Extra Cargo -- Chapter 10: Victoria's Secret
Thursday, February 23, 2006

This is the continuation of the fluffy Extra Cargo series, and Simon finally looks inside the crates. This is PG-13 rated, not G like the first 9 chapters. I think starting at the beginning is always a good idea so here are all of the links Chapter 1-4, Chapter 5, and Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, and Chapter 9. Thank you Mal4Prez for betaing my fluff! I really appreciate the help.


“I ain’t eatin’ that!”

“Caroline, that’s breakfast. River’s eating it. Sides you don’t got much choice. What’s the Cap’n goin’ ta say?”

“Still ain’t eatin’ that.” Caroline looked at River who was pushing her spoon around in the bowl “It’s gross. Tastes like niu shi. An food taint that color. Ain’t natural, foods not grey. Only Alliance food is that color.”

“Niu shi” River added emphatically, her hair drooping over the bowl like a waterfall. “Not food.”

Jayne looked up from sluping up his second bowl of mush. “I ’gree with ‘em; but, it’s food. Better then goin’ hungry.”

Caroline stuck her spoon in the bowl and pulled it back out watching the grey stuff slide off it in clumps. “I’ll go hungry then.”

“Xin gan, Cap’n said if’fn you didn’t eat it for breakfast you was eating it for lunch.” Kaylee said almost begging Caroline to eat. It was repeating again, déjà vu, the morning fight over porridge. Word for word the same fight every morning.

“Nope. Ain’t eatin’ it.” And the set of Caroline’s eyes and chin made Kaylee and Jayne both think of Mal when he set his mind on something.

“Mini-Mal” River added glancing between Kaylee and Jayne.

As a last ditch effort Kaylee used the threat that had been working for the last couple of weeks. Caroline’s fear of needles was greater then her hatred of porridge. “Ya don’t eat it, Simon’s going to poke ya with needles; like he does River. This has the stuff in it you need to be healthy, and I know how much you like being poked.”

Mal walked in with Simon; he’d had to literally drag the boy away from the cargo. Never seen someone so excited about some medical equipment. ‘Specially stuff he couldn’t keep. “Little one, you fightin’ with Kaylee again?”

Kaylee nodded yes, and Caroline glared at her when Mal couldn’t see her. “No, Sir. I’m eatin’” she responded mushing her spoon around in the grey gao se.

“Don’t look like it. I’ll give you a choice ‘bout breakfast.” Mal tried to keep his frustration levels down, it was really getting old, fighting over breakfast every morning.

Hope sparked in Caroline “I don’t gotta eat this Niu shi?”

Mal cuffed Caroline gently on the back of the head. “Language. Don’t wanna hear you talkin’ like Jayne.”

“Yes, Sir. Choice?”

Mal opened his mouth to start explaining when he was hit in the nose by a glob of porridge. “Bhhh...ffp.”

Everyone in the room started chuckling under their breath. Mal wiped the blob off of his face where it landed with a squishy thunk on the floor.

“Thunk!” Caroline yelled, her eyes opening wide as she saw the blob of grey goo hit Mal on on the side of his nose. “Ba’ you got warts. Porridge warts.”

Mal wiped the last little bits of his face. “Who threw that? Food ain’t for wasting. It’s too expensive.” He looked around the room. Wasn’t Jayne, man didn’t believe in wasting food. Caroline, nope he’d been looking at her when the stuff had landed. Kaylee or Simon; nope they’d both finished breakfast much earlier. That left River. “River.” Niu shi, what else was there to say.

“River!” Kaylee echoed.

“Moonbrain, shoulda figured” chuckled Jayne.

“Mei-mei.” Simon was horrified. “How coul…”

Plop, another blob landed silently sliding down Simon’s face landing on his pristine shirt and sliding down before landing on the shiny crisp medical bag.

“Caroline,” Mal uttered sternly.

“Caroline!” Kaylee turned from River to Caroline.

‘Right on Mini-Mal.” Jayne got up, put his bowl in the sink and walked out of the galley chuckling.

“Simon.” River was indignant.


“It’s your turn.”


She gave him the patented ‘you are such a boob’ look “Captain Daddy, Kaylee, Jayne, you. Captain Daddy, Kaylee, Jayne, and where’s Simon!”

“Huh? Oh.”

“It’s a circle and it’s your turn. “Captain Daddy, Kaylee, Jayne, you. Captain Daddy, Kaylee, Jayne, and you.”

“Sorry. Caroline. Better?” Bratty little sister, seemed to be better today. Better was good. Simon went to get a cloth to clean up the mess that the two ‘children’ had created. It was good to see River getting a chance to be a child.

“Thank you.” River said very primly inclining her head like a duchess or a Companion.

“Getting in practice for your roles as children?” Mal asked sarcastically drumming his fingers on the table.

Caroline ignored him and actually ate some more of the grey protein porridge. It was the only thing she could do so she didn’t have to talk. River ducked her head down so her hair covered face like a veil.

Mal sat down next to Caroline, noticed that she was eating and hoped that he had pushed the issue off one more morning. “Keep on eatin’ little one; you’re almost done.” He looked over at River who was still ignoring him. “Two of you gonna act like brats, then you can clean up the galley, floor, dishes and all. Don’ want none broken neither.”

Mal walked over to where Kaylee was standing. “Lil’ Kaylee, if they give you any problems jest holler. I’m going to go see what’s in those crates with the Doc.” He patted her on the shoulder and followed a very eager Simon down to the cargo bay.

Simon was almost skipping down to the cargo bay he was so excited. It had been so long since he’d seen, much less used, equipment that was of the caliber that Sol Sapphira produced. It felt like Christmas, his birthday, Easter, Halloween and every other holiday all rolled into one.

They walked into the cargo bay together, Simon almost sprinted down to the crates, Mal just sat down on the stairs to watch. Simon walked around the small stack of boxes trying to decide which one to open first. Walked around once looking at the small boxes, six small boxes, they would all contain pharmaceuticals; medicines which he couldn’t open. He walked around the stack again looking at the large boxes, three large boxes; they would contain medical equipment, equipment he could use. The equipment just needed to be repacked into the crates when they landed on Pythagoras.

“Shen sheng de gao wan, Doc. Pick one already; I’m not getting any younger.”

“The crates, the small ones they should contain pharmaceuticals. I just wish I could use some of them.” Simon opened the first crate and pulled out a small bottle, caressing it as if it was a lover. It was a bottle of sedatives, heavy duty ones, a type that was commonly used on mental patients. He’d gotten some in their heist on Ariel and tried them on River. They hadn’t worked too well by themselves; but, in concert with other drugs had produced a cocktail that had worked for a while.

From his pocket Simon pulled out a green marking pen and put the date on the bottom of the bottle. His writing like everything else he did was precise and perfect. “I believe that by writing the date on the bottom as I do on all of the medical supplies in the infirmary they will pass inspection by anyone who cares to look.”

“How you going to tell them apart from our supplies?”

“The pen is green; I mark everything of ours in blue.”


Simon continued working marking each bottle carefully. Mal left to go and do Captain-y things; Serenity’s account books hadn’t been updated for quite a while. Been busy with things; this whole being a father thing was time consuming. Caroline should be doing lessons for a couple more hours.

It took Simon about two more hours to work through the six boxes. He marked and cataloged each bottle, vial, and tin. Getting through the six small crates was laborious; his reward was the three large crates.

“River! Give it back to me! River, it’s mine. River!

Simon looked up to see Caroline chasing River with Kaylee right behind the two of them.

“What are you all up to now? Mei-mei. Give Zoey or whatever else you took back.”

“I don’t have anything Simon.” River chortled as she pirouetted across the top of cargo bay. She leapt gracefully across the opening and landed on the uppermost Sol Sapphira crate. With one more leap she was one the ground.

“She has my nose! River took my nose.” Caroline yelled as she thundered down the stairs chasing after River.

Kaylee had vanished; Simon imagined that she had gone into Inara’s shuttle for a breather from the madness. Simon turned back to the three large crates. It was like Christmas. “Christmas! Holy Mary Mother of Jesus!”

“Simon, it’s just me, Kaylee; whatcha doin’?”

“Kaylee. You startled me. I wasn’t expecting… Figured you, Inara … breather, …” He stuttered, and pointed around the cargo bay.

“Simon, you aren’t making any sense.”

“Uh, I figured you went into Inara’s shuttle to escape the cacophony that they were making.” Simon said absently running his hands through his hair pointing at Inara’s shuttle then to the door where the combat booted trio had thundered in from, and then pointing at the hatch through which they’d unceremoniously departed as loudly as they’d come.

Kaylee playfully smacked him on the shoulder “No silly. I took River’s nose. Then River took Caroline’s.”


She looked at the crates “Whatcha doing?”

“Cataloging the inventory of the Captain’s latest cargo.”

“I see; do you need any help?”

“Umm… uh… no, I think I’m fine.” Simon responded looking longingly at the three large crates. He really didn’t want to share. “For right now, I might need help later.”

“Ok.” And Kaylee skipped out leaving Simon to the three large crates.

Simon walked around the three large crates deciding which one to open first. In the distance he heard the Captain hollering “If you break your heads open I ain’t fixing it.” He seemed to be yelling things like that a lot lately. He very carefully un-stacked the three crates setting them on the floor, and walked around them again.

The crates, there were two that were the same size, and one that was a little smaller. He circled them one more time before deciding on the top large crate. He unbuttoned his shirtsleeves and rolled them up to his elbows. The large crate that would be the first one he opened. Simon caressed the top gently, slowly trailing his fingers across the carefully printed words. He gently unclasped the crate and slowly opened it revealing the treasure within.

A holo-imager; a portable holo-imager. He’d only read about them, top of the line, brand new, and his for the next two weeks. Simon licked his lips and pulled out the first piece, then the second, and the third. He ran his long fingers down the textured metal cover, learning the subtleties of the surface as he wished to learn Kaylee’s. Savoring each moment, he could smell the unique smell that was brand new medical equipment. It was as exciting as the sweet musk of a woman. He hadn’t felt this excited about the smell of new plastics and enameled metal since his father gave him his first scanner. He now understood how she felt about Serenity, the love and the passion; however, equipment didn’t speak to him like it did to Kaylee. He was probably going to need her help assembling the components.

Simon looked in the box again and saw the manual. He pulled out the electronic manual, carefully placed all of the holo-imager parts back into the crate and sat down on the floor and began to read.

Simon stretched still reading, and unbuttoned the collar of his starched white shirt. Since he was only one on board Serenity who cared about personal appearances, other than Inara, he usually got laundry duty. Wash had thanked him for it once saying: ‘Since you’ve started doing the laundry we’re not getting any more pink clothes like when Jayne or Zoë do it. They just throw everything in together.’

“Doc, what’cha doin’ settin’ on the floor? Ther’es chairs on this boat.”

Simon looked up to see Jayne holding a towel; he must have been coming down to do his daily weight lifting sets. He realized from the stiffness in his body that a couple of hours must have passed; and that he was going to need Kaylee’s help in assembling the imager. “Uh no, I need to go find Kaylee.”

“Doc, you look like you just had some of the best sexin’ in your life. What’cha got there titty mags? Babes of Boro’s? I was goin’ to get the latest issue when we were planetside; but, I ran out of time.”

“No Jayne; not the ‘Babes of Boros.’ It’s the operations manual for the Sol Sapphira portable holo-imager.”

“I get it. You get your rocks off reading about how see inside people. Weird if you ask me. Gorram weird. I got a lin-ger-y catalog that works just shiny.”

“Wo de ma, Jayne, can you get any cruder? Lingerie, its pronounced lingerie you uncivilized ape.” Simon left the cargo bay looking for Kaylee; he figured he should stop by his infirmary and get another pen. His was running out of ink. That and he didn’t want Jayne to realize how close to the mark he was.

“Wo de ma, Caroline what have you done to my infirmary?” Simon stopped in the door and looked around, every drawer and cabinet door was opened.

“I cut my knee up.” She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and what looked like a roll of tape around her knee.

Simon could stay mad at her just about as much as he could at River. “Ok, let me look at it.” He lifted her up to the examining table.

“Ya ain’t gonna stick me are ya?” She asked in a scared voice.

“No.” Simon sighed and began to unwrap the tape, missing the holo-imager. “Don’t see why I’d need to; what did you do to yourself? Why aren’t you wearing any shoes?”

It was the first skinned knee he’d treated on Serenity; the norm ran more towards gunshot wounds, broken bones, and contusions.

“I fell trying to find River, we was playing Hide-n’-Seek. River don’t wear shoes.”

“We were.”


“We were playing Hide-n’-Seek. We were…” Simon finished unwrapping the roll of tape; and cleaned out her knee trying to be as gently as possible, all the while trying to work as fast as possible so that he could go back to the holo-imager.

“”We were playing Hide-n’-Seek.”

“Why didn’t you tell the Captain? He would have fixed you up.”

Caroline’s eyes welled up again. “He said iff’n we broke ourselves he wasn’t gonna fix it.”

“Yes, I remember him saying that. I’m sure he was joking Caroline. I’m sure he was joking.” Simon felt awkward comforting her.

“You ain’t gonna tell him are you?” She asked in a faltering voice, still a little scared.

“If you don’t want to tell him, you don’t need to. I won’t.” He lifted her down from the table and fairly pushed her out the door. He didn’t even try to listen to her chest; he’d been monitoring the wheeze in her chest since her physical. It was a fight every time he tried listen, she hated the stethoscope. She hated anything medical related. Right now all Simon wanted was to be alone with the crates of medical equipment. Serenity seemed to be conspiring against him opening the crates.

Simon sighed and started to re-organize the infirmary. It was a mess reminiscent of something that Jayne would do. “Mini-Jayne is more like it,” he muttered to himself as he began picking up the mess. Luckily Caroline was fairly short, and hadn’t gotten into any of the overhead cabinets so it didn’t take too long.

The anticipation was growing within Simon. He was dying to know what was in the other two big crates; it was growing within him like a wild animal. So instead of finding Kaylee and asking for help on the holo-imager Simon sprinted back to the cargo bay. He passed Inara in the passage as she was heading to make a cup of tea in the galley. She flattened herself up against the bulkhead and watched him shaking her head in amazement as the young doctor pranced by.

Simon made it back to the cargo bay in record time. He was panting and out of breath when he reached the precious crates. There were two left to open. Which crate would be next? The other large one or the smaller crate

Jayne was still lifting weights; grunting with every progressive set. Shepard must be busy doing something else; they usually lifted weights together. Simon didn’t even notice him as he circled the crates like a predator circles its prey. Simon muttered to himself as he stared at the two remaining boxes: ‘Good things always come in little blue boxes’ as mother used to say, although she was talking about jewelry not medical equipment.

He reached out and caressed the small crate before turning to the larger one. Save the best for last. He ran his fingers over the roughened plastic feeling the smoothness of the printed words and the nubbly texture of rest of the crate which contrasted with the cold metal of the locking mechanism.

“Doc, are you gonna’ open that thing; or just fondle it?”

Simon snapped back to reality and looked over seeing Jayne sitting on the weight bench.

“I’m sorry; what did you say Jayne?”

“Ya’ gonna open that gorram crate or jest make love to it?

Simon sighed and snapped open the locks gently opening the case. He lifted up the protective foam and knelt down on the floor so that he could better see what was inside. Jayne didn’t deserve a response. Looking at the contents of the box he saw that it was all spare parts. He carefully marked each one with the green pen and laid them to the side. When he was done he very precisely put them back; unless someone really knew what they were looking fore they would never be able to tell that the crate had ever been opened.

Simon looked around the cargo bay; Jayne was gone. That was nice, it was quiet. Simon had stopped wearing a timepiece of any type while they’d been on Serenity. Time was immaterial in the black. They took the schedule of whatever planet they were one; and in the black it was always dark so they set their own schedule.

There was one crate left. The smallest crate, Simon unbuttoned his vest and laid it over the stack of pharmaceutical boxes.

He ran his hands across the nubbly surface, down the rubber seam, and over the cool metal lips, which kept the secrets within safe; finally flicking the locks open. He opened the lid and let out a low moan originating deep from within his soul. Simon gently lifted out the protective foam reaching into the cleft that it revealed. A small case was the first item he pulled out; he opened it and revealed a set of surgical instruments. An inter-cranial surgical set, neurosurgery it had been Simon’s second choice of specialty after trauma surgery. The probes, micro - scalpels, nano-cameras, and miniaturized monitoring devices were things of exquisite beauty. They could bring pain, relief, and joy.

“What’ cha doing Doc?”

Simon looked up to see Wash looking at him. It was frustrating to say the least the way everyone kept interrupting him. “Hmm… I’m cataloging the medical equipment that is going to Pythagoras.”

“I see. It looked like you were doing other things. Jayne things.”

“Jayne things?”

“Well, you know? Jayne things.” And Wash started imitating Jayne.

Chuckling Simon responded “No, nothing that exciting, I’m afraid. My skills don’t lean towards being a rutting ape, I’m just cataloging equipment.” He turned back towards the crate, and completely tuned Wash and all of Serenity’s noises and vibrations out. He felt only the textures contained within the crate, saw only its contents, and smelled only the metallic musk that it released.

He lifted up the next layer of foam, closed his eyes, and felt cool smooth metal under his fingers. It made them tingle. It was electric.

He allowed himself to look at what was inside the layer. Metal clamps, restraints, and vises to prevent the patient and more importantly their cranium from moving in the midst of delicate surgery. The way he liked a woman when he was exploring the depths of passion: still aching to move. This was universal equipment which would convert any type of surface into a surgery.

“Doctor Simon, Doc, its dinner. Shepard sent me to get you.” Simon looked up again, frustrated almost to the point of anger to be bothered again. This time he saw Caroline calling down to him from the catwalk. “Doc it’s dinner. Ain’t you hungry?”

Looking down at the open crate; now emptied of its glories Simon realized that he was hungry; and the last meal he had eaten was breakfast. Standing, stretching, and starting towards the galley he did a mental inventory in his head: pharmaceuticals, holo-imager, inter-cranial surgical set, and operating table equipment.

Gao se – Crap Gorram -- Damn Mei-mei – Little Sister Niu shi -- Cow dung Shen sheng de gao wan -- Holy testicle Tuesday (I saw this used sometime ago in someone else’s fanfic and have been dieing to use it!) Wo de ma -- Mother of God Xin gan – Sweetheart


Thursday, February 23, 2006 7:56 AM


Oh, this chapter was excellent. I love the comment about Simon lookin' like he got sexed real good and he's just looking at medical equipment.

And the subtleties as he's looking at it, its texture and comparing it to a woman and Kaylee...very nicely done.

His frustration at the end is so palpable! Now, he just needs to take some of that out between our favorite mechanic's legs...K? :)

Thursday, February 23, 2006 9:20 AM


Great chapter Guenever! Simon is such a hoot! A boob too, of course.

What procedures do you mean ManicGiraffe?

Thursday, February 23, 2006 4:38 PM


very very nice work!

Friday, February 24, 2006 2:41 AM


I like Simon's excitement about the medical supplies. And River throwing the porridge, great fun!

Friday, February 24, 2006 9:53 AM


Aww! Caroline just gets CUTER and CUTER! Awesome :D


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I'm a little peeved with 'Anonymous' which I no that spelled wrong; but, he said that I needed to have other people talking. I really hate when I'm not right! I've been trying to be practically perfect in the words of Mary Poppins.
So this chapter became that chapter -- the other people chapter. I've been contemplating adding a little bit to either chapter 10, 11, or 12. I really do hate it when I think of things after the fact. But, I think tying Buffy the Vampire Slayer would be a funny little tidbit to add in -- and no it wouldn't be crossover fic.

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Oh yeah, and this is probably about an R rating give or take a little. Drug use is an adult theme?

Extra Cargo -- Chapter 11: Jonah 1.17
Continuing the fluffy Extra Cargo series. The crates are open, and Simon finally figures everything out! He's a little slow. This is PG-13 or R for adult themes. I've been revising some of the chapters so that the story makes sense -- in particular <A HREF=""Chapter 5</A> & <A HREF="" Chapter 7</A>. And as always starting at the beginning is always a good idea so here are all of the link for the ones I haven’t already listed up top:
<A HREF="" Chapter 1-4</A>,
<A HREF="" Chapter 6</A>,
<A HREF="" Chapter 8</A>,
<A HREF="" Chapter 9</A>, and
<A HREF="" Chapter 10</A>.

Extra Cargo -- Chapter 10: Victoria's Secret
This is the continuation of the fluffy Extra Cargo series, and Simon finally looks inside the crates. This is PG-13 rated, not G like the first 9 chapters.
I think starting at the beginning is always a good idea so here are all of the links <A HREF="" Chapter 1-4</A>, <A HREF="" Chapter 5</A>, and <A HREF="" Chapter 6</A>, <A HREF="" Chapter 7</A>, <A HREF="" Chapter 8</A>, and <A HREF="" Chapter 9</A>.
Thank you Mal4Prez for betaing my fluff! I really appreciate the help.

Extra Cargo: Chapter 9 -- It was a Dark and Stormy Night and the Captain said to his Daughter
This is the continuation of fluffy Extra Cargo series; not to much is serious. Starting at the beginning is always a good idea <A HREF="" Chapter 1-4</A>, <A HREF="" Chapter 5</A>, and <A HREF="" Chapter 6</A>, <A HREF="" Chapter 7</A>, and a new and retitled <A HREF="" Chapter 8</A>.

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I'm really sorry about this double posting a chapter thing; but, I end up doing a lot of rewriting in order to make this fit with Chapter 9. And it just seemed more logical (in my little world) to repost it instead of revising the already existing chapter 8.
Which is (thus far) my favorite chapter. I really need to say thank you to BookAddict for the ideas! And to my invaluable beta reader Mal4Prez.

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Updated 27Feb06. The next chapter in my fluffy little saga of the crew of Serenity. If you want to start at the beginning <A HREF="" Chapter 1-4</A>, <A HREF="" Chapter 5</A>, and <A HREF="" Chapter 6</A>.

Thanks to Mal4Prez for beta-reading! I don't know what I would do without you to fix everything.

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