The Firefly characters are someone else’s property, I am not getting paid for this.

All reviews welcome

Note to Anon, you are absolutley right and my proof reader (my husband) has been firmly spoken too. In fact he says he'd too busy to read this one through so he might be sulking :-)

Because of this I apologise for any ridiculous mistakes, sometimes I read too fast to spot them.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The jail house consisted of a large open room, with two desks, some easy chairs and a stove with a coffee pot warming on it.

Data pads and paper work littered one of the desks and a good part of the floor.

To the rear there were five cells, in one face down on a bunk was a man that it had to be assumed was Jacob ‘Chilli’ Pepper.

Chilli had kicked off the blanket. He was wearing an all in one undergarment, the kind that has a flap at the back. The flap was open exhibiting an incredibly hairy backside. There was a bucket at the side of the bunk that was responsible for at least part of the smell.

“Guess I’ll keep the door open a while.” Said Agnes.

“It’d be a kindness,” Mal looked at Zoë whose nose was wrinkling in her otherwise impassive face. “Reckon we need the Doctor,” he thought for a moment, “Reckon we need everyone here where we can keep an eye on them.

“Tell River to fly Serenity somewhere out of the way; she’s to take Jayne with her. They can bring the mule into town once they’ve got the Ship hid but if they can’t make it back before sun rise they’re to wait until tomorrow night.

“Everyone else is to come here and bring what they need for a few days, there’s room enough in the cells to bunk down for a while.” Zoë nodded and made to leave but Mal stopped her.

“I don’t need to tell you to bring ‘em back through the alleys and keep them out of trouble.”

“Don’t need to tell me at all.” Replied Zoë without offence. She looked a moment at Chilli before leaving, “Reckon I’ll ask Inara to bring some scented soap.”

Al walked slowly over to the prone form on the bunk. She used a toe to shift the noisome bucket as far away as possible and bent down to him.

Chilli’s head was on one side facing Al, his breath huffing in and out through pursed lips, he had the baggy eyed look of a blood hound kicked too often and stroked too little. His skin was a bad colour and serious case of bad breath and body odour was competing with the bucket.

Al straightened up shaking her head.

“Agnes, how’d he come to this? I never known Chilli lay down for anyone, he’d die rather.”

“It ain’t him he’s a feared for, I didn’t know till he was so blind drunk one night he thought I was her.”

Al looked puzzled, “Her who?”

“Marie, Patience’s daughter in law.”

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Auntie Meg was a woman of uncertain age and fitting appearance for her station in life as the Madam of an on the face of it, wildly successful Cat House.

She was wearing a figure hugging orange satin dress heavily embroidered and low cut to the point of indecency. With the aid of supportive undergarments her figure was more than respectable for a woman past her first blush of youth and she thanked the Lord that age had had no affect on her legs, which were a remarkably fine pair and she believed the key to her success in her chosen profession. Because of that belief, though her skirt was long it was split to the thigh on both sides.

Her hair was piled high on her head and adorned by nodding plumes dyed gold, the face underneath this impressive erection was powdered unnaturally pale and made up in a vivid style.

All in all she was a truly magnificent and unashamedly vulgar sight.

Auntie Meg was no fool, her profession had brought her in contact with people of far greater refinement than she could ever aspire to and somewhere in her make up was a woman of far better taste than might have been guessed, the clothes, the hair, the make up where all window dressing and advertisement and did their job well.

Being no fool, under her flirtatious remarks she was busy trying to sum up the man sat beside her on the brocade sofa in her boudoir, him being currently employed in lighting her cigar and getting a good look at her cleavage.

She leaned back and regarded him through half closed eyes.

“Don’t be deceived young man, they might be a fine sight all trussed up in this dress, but unfettered they’d turn your hair white and ruin you for other women.” She leaned forward again and gave him a lazy smile breathing wisps of cigar smoke into his face, “And that… would be a shame.”

Owen Thomas dropped his eyes back down to her cleavage and grinned, “I’m sure you’d still make any man a cosy armful Meg.” He took one of her hands and dropped a kiss on the inside of her wrist, looking up in time to catch the flicker of uncertainty in her eyes.

The door to the boudoir opened and Lizzie Appleby stepped just inside the door. She refused to meet Owen’s eyes and she was noticeably sweating, as he watched she wiped her hands down her skirt as if to dry them.

“So Lizzie,” He said, “What do you have to tell me…?”

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The Doctor, Kaylee, Inara and Zoë had packed up and gone. Inara had thought to pack a bag for Mal.

Jayne found himself stuck on the ship with just River for company, he sat in the co-pilot’s chair and watched her go through the pre-flight prep.

“Where in hell are we gonna hide a ship this size?”

“There’s a network of canyons and ravines about thirty miles east of here, look.” River pulled up a map of Whitefall; it just looked like a bunch of wavy lines to Jayne. He gave River his patented ‘What the hell are you talking about look.’ River raised her eyes to heaven and jabbed an impatient finger at the map.

“There dummy.”

“Ain’t dumb, just ignorant there’s a difference.”

River made a noise like an infuriated cat and took Serenity into the air.

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“Chilli was having an affair with Patience’s daughter in law?” Mal snorted, “That Marie sure is lucky Patience is dead.”

Agnes took a seat and sighed. “Patience knew all about it.

“Cut a long story short Louis was near enough firing blanks, that’s why they only had the one kid. Louis tried to prove he was a man by spending most evenings at the Cat House or with one of the Mistresses he had dotted round town.

“Marie stayed good and faithful until Chilli blew into town, Seems Patience knew and told Marie she understood, even told her that if Marie should get pregnant she’d make sure Louis pretended the child was his own.

“She dint get pregnant then, but she is now. Going by the date’s she’s giving out she’s telling Samson…” Agnes paused to spit on the floor, “That they conceived their first time together.

“Me, I reckon there’s a good chance that babe is Chilli’s and I reckon Chilli thinks so to. He’s so rutting terrified to try anything because that huài dàn would slit Marie’s throat carrying his child or not. I know he’s beating the pì huà out of her on a regular basis.”

Agnes moved over to Chilli, crouched down, and placed a hand gently on his cheek, looking into his face with a great compassion.

“I reckon the poor old coot is just putting himself out of his misery is all.”

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River was enjoying herself hugely, the ravines were twisty, narrow and dangerous and she was throwing Serenity round corners in a way that would have sent Mal into fits.

Jayne was still sitting in the co-pilot’s seat, trying desperately to look nonchalant. He succeeded pretty well until River flew dead at the ravine wall only pulling up at the last second.

“You Gorram little bitch, you set to get us killed!” Jayne snarled as the world tilted crazily and the view filled with blue.

River laughed and bounced in her seat. She flicked a wicked glance at Jayne then brought Serenity down to the Ravine floor in a text book landing. Going quickly through the shutdown sequence she danced off the bridge, calling as she went “I’m off to get packed.”

Jayne managed to prise his fingers off the co-pilot’s consol and shot his meanest angriest look after her, she was out of sight but River picked up his thoughts. Her laughter floated back to him, bouncing off Serenity’s walls.

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The main room of the jail house seemed a bit full with them all there. The Doc had been sent straight over to Chilli, Inara and Kaylee had sat themselves in two of the comfy chairs, Zoë and Agnes were watching the street through the windows, Al was watching Simon, arms crossed and Mal had got himself comfortable in the Sheriff’s seat. Mal had ordered the door shut to avoid attracting attention and even with the windows open and Chilli’s bucket thrown out the back door the smell was hard to take.

They watched Simon prepare and administer a drug that hopefully would get Chilli awake and halfway sober. Agnes had thoughtfully produced a fresh bucket when Simon warned them that Chilli was likely to be violently sick.

It was actually seven minutes before Chilli made so much as a move. His mouth opened a little and he groaned. A minute later he rolled onto his side and curled into the foetal position, clutching his middle and rocking back and forth, the groaning started up again getting steadily louder.

Ten minutes later he sat bolt upright with a hand clamped to his mouth and started groping round the side of the bed. Simon passed him the bucket.

Even the Doctor retreated to the back of the room.

After a while the retching died away and a pair of bleary red rimmed eyes peered round the room, they settled on Agnes.

“Hú li jīng mó guǐ mó” He spat before returning to his bucket.

“Yuan rén chòu, yuán rén lǐng qíng? Wú!” Agnes shot back

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“You said they might not trust me and you were right Mr Thomas, at least I think they mightta if it weren’t for the young one River, the pilot. She’s mighty strange, follared me about something tiresome but I heard some things all the same.”

“So tell me what you heard.”

“Just the Captain, his first mate and that Allana talking about Whitefall, what the layout of the town was, the jail house and somehow it was like they were talking recipes, but they dint ask me to cook nothing special.”

“What recipes?”

“Chilli, that Captain he said ‘I like Chilli, I want to do something about Chilli.’ Something like that.”

Owen Thomas started to laugh.

Re-assured Lizzie took a few more steps into the room.

“Do you think I could have a little more coin Mr Thomas, they took near all of it and you seem pleased with what I done.”

Owen smiled and stood up.

She didn’t see the blow coming, it crashed into her cheek and as she fell she saw a tooth slide across the shiny floor leaving a little skid of blood behind it.

She was smart enough to stay down.

Owen bent down and whispered in her ear.

“You were paid what we agreed, you drunk it all ready that aint my problem.”

Lizzie nodded frantically keeping her eyes on the floor.

“Y-Yes sir, I understand, I’m sorry.”

Owen stood up, picked up his hat and set it on his head at a jaunty angle.

“That’s a warning gast, you’d tried that on my employer he’d slit your throat.”

Owen nodded politely to Meg as he left.

“Your Servant Madam.”

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Welsh Translations Gast - Bitch

Chinese Translations huài dàn - Bastard pì huà - shit, nonsence hú li jīng - fox-spirit; vixen; witch; enchantress mó guǐ - devil mó - ugly woman yuán rén - Ape man chòu - stench; stink; smelly; to smell (bad) lǐng qíng - feel grateful to somebody; appreciate the kindness wú - no; not