I've written this so many times I'm giving up & just posting it. My first attempt at NC-17 please give me feedback?

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Kaylee’s heart plummeted to her stomach and she thought she might throw up when Jayne told her he was leavin’.

Leavin’? She stood there saying nothing stunned, not believin’ it and before she could stop him he turned on his heel and left.

She’d hurt him again. Was Jayne leavin’ Serenity ‘cause of her? ‘Cause she’d been so mean to him? He wouldn’t leave, not really. The Captain wouldn’t let him leave, would he? They needed him, she needed him. If he did leave what would she do?

How come things had changed so much? So quick?

After the battle even though everyone was so sad, losing their friends, she had felt the beginnings of happiness.

Finally she and Simon were together. His words before the battle, his actions durin’ made her glad she’d waited for him. Their first few weeks together were magic for her. But she started to notice things.

Her nightmares, he didn’t like her nightmares, it made him uncomfortable her screaming every night. She had to listen to him obsess ‘bout Rivers’ health, her behaviour on Miranda and at the battle. He was specially concerned ‘bout Jayne and River. Kaylee had tried to tell him that Jayne would treat River right, wouldn’t hurt her. But Simon weren’t interested in her opinion, didn’t respect her.

‘Nother thing Simon didn’t really like was cuddlin’, touchin’ in public. Most times he had to be forced just to hold her hand. As if everyone didn’t already know what they was doin’!

Simon didn’t like her makin’ noise when they had sex, she always thought that added to the pleasure. He got embarrassed when she asked for positions and acts she liked. Weren’t dirty or nothin’ just things she enjoyed, that were stimulatin’. His reaction made her feel sort of shamed so she stopped askin’ after a while. Just did what he wanted. That sure wasn’t like her.

Everythin’ was confusin’ her; she needed someone to talk to.

She couldn’t really talk to the captain he got all weird when she talked ‘bout sex. She didn’t really know what to say to Inara who was so knowin’ ‘bout men, made Kaylee feel sort of silly sometimes. Zoë wasn’t really with them, missing Wash so much. River was River. So she did what she often did when she was disturbed or worried, Kaylee went ‘n’ got Jayne to help her with the engine.

She didn’t always tell him her problems of course, but just havin’ him there calmed her down, made her easier. The man could be mean sometimes, selfish and so difficult but he could also be steady, strong company. Workin’ together to fix the engine shoulder to shoulder, thighs brushing, his big body was solid and sort of comfortin’. No chance the horrors in her mind came when he was there, Jayne’s personality, even when he was quiet took over the whole room.

That‘s why one time when he was helpin’ her she told him ‘bout the nightmares. How she woke up every night sweatin’ and cryin’, not screaming any more cause Simon really didn’t like the screaming. How she couldn’t get back to sleep after and was so tired that her work on Serenity was sufferin’. Jayne’s advice was simple and practical. Instead of lyin’ there stewin’ get up do somethin’ that made her feel calm. Next night she tried it, woke up like usual a pool of sweat, cryin’ and gaspin’. She got straight up went to the engine room and read a book in her hammock for hours till she fell asleep.

The times in her hammock bought some peace and she was feelin’ less tired. She still dreamt there sometimes but the dreams weren’t nightmares, they was different. First the dreams made her feel comfortable and safe like someone was lookin’ after her. Later they got sexy, real sexy. A couple of times lately she’d woken up a different sort of sweaty.

The man in her dreams weren’t Simon, not even a dream Simon. The man was big, hard, strong, sexy…it was Jayne.

Jayne. How could that be? She were more confused than ever. They’d always been friends, talkin’, teasin’, jokin’ together, playin’ hoopball, workin’ with each other. Cause the man was seriously sexy and she’d had thoughts, who wouldn’t? But she’d never really gone further than that. Besides she was still with Simon.

Though if she had to be truthful, Kaylee didn’t know how much longer that was goin’ to last.

She was tryin’ to solve their problems. But Simon wouldn’t talk to her, not about serious things. She wasn’t even enjoyin’ the sex no more. The last time he’d come to her bed he’d not bothered with much foreplay and she hadn’t been ready for him at all. Not that he’d asked if she were. It had hurt, been painful. For the first time in her life sex had hurt and she weren’t prepared for it.

What really injured her though was the fact that Simon didn’t notice that anythin’ was wrong. She felt so bad, still hurtin’ inside when Jayne found her cryin’ in the engine room that she never even thought, just told him everythin’ ‘bout her problems with Simon. Jayne had been good to her, lookin’ after her till she was calm, listenin’ to her. But when he was gone she already regretted tellin’ him all those things. Wondered what he might think of her.

One thing was clear to her; she must break up with Simon. She needed the power of that. But he had gotten there first. Came to her and said all the proper things. That it weren’t working out, that they could still be friends.

He hadn’t seemed too sorry to be doin’ it either and that cut. But he totally bewildered her by telling her that Jayne had been workin’ against them all the time, repeatin’ her comments to Simon, causin’ trouble. Tryin’ to break them up out of meaness.

Why’d she believe him?

Kaylee didn’t know, but she had. Started treatin’ Jayne so bad, was so mean to him. Knew he was hurt by her attitude and tried to stop. But she kept remembering all the embarassin’ stuff she’d told him. So she kept avoidin’ him, ignorin’ him ….. missin’ him, wantin’ him.

Still confused she hadn’t wanted to ask his help in the engine room, but didn’t ask anyone else either. Being too occupied with her thoughts she disconnected the wrong line to the coil compressor and wound up thrown halfway across the room flat on her back with her ribs broke.

Jayne had been so angry with her, yelled at her, he never yelled at her. Simon had come in, been nasty to Jayne who so quickly had his knife in his hand that she thought she was goin’ to see a killing right there. She gasped Jayne’s name just as River came in and the man handed her his knife just like that. Like he trusted her, him who didn’t trust anyone.

That was what worried her most, Jayne and River. They were always together; they’d even gone out and got drunk. They still argued, sure, Jayne couldn’t not argue, but it weren’t the same as before. She’d actually seen River restin’ her head on Jayne’s shoulder ‘n he hadn’t moved away. Kaylee was so jealous she could taste it. Fancy that.

When he left would Jayne take her? Was River goin’ with him?

Wu de tyen ah he wouldn’t take her, Kaylee liked River, she did, but Jayne was hers and she’d hurt him for the last time. It was time to stop actin’ like a wimp and go get him. She rushed down to his bunk but he was already gone. The place was cold, the gun racks empty she turned and ran down to the cargo bay.

Captain was there with his arms round River, she hadn’t gone with Jayne. Simon was there avoidin’ her eyes, Inara and Zoë in the background.

“I’m goin’ after Jayne Captain” she announced “Can ya wait for us?”

“Got all the time in the ‘verse Kaylee” he answered “You both coming back?”

“Ya can bet on it Captain” she said running down the ramp to follow in Jayne’s footsteps.

Truth was Kaylee reflected she wasn’t so sure that Jayne would come back with her. Didn’t really know how he felt ‘bout her. She might’ve got all sweet on him, but her behaviour could’ve made him sick of her. Maybe he wouldn’t even want to be friends. Deep in thought as she followed his footprints she was scared silly when Jayne stepped out suddenly from behind a rock.

“Kaylee, somethin’ wrong on the boat?” he asked

“No.” She hesitated “Yes. You’re not there.”

When he didn’t say anythin’, blue eyes showin’ nothin’ she rushed on “I’m sorry Jayne. I’ve been actin’ stupid, was all confused believed what Simon said ‘bout you. I was shamed ‘bout the things I told you.”

“Kaylee” Jayne interrupted her.

He was goin’ to tell her that he weren’t comin’ back, that he was mad at her and didn’t forgive her.

“Just touch me.” His voice was harsh with need.

She didn’t need to be asked twice flinging herself onto his chest and kissin’ him all over his face, then kissed and licked her way down his throat closing her lips over the pulse there and sucked hungrily. She slid her hands under his shirt touching his skin. Feeling the muscles tense as he pulled her even closer one hand tilting her chin surprising her by kissin’ her on the lips.

He was so hungry for her Jayne’s tongue tangled with hers as he tugged at the zip on Kaylee’s overalls. She tore at his shirt, her fingers fumbling with his belt and zipper she heard something rip and they were on the ground somehow all their clothes, shoes gone, lying together skin to skin.

Kaylee ran her hands over his chest lingering to rub over the hard nipples she found there, getting’ distracted by Jayne’s big hands which were touchin’ her all over. His calloused fingers brushed through her pubic curls running lightly, hotly over her nether lips but never entering her. The sensual touching was meltin’ her, frustratin’ her, she wanted more.

“Ja-yne” her breath hitched as his fingers continued to massage her. He looked up, his eyes so hot they melted her, but there was somethin’ there, a question maybe? She realised with a rush of surprised tenderness that he was waitin’ for her to say she was ready for him. She hid her face in his neck ‘bout to tell him, but impatient as always he beat her to it. “Ready for me Kaylee?” his voice was hoarse.

“More ‘n’ ready” her voice quavered with sexual tension as he gave her that teasin’ grin she’d been missin’, lowered his head and licked along where his fingers had been stroking her.

Kaylee’s legs fell upon automatically and Jayne’s lips and tongue were there hot and moist. One hand was still massagin’ her curls and the skin underneath while the other spread beneath her bottom angling her even closer to his mouth. She wrapped her legs round his neck, hands grasping his hair as he licked and sucked in a rhythm like to drive her mad. Hearing her moans and feelin’ her tightening around his face, Jayne’s finger and tongue met, touching her clit, rubbing and licking till her back arched and she screamed in release body goin’ all boneless, fingers still tangled in his hair.

She tugged urgently “need you inside me Jayne.”

He raised himself up on his elbows, careful to keep his weight off her ribs kissing his way slowly upwards and finally giving her a proper view of his body. Wo de tian a he was big. Big and beautiful, her hands reached out sliding over his stomach to circling the base of his cock with one and rolling his balls in the other.

He sucked in a breath. “Bao bei” Jayne groaned against her throat “need you.”

Catching her hips with his hands he pulled her closer sliding into her. He pressed deeper, the slow, steady friction was making her moan and boy was she enjoyin’ it but Jayne was still lookin’ after her, still in control. Kaylee wanted him to lose control with her.

She smoothed her hands down over his buttocks and then ran her fingernails all the way back again and again. Jayne lost control. Groaning he grabbed her bottom jerking her closer as pelvic bone met pelvic bone plunging deeply until shuddering her body closed in tight contractions round his she climaxed holding him tight against her. He slammed into her one last time, moaning as he followed her to release.

They lay together panting as Jayne gathered her into his arms, rolling over and cuddling her close to his chest, they both drifted off the sleep.

Jayne woke to the sensation of havin’ a silky little bottom rubbing up against his groin and he was instantly hard.

“Am I gonna wake up to this a lot?”

“Maybe” Kaylee giggled at the wonder in his voice and wriggled closer.

One hand drifted down her body to her beautiful curls, finger sliding into the slick folds beneath, the other fondling her breast as he pushed into her with a long smooth stroke.

“Guess I’m in heaven then” he growled low in this throat as Kaylee pressed closer, swivelling her hips and causing him to plunge deeper, surround her. She tipped her head back as he thrust into her first slow then faster and faster. His fingers at her breast rolled the nipple at the same time he licked the hollow behind her ear. She gasped as he thrust even deeper into her as her body convulsed, clenching him tight, and pleasure rushing through her as he stiffened behind her joining in climax together.

Jayne looked down at Kaylee’s head resting on his shoulder, “We goin’ back to Serenity then?” he asked

“Everyone but Simon wants ya there, me ‘specially” she answered

He grinned at her “I go wherever you go, xin gan. Ain’t ever gonna leave ya again.” He ran his fingers through her hair. “Think we better start back” They walked slowly back to Serenity holdin’ hands. Jayne had just taken her hand as if it were the natural thing to do, his big warm hand surroundin’ hers makin’ her feel content for the first time in months. They’d not done much talkin’ yet but Kaylee was takin’ it slow with Jayne. She knew he loved her and she him, time enough for talk later. She was plannin’ on them being together for a long time. Somethin’ she now realised Simon had tried to prevent.

He’d done her and Jayne a lot of harm and she weren’t sure what to do ‘bout it. But when they reached the ship and found everyone in the common room she knew how to make a start.

River was asleep on the chair, the Captain, Zoe and Inara chatting at the table. Simon rose to his feet when they came into the room, giving Jayne a nervous glance. Kaylee for the first time in her life really angry swung her fist at Simon and hitting him flush on the chin knocked him down.

“See, I’m rubbin’ off on her already” Jayne smiled proudly. And the Captain groaned.