Title: Redemption Author: Kenaree Rating: PG Series: Firefly Characters: Mainly Simon and Kaylee, mentions of Mal, River, Zoe and Jubal Early. Pairings: Simon/Kaylee Summary: After the attack from Early, Kaylee finds herself a little more than shaken up by the bounty hunter. And though Simon knows that he's the only one who can help her, he's finding the courage to do it a little more than difficult to come by. A Simon/Kaylee fanfic.

Disclaimer: All characters, places, and certain events provided in this text solely belong to Joss Whedon and is in no way affiliated to me other than my wish to write and share to the Firefly/Serenity fans everywhere.

Notes: Just for a warning, Kaylee is going to have some major emotional problems after her encounter with Jubal Early. I made her dramatic on her fear for Early and what she felt after he left, maybe even a little overly dramatic, so I want to warn you about it. I also kinda made Simon stereotypical and forget about his sister, made him focus more on Kaylee.

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"Kaylee." She nearly jumped high enough to bash her head against the bottom of the beating of the 'heart' at the calling of her name. The ship seemed to be fine, as Early hadn't done anything to it, but lately she's been feeling a little jumpy everywhere she turns even though she knows that everyone on this board isn't here to harm her. It's been five days since the fiasco with Early, but the thoughts still runs through her brain constantly, the threats that he spewed to her, what he was going to do to her, how he was going to do it, even what will happen after he does; the thoughts contaminated her brain, and she couldn't force them out. They kept haunting her.

But the sound of his voice calling her was soothing. To her, his voice was melodic, almost as if it was an angel speaking to her. And, in a way, he was. He is a doctor after all; saving people's life is something that angels do. She'd always believed that there was an angel floating around her ready to spring into action to save her if she was in trouble, her ma was the one to bore that in her mind. But it seemed on the first day the captain and Serenity took in three more people had that angel abandoned her. For a moment, Kaylee was sure that she was going to die, but when she was asleep, the same comforting voice that was calling to her now, was calling to her then. She rolled from under the engine of Serenity and looked up at Simon, putting on her cheerful smile, even though it seemed to be a bit forced. It was odd, having to force a smile, usually she had no trouble at all giving someone a cheerful smile, but nowadays it seems that there was nothing to be cheerful about anymore. "Hiya, Simon," she said, again her voice seemed to be forced to be cheerful, as she set down the wrench and wiped her hands of the grease on her overalls. She grabbed hold of a piece of metal to hoist herself up, "What can I do for ya?"

Simon stared at Kaylee. It was all he could really do. What he was going to say to her had erased from his mind, and all he could think about was protecting that smile. But...that smile wasn't real. It was artificial and even though Kaylee probably didn't know that he knew, he could see it written all over her. What Early must have said to her, to threaten her, must have been horrible. More than horrible, it must have traumatized her. For the past five days, all he could think about was what Early had to said to him about what he would do the Kaylee; it was horrifying and insane, but he knew that whatever he said to Kaylee was five or ten times worse. If he didn't do something soon, this would kill her.

"Simon?" Kaylee's innocent voice interrupted his thoughts.

She looked adorable, she always did. But there was something different this time. It was almost as if it weren't real. That she wasn't really there at all. All the other times, all the escapades that they had together before the incident with Early, she was there. Truly there, not some artificial figment in his imagination, but really there. But in this image, the grease patches on her face were superficial. The grease marks on her overalls weren't real. Everything was artificial. It was almost as if she weren't there at all. That thought pained him, almost as much as it pained him to think if River was gone. He didn't realize how much Kaylee actually meant to him. Only after he thought he was going to lose her, did he realize that he wanted her to so much. She was the only one on this boat, besides his sister, who seemed to really want him here. The only to really think that he was a good person, while everyone had suspicions or doubts, or both. He watched Kaylee inch towards him, a worried expression on her face and his own turned into a pained expression. She was worried about him. She was worried about everyone else but herself when she should be focusing on herself. The girl was incredibly selfless, probably one of the things that attracted her to Simon.

"Simon."

The voice had come again, this time it was more stern and concerned. She knew he was lost in his thoughts and she was trying to bring him back. Simon blinked, snapping out of his thoughts and returned to right there and right now. He shifted uncomfortably for a moment before taking a deep breath and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Feelin'?" she asked, confused. Why would he ask how she was feeling? Wasn't he the one who was held at gunpoint by Early? Wasn't he the one who was shot? "Simon, ya're the one who was shot," she gave a small laugh and returned to look at the turning engine, having a small wrench in her hand, "It's me who should be askin' how you feel." She was grateful for his concern, but she knew Simon by now. She didn't want her hopes to get up. She learned by now to give him distance, to show him she's interested, but let him make the first move. She pretended to busy herself, by doing random things and not really doing anything as she let Simon sort out what he was going to say next. But after a moment, she paused, looked and him and asked, "How're ya feelin'?"

Simon gave a small chuckle, it was the first time he's laughed since Early was shoved off in space, it seemed that only a few people can actually make him laugh. At this moment, that was his sister and Kaylee. It's ironic, yes, he was the one with the gun pointed to his head, but he wasn't afraid. Kaylee, on the other hand, was terrified. That made it worse for her than for him. He took another deep breath, "I'm fine. Just a gunshot to the leg, it isn't anything to be worried about..." his voice trailed, he was trying to prepare himself for saying what he wanted to say next. But he knew his doing so might tear that newly healed wound right back open again, or make it worse if it hadn't healed at all. He suspected that everything Early said to Kaylee, she had kept to herself. She hadn't told anyone about what Early would do her to and Simon hadn't told her that he knew what Early threatened to do to her. She probably thought that she was saving the fussing and worries by keeping to herself. But he was educated in this field; he was trained to help these people. With her personality, he knew it would only tear her up. Still though, she was so innocent and carefree, he wanted to protect her from the hardships in life, that including deepening a wound or tearing it open again. He was afraid he was going to do that.

"And River?" Kaylee asked, going back to the Engine and keeping herself busy as much as possible. This conversation was so awkward; it was unsettling. And she didn't know where this was leading, she was afraid it was leading down a path she wasn't ready to walk on yet. Right now, she couldn't handle the doctor rejecting her. First the first moment she'd seen him, she hadn't felt such a strong feeling for someone before. He was respectable, polite, kind and caring. He gave up everything for his sister; she knew that not many men would do that. Not only that, he was willing to become a fugitive to save her, everything he had done now was done for his sister. Someone like Simon was extremely hard to come by and she didn't want to let him slip through his fingers, like she had many a times with other guys. Simon was special to her in more ways then just a lover, she felt like he would help her, protect her, do everything for her like he does for River. If only he would understand how strong her feelings are for him.

"She's fine. Better, actually. What I found out on Ariel really helped me. Plus, what happened..." he paused, "with...you know, has helped the rest of the crew accept her more. She's communicating now. She has her days, but I think she'll be fine more or less," he paused again, "For now," he responded to her. She gave a slightly distracted nod, as if she too was lost in her own thoughts and just reacted on habit. He watched her intensely as she worked. She had her hair up, her overalls with the teddy bear patch on them and combat boots. It was the usual clothing that she wore when she planned on never actually leaving the engine room. The kind of wear where she only came up for meals of if the Captain needed her. That there was the usual sign that she was depressed, he noticed it after a couple of times where she did the same thing after they had a fight. He was watching her so intently that he failed to realize she was simply toying around with the engine instead of actually doing anything; she just wanted to look like she was busy. But Simon wasn't an idiot; she didn't have that face like she was actually working. She had that face of boredom, which was something that was never shown on Kaylee's face when she was working. He cleared his throat and walked to her. He gently grabbed her wrist and pulled it away from the engine. Kaylee's surprised look faced him as she stood up to look at him. "Simon?" she said as he took the wrench from her hand and led her out of the engine room. "Where're ya takin' me?"

"Just wait," he answered her, gently. As they reached the exit, she gave a small resistance against him and he automatically let go. She had become less trusty after Early and she felt safer in the Engine room, despite it's where Early attacked her here. Working on Serenity, or pretending to work on Serenity had always been her haven. She could lose herself in the humming of the engine, or the rotating of it. She could lose herself in her thought process of mechanical equations and thoughts. She could lose herself in going through and checking to make sure everything was alright, and even if they were, she always found it thought occupying to go over it again. She didn't want to leave, even with Simon. She looked up at the man as he turned around and saw the crystal blue eyes staring at her. They always said 'the eye is the window to the soul' and at this moment, she believed it. There was worry in Simon's eyes. There was hope and regret. And, though barely detectable, there was hurt in his eyes. There was an intense moment of silence before he said, "Just trust me." It was as if he was reading her mind.

Kaylee nodded as he took hold of her hand again and led her away from the Engine room. He knew that she wouldn't want to leave, but he also knew that what they were going to talk about was something that Kaylee didn't want anyone to overhear. When she pulled back on him, he was slightly hurt that he didn't trust her, but it was gone as fast as it had come. His worry for her washed almost everything else away. Right now, he wanted to help her. How? He wasn't exactly sure, he was serious when he told Zoe he wasn't very good at talking to girls, but he would chose his words carefully and try to say nothing that would offend her. The last thing he needed to do right now was to reopen that 'Simon wound' that had already been opened several times. His hope would be that she'd been over it by now, that he wouldn't have to take the risk of actually hurting her, but that was long gone. It was long gone by the third day and she hadn't gotten any better. As a matter of fact, she had gotten worse. He regretted putting this off and not doing it before. If he'd have done this before, he would have made her better. He would have had that old Kaylee that would be cheerful and laugh back by now. But as the time wore on and he still hadn't done anything, he was beginning to wonder if he'd ever get that Kaylee back. He slightly shook his head at this notion, no, that was unacceptable. Simon hadn't become a doctor for the money; it was more to him than that. To him, it was about saving people's lives. Making a difference in the world. Making it better. It was never about anything else. He stepped to his room and slid open the door, "In here."

Kaylee was shocked. It was rare that she was invited into Simon's room. The only other time she had been in it was after their visit to Canton and they were talking about him being so proper and appropriate. There, Kaylee was trying to understand Simon more as to why he is the way he is. After that night, she suspected she did know more, but that didn't comfort her for some reason. It was if the rift had widened instead of closing like she thought it had. He stepped aside for her to go inside first and she bent her head as she went in. The room was a glowy brown-orangish color. It was earthy and had a sweet smell to it. Kind of like him. One thing that Kaylee had always loved about Simon was his sweet nature. Sometimes he said the wrong thing, but she believed that he only meant to be sweet. The room was small (though bigger than her own bunk), had a bathroom and sink combined together, it seemed like having more than one person inside was a little crowding. Funny, how she hadn’t noticed that before when she was talking to him last time. Simon followed her as he slid the door closed. Kaylee began to breathe deep, she was loosing it and she was loosing it fast. The enclosed space reminded her of how close Early was too her, how she felt when she couldn't run or move or even try to get away. How she felt when he pressed up against her to tie her up and how helpless she felt when she was tied up on the cold metal ground. She first found this out when she went to her bunk the day after Early was cast into the black. She immediately became claustrophobic and returned upstairs. She knew she couldn't sleep down there. For the past five days, she's instead slept in the Engine room, which, thankfully, no one has noticed and therefore, no one has asked.

"You can sit down," Simon said, distracting her from her thoughts. She shook her head rather agitatingly, "No, I'm all greasy and dirty. Don't want ta ruin your things." Simon looked carefully at her as she looked around. She was scared. "Kaylee?" he asked concerned as he approached her. He was surprised to see her flinch away from him and he backed down as she pressed herself up against the wall. She was on the verge of tears. "Kaylee," he said more sternly as he moved closer, but she only backed away more. This was breaking her. But he didn't know what it was. Being in the room before had never scared her, what made her so frightened in this room? He cursed to himself inside his head, this was exactly what he was afraid going to happen. He hadn't even started to talking to her and she's cowering away from him. He neared her more and tears began to roll down her cheeks. His teeth clenched as fists were brought from his hands and finally he took a step forward and wrapped his arms around her, "Kaylee, it's okay. It's alright. I'm here," he took on the same soothing and comforting voice that he used with River when she was upset. "You don't have to be afraid," he said to her. He could feel her shiver in his arms as she openly accepted and let him hold her.

The fear was wave crashing inside her. She couldn't control her sobs anymore. And she broke down. She couldn't believe that she actually flinched when Simon tried to near her. She couldn't believe that she actually cried in front of her and knowing him, he probably thinks it's his fault. But the fear was overwhelming; she couldn't deal with it any other way. She tried to tell him it wasn't his fault, but she couldn't do it. All she could do was sob. But when his strong arms enveloped around her, she felt calmer than she had in the past five days. Even more so then when she was in the Engine room. When she heard his soft voice telling her it's alright and that he was there, she wanted nothing more than him. She relaxed in his arms and for the first time in five days, she felt safe. As if Simon wasn't going to let anyone harm her. She had wanted this feeling so much. Not from the Captain, or Zoe, she wanted it from him. And finally he gave it to her, and suddenly that fear began to lessen more and more as the second ticked by. She began to lessen and quiet her sobs each time she heard his heart beat and felt him breathe. She had wanted this for so long, to feel his warmth, to feel his caring, it was intoxicating. After a few moment, she was able to control her own sobbing and breathing.

Simon hadn't noticed that she had stopped crying. All he could think about was holding her, keeping her safe, keep her from crying. She was fragile and innocent, just like his sister, he had to protect that innocence. It's what he's always done, being a doctor. He's always protected the innocent, always tried to save their lives. Always did what he could to keep them safe. When he realized that she had finished crying, he let her go and took her by the shoulders. He made her look him in the eye and said, "Tell me."

Kaylee shivered as he moved away from her, the warmth was gone and she wanted it back. But she reminded herself that she can't be pushy, that would only drive Simon away. She looked at him in the eye, his firm, yet gentle, hands on her shoulders as she heard him open himself to her problems. She had never felt so grateful, she had kept these feelings about Early inside her so long it was tearing her away and she hadn't even realized it until she was with Simon. For the five days, she tried to avoid him; they hadn't left on nice terms the night Early came and she felt even more insecure after what happened. She didn't want to push him further into the corner; she knew that he had to come out on his own terms. And now he'd done so, now he's letting himself be open to her. "..." She wanted to tell him, but there was so much to say, she didn't know where to start.

He could see that she was having trouble bringing it out. So he was going to start for her, the only way she was going to get through this was to talk it out, "It's Early, isn't it?"

She was stunned, "How'd you...?"

"He told me. He told me what..." his voice trailed as well. He didn't want to say anything to vivid.

"He told you?" she asked, still slightly stunned, the words Simon was saying weren't really sinking in.

"Told me what he would do to you. How you would..." there was a pause, it even hurt him to say it, "...violate you. That you'd die weeping."

Kaylee didn't know what to say. She had kept everything Early said to herself, had all this time, Simon knew what was eating her up? "Why...?"

"I didn't want to hurt you," Simon said quickly, "I wanted to see if you could sort it out yourself. But you couldn't, I didn't want to reopen the wound. I wanted to help heal it."

"Simon..." she said, she glanced down, that shocked face still on her, her eyes moving about in stun, "Simon—"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted her, "I'm sorry. I...couldn't let him do that to you. I know you were scared, the things he said to you were probably ten times worse to what he said to me. I'm sorry...it took me this long to..."

"To what?"

"To try to heal you. To see it was eating you. To do anything to help you. To realize how much you mean to me."

She looked up at his pure blue eyes. His concern for her and guilt for failing her showed deeply in his eyes, "Simon...how much do I mean t'you?"

He looked down. "Kaylee, I...my sister, I can only...I have– ...I have to keep her safe. I need to keep her safe."

Kaylee nodded, also looking down, missing Simon's gaze at her by seconds. She understands. If she were in his shoes, she would have done the same thing. His sister is more important; making her better isn't just about his being her doctor, or her brother. It's about his wanting to help people. It's always been about his wanting to help people. This was the road she was afraid on traveling on, but now that it was here, she felt it was easier than she thought. Perhaps she's always thought this would happen, but she didn't want to know. She did now; she couldn't make it any other way. There was a moment of silence before Simon took his hand and lifted her chin. He was hesitant at first; slowly moving closer to her until their lips were just inches away. There was a pause, as if he was asking her and when she closed her eyes, he bent farther to kiss her.

She wanted this.

Simon could see the hurt in her eyes. He could see how hurt she was by his response. Once again he'd said the wrong words, he really didn't know how to talk to girls. But he needed to tell her something else. He needed her to know. But saying something would only hurt her even more, so he was going to show her. Her lips were soft. His lips were soft. She tasted sweet; he tasted sweet. They stood enveloped in the kiss for God knows how long and finally they broke free after several moment. Kaylee looked up to question him, but he only took his index finger to her mouth, quieting her. He stared at her for a few moments, his finger still at her mouth and then said, "Wait for me."

Kaylee understood the moment he said it. And she nodded, though her face shown of sadness. She moved around her to exit as he watched her go. She half-expected him to stop her, but she knew that wasn't going to happen. It was hopeless to hope for something that wasn't going to happen. At least not now. She was hurt, she was, but she would wait. Because she loved him. She believed that he loved her, just couldn't put all his focus on her. Perhaps he thought that was better than hurting her in the process of juggling her and his sister, because she knew that he'd always choose her over Kaylee, at least for now he would. He believed that this way was better. She went to exit the room; her eyes still watery and she went to wipe the extra moisture from them. She didn't want to upset any passerby crewmembers. He watched her gloomily as she slid open the door. He almost expected her to say something else, something pushy, something to make him chose. But she didn't, instead she only nodded at him and began to walk away. Simon felt it was better this way, if he decided to take her and his sister, she would only cry more. He didn't want that. He wanted her to be happy when she was with him. She wouldn't be that if he had her now. He glanced away and began to do something else when Kaylee stopped and turned around with one foot on the outside of the room, "Can we ever go back?"

Simon paused, considered a moment and shook his head, "No...." there was a pause as she began to exit the room again, "But we can go forward."

fin.