Jayne was slow-brained and he knew it. He weren’t stupid, but slow. To compensate he watched. Watched everythin’ and everyone so he’d know what was goin’ on. Give hisself an edge. Watching kept him from gettin’ involved, carin’ for people. Till he came on Serenity and watchin’ them all, Mal, Inara, Wash, Zoë, Kaylee and later Book and River, started to care for some of them.

Person he watched and cared ‘bout most was Kaylee. She kept the engine goin’ in spite of inferior parts, the beatings the ship got. She fixed everythin’ mechanical on board and then moved on to the people. ‘Cause Kaylee didn’t just look to the mechanical heart of the ship, but to the human ones too. If you were hurtin’ there she’d be with her sunshiny smile, carin’ all about you. If you needed someone to talk to, Kaylee would let you talk, much as you want. It was Kaylee who organized birthday and holiday celebrations, Kaylee who painted the common area to brighten it up, Kaylee who believed that everythin’ was shiny and everyone was worth knowin’. She argued sure but never got real angry not like him. Hell she didn’t even like loud voices, flinched every time people yelled when they were arguing.

That’s how he knew Kaylee had to be feelin’ bad still even a couple months later. He knew she weren’t sleepin’ well. He could see the dark circles under her eyes, ‘course she had nightmares, knew that even before she told him.

To see Book and their friends on Haven die, specially the kid she was so fond of had to be hard on her. Then what they did to ‘em, tying the bodies onto Serenity, gave him the willies, knew she’d hated it. Miranda and the battle made things worse she’d had to see what the Reavers had did, fight ‘em. She shouldn’t have t’ fight anyone, not his Kaylee. Havin’ Wash die the way he did affected her too, Kaylee and Wash had been good friends.

She talked ‘bout her problems sometimes when they were fixin’ the engine, told him of the nightmares. He gave her some advice ‘bout how to handle them, stuff that sometimes worked for him. Kaylee had taken the advice he knew cause he watched her as she left her bunk late at night, to go to her hammock in the engine room. What bugged him most ‘bout that was Simon didn’t even check on her, not once!

The next time he found her in the engine room things didn’t go so well. Kaylee was there cryin’ so hard like somethin’ was broke inside her. Deep sobs shakin’ her whole body she sobbed out everything that was disturbin’ her. The bastard had hurt her. Maybe it wasn’t meant, but he’d done it. Hadn’t noticed how upset she was after either.

Till now Jayne hadn’t interfered hopin’ that the doc would wake up and make Kaylee happy. But she wasn’t and he couldn’t stand it no more, he’d threatened Simon with death if he didn’t work out their problems. Ai ya he’d been real tempted just to kill the doc, had his hands round his lily white throat and could’ve just squeezed, but no had to let the hun dan live.

The doc didn’t fight him, didn’t make no attempt to solve his problems with Kaylee, make her happy. He just broke it off. Kaylee was so sad, but her work was improvin’. She seemed to take against him though, Jayne figured the doc might’ve said somethin’ ‘bout him interferin’.

Hurt like hell when Kaylee’s attitude to him didn’t change. She hardly spoke to him at dinner, gave him the smallest portions and such. She was avoidin’ him, ignoring him, wouldn’t even ask him for help no more. He missed her smile, her shiny attitude and was goin’ crazy with cravin’ for her just to talk to him, touch him.

That’s how come he didn’t react proper when Kaylee hurt herself in the engine room. He’d been so angry that he could hardly contain it, she’d broke her ribs could’ve been killed just ‘cause of him. He yelled at her, he never yelled at Kaylee. The doc came in makin’ smart comments, sneerin’ at him, makin’ Kaylee feel bad. Before he knew it Jayne had his knife out and would’ve killed the wang ba dan then and there if Kaylee hadn’t called his name.

Knew then it’d be best if he left the boat. One day Simon would look at him sideways and boom the ching-wah tsao duh liou would be dead. No-one would like that.

He weren’t sure how much more ignorin’ he could take. Knew Kaylee would likely never be his, but he’d counted on at least stayin’ friends. He figured that since probably he was goin’ to hell anyway, didn’t need to do it twice. Maybe if he left, he could go back to bein’ the uncarin’, lots less troubled merc he used to be. If he was gone Kaylee might go back to bein’ the shiny, carin’ girl they all needed.

If he was leavin’ he was goin’ to do things right, talk to everyone, leave with his conscience clear.

River had been good to him these last couple of months. He knew she had a crush on him, had no choice really, he was the only available fella ‘n’ she was eighteen. Back before Serenity and Kaylee he might’ve taken advantage of that. Now, huh, he’d developed a gorram conscience. He made sure that Inara would keep helpin’ the girl with stoppin’ the voices in her head.

The companion had been more’n ready to help them, looking up things on the Cortex, teaching River to control her thoughts. And now here she was treatin’ him like a friend, giving him a hug. It made him feel all strange like.

The Captain surprised the hell outta him too arguin’ at him to stay and makin’ him promise to check in from time to time.

Talked to Zoe, still grievin’ all she’d been doin’ was goin’ through the motions of life. But now he had to wake her up. Make sure she was there to watch Mal’s back, be the voice of reason again.

When he got to the cargo bay River flung her arms round Jayne’s neck crying her eyes out. He gently prised her arms away pushing her at the Captain. Simon was standing against the wall near the exit, probably checkin’ to make sure he left. Inara was glaring at Simon from the catwalk and lookin’ all teary eyed.

Jayne picked up his bag and looked round, Kaylee weren’t there. He’d told her he was leavin’ and she hadn’t said or done anythin’. Guess she weren’t comin’. He shrugged and turning walked away, never lookin’ back. Couldn’t look back, cause if he did he’d want to stay.

As he kept walkin’ head down, mind carefully blank he heard footsteps comin’ from behind him and hid behind a rock waitin’ gun drawn.

Comin’ toward him were the last person he had expected to see. Pretty hair all messy, face stained with tears, it was Kaylee.