This story takes place before the series, although there are some spoilers/speculation regarding the title character's background. This is the ninth story in the Tales series. The rest can be found here: River, Wash, Mal, Kaylee, Zoë, Simon, Inara, Jayne Rated PG for language and violence. Thanks go out to my much appreciated beta-ers. Go Neong Yung Duh=Son of a bitch Chui Se=Go to hell ***** Derrial Book was kneeling in prayer in the main chapel. He had been at the Southdown Abbey on Persephone for awhile now, and had finally begun to feel the peace that he had come seeking. The chapel, with its stone walls and wooden pews, had become like a home to him. Book had been all over the ‘verse, but had never before called any place home. Until he had come to the Abbey, he had been adrift, moving from place to place on the orders of others. Now he had a place that he could come to and find peace. In his former life, he rarely was able to find any. There was always bloodshed and death following him from world to world. There had been so many men and women that had died.… No. That time was over, and he didn’t need to dwell on it any longer. He was a Shepherd now, and his previous life no longer mattered. If God was willing to grant him a clean start, then he needed to be able to do the same for himself. He was about to begin the first psalm when he heard a voice behind him. “Excuse me, Shepherd? I hate to bother you, but is Abbot Toshiro around?” Book stood and turned to face the man. He was a young man, and simply dressed. He looked upset, as though there was something weighing on him. Book smiled at him, trying to make him feel more comfortable. “No, I’m afraid that he’s not here at the moment. Is there anything I can do for you?” The man ran his hand through his hair. “I guess so, Shepherd. Would you be willing to hear a confession?” Book hesitated. He was a Shepherd, but he didn’t generally minister to the flock. He had come to the Abbey trying to make himself better through inner contemplation. He wasn’t sure that he’d be able to give this man the kind of help that he needed. Until he had the kind of insight into the ‘verse, and himself, that he felt was necessary, then he doubted that he could effectively help anyone. He didn’t want to risk somehow making the situation worse by not really understanding God’s will. That, and Book was very aware of just how ridiculous it would be for him, of all people, to offer absolution to someone else. The thought made him feel vaguely unworthy, like he was a fraud. On the other hand, the Lord had commanded him to help the least of His people. He hadn’t said anything about only doing so when it was convenient for Shepherd Derrial Book. He couldn’t allow his own personal issues to interfere with his ability to do his job, and that job was to help all of God’s children that he encountered. He silently breathed a quick prayer for strength and guidance, and sat down on the pew. He gestured for the man to sit next to him, and after the man had done so, Book spoke to him. “Before we do anything, I think I should tell you that I normally don’t hear confessions. That generally falls under the Abbot’s duties.” The man buried his head in his hands. “I don’t care, Shepherd. I just need to get this off my chest.” “All right then. Tell me what you want to confess.” The man looked up at him, and there were tears in his eyes. “My name’s Allen Mitchell, Shepherd. I own a store in the city, selling parts for people’s farm equipment. Business hasn’t been very good lately, and…” Book waited for Allen to continue for a few seconds before speaking. “Go ahead, tell me what happened.” “It’s just really hard to keep enough bread on the table, Shepherd. I’ve got a wife and two kids at home…. ***** “I’ve got a wife and two kids at home, please, don’t do this!” The Operative of Parliament looked down at the man cowering before him. The man was bleeding from the gunshots to both of his knees, and he clutched at them in pain. The Operative had chased this man from the core worlds to St. Albans, the very edge of the rim. His orders had been clear, and this man had to die in order to protect the security of the Alliance. That was what mattered to him, because that was what he had been trained for. Security had to come before all other considerations. When the situation called for it, he had to be prepared to eliminate another person in order to safeguard that security. The Alliance was a force for good in the universe, and he took great satisfaction in the fact that he had been chosen, from among hundreds of qualified law enforcement officers, to represent the Parliament as its personal hand. Still, now that he was staring into the terrified eyes of the first target that he had ever hunted down, he felt a slight twinge of doubt. He hadn’t asked for any details regarding this man, because he knew that none would be given, and that it wasn’t his place to ask in the first place. Information would be given to him as he needed it. In the end, it didn’t matter. This man was an enemy of the Alliance, and the Operative loved the Alliance dearly. If he posed a threat to the Alliance, he didn’t need any more motivation to do his duty. It was stupid to wait for an enemy to draw a weapon and take aim if he had the chance to kill that enemy before there was any chance of him being harmed at all. The Parliament considered this man a legitimate threat, or he wouldn’t be here. He couldn’t allow his own personal issues to interfere with his ability to do his job, and that job was to eliminate those that his superiors had decided needed to be eliminated. “Please!” the man wailed. The Operative of Parliament took careful aim with his pistol, and fired three shots into the man’s head. He turned and walked away without a second look. ***** “I’m just worried that I won’t be able to keep my family fed, Shepherd. If things don’t get better, we might lose our house.” Book took a deep breath before he answered. He fought hard to keep the old memories down where they belonged. Buried. He steadied himself and spoke. “Allen, why don’t you tell me what sin you’ve committed.” Allen swallowed. “I’ve stolen, Shepherd. I’ve stolen a lot of money, and I’m scared.” “Who did you steal from?” “Well, I was going into the store this morning around 7:00, like usual, and as I was opening up, I saw this hovercraft from Martha O’Leary’s textile mill heading for the outskirts of town.” Book nodded. The mill gave jobs to a lot of people from the city. The owner was considered a hero in town for her generosity when it came to paying her workers. Most mill owners on Persephone paid their workers so poorly they were practically slaves. Allen kept going. “You see, there’s a man a few lots down from me that keeps this horse that just won’t tame. Every once in a while, she slips her rope and runs off. This morning, she got loose just as this hovercraft came by. The pilot swerved, and this bag falls out of the back. It lands at my feet, and I can see it’s full of money. I just grabbed it and ran. I didn’t know what I was doing….” ***** “I didn’t know what I was doing! I had no idea he was in the military, he never told me! This isn’t fair!” The Operative had spent a full month finding the woman standing in front of him. He’d had her entire family arrested and interrogated in order to find her, and yet it still took him far too long to finally catch up to her. She was a wanted spy, a woman who had managed to work her way into a high ranking Alliance general’s bed in order to learn important military secrets. Her brother had been able to find her a safe house on Athens, but the Operative had been able to learn her location during extensive questioning. He had come straight here in order to make sure she didn’t have a chance to tell anyone what she might know. “I doubt that very much. The general treated you very well. Why would you leave him unless you’d gotten what you needed to know?” She snorted. “Yeah, I got what I needed to know alright. I found out that the go neong yung duh was an Alliance general. I don’t want anything to do with those Alliance bastards.” The Operative shook his head. “The general has done great things for the ‘verse. He’s helped bring civilization to the worlds that need it.” She brought her right hand up to slap him. He caught it with his own, and calmly squeezed on her wrist until a bone broke. She yelled in pain and sank down to her knees before he let go of her wrist. She began to cradle her injured hand in her left. She turned her face up toward him with fury in her eyes. “You’re going to kill me now, aren’t you? No one’s going to be bound by law tonight, are they?” The Operative unholstered his pistol. “You have knowledge that I have to keep from the public. You have spied on the Anglo-Sino Alliance, which is treason. And the sentence for that is death.” She shook her head. “He said he would do this, you know that? He said that if I left him, then he’d put out a warrant and somebody would come to kill me.” “Yes, he was right to swear out a warrant on a spy. If you hadn’t tried to steal Alliance secrets from him, then I never would have gotten involved.” “There were no ‘Alliance secrets!’ He picked me up in a bar and threatened to have me killed if I left him! You’re not defending the Alliance; you’re helping a man kill a woman who left him! Is that what you signed on for when you took this job?” The Operative hesitated. She might be telling the truth. Since his first mission years ago, he’d killed dozens of people. They’d all either protested their innocence or tried to bribe him, and he’d killed them all. Still, after all this time, it still bothered him when a target was able to give him a story that made sense to him. It could very well be that he was involved in nothing more than a lover’s quarrel. If he were to bring her back for a trial, the truth might come to light. But his orders were clear, and he would be considered an enemy of the Parliament if he didn’t eliminate her. A trial might give her the chance to disclose what she knew. He couldn’t risk that, and neither could the Alliance. Lover or spy, or both, she had to die. She began to scream at him. “You know I’m telling the truth! You know I’m innocent!” Given what he had just been thinking, her words made him angry. He practically spat his response at her. “I don’t give half a hump if you’re innocent or not! So where does that put you?” She was silent for a moment. She knew it was over. Finally, she said, “Chui se.” The Operative shot her three times in the head. As he turned and walked away, he quietly muttered, to no one in particular, “Eventually.” ***** “Anyway, I ran straight home. There were 20,000 credits in that bag, and I wasn’t about to ask any questions.” Book had to fight to come back to the present again. Why wouldn’t the past just let him alone? “I’d say it was probably the mill’s payroll.” Allen nodded. “My wife, Megumi, said the same thing. She was so angry at me when I got back. She said I’d taken food right out of the mouths of those people’s children.” Which he had, Book thought. He didn’t say anything, though. There wasn’t any point in making the man feel any guiltier than he already did. A shepherd was there to absolve, not to condemn. “What happened then?” Allen bowed his head again. “We argued. We yelled at each other for an hour. She threatened to leave me, and take the children with her. After awhile, I left the house before I could make things any worse.” Book nodded. “And then you came here.” Allen nodded back. “Pretty much. I just needed….” “What did you need, Allen?” Allen finally started to cry. “I’m a good man, Shepherd. I really am. I’ve never done anything like this ever before. I’m sorry….” ***** “I’m sorry, mister. Honest! I’m sorry!” The Operative was on Persephone on a vitally important mission. He was currently in the main room of a fairly comfortable family home, having already secured the target’s parents in one of the bedrooms. They hadn’t offered him any serious resistance, so he saw no need to permanently harm them. The father had tried to physically attack him, but when he had threatened to shoot the target dead in front of him, the target’s father submitted. Now he was alone with the target himself. The target was the couple’s only son, seven year old William Kent. The Operative had been tasked with eliminating a security breach involving an important Member of Parliament, Minister Zhang. She, along with a group of her aides, had been negotiating an important deal with several Blue Sun Corporation officers aboard their ship at the Eavesdown Docks. This type of arrangement was always vulnerable to espionage, and apparently someone had seen the meeting taking place, or had seen those involved shortly after the deal had happened. The Operative had been given the mission of eliminating that individual who saw something he shouldn’t have. The Operative didn’t know what kind of deal had been struck up between the two parties. He imagined that it was probably regarding new computer components for Alliance ships. However, he’d also heard rumors while he had been searching for the target in Persephone’s lower income areas. There were rumors that Blue Sun was paying Parliament very well to be the main supplier to the Alliance. Of course, no one could prove anything. It had all been rumor and hearsay, things heard from a friend of a friend that couldn’t be confirmed. Still, the rumors had made him nervous. Lately, he hadn’t been able to muster up the kind of enthusiasm he had when he’d first started his duties. These rumors were just the latest in a line of hints that perhaps the Alliance wasn’t quite the paragon of good he’d thought it was. There’d been stories about mass executions without trial of hundreds of dissidents on the rim worlds. Some people had sworn that the Alliance was testing new cybernetic enhancements on Unification War prisoners. One woman had told him that she knew, beyond a doubt, that the Alliance had used some chemical weapon to wipe out small towns across the ‘verse just to see if it worked. He’d heard about plans to start some sort of program to train more efficient assassins. He had, discretely, checked into all of these events. He had never been able to confirm any of them, although he had never been able to totally prove they hadn’t happened either. This had been the first mission he’d been given in weeks, and the age of the target, combined with all of those unanswered questions he’d had so much time to consider, had made him start to question whether or not he really should be here. The Operative decided to talk to William to try and determine if he really was a risk. He tried to sound calming while he talked to the boy who was, understandably, terrified. “William, do you remember where you were last Friday, around ten o’clock?” The boy nodded. “The docks.” “What were you doing down there?” “Got lost. We were comin’ home from my aunt’s house and I got lost.” Lost. That seemed somehow appropriate. “Did you see anything while you were there? Was there anyone there you might have seen on the cortex?” William shook his head. “Are you sure about that? It’s very important.” William shook his head again. “I was scared, but I didn’t cry. I was looking for mama and I didn’t see nobody else. Then mama came and got me and we went home.” As simple as that. The Operative had always been very good at telling when someone was lying. William wasn’t. Children generally weren’t very good liars to begin with, and William was telling the truth. He wouldn’t have recognized the Minister at all, and there wasn’t any way he’d know what the meeting meant. He’d wandered away from his mother and happened to come by the place where the meeting was. He had no idea what he’d seen, if he’d seen anything in the first place. This boy was no threat to anyone. The Operative lowered his pistol. He went to the bedroom door and unlocked it. As the father jumped out at him to try and tackle him, he quickly threw him to the ground in a judo move before falling on him in a pin. He spoke quietly as he pulled all of the money he had with him out and held it in his left hand. “Listen to me, and don’t ask questions. They’re going to come after your son. I’ll tell them he isn’t a threat, but I can’t make any promises that they won’t still come for him. This is enough for you to get out of here and start over. Get out of the world, now. If they find you, they will kill you all.” He dropped the money on Mr. Kent’s chest and left the house without another word. William hadn’t moved from where he’d left the boy. He didn’t look at the boy, because the Operative was crying. A few years ago, he might have shot the boy and his whole family without a second thought. He was an agent for a government that killed children because they might have seen something that compromised state secrets. He’d never bound anyone by law. The Parliament had told him who to kill, and he’d done it. He chose not to think about how many of them had probably been innocent of any real wrong too. Right now, that thought was more than he wanted to deal with. He thought back to all of the atrocities he’d heard the Alliance had committed. They probably weren’t all true. Rumors would always fly, and some of them would always be fake. But some of them probably were true, or at least had some truth to them at their heart. It didn’t matter if there hadn’t been “hundreds” of people killed for disagreeing with the government or not. There might have been only a few. But still, those few deserved to be remembered, didn’t they? He used the first public console he found to send a wave to his superiors, telling them that William Kent was no longer a threat. He hoped that would be enough. After he’d signed off the cortex, he pulled his pistol one last time and looked at it. He was about to throw away his entire life. He didn’t care any longer. Public consoles usually had trash bins next to them, and this one was no different. He dropped the pistol into it, and walked away into the night. The Operative of Parliament had turned his back on his purpose in life. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to find another one. ***** Allen was crying. It was good for the Shepherd, because he was also brushing away tears. He managed to pull himself back together before Allen spoke again, even though Allen wouldn’t make eye contact with him. “I’m a horrible man, Shepherd.” Book shook his head. “A wise man once told me about another ‘horrible man’ who did all manner of terrible things. His name was Saul, but most folks call him St. Paul these days. God forgives all things, if we are sorry.” “Shepherd, what should I do?” Book reached out and touched Allen’s shoulder. “You’ve admitted your sin to me, Allen. I absolve you, on one condition. You have to return what you’ve stolen.” Allen shook his head. “I can’t go to jail, Shepherd. My family won’t survive without me!” Book smiled. “Now, I don’t remember saying anything about jail. Since you said that you came right here, I assume that means you have the money with you?” “Yeah. It’s tied up with my horse outside.” “Fine. Leave the money with me, and I’ll wave the mill myself to tell them that the person who took it wants to return it. I think that Martha O’Leary will understand if a family man who needed money took her payroll, but gave it back when he realized what he’d done. I won’t mention your name.” For the first time since he’d come into the chapel, Allen smiled. “Really, Shepherd? Thanks!” “Don’t thank me just yet, Allen. There’s still the matter of your penance. First, I want you to go straight home and tell your wife that you’re sorry. Then, I want you to sit down with your children and tell them that what you did was wrong, and that there wasn’t any excuse in it.” Allen nodded, smiling. “I’ll go out and get the money.” As Allen left, Book turned to the front of the chapel again. He was tempted to feel as though he had done something remarkable today. But he knew better. All he had done was act for God with one of His children. For the first time since he’d been at the Abbey, he really felt like he knew his place in the Lord’s plan. He had spent enough time in the Abbey, becoming closer to God and learning who he was. The time had come for Shepherd Derrial Book to leave his secure home and go out to bring the light to others. God had sent someone to him that needed help, and had also given him what he’d needed to do the helping. That was as close to a sign as he’d ever seen. He didn’t have any excuse in hiding behind his past anymore. People needed him, and he couldn’t ignore them. He needed to travel the ‘verse, and he was pretty sure that God needed him to travel the ‘verse too. He’d found his calling, and it was time to follow it. As soon as Abbot Toshiro came back, he would tell the Abbot that it was time for him to move out. Book kneeled and said, “Lord, thank you for showing me the way you want me to walk. Please grant me the strength I need to do your will through whatever challenges I might face. Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.” He stood just as Allen came back into the chapel. He carried the bag of money in his hands, and he was smiling. He looked as though he weighed less than he did when he’d come in. Book smiled back at him. “I’ll take that.” Allen handed the bag over, and Book took it in his left hand. Allen put out his right hand, and Book reached out to shake it. “Thank you again, Shepherd. I didn’t know where else to go….” ***** “I didn’t know where else to go.” The Operative was standing in front of Abbot Toshiro in the main chapel of Southdown Abbey. The Operative felt dirty; he hadn’t shaved or cut his hair in weeks. He hadn’t seen the need. The Abbot was looking at him kindly, waiting for him to say something more. He had been wandering around Persephone aimlessly for several months. He’d gone by the Kents’ home to see if they’d left, and the house was deserted. He hoped that meant they were off world and on their way to a new life. After that, he’d just focused on trying to stay alive without really knowing why he was trying so hard. He hadn’t gone back to his ship, because he assumed that his superiors would probably be waiting for him there, and they wouldn’t be pleased with him. He’d worked at a few manual jobs just to stay fed, but hadn’t had a real home since he’d turned away from his life with the Alliance. He spent most of his days just walking around the city, sometimes even getting out into the outskirts. It was on the outskirts that he’d first seen the Abbey. He hadn’t had much room for faith in his life. During his training, it had been made clear to him that belief in anything except the cause could get in the way of a mission. Because of that, he hadn’t paid much attention to the place at first. But, as he kept walking past the place every few days, he started to notice the Shepherds who lived there. Some of them would be working in the garden, and some would be just walking around reading the Bible. They had all looked happy, and satisfied. They knew what they wanted in life, and they were working towards it. Occasionally they would smile at him, even yelling a cheerful greeting some days when they weren’t too busy with their other duties. There wasn’t any violence, and they seemed to have the same kind of security of purpose that he used to. They were men who knew exactly what right was. The Operative used to think of himself as that kind of man, but now he just couldn’t. The Abbot finally broke the silence. “Is there something you need from me, young man?” The Operative was quiet. “I’m not sure what I need.” “Do you want to confess a sin?” A sin? The Operative shook his head. “You don’t have time for my sins, Abbot.” “We have all the time you need. Just start at the beginning and tell me what you need to have absolved.” The Operative started thinking of his past. He thought back to the first man he’d ever killed. He hadn’t told his superiors, but he’d made it a point to check on his wife and children over the years. Every once in a while he’d transfer them some credits. He felt that he had to. He’d left them widowed and fatherless. Of course, they weren’t the only family that he’d stolen a loved one from. Hundreds of faces flashed through his memory, each one looking up at him in fear or anger. He’d killed so many people. The Operative began to cry. “I’m a monster, Abbot. I don’t deserve forgiveness. I’m damned, and nothing can change that. I’ve done so many terrible things....” The Abbot looked him in the eye. “You remind me of another man who did terrible things. St. Paul said that there was no way he could be redeemed given his horrible sins. But God forgives all things, if we are sorry.” The Operative spent two hours telling his sins to the Abbot. The two of them sat in the chapel, with the Abbot listening as he spoke. He was grateful that the Abbot didn’t seem horrified by what he’d done, especially since he, himself, had become horrified. He told the Abbot about every person he had ever killed, starting with the first man all the way up to the seven year old he had nearly murdered at the Alliance’s word. He would get angry or he would cry, but the Abbot simply listened. Once he had finished his confession, the Operative stood up. He felt better, even though he wasn’t sure why. He still didn’t know just where he stood with this God, but just telling his story to someone made him feel a bit less guilty. If there was a God, then he had been forgiven for his sins. If not, then at least someone knew about them and he didn’t have to carry them by himself anymore. He thanked the Abbot and turned to leave the Abbey. He felt the Abbot’s hand on his shoulder. “Young man, you don’t look like you’ve slept in a good bed in days. Would you consider staying here for a few days? I believe you could use some good meals and a hot bath.” The Operative was taken aback by the Abbot’s trust. “That’s either very brave or very stupid. After everything I’ve just told you, you want to fall asleep with me in the building?” The Abbot smiled. “Perhaps. But it’s how you’ve told me what you’ve done that makes me believe we’re safe with you. You’re sorry for your sins, and I think the least we can do for you is give you a safe harbor for a few days. Maybe you’ll even like it here and want to stay?” The Operative smiled back at him. “I wouldn’t wait too long for that. I can’t see myself as a preacher.” “I’ll pray for you to find whatever path God wants for you. Will that do?” “I think so.” The Abbot took him by the arm and led him towards the side of the chapel. “If you’re going to be our guest, I do believe we’re going to need to know what to call you.” He hadn’t used his real name in years. He almost gave the Abbot an alias, but he didn’t want to spoil his new start with a lie, whatever that new start might be. “I’m called Book.”