As usual, thanks to Mutant Enemy for the vision, all characters are the property of etc.

I really ought to be wrapping this thing up by now, shouldn't I? But it's been such fun! :)

Things Fall Apart - Chapter 10

Serenity

Simon hadn't been kept as busy since his residency days in a public hospital in downtown New Athens. Twelve badly wounded patients, all needing surgery - five of them major - meant that he didn't get a chance to think for a long time. He was aware that the Reavers had made it to the airlock before Serenity's shuttle could, and that Zoe and Xuan's security chief, Duvenage, had been forced to return without the others. After that, things blurred. One part of him continued to function - his body kept working on the blood and torn flesh and broken bones - but he couldn't seem to hear or feel anything. He knew that Kaylee was talking to him, looking at him with such compassion on her sweet face that he'd had to turn away, but he couldn't have repeated what she had said to him if his life had depended on it. None of it made any sense anymore. How could River be gone?

How could she be gone? He stared at the walls of his cabin where he'd retreated when he'd finally finished, trying to wrap his mind around the idea. He'd shut the door, refusing to allow anyone to comfort him. It didn't feel real, and comfort meant nothing if you felt nothing. Simon recognized this sensation. Despair was something he'd become familiar with in the two years he'd spent hunting for River in a universe suddenly unrecognizable, where the good guys were no longer the good guys and the bad guys were his only hope. It had been like some kind of bad net series, full of conspiracy theories and paranoia. In this 'verse, morals were a hindrance, but perversely that had given him an edge. They'd underestimated how far he was willing to go for his sister.

River was the only person who had loved him unconditionally, the only person he'd loved unconditionally in return. Somehow, deep down inside, they'd both known that their parents found their careers and their social lives more important than either of their trophy children. Growing up, Simon and River had comforted each other and looked out for each other, unconsciously filling the void no amount of wealth could. Their parents' loyalties had been made brutally clear when Simon had been arrested trying to find River. He didn't think he'd ever forget that moment, the keen sense of betrayal revealing that he'd still hoped to be proven wrong. After that, there had been no-one and nothing besides River. Finding her, rescuing her, and healing her had been his purpose. Now she was gone, and there was no reason for any of it any more. He slumped onto the bed, dragging the cover over himself to ward off the chill that seemed to seep into his bones. His last conscious thought was a vague curiosity about whether the 'verse would exist when he woke up, because he couldn't imagine a future without River.

"You don't have to, baichi." She was sitting on the edge of her bed, watching him. Simon stared, speechless, his mind emptied of anything but shock and disbelief. "I'm not a ghost, if that's what you're wondering," she said, studying him with her usual disconcerting intensity. "You're asleep, dreaming. About time too, I've been waiting ages." "I'm dreaming," he murmured, and looked around at the bedroom as though looking for evidence of this fact. "I'm dreaming I'm on Serenity? And that you're here?" "Yes," she agreed, "but I'm real, Simon. I'm here because I need to talk to you." She grinned at him, then rolled her eyes. "It's ironic that this was the easiest way, but you never listen to me when you're awake. And it's such hard work, navigating people's minds. All I have to go on is instinct. Who'd have thought the best intellects in the 'verse would end up relying on instinct?"

Simon sat up, staring at her greedily. A thousand questions were clamoring in his head, and he asked the first one that to mind. "Why did you go to the Nexus?" She cocked her head and her expression softened, as though she'd caught a glimpse of how fragile he was. "I had promises to keep," she said gently. "It wasn't anyone's choice but my own, so don't you go blaming them. And don't you go blaming yourself either, I'm tired of you taking all the credit for my decisions." "Credit," he almost laughed. Was it his imagination or was she making a little more sense than normal? Perhaps the fact that he was dreaming helped. "River, I don't understand any of this. That man Duvenage said he spoke to you, that you told him you were going to the station. Why did you talk to him and not me? Or the Captain?" River frowned. "I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't talk to anyone." So much for her making sense. Simon blinked a couple of times in confusion and said slowly, "But...he said that you said...something about promises. That's how we knew where you were." River shook her head impatiently. "I didn't talk to anyone. But that's not important now. You need to concentrate, Simon, I haven't got much time." "For what? If I'm dreaming then surely we've got all the time in the world?" "You might, but I had to wait ages before you went to sleep and they're getting impatient. I need you to listen, Simon. Listen to me carefully."

He stared at her intensely and murmured, "Of course, you're probably dead and this is a fantasy I've cooked up in my head." It hurt just saying it, but the thought that this might be some kind of stress-induced delusion wasn't far from his mind. River sighed and briefly closed her eyes. "Simon, I'm not dead. Will you please listen?" "I'm dreaming you're alive?" "No! I am alive, Simon, but there are four other people who's lives are in very real danger if you don't listen!" "If I'm dreaming you're alive, only I think you're dead, but in my dream you say you're alive, then what-" "You know, you really can be liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze fuh ur-tze!" "Hey!" Simon protested, "No need for that kind of language, River. If you want me to listen, then I'll listen." "Xie xie ni," River sounded so relieved that Simon realized that a lot of her irritation stemmed from a real sense of urgency. It made his heart jump, as River's fears often did.

"I'll try to explain, but you have to promise to hear me out." She stared at him significantly until he nodded agreement. "Remember what you talked about with the rest of the crew that night the bounty hunter came? Remember what they said about me, about what I can do? They were right, Simon. You're not imagining things, I'm alive and well and on Nexus 7. You are dreaming. I can put myself into your dream so that you can see me, hear me, and talk to me. That's howcome I can talk to you like this." She examined him cautiously, the way one would examine a small child being given complicated instructions. "Now pay attention," she said earnestly, "this is very important. You're going to be getting a wave shortly from one of the Reaver ships. They want to trade." "What?" Simon was incredulous. That was it, he was definitely delusional. River raised a hand in a gesture uncannily like his own habitual request for pause. "Please, you've got to trust me on this. I know what I'm doing. You'll be getting a wave from one of the Reaver ships asking for a trade. You have to ask them for the Shepherd in return. That's the deal." "The Shepherd? I thought he was dead too."

River let out a breath and muttered a few words that made Simon frown sharply. "We need knife talk, not this go se," she said to the ceiling. Then her eyes went wide. "Ben dan! Of course!" She waved her hands at Simon urgently. "Talk to the knife, it'll understand. Tell the knife that the deal must be for the Shepherd. The others are safe now, but the knife is the one who can bring the Shepherd out of the Nexus." "Uh..." Simon looked at her desperately. "What knife?" She shook her head, impatient with him. "This is no time for playing games, Simon. Tell the knife what I've told you and it'll know what to do. The knife will cut through to the heart of the thing. That's it's purpose here, to show us the third way. Oh, the delightful symmetry!" River said happily, her face lit with revelation.

River's sudden decent into metaphor sent a chill down Simon's spine. "River, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're asking me to do." "Just have faith that I know what I'm doing, Simon. You're going to wake up now. Tell the knife what I told you and let it do the rest. You'll be helping me. You'll be helping all of us." "Sure," he agreed, utterly mystified and more than a little convinced he was crazy. "Don't forget. It's very important, Simon. I have to go now." She stood up, and he quickly reached out, saying, "No! River, wait!" But before he'd even finished she had disappeared as though she had never been.

The door to his room opened, and he was jerked roughly out of sleep. Zoe stood in the doorway, looking at him with surprise and concern. She took in his half-asleep appearance, how he searched the room desperately, and relaxed a little. "You were dreaming," she said, studying him with some sympathy. Simon's shoulders slumped and he rubbed his face, trying to clear his head and feeling his heartbeat slowing back down to normal. "Yeah. How'd you know?" "You were talkin'. I heard you shout River's name."

He let out a pent-up breath, "I thought she was here. She was sitting right there, on the bed. She told me she was alive." Zoe looked folded her arms as she lent against the doorframe. "It's to be expected. I'd go so far as to say it's even normal." "There was nothing normal about this." Simon stared into space, running over what had happened in his mind. It stood out with unusual clarity, but then nightmares often did. "She kept telling me she was alive, that I was dreaming and that was how she was able to talk to me. Said that what we'd all said about her before was true." Zoe frowned. "What did we say?" "That she is psychic," he replied, frowning a little himself as he said it.

When Zoe said nothing, he looked up at her. Her expression was pained, as though she was keeping herself from saying something unpleasant. Simon held up one hand to forestall her comment. "I know, I know, I didn't believe it either. I mean, this is my sister, I know her better than anyone. But since I got her out of that place, since they did whatever it was they did to her...it's like I've got to learn to know her all over again. I can tell you what they did, but I don't know why, or how it has affected her. I can't prove or disprove that she is psychic." He let out a breath and dropped his head into his hands again. "But if she is...it sounds delusional, doesn't it?" "Sounds like it could be, yes," she agreed, and studied him as he sat staring at the floor. "A lot of us have bad dreams afterwards." He looked up, holding her gaze for a long moment. "I know. It's just that it was so real..." "They usually are. Enough to make you doubt your own senses when you wake up, sometimes."

"Uh, Zoe? Where are you?" It was Wash's voice over the general ship's com. She looked up, frowning, and stepped out into the hall. "I'm with Simon, honey. What is it?" "We got a call, an' you ain't gonna believe who it is." "It's the Reavers," Simon breathed. Zoe's head jerked around and she fixed him with a stare. "Who is it?" She asked, loud enough to be heard on the com. "Reavers," Wash confirmed. "One of their ships is hailing us. The Reavers want to talk." ----------------------------------------

Wash, Duvenage, Jayne and Kaylee were already on the bridge by the time Zoe and Simon got up there. Duvenage was standing next to the Captain's seat, and moved aside to let Zoe sit down next to her husband. Simon stayed by the door, resting his back against the wall and folding his arms defensively when Jayne gave him a 'what are you doing here?' look.

"What we got?" Zoe asked. Wash, who had an earpiece in one ear as he listened to the transmission, switched it to speaker. The heavily-accented words growled out over the com, sounding as though whoever had been instructed to send the message wasn't happy about it. "This is the Oktober calling Serenity, Oktober calling Serenity. Your people are alive and unhurt. We will trade. Answer on this signal." There was a pause of a few seconds, then the message was repeated. Wash looked at Zoe. "Think it's for real?" "You tell me," she replied. "The signal's definitely coming from one of the Orcas. But I never heard of anybody trading with Reavers, not voluntarily anyway. They always seemed more like the taking kind." "Could be a trap," Jayne said nervously. "Tryin' ta lure us out." "If we answer, can they pinpoint our location?" Zoe asked Wash. "Yup. I can scramble it for a while, but there's nothing to bounce a signal off 'cept Nexus or one of the other vessels. It'd take them fifteen, maybe twenty minutes to figure our location. All they gotta do is keep us talkin'." "Um, excuse me," Simon said cautiously, and was ignored. "Can we outrun them?" Zoe asked. Wash almost laughed, then saw the look on Zoe's face and didn't. "Orcas? No, Serenity can't outrun Orcas, not even with Kaylee's little modifications." Kaylee shook her head in agreement.

"We've got five hours until the Alliance get here, can we outrun them for that long?" Duvenage asked. Surprised, Wash glanced at the clock on the control panel to verify the time. "Uh, well, possibly. If we had a good enough head start. But twenty minutes isn't good enough, not with their engines." Simon held up one hand, "Look, I know it sounds crazy but-" Duvenage cut across him. "What if we sent out a decoy, one of the shuttles. Relay the signal through the shuttle's com, then they'll chase that for a while before they figure out that it wasn't the source. Would that work?" "It could, for a while. Until they were close enough to scan it," Wash agreed uneasily, punching some numbers on the consol, "but that'll only give us one shuttle to get the Captain and the others off the Nexus. It's gorramned risky." "I don't think they're after us," Simon said loudly.

Everyone turned to look at him, and Zoe said softly, "Simon, this isn't the time to-" "I know what you're thinking," he told her, holding up a hand. "Just...I've got to at least say it. If I don't and things go wrong.... It'll be worse if I don't." "Quit your ramblin'," Jayne grumbled. "This ain't no time for practisin' your bedside manner, doctor. More trouble than you're worth, you'n that crazy sister of yours." "Jayne! Bi zui!" Zoe snapped, and didn't look at Duvenage. "What?" The big man protested, glancing at the security chief, who was watching him with interest. Too late it occurred to Jayne that Duvenage may not have known Simon and River's relationship. He tried not to look guilty, but the security chief's stare had an edge on it that made a man's skin twitch. "Simon's got a stake in this, same as the rest of us," Kaylee said in the loaded silence, her expression fiercely daring Jayne to disagree. "The Cap'n said we all got a stake in what happens to Serenity. None of us'll be helpin' the Cap'n if all we can do is fight amongst ourselves. Least you can do is hear Simon out. "

Jayne glowered at the floor while Zoe and Wash shared a guilty look. Duvenage studied Kaylee, smiling a little, before turning to Simon. "Why do you think they're not after us?" he asked. Simon, who had been staring at Kaylee, pulled himself together and cleared his throat. "This is going to sound crazy, but I had a dream. About River." He paused, eyes flicking to Zoe, "She said that this was going to happen. That the Reavers would call us and ask to trade." "Did she say whether the others were still alive?" Duvenage asked.

Zoe, Wash, Kaylee and Simon stared at him, wide-eyed with surprise. Jayne made a disgusted sound. "Don't tell me you believe all this fei-hau! Bunch of gorramed idiots. Can't you see he's jus' as fong luh as his sister? Listenin' to him's gonna get us killed!" "You don't seem surprised," Zoe remarked to Duvenage, folding her arms. "There somethin' you ain't tellin' us? Again?" Duvenage spared her little more than a glance, asking Simon, "Did she say anything about the others? About what the Reavers are planning?"

Simon tried to remember as much of the dream as he could, Duvenage's instant acceptance causing a sudden and blinding surge of hope that made it difficult to focus. Maybe it had been real, maybe she was alive. "She said that the Shepherd was in danger. She said that the others were safe now, but that we had to get Book off Nexus 7. We have to trade for him. Do you think she really is alive?" "Did she say what it was that we had to trade?" Simon shook his head slowly, "I...no, not exactly. I didn't understand, it didn't make a lot of sense." "Now ain't that a surprise," Jayne muttered. "Jayne," Zoe warned. "What? Only crazy people get to say what they think now?" Duvenage ignored them. "Tell me exactly what she said, word for word," he instructed Simon. "She said something about a knife. That I had to tell the knife." Simon grimaced and shrugged, looked at Jayne, then Zoe. "She said that the knife would know what to do. I told her I didn't understand, but she said she didn't have time to play games. Do you have any idea what she was talking about?"

Duvenage stared at him without answering, his face utterly expressionless. Zoe shifted so that she was sitting with both feet planted on the floor, hands on her knees. "Alright, it's about time you came clean with us," she said to the security chief. "You've known somethin' about this right from the start, and I've just about had it with the 'need to know' go se. Seems to me that River is where she is because you kept your mouth shut when you shouldn't have. Before I make any decisions, I want to know that I'm not making them blind. You need to tell us what you know."

Duvenage shifted his attention from Simon to Zoe, regarding her equally expressionlessly. He sighed. "I can't." "What do you mean you can't?" Simon demanded. "My sister's life is at stake!" "Simon, let me deal with this," Zoe's voice was firm. Simon gritted his teeth and folded his arms, but was silent. "Why can't you tell us?" Zoe asked Duvenage "Because if I told you what I know about River, about the Reavers and about what I think has been happening here, I'll have to explain why I know, and I can't do that," he replied. "But I can tell you some things. I can tell you that I believe Simon's dream was real, that it was River attempting to communicate with us, and that River and your shipmates are alive. For the moment. The Reaver's request to trade is genuine too. I would suggest following River's instructions." "What reason do we have to trust you?" Zoe asked. "You're alive. If I'd wanted to double cross you or kill you, there were a thousand ways to do so. I didn't. I have other interests, and none of them would be served by your deaths. In fact, I believe that they would be better served if I helped you."

Even Jayne was regarding Duvenage thoughtfully. Wash rubbed his chin, saying, "He's got a point. According to the Reavers' PR, we ought to be dead. Here's my problem though," and he cocked his head to look at the security chief. "We only have your word to go on that River is alive, that the others are alive. Simon - forgive me for saying - isn't exactly in a position to be rational about this right now. For all we know, the Cap'n and his team were the distraction that made it possible for you to go in and get Xuan's grandson off of that tin can. Now the Reavers' know we're out here, you're thinking of feeding us to them while you make your escape on Serenity."

Jayne growled and glared at Duvenage, who folded his arms as he replied. "I understand your doubts, but your reasoning isn't logical. If I truly had no intention of going back for the rest of your crew I would've made some attempt to persuade you to leave, or tried to take over Serenity myself while you were on the Nexus. I have the men to do it. But I didn't, and I have no intention of doing so. Xuan's granddaughter is still on that station. I must know whether your Captain was able to find her. I believe that River is the one who will make that possible, but we must work together on this or we will fail. We have a common enemy. We should be concentrating on that enemy and not fighting amongst ourselves." Wash opened his mouth, closed it, thought for a second. "He's got a point," he conceded. "Well, they know we're out here," Kaylee said with a shrug. "They wouldn't be callin' if they didn't. Won't be long before they find us anyways. Might as well find out what it is they want an' make some kinda run for it if necessary. I can see if I can get a little more power out of Serenity's engines, keep us goin' a bit longer." "I can set up one of the shuttles to relay our message, put it on automatic pilot, draw them off for a bit," Wash said with a shrug. "That'll give us another half hour maybe. Could be the Alliance'll get us before the Reavers do." Simon closed his eyes and leant back against the wall, pain evident in his face as he struggled with the choices that were left to them. Kaylee started to reach out to him, hesitated, and drew back. She ducked her head and stepped out of the door, heading towards the engine room.

"Best I answer the Reavers before they start lookin' for us, try find out what it is that they want," Zoe said. "Bao bei, how fast do you think you can get that shuttle set up?" "Give me five minutes," Wash answered, turning towards the consol. Duvenage cleared his throat, looking oddly uncomfortable. "I think I should be the one contacting the Reavers." Zoe looked over her shoulder at him, raising an eyebrow. "I'm in command of this ship until the Cap'n gets back," she told him, "and I'd be hopin' you'd be respectin' that." "I do," Duvenage said with a nod to her. "My apologies if it appeared otherwise, but I have reason to think it may be important. Simon said that River told him to speak to the knife, that the knife would know what to do. When I spoke to her, she said something similar to me." At Zoe's frown, he pushed on, uncharacteristically reluctant. "She said that I was a weapon, like her. She told me that I spoke knife talk. He cannot have known that, and it's one of the reasons I believed his story. I think that when she told Simon to speak to the knife and that the knife should be the one to make the trade, I think she meant me."

Wash laughed briefly. When Zoe looked at him, he shrugged one shoulder. "I can see what she meant, is all," he said. Jayne muttered under his breath and shifted his weight uneasily when Zoe raised an eyebrow at his behavior. "Man makes me edgy," he snapped. Then, defensively, "I can tell stuff about people too, you know. Don't take no genius to figure he's dangerous." He glared at Duvenage, "River and knives ain't a good combination." Zoe matched Duvenage's stare for several seconds. "Alright," she said. "We're trustin' you with the rest, suppose it doesn't make a lot of difference who does the talkin'. But nothin'-" she narrowed her eyes, "nothin' gets agreed without it goes through me first. Priority's got to be with keepin' Serenity and all on her safe, dong ma? I feel it's too dangerous, there's no deal. I feel the Reavers' are tryin' somethin', there's no deal. You try somethin', there's no deal. We jus' about used up our nine lives, ain't gonna risk no more on this thing." "Agreed," Duvenage agreed. "If it looks like the Reavers' are making any move toward Serenity, we pull out immediately. Is that satisfactory?" "Good enough," was Zoe's reluctant admission. She stood up, gestured to the empty chair. "Take a seat. Time we found out what the Reavers think a human life is really worth."

-------------------------------------- Nexus

Something was tickling Mal's nose, and it was annoying enough to drag him from sleep. Unfortunately, being woken up only brought the complaints of his abused body into sharper focus, made even worse when he tried to move his head to avoid whatever it was that was forcing him awake. Mal winced, kept his head still, and cautiously opened his eyes.

Somebody was sleeping against him, head beneath his chin, their body's warmth making him realize how chilled and clammy he felt. It was their hair that was tickling his nose. Tilting his head back slightly and squinting brought the person's face into focus. Dark, curling hair, the curve of a cheek, tawny skin - Inara? Mal blinked in surprise, mind casting about in confusion. How had he ended up here, with her? He couldn't believe he'd forget something like that, but his mind was strangely sluggish. Odd, disjointed images kept surfacing. Had he been dreaming? He remembered something about the war, a familiar nightmare but now with a few strange twists. There was someone he knew must have died, but the face was that of an older man, not the boy he'd known in the war. And there was River and another boy, walking the fields of the dead with him hand in hand....

He shuddered, his arms tightening convulsively around Inara as though to anchor himself back in reality. But that prompted further memories too explicit to be just dreams, of her pleading with him, of him holding and kissing her. He could remember the hot surge of lust when she'd pressed her body against his and the strange way the world had seemed to steady just then. It had felt as though she stood in the center of a whirlwind, and if he let her go he would be sucked back into it. There was still a little of that unsteadiness in him every time he closed his eyes, so Mal resolved not to do that for a while. He'd just sit here and let things settle. No harm in letting her sleep some.

Mal looked around the tiny room, crowded with furniture and odd bits of plastic and metal. They must still be on the Nexus, but he had no idea where, or how much time had gone by. Were the Reavers still here? Were the others alive? He thought about waking Inara and asking her if she knew, but something held him back. Moments of peace like this were so rare, snatched as they so often were in the middle of chaos and destruction and the threat of imminent death. Mal had long ago learnt to take these opportunities when he could, storing them up as armor against the madness that followed. With all that had happened the last couple of days - thinking he'd lost her and discovering how much that had hurt, then finding her again and nearly killing her in the process, now waking to her in his arms with no memory of how that had happened - he needed some time to think. If he could just make sense of what he felt here and now, then perhaps he could make some sense of what it was that had driven him to risk everything he had on this foolhardy rescue attempt.

Mal rested his cheek against Inara's hair, careful not to wake her. He could feel the slow rhythm of her breathing. A sudden terror at the thought of loosing her again made his heart race, but he fought down the fear, making himself remember that there was no rhyme or reason to this 'verse. Everything in it was fragile and changeable, and no amount of pleading to gods or saints or powers that be was going to make a blind bit of difference. All he had was here and now, he must content with that. Bizarrely enough, considering all that had happened and could yet happen, he was. Mal examined that thought, turning it around in his mind as carefully as he would a rare and fragile jewel, and let out a long, slow breath. There was no need to borrow trouble, as his mother would have said. He smiled a little wistfully, and settled down to wait.

Glossary

Chinese:

Baichi - idiot

liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze fuh ur-tze - son of a drooling whore and a monkey

xi xi ni - thank you ben dan - you idiot

Bi zui! - Shut up!

fei-hau - garbage

fong luh - crazy