Lost in French Translation, Part 04: Shindig by fortinm

FIREFLY EPISODE DISCUSSIONS

Lost in French Translation, Part 04: Shindig

POSTED BY: FORTINM
UPDATED: Monday, March 24, 2008 12:25
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Thursday, November 22, 2007 3:23 PM

This review is part of a series of articles analysing the translation work for the French dubbed Firefly series and movie(s). It is intended for anyone who would like to know a little better how a French audience would perceive Joss’ wonderful creation.

Introduction to this series: http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31382
Previous review (Bushwhacked): http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31518
Next review (Safe): http://www.fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=4&t=31649

The various excerpts analyses are formatted like this:
In bold is the original line.
In italic is the French translation replacing the original lines.
In bold and italic is my English translation of the French lines.
In regular text is my personal comment on the translation work for the excerpt.

General comments
After a couple of good reviews, I'm afraid I'll have to qualify the translation work of Shindig as poor. The length of the excerpts list below is itself a good indication. In addition to the following reported errors and omissions, there is a multitude of smaller changes that, put together, leave a bad aftertaste.

They removed all the Chinese lines except for the scene where Inara speaks to the old man at the party.

The show River makes to Badger's benefit loses much of its flavour. Obviously, there is no cockney accent; but, more than that, the speech has very little in common with the original and doesn't make much sense. There is no reference to Titan either. In short, it doesn't work.

As for the duel scene, apart from the changes listed below, there are two puzzling points I'd like to note. First, Atherton laughs, loudly, two times before injuring Mal. This is not the case in English. Second, there is clearly a problem with the sound quality as we can hear some kind of reverberation. This is mostly noticeable at the beginning of the scene.

Translation score: 2/5
Chinese score: 1/11

Chosen Excerpts

WRIGHT (when he misses his cue shot)
Arrgh!
Ouais!
Yeah!
Unless he's hustling Mal, he should not be happy to have missed his shot. And he really does sound happy in French.

INARA
As with other situations, the key seems to be giving Jayne a heavy stick and standing back.
C'est plutôt rare de voir Jayne aussi détendu, non?
It's rather unusual to see Jayne so relaxed, isn't it?
I don't understand this one. The camera is not on Inara when she's saying these words. They could have put anything here. Why stray so much from the original text? Maybe they confused "standing back" and "laying back".

WASH
Probably. But I been sane a long while now, and change is good.
Peut-être. Mais là, on a tellement bourlingué, ça nous changera un peu.
Maybe. But, we travelled so much; it will be a change for us.
They removed the joke. Even after having kept Zoe's remark that Wash was quickly getting land-crazy.

ZOE
I can hurt you.
Tu veux une claque?
You want a slap?
Here, my main reproach is that the translators replaced an inventive reply with a very common, and somewhat childish, French expression. But, to their defence, the line was short, making it very difficult, if not impossible, to come up with a witty replacement.

JAYNE
Is she mad or something?
J'te jures, les femmes!
I swear, women!
They completely removed the fact that Jayne is having as much difficulties reading women as Simon!

MAL
Just the ones I'm better than.
Je sais simplement ce que je vaux.
I simply know what I'm worth.
Badger is being spared and Mal sounds more pretentious; only justifying Badger's earlier remark.

BADGER
I place value on the fact that the stick up your pee-goo is 'bout as large as the one Harrow's got.
Je me dis seulement que Harrow et toi, vous êtes tous les deux absolument fait pour vous entendre.
I just think that Harrow and you are absolutely made to get on with each other.
This is, again, less insulting; it has fewer sparkles.

BADGER
Safe place, using some new-tech gun scans.
Un endroit super. Il y aura plein de gens dans ton genre.
A great place. It will be full of your kind of people.
A minor departure but I find interesting that they removed the sci-fi allusion. The original line was not necessary because we see the scanner in action in the next scene, but it was a nice link.

INARA
Roberta, it's been too long.
Roberta, quelle fête splendide.
Roberta, what a magnificent party.
What's bugging me here is that we may interpret the French line as a compliment and regard Roberta as the host of the party. Also, this is an off-screen line; there's no reason to depart from the original intent.

ATHERTON
All of them wish you were in their bed.
Les autres rêve de votre lit, pas de vos bras.
The others dream of your bed, not of your arms.
What? Not all of them? Only the other half? Half the offence, half the fun!

INARA
I'm looking for the boy with the shimmerwine.
Je cherches un jeune garçon qui bégaie.
I'm looking for a young stuttering boy.
I think I prefer the French version of this line. Unless I'm missing a subtlety in the original version, the French translation clearly suggest that Inara would prefer Atherton more reserved. I just find it cuter in French.

KAYLEE (working in the engine room moments before going to the party)
(After Mal said he had a job for her, she says nothing and makes a face.)
(In French, she repeats Mal's last words ("du travail") with disdain in her voice.)
Here again, I prefer the French version. Kaylee's emotion is slightly enhanced.

KAYLEE and MAL
- It's hovering.
- What's the point of that, I wonder? I mean, I get how they did it. I just ain't seeing the why.
- Il est magnifique.
- Faudrait pas le prendre sur la tête. Ça me donne le tournis, ce truc là.
- It's magnificent.
- I wouldn't like to get it on the head. It's making me dizzy, this thing.
Here, the notion that Mal is an outsider to this world, not understanding its idiosyncrasies is somewhat lost. We still understand that he's not used to this kind of party but it's more of a knee jerk reaction, it's less cerebral.

KAYLEE
Yes sir, Captain Tightpants.
Oui, je sais espèce de rabat-joie.
Yes, I know you killjoy.
A classic line missing, but hard to translate in French.

MAL
That's the buffet table.
Non, c'est un domestique.
No, it's a servant.
Gorram it! Why remove this joke? It's even worse since they kept the following "Don't make yourself sick" line. What? She's going to get sick by asking the servant if he is Harrow? Big mistake.

SIMON
Tall card. Plum. Plus are tall.
Je relance d'une tarte pour demain soir.
I ante up one pie for tomorrow night.
That's funny! I guess the translators confused the round card with a pie currency!

JAYNE
So, we gonna play cards, or we gonna screw around?
Qu'est qu'on fait? Une partie de cartes ou on regarde le clown?
What do we do? Play cards or look at the clown?
I find Jayne meaner in French. And we all like a mean Jayne. Good work.

KAYLEE
Everything's so fancy and there's some kind of hot cheese over there.
Tout est tellement raffiné. Vous avez vu les grosses fraises qu'ils servent?
Everything's so fancy. Did you see the big strawberries they serve?
Removing some innocence from Kaylee...

HARROW
He's killed a dozen men...
Il a tué près d'une vingtaine d'hommes...
He's killed nearly twenty men...
Apparently, Atherton is more bloodthirsty in French!

MAL
Don't s'pose I like being kept by him s'much as others do.
Je ne suis pas sûr d'apprécier son accueil à sa juste valeur.
I'm not sure to appreciate his hospitality to its merit.
We lose a good jab at Inara. It's a pity.

MAL
By being fast like a freak.
Parce que tu es plus rapide que moi.
Because you're faster than me.
This is a smaller change but the original line makes me laugh every single time. Unfortunately, all the humour is sucked out in French.

INARA
It takes less than a pound of pressure to cut skin.
Il faut moins d'une livre de pression pour entailler la chair.
It takes less than a pound of pressure to cut flesh.
A word for word translation. Some may find this nitpicking but why didn't they use the international system of units (SI)? The last time they did that mistake was on the Train Job. On every other occasion, they do convert to SI. Why not here?

MAL
He's got that big day.
Pour t'occuper de lui.
To take care of him.
No comments.

HARROW
For a man to lay beaten and yet breathing, it makes him a coward.
Un homme qui est battu et qui respire encore n'est plus vraiment un homme.
A beaten man still breathing is no longer truly a man.
No comments.

MAL
Guess I'm just a good man.
Je ne suis pas un homme de bien.
I'm not a man of good.
That's right. He says exactly the opposite in French. Interestingly enough, it doesn't have that much of an impact on the meaning conveyed in this whole sequence. And I think I prefer the French version. It is a bit more in character. Mal has said it before.

ATHERTON
You set this up, whore. After I bought and paid for you.
Où que tu ailles, j'aurai ta peau. Tu m'appartiens Inara, tu es mon esclave, je t'ai payé.
Wherever you go, I will kill you. You are mine Inara, you're my slave, I bought you.
Don't you hate Atherton even more in French? I know I do!

HARROW
You didn't have to wound that man.
Vous n'auriez jamais dû l'épargner.
You should never have spared him.
Why this change? And, again, the next line (saying that "it was amusing") was kept! It makes no sense this way.

Finally, and this is the last straw, in the last scene, they replaced the cow moos by using French cows instead of American ones. It sounds awful, let me tell you! I mean, with that accent and all. Awful.

That's it. Thanks for reading!

Michel

Edit: Following Asarian's comments.

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Thursday, November 22, 2007 5:10 PM

ASARIAN

Quote:
Originally posted by fortinm:

You did a very good job on this one! If only the French translators of Shindig had been that accurate! :) Only a few minor comments.

Quote:

INARA
I'm looking for the boy with the shimmerwine.
Je cherches un jeune garçon qui bégaie.
I'm looking for a young stuttering boy.
I think I prefer the French version of this line. Unless I'm missing a subtlety in the original version, the French translation clearly suggest that Inara would prefer Atherton more reserved. I just find it cuter in French.

Well, "garçon" also means "waiter", of course. So, since Inara is looking for the boy with the shimmerwine, you could also say: "I'm looking for a young waiter who stutters." The double entendre on the word 'boy' is cute in French, and I can place the stuttering part (as, like you say, someone who is a mite less forthcoming in speech than Atherton); but the non-figurative meaning of the stuttering boy escapes me. I cannot imagine a context in which she could use this line in a 'regular' manner -- unless that waiter really was stuttering. :)

Quote:

MAL
He's got that big day.
Pour t'occuper de lui.
To take care of him.
No comments.

Lit. "To occupy yourself with him." Or, like you say, something like "(For you) to look after him." Mal said this the moment after Inara said she had to leave. So, the French is really weird, here. It insinuates Mal is saying Inara can't wait to leave to go busy herself with Atherton. While all the man said was: "Right. He's got that big day!"

Quote:

HARROW
For a man to lay beaten and yet breathing, it makes him a coward.
Un homme qui est battu et qui respire encore n'est plus vraiment un homme.
A beaten man still breathing is no longer a man.
No comments.

Lit. "... no longer truly a man." That makes the French a bit more acceptable, perhaps, but there was still no real reason to deviate so from the original.

P.S. The cow-bit was funny. :)

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

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Saturday, November 24, 2007 6:07 AM

FORTINM

Quote:
Quote:
I'm looking for the boy with the shimmerwine.
Je cherches un jeune garçon qui bégaie.
I'm looking for a young stuttering boy.

The double entendre on the word 'boy' is cute in French, and I can place the stuttering part (as, like you say, someone who is a mite less forthcoming in speech than Atherton); but the non-figurative meaning of the stuttering boy escapes me. I cannot imagine a context in which she could use this line in a 'regular' manner -- unless that waiter really was stuttering. :)

That's what I like so much about this line in French. It has an air of mystery. I see it as a subtle statement, a bit cryptic, and I love these kind of dialogs.

Quote:
Quote:
He's got that big day.
Pour t'occuper de lui.
To take care of him.

So, the French is really weird, here. It insinuates Mal is saying Inara can't wait to leave to go busy herself with Atherton. While all the man said was: "Right. He's got that big day!"

I don't think it is weird; just different. In fact, it is just a repetition, in essence, of what he said earlier. He doesn't like that she's staying with him in spite of the situation. All things considered, they substituted one repetition for another and I'm having difficulties deciding which one is better.

Quote:
Lit. "... no longer truly a man." That makes the French a bit more acceptable, perhaps, but there was still no real reason to deviate so from the original.

Agreed. I'll make the correction. Thanks.

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Monday, December 3, 2007 11:38 AM

WALTZING

Quote:
Originally posted by fortinm:

BADGER
I place value on the fact that the stick up your pee-goo is 'bout as large as the one Harrow's got.
Je me dis seulement que Harrow et toi, vous êtes tous les deux absolument fait pour vous entendre.
I just think that Harrow and you are absolutely made to get on with each other.
This is, again, less insulting; it has fewer sparkles.

This kinda makes it sound like he's setting them up on a date! Haha, oh the implications.

Also, don't you think that, in the future, the cows will speak Chinese too?

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Friday, March 21, 2008 9:52 PM

LEXAN

Quote:
Originally posted by fortinm:

JAYNE
So, we gonna play cards, or we gonna screw around?
Qu'est qu'on fait? Une partie de cartes ou on regarde le clown?
What do we do? Play cards or look at the clown?
I find Jayne meaner in French. And we all like a mean Jayne. Good work.

I actually would have thought that this would have taken away the effect of Jayne's original line, containing 'screw around', as it cuts to Zoe and Wash right after, with obvious insinuations. Comparing River to a 'clown' in this particular situation seems a little far-fetched, though I guess it is Jayne we're talking about, who wouldn't pay attention to minute details.

I only just looked at these reviews; they're very interesting and have compelled me to look at some of the French websites. Nice work.

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Monday, March 24, 2008 12:25 PM

FORTINM

Quote:
Originally posted by Lexan:
I actually would have thought that this would have taken away the effect of Jayne's original line, containing 'screw around', as it cuts to Zoe and Wash right after, with obvious insinuations.

Interesting point. I don't think it could have been translated 'though. I can't find, from the top of my head, a French equivalent to "screwing around".

Quote:
Comparing River to a 'clown' in this particular situation seems a little far-fetched, though I guess it is Jayne we're talking about, who wouldn't pay attention to minute details.

Then, maybe I'm guilty of some "lost in translation" myself. Faire le clown is a well-known French expression and I was sure that "doing the clown" was its equivalent in English. This is what the French Jayne is referring to and it applies well.

Quote:
I only just looked at these reviews; they're very interesting and have compelled me to look at some of the French websites. Nice work.

I also did some research for a French Firefly community before starting this series of articles. My conclusion was that it's pretty much dead on this front. Let me know if you find anything interesting. Thanks for the compliment!

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