This is really well written.
The frenzy and the pace is amazing, also it's an awesome concept that I hadn't even considered.

It's very confronting, but I like it.

I enjoyed this. Great pace and an excellent perspective.

I have two quibbles, the first being the blocked together style. probably if you spaced it out, it'd look better.

And the seond is a personal preference. I don't think that words like "fuck" need to be in a fic when they weren't in the show, but as I said, that's my personal preference.

Luc

The frantic nature of the soldiers' fear and uncertainty is wonderful.

An interesting perspective from the 'other side'.

Wow! Very powerful. So easy to imagine that that's exactly what that soldier was thinking!

I, too, disliked the block style, but maybe that was deliberate? An indication of how quickly these thoughts were flying through his head?

Anyway, well done! Look forward to reading your future endeavors.

"I love my captain."

Lucas Harper...the blocking was an issue and I am not fond of it either. I am not certain how to visually imply a sense of rushing action/thought and chaos otherwise. It IS difficult and annoying to read AND write! I should have added a bit of html last night when I was writing it but I was not certain whether it would take here. I did change the blocking but it looks different in a standard HTML document than it does here. I shall play around with it and familiarize myself with the quirks of this format.

Regarding the language issue, believe it or not I have mulled this topic for years (even before Firefly first aired). It is rather fascinating how our culture accepts profanity in a foreign language but not in our own tongue. I love the chinese curses that are used on the show but I also know that it was a tool to allow profanity without getting censored. I also felt that it was slightly distracting during the dramatic moments, as my attention was directed towards translation and pronunciation (the latter,in the case of fic). It gave flavor to the lighter moments and extra punch to the humor. I want that extra jab to the gut that profanity adds, that keeps the reader uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel as though it is too easy to overlook the characters' fear or anger when we are only given the chinese version. I would think that this applied to all languages. "Holy Merde" just doesn't hit home to english speakers, the way that "Holy Shit" would. We have an intrinsic understanding of when we (as individuals) would apply profanity and I want that type of intimacy with the readers' psyche and the character's. Pinyinary or no, I feel uncomfortable using a language that I am not at least proficient enough in to verify grammar and spelling. I have also changed the author's note to indicate that the piece contains profanity.

ShinyTalent,BookAddict, and Lvs2read: frenzy, chaos, panic, fear were all the emotions that I was trying to convey. Plus I wanted to give the impression that time was both sped up and agonizingly slow at the same time. I want the reader to see the conflict between the soldier's training and fight/flight responses. The tiny voice in the back of your head that keeps a running dialogue that almost hypnotizes as it narrates what is going on. That narrative perspective is very specific and non-linear intentionally. The guy (or girl) standing next to him could be thinking, and evaluating the situation, in a way that would seem to have no relation to the events as perceived by this guy.

I am a bit overwhelmed that I received so many responses so quickly, LOL! Not complaining, mind you, I just assumed it would be 4 or 5 over the next month. I hope that my explanations make sense and any further thoughts will get the same babbling response as above :D

Great I loved it !!! Fanfic without the BDH's is very creative !!! GOOD STUFF !!!!!

Just...Wow.
This is something I never expected but it really hit me. Excellent work.

i liked it. very tense and edgy. it's interesting to see how the other side see things.

b