past clouds and other perspiration, into the Black. The life inside Serenity, her heartbeat, was made evident by a melodic humming and vibrations under her feet. At that moment, she knew she had a new love in her life. Sex became less and less important to her until it finally rid itself completely from her mind.

That is, until he came along.

A genius, beautiful, doctor ended up hitching on her ship! And in the grand tradition of irony, he had to be the one who practically ignored every single one of her advances. Many would imagine this to be a problem. To Kaylee, simply a challenge. She could be a predator just as good as any girl. And she could get Simon Tam.

And, of course, she did. Lying on the floor of her bunk, wrapped up in blankets and her new prize, she knew it was worth the wait. Really she had known it the first night they spent together, but it was a recurring thought that never went away. She had done it. She got her man, and how. Another reoccurring thought that originated on their first night was how very, very true it was, what everyone had said about a surgeon’s hands. It felt good.

It wasn’t the sex though. That is, it wasn’t just the sex. Probably about a third of it was sex. The rest was a question mark. She never just laid down with a man and watched him sleep. Come to think of it, she’d never shared a bed with a man that didn’t involve… other fun stuff. She didn’t want to throw the word around. That was the cliché, after all. She promised herself she wouldn’t say that one word, until she was sure. But, true to form, she got greedy. She said it.

Her hands passed over her sleeping beau’s bare chest, and she began to feel light headed again. Her fingers then found themselves tracing circles around a coin-sized scar on the left side of his abdomen. It was still a light pink color, but it was healed. She touched her own stomach, in roughly the same place. Her own scar had been glazed silver for a while now. Aww, she thought. The first day we met. With her fingers on both their bullet holes, she could feel a bit of buzzing going through her arms and into her chest, like a wire touching two circuits. She smiled to think that while other kids were out there getting matching tattoos, she and her Simon were cuddling with their matching gunshot wounds.

She had won. She was happy now. But every now and then, she’d feel lousy. She’d wish she had never won. These moments lasted only split seconds at a time, but they somehow stretched themselves out into hours sometimes. Like now.

He never said it back. She had said it a couple times. She had said it fifty-three times. He never said it back. She felt like a stupid teenage girl, losing sleep over something like that, but the fact remained valid. She’d say those three insignificant words, and he wouldn’t. He’d kiss her, he’d smile, and he’d do other actions while Kaylee kept holding her breath, until the gap of silence was so wide that she knew he wasn’t going to respond. They were insignificant words, though. She had said them a thousand times before, and she’d be the first to admit that never once did she mean it. But it was different this time. That she was sure of. The margin of difference, however, was a gray area.

He didn’t have to say it. She could see his eyes. He couldn’t fake the way he looked at her.

If one thing could be said about Simon, he was polite. That was the look in his eyes. He was humoring her. He was just playing along to her affections just to keep her from crying or from feeling sad. Kaylee felt like the definition of pathetic when she found herself adoring him more for this.

He didn’t adore her, though. That’s why he never said it. He could pretend to, but it wouldn’t change things in the way that counts. Someday he would realize it, too. That matching scars didn’t mean much. He would understand that he was Dr. Simon Tam from Osiris, and that she was Kaywinnit Lee Frye, a mechanic from Harvest. He would understand that he wasn’t really hers after all. Then he’d be gone. He’d find another ship, one with a lower profile than hers, and he’d leave her. He’d say that it would be for safety, but it wouldn’t be. She knew this.

She had won. She should be happy. She had her prize, for the time being, and even that wasn’t too bad. They couldn’t take him from her bunk right now, and that filled Kaylee’s lungs back up with air. She knew he’d be gone soon (he preferred to be up before the other crew members, just to avoid the looks at breakfast), but then he’d be back the next night, and maybe even the night after that. It wasn’t so bad. Sure, he’d leave someday. She knew that one day he would leave her and she’d feel down for a week or a month, but then it would be fine again. She’d be back to her first love, and wouldn’t have to be weighed down with incoherent thoughts about this guy she knows. This one guy who once looked at her and wasn’t thinking about sex. She’d be back to normal. The whole ship would be. And it would just be her and Serenity again. And then she would be happy. She would always be happy. That’s a pleasing scenario, right?

Of course, it is.

She still had her prize, however. He wouldn’t have to say it, because she didn’t need him to. It would just make it easier when he goes.

She smiled at Simon’s sleeping face, lit only barely by some light that managed to sneak its way in. She leaned in on him, kissing him so softly it felt like a graze, as to not waken her sleeping prize. She then found her favorite spot, the crook of his neck, and buried her face there.

But before she could bite her tongue to keep from saying it, those preciously insignificant words escaped from her lips in a breathless whisper to Simon’s ear:

“I love you, Simon Tam.”

Kaylee felt like crying, but she knew that she wouldn’t. She’d go on smiling. Because that’s just what she would have to do.

Then, out of the darkness, another string of soft sounds rushed into Kaylee’s ear.

“Hmm… Uh luvff you too… Kaylee…”

Her eyes shot open, and she stared at Simon, dead asleep, a million light-years away, the vague traces of a smile sprinkled on his lips. She wasn’t sure if she had heard right, if she had interpreted those sounds correctly. But she did.

Huh. Well, how do you like that?


Wednesday, November 30, 2005 1:18 AM


Great effort! Well done!


Wednesday, November 30, 2005 8:10 AM


i had my boxing gloves out...then you made it all shiny again...


Wednesday, November 30, 2005 8:30 AM


So...what are the chances Simon remembers what he mumbled in the morning?

Like others, I was ready to snap, but Simon always pulls out a surprise at the end.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005 11:42 AM


Loved Simon confessing his true feelings while deep asleep. As the words of the Crystal Gale song go, "Dreamers never lie". Let's hope so, Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me

Wednesday, November 30, 2005 1:42 PM


Well done. I like that you write (and well) about their relationship without turning this into Firefly porn:) I enjoyed reading!

Wednesday, November 30, 2005 6:34 PM


"She smiled to think that while other kids were out there getting matching tattoos, she and her Simon were cuddling with their matching gunshot wounds."
-never even realized they had matching bullet wounds--very cute in a firefly-kinda-way

good job!

Thursday, December 1, 2005 1:50 AM


Aww, adorable. Write more

Thursday, December 1, 2005 9:55 AM


I'm with a few of the aformentioned, I was ready to storm off in a huff until that last bit. Keeps us on our toes, writing like that. Awaiting the next.

Sunday, January 29, 2006 9:07 AM


I, too, was ready to be upset until the end....couldn't believe he wouldn't say it back! Glad he did...even if he was asleep.

Friday, June 18, 2010 11:58 PM


Agree with Leiasky, almost wanted to cry before the last part then it was all shiny.


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