Take turns writing "The Adventures of Jeremy" by Succatash

FIREFLY UNIVERSE

Take turns writing "The Adventures of Jeremy"

POSTED BY: SUCCATASH
UPDATED: Wednesday, February 25, 2004 19:29
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 11594
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Monday, February 2, 2004 8:37 PM

INTRO:

Jeremy, the owner of www.fireflymovie.com is a hero among Browncoats. These are his adventures.

I wrote an intro to a story just for fun, hoping we can take turns writing "The Adventures of Jeremy." I'm hoping we can take turns writing this story, not like a RPG, because it's not about making moves, and no one owns a particular character. We're all just continuing the story, so it reads like a novel.

Okay, here's what happened to Jeremy over at fireflymovie.com. Can someone add to it?

-----------------------------

A few days ago, Jeremy got a knock on his door. He opened the door and saw two men in dark suits and sunglasses standing on his doorstep.

"Are you Jeremy?" One of the men asked. The other man continued smoothly, "We're from Universal Studios. May we come in?"

A few minutes later, Jeremy served them tea in the living room, trying not to act nervous.

One of the men began to speak: "Jeremy, you probably know we're here because of your Firefly fan site. We work for Universal's "Fan Management" division. We like you, son, and we want to bring you to the inner circle."

Before Jeremy could respond, the other man continued, "That's right, you're with us, now. You see, we need you to tell Firefly fans to quit writing postcards. The movie is a go, but the news can't be public, not yet. And you're not going to tell anyone, either."

Jeremy gulped. "I'm...not going to tell anyone?" he said in a strained voice.

"You see Jeremy, here's how it works," said the first man. "You help us, then we can help you. If you keep quiet about the Firefly Movie, then we'll give you lots of insider fan news for your website in the future. Just think, you'll have the best Firefly movie site in the world! But... if you betray our trust and tell everyone about the movie, well then..."

"We'll make sure you never run a fan site. Ever. Again." The second man finished.

"I - I'll tell everyone to stop writing postcards."

"Thank you, Jeremy. Here's a Blue Sun t-shirt."

Jeremy was in total shock as he shook hands with the men and shut the door. The men drove off in a black windowless van.

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Friday, February 6, 2004 10:47 PM

Later that night, Jeremy found himself wandering the dark city streets. He was deep in thought, as he pondered his situation.

He realized his life was in grave danger, ever since he shook hands with the dark suited so-called Universal guys. Something is really wrong about them, he thought.

Jeremy tried to make a plan. He decided he needed some help. Without further delay, Jeremy crossed the street and headed towards the one person who could help him.

Suddenly, Jeremy felt that he was being followed. So, he began backtracking and circling his path. After sneaking through the shadows for several blocks, Jeremy finally arrived at a small doorway in a dark dirty alley. Jeremy pounded on the door but no one answered.

"I come in the name of Firefly. I need to speak with your Master." Jeremy spoke urgently and with authority.

After several minutes, Jeremy heard the sounds of locks and bolts sliding and clicking. The door opened, and suddenly Jeremy was roughly pulled inside by a pair of monstrous hands.

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Sunday, February 8, 2004 3:30 PM

I'll join in. Just tell me if you want to go in a different direction, go ahead and speak up.
_________
After the monsterous hands pulled Jeremy inside, he was greeeted by a 20-something woman, who looked like she could be a companion, no trouble.

"The Master will come shortly. Please, have some tea."

She gets a tray with tea makings on it, and starts making two cups.
__________

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, February 8, 2004 7:00 PM

Jeremy stared in fascination at the woman serving tea. For a moment, his mission was forgotten.

"What's your name?" Jeremy asked.

"My name is Teela Brown. You may call me Teela B." the woman answered. She looked at Jeremy and raised her eyebrow. "Drink your tea," she commanded.

They were interrupted by the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps.

"The Master is coming!" cried Teela B. "He is coming, do not try to escape."

"Why would I try to escape?" asked Jeremy, bewildered by the recent turn of events. But something struck him in the head and everything suddenly went black.

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Monday, February 9, 2004 3:02 PM

Since I don't know much about this Master fellow, I'll answer to the best of my ability.

Quote:
"Why would I try to escape?" asked Jeremy, bewildered by the recent turn of events. But something struck him in the head and everything suddenly went black.

Teela Brown sees the Master coming.

She says under her breath: "That's why we don't try to escape."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Tuesday, February 10, 2004 3:32 PM

Keep the Shiny side up

Jeremy awakes in a low-ceilinged room. The Master draws near but does not enter. Instead he hides behind a curtain. He speaks, in a high-pitched voice.

"Troubled you are. Fear the men from "Universal" you do. Take their deal should you? Harm you will they? Know I the hell if. Like a scalded dog run probably, should you. Deposit with my assistant fifty dollars will you."

Teela Brown enters on hands and knees and silently gestures Jeremy to follow her away from the presence. Outside in the reception area she inquires..."Cash or charge will that be?" After Jeremy hands her two twenties and and ten, she escorts him to the door. "May the Force be with you" she intones as she hands him a customer satisfaction survey. "Back to us please will you mail this."

Out on the street again, Jeremy ponders the sage advice he has received, and decides to go on the lam.

"Keep the Shiny side up"

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Tuesday, February 10, 2004 3:47 PM

Okay, wierdness level just peaked. But, hey. I'm easy.
__________
After Jeremy leaves, she says:

"Y'know, I can do some accents fluently, but I just can not talk like that for very long."
__________

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Thursday, February 12, 2004 3:31 PM

Okay, trying to write now.
_________
Jeremy walks out, pondering the advice he recieved.

He starts to say to himself: "Lemme think..." As he walks along, he realizes: "Hey! He said 'Know I the Hell if'! He knows nothing!"

And then Jeremy believes he may be alone as he thinks.
__________

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Thursday, February 12, 2004 4:27 PM

Keep the Shiny side up

(The Gunrunners will realize my eco-friendly soul supports recycling.)

Realizing he knows as little as before, Jeremy decides to check his messages, to see if any important calls have come in. Since he forgot, again, to rechange his cellphone, he goes to a nearby phone booth. As he enters, two disheveled teens push in behind him.

"Greetings, most excellent brown-coat dude. I am Bill S. Preston, Esq, and my bodacious bud is Ted "Theodore" Logan. Rufus sent us here to take you back to 2002 so you can convince the bogusity at Fox to keep showing 'Firefly'. Hang on, dude!"

With a flash, the phonebooth enters the time translation. after a brief moment of disorientation, it falls to earth in a patch of low scrub.

"Ted. Where's the city, dude? I set the dial at 2002 B.C., Before Cancellation."

"Bill, you tool, B.C. means Before California. We're too far back. Bogus."

Kicking Jeremy out the door, Ted says. "Just wait here, Firefly dude. The city'll be along in a while. Bye."

The booth disappears to the sound of the teens playing air guitar.

"Keep the Shiny side up"

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Friday, February 13, 2004 2:56 PM

Jeremy looked around and realized he was standing in a vast wilderness. He was all alone, trapped in the distant past.

Jeremy let out a scream of rage.

Instantly, two feathered arrows appeared in a tree by his head. Something struck his belt buckle and Jeremy gasped in fear. A dented arrow lay at his feet.

"That was too close!" cried Jeremy. He began to run. Arrows whistled over his head as Jeremy ducked and dodged through the sage brush.

Not far behind, two dark-skinned natives chased the strange white demon that had suddenly appeared. One of the natives was extremely tall.

"Ugha buga?" said the tall native.

"Mongowa doso!" replied the other, and they laughed.

Jeremy kept running, but he was rapidly growing tired. Suddenly, he broke through a clearing and found himself on the edge of a very high cliff. Waves pounded the rocks below.

Jeremy skidded to a halt. Fighting his fear of heights, he turned to face his pursuers.

Two Indians with painted faces stood a dozen paces away. Each had a bow drawn and an arrow notched, pointed at Jeremy's heart.

"Munga!" shouted an Indian.

"I..I don't understand. I come in peace." said Jeremy.

"Munga!" shouted the shorter Indian. He waved his bow menacingly.

Jeremy prepared to die. The Indians came closer, and they were just about to loose their arrows.

But suddenly, one of the natives let out a surprised gasp. He dropped his bow and came very close to Jeremy. He stared in fascination at Jeremy's shirt.

Jeremy realized he was still wearing his Blue Sun t-shirt, given to him by the Universal henchmen.

The native fell to his knees and begin bowing to Jeremy. Then he turned to his companion and hissed sharply, "Gonboli! Gonboli!"

Instantly the other native approached and fell to his knees beside his comrade.

"Gonboli, Gomar, Boli, Gonboli..." The strange chanting continued, and Jeremy just stood awkwardly.

He was trapped in time, desperate to return to the future, and these two Indians thought he was a god. The day couldn't get any weirder.

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Friday, February 13, 2004 10:02 PM

Minutes past. Possibly hours. His mind refused to function, refused to believe what had happened. He couldn't believe what his eyes and ears were telling him. The blasts of light, like camera bulbs, the screams of agony, nothing more than sounds from a TV somewhere.

"That's Jeremy! Terminate at all costs!" came a voice.

Jeremy tilted his head, still stunned. Three blurry figures in dark suits and sunglasses walked up the grassy slope. Streams of wild natives launched themselves at the businessmen, only to be half incinerated in blasts of radiance by weapons each man carried.

Jeremy's senses returned rapidly. His eyes focused and his limbs started to move. He glared at the men he now recognized from Universal's "Fan Management" division. The middle man, his suit blacker than the others, leveled his weapon at Jeremy.

The flash of light was interrupted by a native warrior who hurled himself in the beam's path with a cry of "Gonboli!" His remaining upper torso slammed into Jeremy, knocking him off the edge of the cliff.

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Saturday, February 14, 2004 4:41 AM

As he is falling off the cliff, the world starts to change around him. Instead of waves crashing on to rocks, he falls into a dumpster in an allyway. He pulls himself out of there, and gets an odd sense of deja vu. Then it hits him. This is the same allyway where he met Teela B and The Master.

He looks at his shoes, and starts to look up while saying: "No good, lousy, son of a-" He sees Teela B standing there.

Teela tells him: "I know he didn't help you. It happens, er, a lot. But I'm going to try to help you. Tell me, what do you need done?"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Saturday, February 14, 2004 5:12 AM

Jeremy was confused by the recent turn of events, but he was grateful for Teela B's help.

Suddenly, Teela B fell down with a sharp cry, holding her head with both hands. She was whimpering.

"What's wrong, Teela B?" asked Jeremy.

"Oh, the pain, it's terrible!" cried Teela B. "Millions of voices just cried out for quality television, and were suddenly silenced."

Jeremy realized what had happened. "NO!" he screamed in protest. He had seen this before. "I think they just cancelled Angel! I don't believe it!"

Teela B. began sobbing. "Now, Joss has nothing. Firefly is our only hope."

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Saturday, February 14, 2004 5:27 AM

Jeremy's heart almost melts at the site of Teela B. He holds out his hand to help her up, and she takes it. She dries her tears, and gets a determined look on her face.

"Gorram execs! They will pay!"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Saturday, February 14, 2004 9:13 AM

The sounds of many feet running grew louder at the mouth of the alley. Jeremy had just about enough of these guys. He stood tall, resolute, motionless, and waiting. Teela B, still on her knees in pain, draped across his side for support.

What came next didn't appear in front of them. It appeared behind them. Blinding light flared down the alley way. Teela B and Jeremy, startled and sightless, were seized roughly and pulled into the light.

When Jeremy opened his eyes again, he was looking up into the angluar face of some sort of medic.

"It's alright, you're safe now", she said soothingly. "As long as you're in this time, you're not a threat to Fox's plans. They own everything now, but they're so busy combatting us in the past, they don't even see that we're regrouping in the present."

"What... time is it?" asked Jeremy groggily.

"Quarter after three", came the reply.

"No, no. What year?"

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Saturday, February 14, 2004 9:54 AM

"The year is 2125. Try to remain calm."

Jeremy sat up and realized he was talking to a very old woman. "Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Channain. I was a soldier during the Fox Wars of 2008. By taking special medicine, I have managed to increase my lifespan. I am very very old. I am here to help you. We must provide you with weapons and send you back. But you are not ready, not yet. Come, let's meet the others."

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Saturday, February 14, 2004 11:05 AM

Keep the Shiny side up

Jeremy follows the old but still spry Channain into the next room, and is surprised to be confronted by exact duplicates of himself and Teela Brown.

Channain sees his confusion, and explains. "Ever since the ban on cloning research was overturned during the second Clinton administration..."

"Hillary?" Jeremy interrupts.

"No. George. As I was saying, when the Funkadelic party took control of Congress, a lot of old laws went away. We started then, with DNA recovered from...well, maybe I shouldn't say, to try to clone you and Teela. But we've never been able to duplicate the unique and valuable characteristics that may allow you to defeat the forces of corporate greed."

Teela, now somewhat recovered, walks over to her clone and looks her over closely. "But what are those special qualities? She looks just like me."

"A double-digit I.Q." replies the old woman, as the Teela clone grins foolishly and starts picking her nose.

"Keep the Shiny side up"

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Saturday, February 14, 2004 1:55 PM

Teela Brown screamed in horror. "A stupid me clone? Noooo! I am smart, this is an insult!"

The Teela-Clone began to cry. Suddenly Teela felt bad, so she hugged her clone. "There, there, Me, it's okay."

Jeremy walked over to his clone. He turned towards Channain and asks, "So what's wrong with my clone? Is he stupid too?"

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Saturday, February 14, 2004 6:30 PM

"I'll answer that question," said a strange new voice. "But you don't want to hear the answer."

A shy, unimportant servant suddenly appeared, rolling a giant table into the room. The servant left the room quickly.

On the table, a human head floated and bubbled inside a big jar of thick, clear fluid. It looked just like Succatash.

It WAS Succatash.

"Yes, I've been kept alive for over 120 years due to the miracle of modern science." said the head in the bottle. "I'm here to help -- Please don't tap on the glass, it's REALLY loud." Succatash rolled his eyes at Channain.

"Hey young gal, you get prettier every day!" said the Succatash-Head.

Channain blushed, and her wrinkled skin looked kind of weird. "Oh you sure know how to treat a girl, Succatash!" exclaimed the shrivelled old lady.

Channain climbed onto the table and dipped her foot into the jar. The Succatash Head began to nibble on her toe while the old lady giggled.

After several moments, Jeremy cleared his throat and decided it was time to speak his mind and get back to business.

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Saturday, February 14, 2004 6:35 PM

"I'm sorry, I make everyone cry."

Teela sees Tash's head being rolled in.

"Succatash? Tash, how are you?"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Saturday, February 14, 2004 7:48 PM

Back in 2004, Jeremy's funeral was a somber occasion. Circling the grave were his family and closest friends. Stretched out for kilometres were the faces of mourners. Some had never met Jeremy, but they were touched by his good works.

The ceremony seemed to proceed exactly as anticipated. Men in black suits observed the affair from behind grave markers, trees, and watersheds.

Carl lowered his field binoculars and leaned back into the shade of the small brick structure, careful not to dirty his freshly dry-cleaned black suit. Funerals gave him the creeps. He had already been to his own – damn time travel all to Hades – and ever since, they had just lost there appeal.

“Smoke?” the man next to him asked, extending a packet towards him.

What could it hurt? He already knew smoking wasn’t going to kill him. Without a word, Carl snatched a cigarette and brought it to his lips.

The second man produced a disposable lighter, standard Fox issue. “I can’t wait to see what happens when they exhume this body and try to clone it”, he chuckled. “It looks like Jeremy. But it ain’t Jeremy!”

Carl breathed in deeply, thought for a moment, and blew the smoke back out his nose. “I already know”, he said dully. “I was there.”

Meanwhile, back in 2125…

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Sunday, February 15, 2004 3:16 PM

Back in 2125...

Tash, upon seeing actual Teela Brown, replies "I'm a head in a jar. But things could be worse, Teela. Been a long time, hasn't it?"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, February 15, 2004 5:42 PM

The Succatash-Head smiled at Teela Brown. "How's life? Want me to nibble on your toe?"

"Uh, no, that's all right," answered Teela, a bit uncomfortably.

After a moment of awkward silence, the Succatash-Head became very serious. "Okay, listen up, everyone, let's get down to business."

But the aged, wrinkled Channain interrupted, "No, Succatash, it's too soon to tell them." She waved a bony finger at the Succatash-Head.

"Tell me what?" said Jeremy. He was tired of waiting for information. He wanted to DO something. Meanwhile, the Teela B. clone wandered aimlessly away, picking her nose, while the real Teela B watched her protectively.

The Succatash-Head turned to Jeremy and answered, "Never mind. I will do whatever Channain says."

Jeremy was stunned. "But aren't you the mighty Succatash? What about all those stories?"

"Listen, Kid." Succatash rolled his eyes and bubbles floated to the top of the jar. "Have you ever had your head mounted on a broomstick and been paraded around? Have you ever been forced to try on 42 different hats at the mall? I don't have any arms or legs and Channain makes me do whatever she wants. I'm just a head, now."

"I don't give head, but I take it!" cried Jeremy. "I need some information!"

Jeremy ran towards the table and snatched the jar containing Succatash's head. He ran out the back door and disappeared.

"Jeremy, you're making a mistake," gasped the Succatash Head, and the jar bubbled furiously.

"Shut up, Head." said Jeremy. He was tired of things going wrong. Now he was on the run and the Succatash Head was his only hope.

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Sunday, February 15, 2004 8:48 PM

Although he didn't know it yet, Jeremy had left just in time and had saved Succatash in the process. The cloned Jeremy (or "Cleremy") had recognized his original - the face, the voice, the smell. All of these set off a trigger inside of Cleremy.

What was the problem with Cleremy? A mental deficiency caused him to occasionaly swing from placid and tame to violent and hyper within moments. This change, however, was different.

Cleremy's body shook. He went unnoticed for a while as everyone's attention was drawn to the fleeing Jeremy. The cloned Teela B (or "Cleela") watched curiously, drool dripping from her open mouth.

Channain turned from the exit, cursing and frustrated, then nearly fell backwards as she saw that Cleremy was growing. A lot. And, were those tentacles?

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Monday, February 16, 2004 4:46 AM

Teela sees Jeremy run out with the head. She starts thinking of every insult she knows, and which would fit Jeremy best at this moment. Then she sees the Cleremy changing.

"Oh cripe." she breathes.

She decides to run out the door in the direction that Jeremy fled, and try to forget all this.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Monday, February 16, 2004 7:57 AM

Ming sat in the chair of the security office, sipping his coffee and trying to stay awake. His eyes were drawn to a monitor by a sudden burst of activity.

"Hey, Phil!" he cried excitedly. "Akira's on!"

Phil lowered the newspaper from infront of his face and studied the images. "That's the security monitor for section B-12."

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Monday, February 16, 2004 4:31 PM

"Holy Crap!" exclaimed Ming. "Somebody is trying to steal the Jar O' Tash! And there's an evil looking tentacle man clone about to kill Grandma Channain!"

Phil jumped to his feet. "Let's get 'em!" he shouted. He ran out of the room. A few seconds later, he ran back into the room and smacked Ming in the back of the head.

"Ow!" cried Ming. He stood up and rubbed his head.

"Let's get 'em!" shouted Phil. Both men ran out of the security room.

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Monday, February 16, 2004 6:07 PM

Jeremy ran as fast as he could, but the heavy jar weighed him down. A hand suddenly grabbed his shoulder and pinched a special nerve. Jeremy stumbled to the floor. Luckily, the Succatash jar landed right-side up.

It was Teela Brown. She wasn't even out of breath. She smiled reproachfully, and helped Jeremy to his feet.

"Jeremy, I'm on your side, don't ever leave me behind again. I... Love you! Don't you understand?"

She kissed him gently but suddenly everyone was knocked to the floor by Channain, who was fleeing the violent Cleremy-Jeremy Clone.

As everyone lay on the floor, dazed, footsteps grew louder and a man shouted, "OK, nobody move!"

Another man yelled, "Don't listen to me, listen to my partner!"

It was Phil and Ming, the security guys.

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Monday, February 16, 2004 7:13 PM

Spotting the mass of tangled limbs writhing on the ground, Ming cried, "Oh my god, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar."

"Shut up, A.D.D. boy, and activate your vid-cam, the boss is going to want to see this evidence for herself!" yelled Phil.

Anxious to avoid another head-smacking from Phil, Ming quickly raised his vid-cam. But just as they began to record the incident, both guards felt a tap on their shoulders.

"Hey, we're FILMING here!" snapped Phil and Ming.

The light tapping was replaced by the thud of a heavy hand falling upon their shoulders. A heavy...slimy...sucker-covered hand...vaguely tentacle-shaped.

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Tuesday, February 17, 2004 2:28 AM

Keep the Shiny side up

"Un-tentacle those security guards!" came a clear cry from the opposite door. The Ceela clone entered. No longer drooling or spelunking nasal passages, she stalked purposefully into the room, fiery eyes locked laser-like on the slimy Cleremy monster. In her strong right hand a flashing samurai sword, in her sinister left a large shaker of salt.

"I've waited far too long for you to reveal yourself, evil slug. All those years playing a slobbering, booger hunting, Brittany Spears-loving imbecile. Yech! You owe me big time, you wormcast!"

Deftly hurling the crystaline shaker high in the fetid air, she unerringly smote it a single swift blow with the razor-sharp katana, shattering it at once into myriad pieces. As though subtly directed by individual General Dynamics Mark XXIV Inertial Guidance Systems, the sparking grains of salt, freed at last from their glassy prison, flew unerringly across the cavernous room to form a perfectly fitting saline coat over the mucus-coated clone.

"Keep the Shiny side up"

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Tuesday, February 17, 2004 1:43 PM

Cleremy, all sixty tonnes of him, was petrified in place. His ooze covered tendrils hung in mid-air and his skin rapidly darkened to a dull black. The muffled sounds of splintering wooden beams and shattering glass from beneath the creature heralded to the group that they were not yet entirely victorious.

The blackened Jeremy husk collapsed in onto itself. Cleela observed, face twisted in suspicion. "You're not getting away that easily!" she exclaimed, and with three graceful swings of her katana created a hole down to the next level and jumped through.

"This is more like it!" Teela B beamed.

Succatash spun in slow circles in his jar as Jeremy clutched him to his chest and gasped for breath. "He can't get outside! If Fox discovers where we are located, all is lost!" the head cried.

---

Kilometres away, Carl studied through his field binoculars as a monsterous creature fell from a fourth story window, followed by a girl. He grinned calmly.

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Tuesday, February 17, 2004 2:22 PM

"He can't get outside! If Fox discovers where we are located, all is lost!" the head cried.

"Well, then why are we still here? Come on, let's go!" Teela B exclaims.

She pick's up Tash's head in anticipation.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Tuesday, February 17, 2004 8:56 PM

Teela pulled the jar of Succatash out of Jeremy's hands, and hugged it protectively. She crouched in defense, and painfully protected Succatash.

Danger was all around her, and she began to feel a little warm.

"What are you doing?" Succatash gasped. "I... can't breathe...."

"Sorry, Succatash," said Teela Brown. She stood up and turned the jar 180 degrees. Succatash rolled his eyes, and bubbles floated to the top of the jar. Teela Brown looked a little flush...

"EVERYONE STOP!" cried Channain. She held herself tall, and spoke with authority and just the right touch of madness. "The Cleela Clone has given chase to the Evil Cleremy. We must have faith she will succeed in destroying It."

Channain paused and stared into Jeremy's eyes. After several moments, she spoke loudly, "Jeremy and Teela must be given armor and weapons, and then be sent back to 2004. They are ready."

"What about me?" Succatash asked.

"What about you, Succatash?" Channain answered. "You are already there. And for that matter, so am I."

Bitterly she added, "We ALL are. Let's return Jeremy and Teela Brown to 2004 and save Firefly, and therefore the world."

"But how can we get back? Who are we fighting? And with what weapons?" asked Teela Brown. She smiled excitedly and added, "Can I have a magic sword or something?"

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Tuesday, February 17, 2004 11:38 PM

MANIACNUMBERONE

"A magic sword you already have, though unaware of it you were." Everyone turned in surprise to see the Master standing behind them, chuckling sagely.

Channain bowed low and backed a few feet away, mumbling under her breath. "At last, at last. I knew they were the ones." she said.

The Master walked quickly to Jeremy's side, and looked him up and down. Jeremy watched the Master's glee as he moved his hands rythmicly in magical motions, gathering speed and intensity.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 11:53 AM

Faster and faster the hands of the Master whirled. Teela and Jeremy could begin to feel themselves fade, their bodies being ripped through time and space.

Suddenly, there was a loud THUNK! as a cantaloupe-sized rock landed on the head of the Master. The whirling hands stopped suddenly keeping Teela and Jeremy trapped in the wrong time.

The Master fell over, though he did not look quite dead yet. A loud "Nobody move!" came from out of the shadows. Teela grabbed Jeremy by the arm and tried to run for it. They heard a loud buzzing noise and they were suddenly trapped in nets.

"Oh crap." she heard the Tash head lament. "I'd hoped we wouldn't arouse her attention..."

"Whose?" Jeremy asked.

A doze muscular, leather-clad young men moved out of the shadows, stragely shaped guns aimed at our intrepid heroes.

Teela said, "These aren't the goons of the FOX execs?"

"No," Tash replied. "It's worse. They work for...her."

Channain wailed "No! Not the traitorous one!"

"Yes," Tash said as the bulky men started taking the nets off his jar. "I'd know that tacky style of dress anywhere. Those are the minions of Kala the Hutt."

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 11:57 AM

"And she'll make you pay, you unthinking Broancoats!" said the largest of the minions as the group was rounded up at gunpoint.

"Huh?" Teela said. "This makes no sense at all! I know Kala. Shouldn't she be on *our* side?"

"I'm afraid not," said the Tash head. "She's had it in for us for a long time now. She blames us and our boycott of FOX for getting The Simpson's cancelled. She'll never forgive us."

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 1:40 PM

"Wait, wait, wait...you mean we actually got a boycott started?" Teela said.

"Yes," Tash replied.

"It's not just a pipe dream?"

"No."

"And the Simpsons got canceled, and no one, NO ONE, was willing to pick it up!? I mean, come on, it's a show about everyone watches. That channel would recieve SO much money."

"Well..." Channain and Tash started.

To be continued by whoever picks this up...

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 2:41 PM

"It was pretty small potatoes when it got started," continued Channain, "until one of the Simpson's writers happened to see a small unruly crowd of folks all wearing brownish-colored coats hanging about the FOX lot singing something about Cantonese Heroes or somesuch, and walked over to ask them what it was all about..."

Tash continued, "The Firefly DVDs were passed around among many of the Simpson's writers and even Matt Groening got a hold of a copy, and pretty soon Bart started inexplicably saying 'Eat my shorts, Gorramit!' and Lisa would go wild-eyed and ramble on about how 'One goes into the house of 11 11 times, but always comes out one.'"

"But the beginning of the end," continued Channain, "was when the animator for 'Itchy and Scratchy' finally watched the Firefly DVDs in a sleepless 15-hour marathon and immediately swore revenge on the bastards who cancelled this amazing show. This, coincidentally, was also the time that Scratchy began to increasingly resemble..."

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 2:53 PM

...Rupert Murdoch."

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 2:58 PM

"...resemble who?!?" Teela replied when she heard the answer.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 3:02 PM

The Tash head rolled his eyes, which had the bizarre affect of making his whole head bobble in the jar.

"You know, Rupert Murdoch," he said.

Teela stared blankly.

"Communications magnate?" Tash tried.

Teela shook her head.

"He owns FOX," Channain broke in.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 3:12 PM

"Oh. I can't keep track. Too many bad owners. I had a list. I lost it."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 3:55 PM

Succatash began to feel a little dizzy, and he suddenly realized his jar had sprung a leak.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 4:00 PM

EDIT:ah! sorry guys! I jumped in but Succatash beat me too it. I'll let you decide which to use.

Jerremy looked around, "you know this is all well and good. I'm very proud of us for doing all that but have you all forgoten about the badly dressed bad guys?"

"Shall we run now?" Teela offered.

"Good plan, let me just get a better hold of Tash here. He's slipping. You need to consider losing some weight."

Jerremy shifted the jar an noticed a thick substace slowly sliding down the outside.

"Uh, Tash, you seem to be leaking."

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 8:03 PM

Phil peeled back the last of the sticky Cleremy mucous from his face and sighed quietly. He looked around for Ming, who was huddled not far away, reading. Phil crawled over to Ming and asked, “what are you doing?”

“Reading the procedure manual.”

“That’s a copy of Ninja High School.”

“It’s the only reference I could find for our current situation. The instructions are quite clear. Summon the giant robot.”

Phil’s eyebrows soared in shock. “That costs millions!” he sputtered.

“SILENCE!” commanded Ming, then continued in a whisper, “They haven’t discovered us yet, keep your voice down.”

“What about the cat girl? Or the witch?”

“Maternity leave. Away on a trade show. This is the only way.” Ming lifted his shirt to reveal the emergency button on his belt buckle, and Phil pressed his hand into Ming’s crotch. The button, that is.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 9:23 PM

Succatash's jar was leaking. Channain noticed that the evil minions were backing away from the Tash Water Goo that spilled from the jar.

"Jeremy!" she cried. "Tash Goo kills them!"

Jeremy instantly understood. He began scooping out the water goo from Succtash's jar and hurling it at the evil minions. They fried like bacon and died quickly.

But when the fight was over, Succatash's head looked dried and brittle in the empty, cracked jar.

"Tash needs more goo," said Teela Brown, matter of factly. She turned and smiled at Jeremy. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's take one for the team."

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 10:12 PM

Channain nodded gravely. "I'm in," she said.

Jeremy gulped nervously. "That's...that's a pretty big jar."

Just then, Phil and Ming appeared. Ming had a strange red button strapped to his crotch.

"We had a button malfunction," Ming explained to the group. "In the meantime, is there anything we can do to help?"

Teela Brown pointed to the cracked jar and the dried up Succatash head. "Can you fill that jar with goo?" she asked.

"Not from here," Ming replied. Phil cuffed him in the back of the head.

Teela shouted angrily, "This is no time for games. We need goo now, or Succatash dies!"

Channain turned off all the lights, and for the next five hours, the group focused on filling the jar and saving Succatash's Head from certain death.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004 10:50 PM

5 hours later, everyone was smoking cigarettes and listening to Simon & Garfunkle.

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk to you again....

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Thursday, February 19, 2004 2:28 AM

Keep the Shiny side up

It was a Thursday. We were working the day watch out of paranormal crimes. the boss is Capt. Carruthers. The weather in L.A. had been pleasant, but now the heat was building.

The call came in at 3:47 in the afternoon. It was a 666, production of unlicensed head goo by more than three sapient beings. Det. Masaman took down the information, and we drove up West Covina to question the suspects.

We arrived at the abandoned warehouse at 4:15 and found Officer Ibraham detaining the suspects and guarding the crime scene. There were three males, three females and a non-Marine jarhead. the crime scene was littered with what were obviously melted minions.

I approached the oldest of the females. "Afternoon, ma'am. I'm Sgt. Friday and this is Det. Masaman. We're here to investigate the Goo-legging. Why don't you tell me what happened? Start from the beginning. I just want the facts, ma'am."

The female, who had introduced herself as Channain, walked over to a buzzing machine, extracted a sheet of paper, and handed it to me.

"No." I remonstrated as I gently pistol-whipped her. "The FACTS! I said 'I want the facts, ma'am."

"Keep the Shiny side up"

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Thursday, February 19, 2004 2:42 PM

"Lemme see that." Teela took the paper. She scanned it quickly.

"But sir, these are the facts! As hard as it is to believe, this all happened. Come on, you can trust me." She smiles.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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