On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me four calling birds

Jayne was worried and tryin’ not to show it. The ship would be landin’ at Trinity soon and then their problems were really goin’ to start. He wished Kaylee hadn’t taken it into her head to go shoppin’ the other day, and then she wouldn’t be stuck here with him.

How could anyone mistake her for a fighter? The wang bad an’s who’d snatched ‘em had to be dumber than rocks. Just cause she’d been with him, they’d assumed she was his partner or somethin’. If anyone looked less like a girl mercenary he had yet to see them. Keepin’ her safe and them both alive till the Captain found them weren’t goin’ to be easy.

If the captain found them. How would Mal even figure out what had happened to him and Kaylee? Cause the man would be lookin’. Not so much for him, Jayne knew, but for Kaylee. The mechanic was important to the ship; her genius touch with engines made her the most valuable crew member on board. Then there was the way that everyone, includin’ him, felt about her. No-one was likely to rest easy till she was found.

******************************

The captain had been getting more and more anxious ‘bout his missing crew members.

Especially Kaylee, how had anyone mistaken her for a mercenary? Even if she was with Jayne, the girl looked nothing like a fighter. She looked like a little girl dressed up in her brothers’ clothes not the genius mechanic she was. He hoped nothing would go wrong with the engine while she was gone. He wished that he had never let her talk him into letting her go shopping.

He’d been occupying himself doing some of Jayne’s jobs. Finally the shepherd had come and told him he had an idea. Rather than having to repeat it over ‘n over to the rest of the crew they headed toward the common room. He pushed his way through the tinsel decorating the door, River had taken his instructions seriously and there were decorations hanging all over the boat.

“What in rutting hell is that smell” he demanded

“Believe it’s the garbage, sir” replied Zoë

“Well why hasn’t someone emptied it?” the smell was almost putrid and was makin’ him feel sick.

“Till now we didn’t know we had to” Wash winced “Emptying the garbage is Jayne’s job.” And given the smell, boy he was glad of that.

“In case you haven’t noticed Jayne ain’t here. And since I just finished cleaning up in the cargo bay, which is also Jayne’s job, someone else can empty the gorram garbage.” He looked meaningfully at Wash who was avoiding his eyes. “That means you Wash. And get back here quick. The shepherd’s got an idea.”

As Wash got to work, Book looked at Mal sympathetically. It was time the captain realised how much he relied on his mercenary. Though everyone acknowledged his value in a fight, as far as the shepherd could tell no-one on Serenity, with the possible exception of Kaylee, knew how much work Jayne actually accomplished while on board.

The captain was getting restless again and he could hear Wash returning. “Well shepherd, what’s your idea?”

“It occurred to me that the missing fighters may have been forcibly recruited to take part in contests.” He continued “Fighting contests. They used to be common on some of the core planets. The contests were held in secret locations and rich folks would pay to watch the fights and then gamble on the outcomes.”

“That’s all fine Shepherd” the captain was impatient “how do we find where this contest might be taking place?”

The shepherd was for once uncomfortable “I suggest that we speak to Inara.” He held up his hand to stop the captain from speaking. “She has many contacts throughout the core that may have knowledge of this sort of activity.”

“Shepherd’s right sir and you know Inara would want to help Kaylee.” Zoë said “I could contact her if you’d like?”

Mal knew that both Book and Zoe were right, Inara did have the necessary contacts and would jump straight in to help Kaylee.

“Alright, you contact her Zoe. Let’s hope she can help us.”

*******************************

Jayne felt silence fill the holding yard. He nudged Kaylee and stood up as he saw a man approaching. His new enemy was not as tall as hisself but was bigger. The hun dan had muscles on his muscles, a shaved head, squinty eyes and a mean expression. This was the fella that he had mentally marked as the one most likely to cause trouble

Jayne had known that someone would pick on him. It always happened. People took one look at him and how big he was and decided that he needed punchin’. Seemed that they needed to show him they were stronger. That was one reason, that most of the time; he liked workin’ for Malcolm Reynolds. The captain had never got into a strength contest with him. The man didn’t figure he needed to show how strong he was, just assumed that folks would take his orders. And most times they did.

Jayne could feel Kaylee standing with her back to his, just like he’d told her. They’d played hoopball together often enough that she knew how to move with him. He shifted his feet slightly and she followed his movements exactly, his little girl was doing good.

Since learnin’ where they were goin’ Jayne had had time to think. Make a plan, such as it was. He’d talked to Kaylee ‘bout it.

“When we get to Trinity do you think you can act like Zoë?”

“Act like Zoe?” she was puzzled

“All steely like” he waved his hands in the air “look like ya’ll cut off people’s balls if they even look at ya cross-eyed.”

They’d had lots of time to talk so he’d gone on to explain to her how she should act, showed her a few moves. And Kaylee was putting it into practice perfectly. Just as well, cause here came squinty eyes.

The muscle man picked up the pace, charging at them. He swung his fist and Jayne ducked bringing his own fist up in a short jab to the Ching-wah tsao duh liou’s ribs. His opponent staggered but didn’t go down, shootin’ his leg out and kickin’ him in the knee ‘bucklin’ it.

Jayne went down on one knee, turning his head slightly to check out Kaylee who had shifted to move back behind him, fists raised. Squinty moved back into range and Jayne’s hand shot out to grab his leg, overbalancing him. As the man fell forward Jayne stood up, his head hitting the hun dan under the chin, knockin’ him to the ground and kickin’ him in the head for good measure. No way was Squinty gettin’ up again, his neck was broke.

Jayne stood breathin’ heavily, Kaylee still standin’ at his back. He glared round at all the watchers. “Alright, who wants it next?”

Ching-wah tsao duh liou = frog riding bastard Wang bad an = bastard