Life’s Too Short- Part Twelve

Author’s Note: Okay. Here it is: the deep, dark secret of Inara’s past- and how Mal reacts to it… and no, I don't get any payment for these except the heartwarming kind when people comment (please, please, please- tell me what you like, what you don't like, what you want to see next, things like that)...

* * * * “I killed my lover,” she said. The import of her words didn’t really hit him at first, and for an instant, Mal just stood there. Frozen in time. Then, the echoes struck him syllable by syllable, and he staggered. Not back, not forward, just a shocked crumpling and regaining of balance. Mal didn’t let go of her arms, but his hands slid down to grasp hers with a grip that he had to struggle to loosen before he hurt her. “What?” Mal thought that maybe he should back up, give the girl some air, but he couldn’t seem to move. “I killed the man I loved,” Inara said again. “How old were you?” It was a strange, inane question, but in that moment it seemed the most important thing to ask. “Eighteen.” “Lao ma,” Mal murmured, not really knowing he was saying it. He noticed that Inara was stiff as a board, her eyes oddly wide. Tryin’ not to cry, he suddenly realized. Mal wanted to take her into his arms, but there was a gulf between them that he didn’t know how to cross. He backed up, drawing her with him by the hands and sitting her down on the bed. Mal sat beside her, crossing his arms. “Tell me,” he said simply. “I don’t want to,” she replied, not looking at him. Mal reached out and cupped her cheek, turning her head to face him. Her breath caught, but the touch was swift and over in an instant. “I’m afraid,” she admitted. “’s okay,” he said quietly. Inara took a deep breath. “His name was Sam. Sam Hewitt. He worked in the Training House where I grew up. He was the son of one of the cooks, and he sometimes came in to watch the girls dancing. Eventually, he became an assistant to Madame LeFarge, the dance instructor. He’d partner with the girls, so they could practice dancing with a man. I fell in love with him when I was sixteen. Love is forbidden among Companions, especially novices, so we had to keep it a secret.” As she spoke, Inara stared straight into Mal’s eyes. He wouldn’t look away. “I- I got pregnant. Two weeks before my eighteenth birthday. We decided to run away together, find a transport off Sihnon. But… well, I told one of the other novices. A good friend, named Clarissa. But she was jealous of me, and told the guards. On the night I was to meet Sam. I was nervous. No, I was terrified. I didn’t know what I was doing, only that I was afraid, and I loved Sam Hewitt. I had a knife, for protection. We all carried one. The House guards surprised us in a hallway just near the tunnel we were going to take to escape, and we tried to fight them. Then, one of them turned out the lights. When they came back on, Sam was dead. I’d stabbed him by accident.” She swallowed. Mal said nothing. “There was a cover-up. People were told that Sam had tried to rape me, and it had been out of self-defense. I was reprimanded, severely. The baby was destroyed.” “An’ you just… what?” “I went on. I grew up. It didn’t affect my life again until Clarissa got sick. She died, but just before she died, she wrote a letter that told everything. Me, Sam, the truth about his death. That’s why I left, Mal. They didn’t revoke my license, since it was so long ago and I am one of the most talented Companions in practice, but….” “You went on. ‘Nara, you don’t just kill the man you love and then ‘go on’!” “You kill people all the time and go on with your life.” “Not people I love!” “You shot Tracey.” Mal stopped. “That was different.” “I knew this would happen. This is why I didn’t want to tell you. You don’t want to imagine me killing anyone.” Mal ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe that’s so! You- You’re so clean, ‘Nara, so pure.” She laughed bitterly. “A pure whore? You’ve changed.” “That ain’t you,” he said angrily. “I’m not talkin’ about Inara Serra, I’m talkin’ about ‘Nara. Kaylee’s best friend. River’s confidante. Simon’s touchstone for his fancy-pants world.” “That’s what I am to you?” “Nah, that’s what you are to everyone else.” She looked up at him almost shyly. “And to you?” “You’re… hell, ‘Nara, you’re everything.” Inara remembered her confession to Kaylee: I feel pretty strongly. This was Mal’s version of that sideways admission, and it made her heart beat strong and fast within her. But this… oh, this love. What would become of them? “What ‘bout you?” “What about me?” “How do you feel?” She shied away from the question, trying to change the subject. “I’ve never told anyone else that story. You can’t tell anyone, either.” “That’s why you’re so good at what you do,” Mal said almost to himself. Inara looked at him in surprise. “What?” “You got so scarred that you won’t feel anythin’, so the only things ya do feel are what your clients need.” Mal was nodding. “That’s not true.” “Isn’t it?” “I feel-” He gazed at her, intent on her face. “Yeah?” “I feel when I’m with you,” she said quietly. “I feel things I can’t feel. Things I haven’t felt for nearly ten years.”

* * * * * “So, is he knockin’ ‘er yet?” “Jayne!” “What? Honest question.” “We are not going to talk about the Captain and Inara’s love lives, much less their sex lives, over lunch,” Simon stated firmly. Kaylee patted his knee. Jayne looked up from his bowl of proteinified grits and shrugged. “Why not? We talk about you all whenever you ain’t here.” Simon put down his spoon with a disgusted look, and Kaylee giggled. “I’d appreciate it if you never did that again,” he said with his eyes screwed shut. River smiled and flicked a piece of dirt at him. “Lots of luck,” she said gleefully. “Besides, it makes for entertaining meals.” “River, you shouldn’t- wait, you’re present when he- oh, for the love of God!” Simon gave up and turned to complain to Kaylee, mainly by murmuring into her ear. Some of the things he said were complaints. Everything else, well, the two of them were looking at a night of fun… “So, is he,” Jayne asked River. “No,” she replied. “She’s unlocking doors, though.” “Oooh, I wanna unlock ‘Nara’s doors!” “Don’t be crude,” River said primly. Simon glanced over, all prepped to smirk at her for her hypocrisy, but was shocked into silence as Jayne shut his mouth with a blush. “Now that was scary,” Simon whispered to Kaylee. “I think it’s sweet,” she whispered back. “You would, wouldn’t you?” Jayne nudged River. “What kinda doors?” “Secret ones. They’ll have sex soon, though. A matter of days.” “River!” “Yeah? Mebe Mal’ll lighten up. I always said he needed a good lay.” “Let’s look at his track record,” Simon said, getting caught up against his will. “Saffron, the lipstick-knocker-outer-femme-fatale. That didn’t work out well. And Nandi, who-” “Whoa, the Cap’n screwed Nandi?” River slapped Jayne’s forearm, and he flinched. “Didn’t you know,” Simon asked. “Anyway, he doesn’t really have a lot of luck when it comes to women.” “Before the war, Mal was a real lady’s man,” Zoe commented from her place on the couch. All eyes turned to her. “Even during the war. Always had a girl, one ‘n every base. So he’s got the moves, if’n he can bring himself to use ‘em.” “Well, I think him and ‘Nara’re perfect together,” Kaylee said brightly. “That so,” Zoe replied noncommittally. “Don’t you, Zoe? Cap’n needs someone to cuddle with.” “Wouldn’t have thought Inara was his type.” “That’s the point,” Kaylee said. Zoe looked unimpressed. Kaylee rolled her eyes as if talking to a small child. “They’re the last two people they’d expect to love, so they love each other. Look at me ‘n Simon, an’ you an’- oh,” Kaylee broke off, grabbing Simon’s hand. “’s okay, Kaylee-bird,” Zoe said with a sad smile. “May be that you’re right. In which case, the two of ‘em have been dancin’ ‘round for far too long.” “I agree,” stated River. “I’ve been trying to nudge them closer, and so far it’s been working quite well. Shall we make it a team effort?” “Um, people?” Simon looked around, and when no one answered, held out his hands in exasperation. “Remember the part where we’re running from an Alliance mercenary?” “What else is new,” Jayne asked with a rare display of good humor. “I’m just saying, I don’t think we should be focusing our attention on getting the Captain and Inara together rather than staying alive. Not that I’m not a fan of romance, but-” “Oh, hush, honey! We been in trouble before with the Alliance, an’ we always get through it. Won’t hurt nothin’ to help the Cap’n along with ‘Nara!” Simon looked at Zoe for support, but she had her stoic look on and wasn’t helping anyone. “What could we do, anyway? At the rate he’s going, it’ll take him several years to-” “River already said they’d be sexin’ each other in a couple o’ days,” put in Jayne. “Only if we give them the proper pushes,” River said helpfully. “Zoe! You won’t let them do this, will you?” Zoe took a deep breath and Simon sat back, waiting for the others to be admonished. “I’m in,” was what she said. Simon choked on his spoonful of grits and stared at her. “You’re WHAT?” “Had a talk with ‘Nara t’ other day,” she said evenly. “Figure it’s the right thing to do. Besides,” she added with another little smile, “Wash woulda wanted it.” There was a pause, and everyone raised their glass in a moment of total communion. “To Wash an’ Book,” someone said, and they drank. It was only while he was swallowing that Simon realized with a start that the speaker had been Jayne. * * * * * He’s getting impatient. It’s so difficult to wait. River Tam. She’s the key, and the coup de grace. She’s everything. Once he has her, the plan will be set into motion. Once he has her, Captain Malcolm Reynolds and his crew will die, but they won’t be the only ones. Oh, no. They’ll pay. They’ll all pay. Everyone. Soon, he thinks with a twisted, lipless smile, soon, there will be blood.

TBC: Next: (sorry this one was so short, I didn't have a lot of time to write it) more on the crew's plans, Mal and Inara are interrupted, and all kinds of other stuff happens...