He hugged his knees, not wanting to see or hear or feel anything. He felt all guilty, and with good reason. Another nightmare. Just like the one he had had before, with Kaylee, on the bed, throat rent open by the knife he had held in his hand. But, before, he had been aroused by it, by the blood. Now, he was afraid. Afraid, because he could have done that. Could have killed her. In his madness, he could have destroyed the embodiment of all that he loved. And, he was afraid that he could do that again. Feel the liberating touch of madness. The freeing rage that had engulfed, so long ago. Or was it? Only a month since he had almost killed everyone on this ship. A month since he had gotten these scars. And, that, and that only, was the reason that he had avoided Kaylee. He loved her too much to put her in that kind of danger. What if he suffered a relapse? He could go on a rampage. And they put mad dogs down. Stands to reason that Mal would do hat to him. For him. Hell, if he did, he would thank him from the other side, maybe put in a good word to the Big Guy, if he went that high up. But, he didn’t want to hurt Kaylee anymore than he already had. “But, your hurting her more than you ever did, just by not seeing her.” River sat above him, staring at him. He could only expect it. Whenever he was miserable, she was there, giving support and, sometimes, guidance. Fortunately, he had had Kaylee to keep him from being miserable too often. Hell, even before he had started bedding her! “You don’t understand.” He knew what he said was stupid. After all, River was the resident psychic, even if she was crazy. Okay, even though she was crazy. River laughed. “Yes, the psychic who has never been wrong is not right now. Makes perfect sense. But,” and here she turned serious, “you are hurting Kaylee. By not talking to her. She’s afraid. Afraid that she has taken her place as the one you love.” “Wait. Who…oh. Cassandra.” Well, least he got it without River giving him the answer. She clapped her hands together, all sarcastic like. “And the boob gets a prize. Yes, she is afraid that you don’t love her anymore. And you are hurting her, dearly. Your broken, Simon. And only she can fix you. But, first, go and make sure that she isn’t broke, too.” Metaphors. Riddles. Always, she can’t give a gorram straight answer! But, dutifully, he stood up. He had to find Kaylee. Now. *** He searched all her favorite haunts. The Engine Room. Their Room. The Lounge. Hell, he even checked out their old room. Why go on this wild goose chase? Simple, really: he didn’t want to hurt Kaylee. Again. Lor’ knows, he done that to many times as it is! Soon, he found himself in the Dining Room. He heard a soft rustling in the corner, and turned. To find Cassandra there, in her signature silks. When she had come on board, she had had only the burnt clothing she had been wearing. Since she was taller than Kaylee and shorter than Zoë, she had borrowed clothes from Inara. Sultry silks and slinky satins, which suited her particular…gifts. “Hello, Simon. You okay?” She smiled, showcasing a stunning set of teeth. He backed up nervously into a corner. He gulped. “Uh, I…I’m fine, Cassandra.” She stepped closer to him. “Please, call me…Sandra. It’s so much…better, don’t you think?” She was practically in his face. He smelled some type of perfume on her, like apples and lavender. So much unlike Kaylee… Then, without any warning, “Sandra” lurched forward and kissed him. On the lips. Startled, he put his hands on her shoulders, and made ready to push her away. From the other side of the room, their came a sob, the sound of hearts breaking and tears falling. Simon wrenched himself from Cassandra’s grasp, and saw Kaylee just as she left, tears streaming openly down her pretty face. Simon’s heart fell. He broke out of the girls grasp, but she grabbed onto his hand, turning him around. “Wait, Simon.” He gave her a look. She pressed on obliviously. “Leave her, come to me. I’m much better suited for you. And I’m better looking. Leave her. I love you, Simon.” She smiled. Simon took a deep breath. “Sandra…Cassandra, I’m sorry, but I don’t love you. I love Kaylee. Always have. And, it isn’t just that shes the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Its her, its who she is. Her laughter, her personality…she brought me back when I should have died. But, I would love her, even if she hadn’t. Even if she doesn’t love me. And this may just end up messing up our relationship forever. I have to do something.” He set off after his love and lover, a broken heart behind and before him. And, he may just be able to set things right…

TBC