Disclaimer: anything recognizable is property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. The story is mine though. I had to take a couple creative liberties, but only on things never explained in the series. I also used my own translator for the Manderin, so it may not be perfect (although either way, it is comical).

It’s quite amazing how fast humans can acquaint themselves with other humans. Of course, one doesn’t know how long it can last. I was on day two with my newly assembled crew. And I was going crazy. I was in my room with Libby. She isn’t human, and her programming isn’t perfect. Sometimes, she can be very childlike. Right now, she was sitting on my bed, combing my hair. Namely, she was playing with my ponytail. Of course, when she’s acting like a child, she can still carry on an intelligent conversation. “We hit Ariel in an hour. Long range says nothing in pursuit. I even searched the cortex. No nasty surprises await you.” Then there are the times when she acts very adult. “Wo xiang yu ni xing jiao.” “Okay, your translator must be broken, because I could’ve sworn you just said you wanted to-” She drew closer to me. “I do,” she said as she slowly unbuttoned the top button of her shirt. I pushed her away. “If anybody other than you needs me, I’ll be on the bridge.” “And if I need you?” I stood there for a second. “I’ll be in the airlock with the outside open.” I went out of my room and up the stairs. Veering left toward the engine room, I saw a mess. “BILL!” He was caught in a jungle of cables that enveloped the entire engine room. “Oh, hey boss. I though I’d reroute engine power, make them more efficient and faster.” “And you have to do this an hour before landing?” “Don’t worry,” he assured me. “I’ll have this done before we hit orbit.” I stared at the mess. “Do that, qing qiu ni liao. I’d kinda like to have the engines on when we hit atmo.” Shaking my head in disbelief, I turned around and exited the engine room. Just a short distance ahead was the dining room, and after that the bridge, where another of my new crew, Tobias, was. And he was smoking a cigar right in the pilot’s seat, looking at a datapad. “Tobias, smoking on a spaceship… can you think of anything dumber?!?” He spoke in that semi-deep near-Scottish voice of his. “Aww, gorrammit Eddie, it’s just one cigar.” I yanked it out of his mouth. “Yes, but one cigar that can light a piece of paper, cause a fire, and set off my torpedoes. And assuming Bill gets my engines back up before we hit atmo and we don’t crash, I really don’t wanna blow up.” Tobias growled at me. “You’re no fun.” He then turned to the console ahead. “What does that red button do anyway?” “It powers my Superlaser with enough power to destroy a planet,” I told him with a smug look. “Oh, and continue smoking on my boat, and I’ll have you spending the rest of your days under the belief that you’re a six-year-old girl.” That got his attention. “Can you do that?” I chuckled at the thought. “I’d have Libby braid your hair.” “Ke-wu de lao bao jun,” Tobias thought to himself. “I heard that!” Tobias, surprised, stood up, and went out the door and down the steps. That left me alone. I took Tobias’s seat with the datapad nearby. Then I reached behind me, and looked at my now braided ponytail. “Wow, she did do a good job.”