The Same as Anyone - Big Damn Questions Challenge #3 by 2x2

BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

The Same as Anyone - Big Damn Questions Challenge #3
Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Written in response to the LJ Community Big Damn Questions Challenge #3 - What do you see every time you close your eyes? Inara's Answer.

CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2778 RATING: 9 SERIES: FIREFLY

Rating: PG Word Count: 411 Spoilers: Alludes to events in the BDM and post HoG.

The Same as Anyone –Inara’s Answer #3 By 2x2

What do I see when I close my eyes?

So, so many things…

I see the faces of absent friends, Wash and the Shepherd, and Nandi; often Nandi. She has so much to teach me still, and I like to think I’ve begun to learn, become a little more like her.

I miss her.

I wish… but that’s a different question.

Sometimes, rarely, I see the faces of my clients. I tend not to dwell on them. It isn’t wise to allow too much attachment in my business dealings. I’ve learned that lesson, if nothing else.

Which, I suppose, leads inevitably to what I see most often when I close my eyes. No, I’m not going to deny it, there really isn’t much point, is there? Yes, it’s Mal. It almost always is. I’ve given up trying to stop him, it never works anyway. I’ve just had to learn to accept it, that he will invade my thoughts at any moment, in any place; every moment and place…

Sometimes… sometimes it’s his smile that comes to me, the real one, not that smirk he uses when he’s being an ass, the one that I can see in his eyes. It’s… soft, and yes, sometimes the smirk is there too, but you can tell the difference when he’s teasing and when he’s being an ass, trust me. I’ve seen enough of Mal the ass…

Speaking of... Yes. I have seen him unclothed, and yes, I looked.

Please, he wanted me to.

And yes, I see him sometimes, when I close my eyes. I imagine what he feels like; I’m a Companion, how could I not? Physically I’ve had enough experience to make an educated guess, so there’s little surprise there, but…

But.

In practice… I’m not saying that it will ever happen, but if Mal and I ever were to make love... I honestly have no idea what it would feel like. I’ve thought about it, about… being with Mal…

… He undoes me.

The few times he has actually touched me, and they are rare, my own response, my body’s reaction has been… Ren ci de Fo zu, he would be spectacular. I know it. Nandi knew it and had the sagacity to act on it, and if only I—

I-I’m sorry. That’s not… that’s not what we were talking about.

I, uh… So, um, I see friends, and faces, and places I’ve been; nothing much, really.

The same as anyone.

COMMENTS

Wednesday, April 19, 2006 7:35 AM

2X2

<q>ahh, i think i'm becoming a crazy fan of yours.</g>

*blushes* aw gee.... *shuffles feet*

<q>"Speaking of... Yes. I have seen him unclothed, and yes, I looked.

Please, he wanted me to."

i love how this feels like she's talking to someone. </q>

Ah, thanks.. that is what I've been going for.. I'm remember those episodes fo MASH that were done like documentaries, with the interviewer getting reactions from all the different people on the show.... and I see these questions as something along those lines... *someone* is asking the questions, and Inara is letting herself answer them, somewhat anyway... So, she's definately supposed to be talking to someone.... I'm glad it comes across...

<q>your mal/inara undoes *me* ;)</q>

*blushes furiously*
thank-you... gosh...

Wednesday, April 19, 2006 7:35 AM

ARCADIA

"Please, he wanted me to."

Such an Inara line.

:-)

Wednesday, April 19, 2006 9:09 AM

SQUISH

You're just going gonzo with these little ficlets, aren't you? And they are excellent! This was absolutely spot-on for Inara.

I thought this paragraph was just perfect:
"Sometimes… sometimes it’s his smile that comes to me, the real one, not that smirk he uses when he’s being an ass, the one that I can see in his eyes. It’s… soft, and yes, sometimes the smirk is there too, but you can tell the difference when he’s teasing and when he’s being an ass, trust me. I’ve seen enough of Mal the ass…"

It made me smile because the description makes you picture exactly the expression she's talking about and you know that she has it in her mind at the same time as well. (did that make sense?)

Wednesday, April 19, 2006 11:30 AM

SILLYLITTLEDUCK

you *sniff* I love you. You have a way with words that make you feel not just read.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006 6:50 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER

Wow...this was a spot-on bit of thought from our favourite Companion's mind;)

I really liked how you had Inara be honest about her thoughts about Mal....no misdirection, no lies. Just honesty...and to someone she doesn't know personally (it seems). Very interesting:P

BEB

Thursday, June 29, 2006 6:37 AM

BELLONA

lovely. very inara-esque.

b

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