FIREFLY UNIVERSE

The Adventures of Jeremy - Book 2

POSTED BY: SUCCATASH
UPDATED: Wednesday, March 10, 2004 21:55
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 8356
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Wednesday, February 25, 2004 11:09 PM

SUCCATASH


It's YOUR TURN to write something!

Take Turns Writing: The Adventures of Jeremy - Book 2

For Book One, click here: http://fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=17&t=3646


Jeremy, the owner of www.fireflymovie.com is a hero among Browncoats. Our job is to take turns writing his adventures.


PLOT SUMMARY:

Jeremy, the owner of Fireflymovie.com, is approached by a pair of mysterious Hollywood executives. He finds himself in a time travelling adventure as he tries to save quality television, good movies, and life as we know it. He joins forces with a mysterious Yoda-talking Master, a sexy young super hero, a sarcastic head in a jar from the future, and many others.


Take turns telling the story. Not RPG, no one owns a particular character, and you don't take turns between "moves." Write as you feel. The story should read like a novel and there are no other rules.


-------------------------------------------------------

The Adventures of Jeremy (Cont.)

Teela burned through the air as she straddled poor Jeremy. He was not used to being a Capeman. They grew ever closer to the distant black speck in the sky. "We WILL rescue Joss!" Teela vowed.

Meanwhile, the Tash jar bobbed and floated merrily in the hot tub with the girls. Occasionally, Tash looked down into the water and giggled like a school boy.

The girls took turns passing the Tash jar around, until heavy footsteps approached. BOOM BOOM BOOM.

"Oh no, it's Big Bertha!" cried one of the girls. They all left the hot tub in a hurry and ran out of the room.

"What's going on? ...Girls?" Tash's jar was facing the wrong way and he couldn't see what was going on. He floated in helpless frustration.

SPLASH!

Suddenly, everything shook violently as Big Bertha jumped into tub. She picked up the jar and gave Tash a big toothy grin.

"Well...Hello, my name is Succatash," Tash began nervously. "I am over 120 years old and I.. glub glub...."

Big Bertha grabbed the Tash Jar and forced it under the water. She shifted her weight a few times, then let out a sigh and closed her eyes.

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Wednesday, February 25, 2004 11:41 PM

MANIACNUMBERONE


Jar O' Tash grimaced and tried to turn himself away from Big Bertha's largeness as he heard the grumble within her bowels signaling a giant underwater explosion. He knew there was no way to get away, and as the gassy tsunami hit his Jar, Tash's head rotated rapidly back and forth, his eyes twitched, his nostrils squirmed and he screamed.


...Meanwhile, Jeremy our hero has finally decided that his situation, while pleasant in a perverted sort of way, was going to kill him soon if he didn't get some air. Jeremy managed to get Teela's attention, and she let Jeremy climb onto her back. "I've got the Supercape remember... it's impenetrable. When we fly, you should let me use it to cover us both", he said.

As Jeremy pulled the cape over them, their speed suddenly increased and the black spots ahead of them zoomed quickly into view. Their speed out of control, Jeremy and Teela shot past the flying conflagaration.

Back in the hottub, bubbles erupted violently from the surface of the water, and as a few of them broke, Tash's voice came out and was heard by those fleeing the enveloping gas. "Nooo."

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Thursday, February 26, 2004 9:35 AM

SAINT JAYNE


Lydia and Mark Dryer stared dumbly at the tiny screen affixed to the bottom of the overhead compartment. They weren’t enjoying the movie at all. Lydia could only see half the screen, the bottom half obscured by the head of the tall me in front of her. Mark’s earphones crackled and popped, but the stewardess was so rude, he didn’t want to ask for another pair.

Mark turned and stared into the clouds through the oval window. He sighed and wished he were somewhere else.

Teela spun around and planted both feet firmly on the side of the Boing 757. Pushing off with super strength, she launched herself and Jeremy back towards Joss Whedon’s captors.

The plane, now in two parts, spun like autumn leaves towards the water below.

Teela rocketed towards her target. This time she would not miss. She climbed up on Jeremy’s back and rode him like a surfboard through the sky.

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Thursday, February 26, 2004 11:26 AM

SUCCATASH


Teela and Jeremy flew closer to Joss and his flying kidnappers.

Jeremy could see the city far below. He frowned as the evil black-suited superwoman swooped down and disappeared into a tall building.

"Teela, they went into that window!"

"I know!" Teela said angrily.

They followed in hot pursuit. Teela sped through the window and they crashed into a wall. Jeremy was knocked senseless.

"Oh no, Jeremy!" cried Teela. She was a superhero, and unhurt. But poor Jeremy was in bad shape.

Teela looked around. She realized she was in a tall building full of offices and elevators.

Jeremy suddenly groaned and sat up, rubbing his head. "Where am I?" he asked. He looked at Teela with a confused expression. "Who are you? For that matter, who am I?"


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Thursday, February 26, 2004 11:52 AM

MANIACNUMBERONE


"Oh no." said Teela, "This is exactly what we didn't need." Teela quickly leaned down and picked up the injured Jeremy, who started struggling with Teela.

"Let me go! Put me Down!" Jeremy yelled. Jeremy looked at Teela a little closer. "Wow, you're really strong, and really hot. Who did you say you were?"

"Damn, you hit your head really hard on that wall." said Teela as she began searching the building with her super hearing. She easily heard the kidnappers and flew through the office building towards them, with Jeremy under her arm.


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Thursday, February 26, 2004 12:46 PM

TEELABROWN


StJ, you stole my brain!
___________
While Teela was running after the kidnappers, she decided to fill the now clueless Jeremy in on what she knew.

"Okay, to start off with, you are Jeremy. I'm Teela Brown. We are trying to resuce Joss Whedon, who created Firefly, which is basically the best show in existence. We are Browncoats, or followers of the show. The cape you where protects you and couses you to fly. And, if we're under it together, we go incredably fast. You getting all this?"
___________

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Thursday, February 26, 2004 12:54 PM

TEELABROWN


They heard a scream that sounded like Tash from a nearby door. Teela stopped. "Tash?" She opened the door, and was rather confused. "Where's Tash, wasn't that his scream?"

"Who's Tash?" Jeremy asked.

"He's a head in a jar, who's my friend. Well, our friend."

Big Bertha noticed them in the door way. "Tash, is that short for Succatash, bracuse I've seen a Succatash here."

"Well, yes. Where's he now? Because I kinda need to get going."

Big Bertha pointed into the hottub. "But you won't get him that easily." She began to laugh.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Thursday, February 26, 2004 4:10 PM

EBONEZER


Teela hit Big Bertha in the jaw, hard, and the big woman fell to the ground. The room shook slightly.
"Yay!" the girls in bikini's huddling in the corner squeeled.

A few ran to the hottub and fished Tash out, "You were so brave Tash!"

A few others ran to Jeremy and Teela.

Two threw their arms around Jeremy, "Who are you?"

"Who do want me to be, baby?"

Another aproached Teela and put her arm around her shoulders, "And who are you?" she said seductivly.

"Not like that," Teela said, slapping the womans wandering hands away.

She went to the hottub and grabbed Tash away from a topless girl, "These girls are dangerous."

"No!" Tash screamed, "I can handle them!"

"Yes!" they begged, "Let him handle us!"

"I can take them on single handed!" Tash begged.

Teela ignored him and tapped Jeremy, "Time to go."

He didn't look up from his in depth feeling up of a blonde girl.

"Why?"

"Gotta go save Joss," Teela explained.

"Who?" Jeremy thought a second, "I don't know any Joss. Best of luck though."

Teela grabbed Jarey by the colar and hoisted him up. "Come on, after we save him I'll introduce you two."

"Ow, hey! Joss? Lemme think, i might come up with something," Jeremy thought a minute, "Oh that stupid Firefly guy. Tell you what, Maybe these girls know something, I should stay here to, uh, interrogate them!"

"Stupid Firefly guy?" Tash questioned, "What happened to jeremy?"

"Memory loss," Teela explained.

"Oh," Tash thought a moment and then said, "Well, sense he has memory loss...i should stay here and interrogate them." He grinned suggestivly.

"No." She dragged them out the door.

Jeremy and Tash looked at each other then screamed, "Noooooooooooooooooo!"

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Friday, February 27, 2004 9:25 AM

MANIACNUMBERONE


As Teela pulled the screaming Jeremy and Tash out the door, leaving behing the scantily clad bungalo-dwellers, the doorway shimmered and the scene within changed.

The bikini wearing girls were gone and in their place was an elderly couple sitting on a pea-green sofa, watching lawrence welk on an old black and white and piecing together a puzzle of J. Edgar Hoover.

The old woman looked up and her eyes widened. Gasping and panting, she fell forward onto the puzzle, finally getting her husband's attention. He pushed his trifocals up on his nose and said "You're on my side of the puzzle again, Penelope!"

Watching the bizarre scene for only a moment longer, Teela finally picked up both Jeremy and Tash and flew out a nearby window.

"I think I understand," said Jar O' Tash, "Those paradox's are centerd on Joss. They appear stronger in places where he just was, and they radiate outwards!"

Teela looked amazed, and Jeremy a little dumb-founded. "We've got to find Joss, and figure out why this is happening," Said Tash. "Let's fly!"


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Friday, February 27, 2004 12:23 PM

WREN


Suddenly the world started to shimmer again. They fell out of the sky and landed on warm sand. Their super outfits had disappeared and they were instead dressed in rough homemade clothes. Teela picked Tash up from the sand.
"Where the hell are we now and how did we get here?" he asked.
"I can't answer the first", replied Teela, "but as to the second it could be another paradox or a tear in the space time continuim or something. What do you think Jeremy?"
When there was no response she turned to find Jeremy staring at a black dot in the distance. The shock of what he was seeing had brought his memory back. "I don't believe it, I must be dreaming", he was muttering.
Witha jolt Tash and Teela realised what they were looking at. "I guess we should have expected this", said Tash, "after all with the ability to time travel and knowing how real it all seemed this could be the only answer".
The Firefly touched down before them. Its doors slowly and noisely began to open.
"Oh man" gasped Teela, "I shall be able to meet Mal and have a deep and meaningful relationship with him".
"What she say?" Yelled Jeremy.
"Says shes gonna shag Mal", Tash shouted back.
The doors finally clunked down onto the sand and they saw before them......







Trouble with the righteous is....their always right.

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Friday, February 27, 2004 3:59 PM

SAINT JAYNE


OOC: This must be what going mad feels like. And, damn! The Chinese didn't work!

-----

"This must be what going mad feels like", Yossarian stuttered in shock. He checked his instruments for the 27th time. Blinking and contorting his face brought no enlightenment. “ it”, he muttered and left the cockpit. Back in the pantry, Yossarian searched for the bottle of cooking sherry he kept.

-----

The heat and wind from the engines subsided. “Which one of you ordered the ?” came the commanding voice of Mal, as he strolled confidently down the platform, Zoe close behind.

Teela Brown was gone. The person she had been was back in a pantry getting sauced. What remained was a babbling, lovesick shell of a woman. Her mouth open slightly, she spoke, “That would be me.”

“You’re Merz? A pleasure.” Mal grinned. Teela Brown’s legs melted away beneath her.

Mal turned to Jeremy. “You must be Hlastoni.” Jeremy nodded dumbly. “Man of few words. I heard you would be. Well, the bad news is the got a little beat up, but the are right as rain. So, how about you show us the platinum and we unload your goods?”

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Friday, February 27, 2004 5:56 PM

EBONEZER


Jeremy nudged Teela, er, Merz. "I thought i was Jeremy."

"You are," she babbled.

"But he just called me-"

"You him too." she cut Jeremy/Hlastoni off.

"How can I be somebody who's name i can't pronounce?"

Mals loud voice inturrupet their hushed conversation, "You do have the platinum, don't you?"

Jeremy felt a weight in his pocket and pulled it out, "This?" He tossed it to Mal.

"That'll do nicely," Mal said, pocketing the small leather pouch.

"Wash!" He called out and a man with blonde hair and a hawaiin shirt drove a quad down the ramp, pulling a trailer with a sliver box on the back. He dropped the box off and drove back up, "I wanna be in atmo in five," Mal mumbled to Wash as he drove by.

"Well," Mal said grinning, "It's been a pleasure doing busness with you. Hope to do it again some time." He turned and started walking back into the ship.

"Wait!" Teel shouted. Mal turned and looked back at her.

"You just going to leave?" she asked in disbelef

"That is the notion. Best not to attract attention to ourselvs."

He turned presed the controll panel, and the door slowly raised and closed with a thud.

Teela watched in disbelef as Serenity felw away.

Jeremy turned to the box he pressed a few buttons and the top flew open. Inside, a man with red hair was lying naked.

Jeremy leaned over the lid and asked, "Whad you order a cyrogenicly frozen guy for?"

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Saturday, February 28, 2004 4:13 AM

TEELABROWN


YOU STOLE MY BRAIN!!! What are you doing with him anyway? BTW, I have a crush on Simon. But Mal is cool.
_________
"Huh." was all Teela could manage to say. "So, you don't know who he is?"

"Sorry. I hardly know who I am, one stone at a time." Jeremy said.

Tash was looking at the man intently. "I know who it is..."
__________

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Saturday, February 28, 2004 4:57 AM

SUCCATASH


The naked red-haired man suddenly sat up and screamed. He jumped out of the box and began running and leaping wildy about, lunging and kicking in mid air.

"Woah, that's not something I needed to see," muttered Teela.

Eventually the crazy naked man calmed down. He sat on his haunches looked at the group with bright eyes.

"What's your name?" asked Jeremy.

"Maniac," the wild man said.


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Saturday, February 28, 2004 5:57 AM

WREN


"Erm, thats nice," said Jeremy. "You know this guy?" He whispered to Teela.

A clunking noise made them all turn round. Serenity had returned.

Capt. Mal was standing at the top of the ramp holding a gun on a tall, muscular, dark haired man. " Jayne, I think you got something to say to these folk," he said as he walked down the ramp. Simon joined them, enjoying Jaynes discomfort. "Gorrammit I din mean no 'arm," said Jayne, "wot I gave em is worth more than wot they ordered." Mal jabbed the gun into Jaynes back. "Ah hell", said Jayne and he held out a small brown parcel. "This ere is your goods," he said, "I accidentally swopped the details with that package." He nodded to the squatting man.

Zoe and Wash appeared. Zoe shot a tranqualiser into Maniac's arm, then they loaded him back into the cryogenic container.

"I hope theres not going to be a problem with this," said Mal, in a pleasent voice. His eyes had a dangerous gleam. "You got your goods, I have mine, I figure that makes us even."
Jeremy glanced nervously at the engines. "Yep," he said "totally even. Easy mistake to make all sorted out now so lets forget about it." He gave Mal a manic smile.

Meanwhile, Teela had opened the small brown package. It contained three home knitted orange hats with ear flaps and a bobble on the top. "Wow," said Jeremy, "I always wanted one of those." He grabbed one of the hats and put it on his head. "Me to, me to," cried Tash. Jeremy grabbed a second hat and pulled it over the top of Tash's jar.

Jayne looked as though he was about to cry. "It's just I lost me mams hat," he said, "and she will be ever so upset." Teela stared at him for a moment, then held out her hat. "You can have mine," she said. A smile lit up Jaynes face and he gave Teela a big hug.

"Thats mighty fine of you ma'am," said Mal, "infact a fine deed like that deserves a reward." He had noticed the way Teela kept gazing adoringly at Simon. "Doc give the lady a kiss," he ordered.
"Pardon?" Said Simon, he blushed a deep red.
"I said give the lady a kiss," ordered Mal.
Simon had enough sense to realise he had better obey the captain. He leant forward and pecked Teela on the cheek. "Call that a kiss," laughed Mal, "this is how it should be done." He swept Teela into his arms and gave her a long hard kiss. Then he turned to Simon and said, "now you try it again and you keep trying until you get it right, an educated man like yourself should be a fast learner."

An hour later Mal was happy that Simon knew how to give a proper kiss. "Well we'd better be goin' now," he said, it's been a pleasure doin' business with you." He and the rest of the crew boarded Serenity.

Jeremy carefully put Tash down on the sand and sat next to him. While they waited for Teela to recover from her swoon, Jeremy pondered who had sent them the hats and why.

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Saturday, February 28, 2004 6:39 AM

SUCCATASH



Succatash felt a little sick watching the Firefly kissing fantasy and he threw up inside his jar. It made quite a mess.

Suddenly, shouts could be heard from inside Serenity. Without warning, the naked red-haired man named Maniac jumped out a window and landed on the ground.

"Sir!" Zoe's voice could be heard. "The tranquilizer has no effect! He got away!"

Maniac cackled wildy and sprinted off into the hills.

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Saturday, February 28, 2004 2:29 PM

EBONEZER


Tash watched the bare white butt of the Maniac bouncing away, he found that only slightly less disturbing then Teela and Simons make out session.

He turned and saw Serenitys door coming slowly down.

Mal, Zoe, and Jayne came out on the Quad and started after the Maniac.

Wash came down the steps from the bridge and said, "So, I'll just stay here then."

Simon stepped forward, "Somebody wanna explain to me why there's an easy-to-open window on a spaceship?"

Jeremy saw somethng on the inside of the box, picking it up he saw that it was a medical ID bracelet that said:

Maniac Whedon
If found please return to the 21st century


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Saturday, February 28, 2004 3:00 PM

SUCCATASH


Maniac bounced and leaped into the hills, and he could hear the sounds of pursuit.

He ran down a hill and spied a cave. He ducked into the small cave and quickly blocked the entrance with some bushes.

Moments later, Mal, Zoe and Jayne drove past in the Quad. They didn't see the hidden cave. The noises faded away.

Maniac cackled with pleasure. He looked around and realized that the cave continued in a downword slope. He began walking deeper into the cave.

Suddenly he came upon the form of two dead bodies. One was a cavemen and the other was an astronaut. It looked like they had killed each other in a fight.

Maniac shrugged. He removed the loincloth from the dead caveman and strapped it onto himself. "Perfect fit!" exclaimed Maniac happily.

He spied a jet pack laying beside the dead astronaut. The digital display flashed, "Gas Tank - 3/4 Full."

Maniac cackled wildly and strapped on the jet pack. He turned around and walked out of the cave. He knocked away the bushes that blocked the entrance and strode into the sunlight.

He turned on the jetpack and flew away. He cackled with glee and his loincloth flapped in the wind.


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Saturday, February 28, 2004 4:32 PM

TEELABROWN


My gosh y'all are funny. I haven't laughed like that in a long while. Make out with Simon...wow...
_______
Teela had recovered from having two very fine men kiss her. She was still very, very red though.

"What's that speck in the distance? Doesn't seem like our kidnappers, does it?"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Saturday, February 28, 2004 4:46 PM

TEELABROWN


"Okay, so what's with the hats? What do they do, why do we need them? And what is that infernal cackling?" Teela wondered aloud.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Saturday, February 28, 2004 6:11 PM

SUCCATASH


Meanwhile, in the twilight of dusk, Maniac finally landed with his jetpack on the outskirts of a Nevada gambling town. His jetpack was almost out of gas, he'd have to refill soon.

Maniac walked towards some bright lights. When he grew closer, he saw a building, full of lights and noise. A sign on the building read, "Hung Man's Hole," but Maniac didn't see it. He was too busy hiding his jetpack in the bushes.

He walked in, and instantly all the guys came up to Maniac and offered to buy him a drink.

"Hi there, Loin Cloth Man!" said one fellow.

The bartender looked at Maniac sternly. "You need some clothes, young man," he said. Then he smiled broadly. "Just kidding!" And everyone in the room laughed.

A disco ball suddenly dropped from the ceiling and bright spotlights focused on Maniac. The crowd cheered as the song "YMCA" started loudly.

Maniac looked helplessly at the bartender, but the bartender just smiled broadly and gave the thumbs up. Maniac looked out and saw that everyone was cheering. He didn't want to reveal his true identity.

So he danced.

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Saturday, February 28, 2004 8:39 PM

SAINT JAYNE


"Okay, so this is what we do:" the Jar O' Tash whispered. "Teela, you distract the doctor. Jeremy, knock out the pilot."

"What are you going to do?" asked Jeremy.

"I'm going to fly us out of here." Succatash looked proudly and nobly into the sky with a strong chin and sturdy gaze.

"You don't have hands", Jeremy added.

"The Doctor... Wait, I've got a better idea." Teela inscribed large symbols into the sand they stood on, and as she stepped back, an old English police box appeared slowly in their midst.

"Come on!" Teela Brown waved Jeremy in.

Inside was much bigger than the outside. Large, thick doors opened into some sort of centralized control chamber with enough buttons, levers and switches to run, well, a time capsule. A tall, curly-haired man stood up from behind the central console. His disarming smile and soothing voice, thick with English charm, took the edge off of the panicked situation.

"Hello, Teela my dear, did you call?"

From behind the console approached a robotic dog on wheels. "She did call, master. The symbol was specifically…"

"Yes, yes, yes, yes," The man interrupted, "Don’t be rude, K-9, offer our guests something to eat."

Two pieces of lightly browned toast popped out of the robotic dog's back and onto the floor. "Marmalade?" it asked, projecting a rod from its nose and spraying orange marmalade onto both pieces.

"Doctor, we need your help." Teela beseeched.

"Yes, I know", the Englishman suddenly looked deadly serious. "And we have to act right away!"

Teela blinked, confused. "But, you're a time lord, this is a time..."

The robot dog interrupted smugly, "Everyone who is a master of time and space, please raise your hand."

The Doctor alone raised his, a quirky smile spreading across his face.

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Saturday, February 28, 2004 11:18 PM

WREN


Jeremy realised his head was starting to hurt. He reached up to remove the hat, but found he couldn't. "Hey guys," he squealed, "I think my head is expanding." The others looked at him as though he were mad (well madder than usual). "Looks the same to me," said Teela.
"Then why can't I get this damn hat off?" cried Jeremy. He felt as though his head was about to explode. "Here let me try," said Teela. She grabbed the bobble and gave a long hard yank. Nothing happened. "Nope, its definately stuck," she said.

A bright light filled Jeremys skull. The world around him disappeared and he found himself in a vast emptiness. "What the hell?" he said. As though triggered by his words images appeared before him. The images were easy to make out at first but they gradually appeared faster and faster until there was just a swirling mass of colour. Then there was total darkness. "Data download complete," said an ominous robotic voice.

Jeremy opened his eyes to find himself lying on the ground. "Are you okay?" asked Teela.
"Not really," said Jeremy.

He rolled onto his side and found himself staring at Tash who didn't look so good. His eyes were bulging out of their sockets and his tounge hung out of his mouth. The goo in the jar was frantically bubbling and steaming. "NOooooooo tooooo muuuuuch informatiooooooooooon," screamed Tash. The Tash head suddenly did a 180 degree flip, then flopped limply against the glass.

"Quick," shouted Jeremy, "we need to give him heart massage."
"Can't," pointed out Teela.
"Mouth to mouth resuscitation then," said Jeremy.
"Can't and not sure I would want to even if I could," said Teela.
"Well we can't just let him die," cried Jeremy.

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Sunday, February 29, 2004 7:03 AM

EBONEZER


Jeremy picked up Tash's jar and started shaking it vigorously. Tashes head spun around but otherwise showed no sighns of life.

Jeremy tapped the glass, pulled Tashes hair, and did an ancient native american rain dance, but nothing pulled Tash out of his coma. A light drizzle did start to fall on the dry dersert though.

"Simon!" Jeremy cried, "Go get Simon!"

Teela ran out and borded Serenety, she found Simon showing Kaylee everything that he learned about kissing.

She pulled him away and drug him out and into the wierd little box.

Jeremy shoved Tash into Simons arms and said,"Fix him!"

Simon raised an eyebrow but plunged his hand into the jar and pressed a spot of Tash's skull. Tash imediatly sprang back to life, "Whad I miss?" he asked eagerly.

Simon tossed the jar-o-tash to Jeremy then left.



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Sunday, February 29, 2004 1:49 PM

TEELABROWN


Teela wasn't really paying any attention to the outsde world. A thought struck her.

"Tash, how can you throw up when you have no stomach?"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, February 29, 2004 2:23 PM

EBONEZER


Jeremy cocked an eyebrow, "Yeah, I've never seen you eat anything either. What exactly are you throwing up?"


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Sunday, February 29, 2004 2:40 PM

SUCCATASH


Tash started singing, "The hip bone's connected to the leg bone, the leg bone's connected to the ankle bone..."

"Tash, knock if off!" Teela commanded. You don't have a body, that song doesn't apply to you."

"Sorry," said Tash. He rolled his eyes and bubbles floated to the top of his jar. He looked at Teela and Jeremy and said, "How can I throw up? It's a response that was programmed into my brain, to keep me more human."

"Oh," said Teela and Jeremy at the same time.

"I wonder what will happen next?" said Teela, in a thoughtful voice.


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Sunday, February 29, 2004 2:49 PM

EBONEZER


"Hey, while we're thinking deep thoughts here, and as nobody seems to know quite what to do with the story, I have a question," Jeremy said, "If these universal people are trying to give me information, why am i running from them?"

They thought about this for a moment.

"Speaking of the universal people, we haven't seen them in a while have we." Teela said, looking around just in case they might be right behind her.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Nevada a man with a loncloth on was rubbing soup in his hair. Two men in suits aproached him. One handed him a card, loincloth guy (AKA Maniac) vagly noticed that the man WASN'T wearing blue gloves.

Mainic took the card and tore it to pieces then rubbed the pieces in his hair.

"Sir," one of the men said, "we need you to come with us."


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Sunday, February 29, 2004 2:55 PM

TEELABROWN


"Well, I suppose we should get going. Where'd Maniac go? Should we find him?" Teela pondered and said.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, February 29, 2004 3:09 PM

SUCCATASH


Maniac stared in fear at the two men in suits. He did not like them. They wanted to hurt him, he was certian.

He stood up and called to his new friends. "Help! Get these guys out of here! They want to hurt me!"

The men in suits looked around and gulped in fear. They found themselves surrounded by a group of angry men.

A pair of burly construction workers approached them. One of the construction workers spoke. "Seems you're in the wrong bar. Maybe you didn't read the sign."

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Sunday, February 29, 2004 3:10 PM

EBONEZER


An brittish man with a pipe stepped forward. A subtitle read:

A Very Important Historian

"We join our heros," he began, "at a significant lull in the story."

Teela is shown looking around, Jeremy is trying an ancient native american fried egg sandwich dance, and Tash is bubbling annoiedly.

The VIH continued: "The Maniac is currently in the hands of universal studios."

The Maniac is shown rubbing soup in the hair of the surprisingly calm Universal Studios Goonies.

"Joss is still missing."

Joss is shown gagged and tied to a chair, "Mmmm mmmphh mmmmfffff!" (subitile: You idiots forgot about me!)

"Oh yeah, I know we were forgeting something," Teela said absently.

The VIH continued, "And a man named St. Jayne is currently the sex-slave for the guys with blue hands."

A man with blue hands stands with a whip, "We were in the market for a midget but what can i say? He was on sale."

The VIH shook his head and contuned, "And little Kaylee finaly did get Simon into bed with her."

Simon looked up, "What the hell are they doing in here?"

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Sunday, February 29, 2004 3:17 PM

SUCCATASH


Finally, the sounds of the Quad grew louder as Mal and company returned.

"We couldn't find the naked guy" said Mal. "Let's cut our losses and get out of here."

Simon looked at Teela and said, "I will always love you." He turned to leave.

"Wait!" cried Teela. "Can I have one more kiss?"

"We better not," answered Simon. He gestured to the Tash jar. "I recognize that old model 125 from my classes at the academy. It can only simulate vomit once per day. If Tash throws up again, his system will overload and he'll surely die."

Teela glared at Tash but said nothing. Simon boarded Serenity and the ship flew away.


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Sunday, February 29, 2004 4:08 PM

EBONEZER


They turned there heads up to watch Serenty leave. A fried egg sandwich landed on Teela's face.

"Jeremy! You wanna explain this to me?"

"My sandwich!" He picked if off her face and took a bite, "Needs salt."

"So fine the maniac, or save Joss?" Tash asked.

"What about St. Jayne?" Teela asked.

"What about him?"

"Joss." They all said at once and grabbed onto each other so they could fly off and find him.

"Question." Tash said, "How do you know Joss is this way?"

Teela pointed to a sign:
Evil Bad Guy Hideout This Way
Two for One Thursdays - save one captive get one free!

They found a building which they presumed was the hideout by the neon signs saying, HIDEOUT!

Then landed outside a door and wondered what to do next.

"Knock?" Jeremy suggested.

They did this and a large man opened the door.
"Reservations?" he asked

"Not exactly," Teela said, "Were here to rescue Joss?"

"Oh yes," he said, "right this way."

He led them down a hall and into a large room with a fireplace, chandaler, and one of those little dolls with heads that say GOO.

"Please sit down. Tea will be served shortly, and out director will be in to discuss the terms of the rescue."

With this the man left.

---------------

And the Oscar for getting the story going again goes to...

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Sunday, February 29, 2004 4:40 PM

TEELABROWN


Teela is being ponderous, since she has had of late had not enough sleep. "Would Niska have 2 for 1 Thusdays? Nah, probably not."

"Your tea, sirs and miss. Sugar?"

"Sure, why not?"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, February 29, 2004 4:57 PM

YOSSARIAN


*Interlude by Teela's brain*

Ni haody. Now, Teela. Why haven't you been concentrating on getting Joss out? You're going all philosphical with me. Which suits some people fine, but it's NOT YOU!! How did I get stuck in such a person?

Yossarian would live forever, or die trying.

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Sunday, February 29, 2004 5:40 PM

EBONEZER


OOC: Um everybody, Succatash just pointed out to me that i made a small mistake in them flying off because they're super suits are gone.

My bad.

Soooo. Let's just pretend the hideout had a free and complementary shuttle transport system, and that's how they get there.

and now back to the show

----------------------------------------

Jerery took a sip of tea and burned his tounge, "Ow! Hot!" He stuck his tounge out and flapped it around trying to cool it off. Then he decided that hopping out of his chair and jumping around the room would help. It didn't really, but Jeremy didn't see that as a reason to stop.

The Director stepped in, "Hello Madam," he said, kissing Teela's hand, "my name is The Director."

"Oh, well that's just..." she realized that Jeremy was still hopping around like a maniac, "Please, excuse my friend," she said, slightly embarrased, "Jeremy, sit down this instant."

"Yeth ma'am," he mumbled and sat down.

The director nodded a welcome to him and then noticed Tash, "I'm sorry, pet's are not alowed in the Hideout."

"Pet? Who are you calling a pet! I am not a pet!" Jeremy said, outraged.

"I was referring to the head in the jar," the director looked down his nose at Jeremy.

"Oh," Jeremy said, "Look over there! A shiny new change of topic!"

"I'm sorry, but we will have to ask your pet to leave. Heads in jar's are against health code."

"But he's out friend, couldn't you make an exception?"

"I have feeling you know," Tash grumbled.

The Director looked hesitant.

Jeremy put his hand on The Directors hand, "I'll make i worth your while," he winked.

The Director removed Jeremys hand, "Kindly never do that again and I will forget you so-called, friend. Now then," he pulled out a breifcase and sat down, "may I offer you some dinner? Our food is very good. We captured a french cheif just last week."

"Oh no thank you," Teela said politly.

"As you wish," the director said, "Now, let us discuss the terms of Rescue."

A man in a flashy suit walked in and said, "We have some very special rescue options for you tonight. Choose door number one, door number two, or door number three. The choose is yours Teela B!"

"three! Three!" Tash shouted out door three

"Two! One! no Three!" Jeremy shouted out.

"Two!"

"Three!"

"Two!"

"Two"

"One!"

"Three!"

The guy in the flashy suit stuck the microphone in Teela's Face, "So what's it going to be?"

"Oh It's tough, but I'm going to take door number three."

"Let's see what you've won!"

A door labeled 3 opened up, "You've won a new car! With it's V8 engien and fully automatic transmission the new Nissan Xterra gets you where you want to go!"

"A new car? What kinda crappy rescue option is that?" Teela complained.

"Remember folks," the anoncer continued, "to spay and neuter your pets. That's all we've got time for today on the Rescue is Right, Goodbye everybody!"

"So what are the REAL rescue options?" Teela asked.

"You've chosen our lovely parting gift," the Director said, "have a nice day." he picked up his breifcase and left.

"Oh I've had it," Teela said getting in behind the wheel of the bright yellow Xterra, "Come on Jeremy, and grab Tash."

"Shotgun!" Jeremy called and got in, tossing Tash into the back.

Teels gunned it and crashed through the wall and into the next room where she found...



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Sunday, February 29, 2004 6:10 PM

TEELABROWN


"Joss!" All exclaimed excitedly.

"A little late, but at least you tried. Hey, where'd your suits go?"

The Jar O' Tash pipped up. "Oh, it's a long story. Um, do you need help?"

A voice came out of nowhere. "In a minute, you all will."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, February 29, 2004 6:33 PM

EBONEZER


"Get in Joss!" Teela called.

"Shotgun!" he called.

"No way! I already got shotgun!" Jeremy exclaimed.

"But i wan't shotgun!" Joss complained.

"I got here first!" Jeremy stuck his tounge out at Joss.

"Jeremy!" Teela yelled, "Get in the back!"

"But-"

"No buts! You got to ride in thr front now Joss get's to"

Gumbling Jeremy got into the back and Joss got shotgun.

"If you are quite through," the voice said, "then AH!"

the AH was in refereance to the disembodied voice getting run over by the Xterra.

"Wow, this thing does have a nice susepention doesn't it," commented Teela.

"Oh yes," everybody agreed.

"Looket all the cup holders."

"Oooo, heated seats."

"Not such a bad parting gift after all."

"Oh it's great."

"Top notch"

They drove through a few more walls and then out into the night air.

"Now then," Joss started, "You got may package, right."

"Oh so your the one who sent it," Teela said, glancing at Jeremys hat.

"It almost killed Tash here," Jeremy said.

"Yes, he's been known to do that."

Teela choaked, "He?"

"Yes. Maniac, Maniac Whendon."

"Maniac?" Tash sqeeked.

"Yes, my brother."

"Brother?" Teela went pale.

"Yes, you have him right?"

"Um, well..."

"That is to say..."

"Oh look at that great rock out there."

"You don't have Maniac?"

"Oh that Maniac sure yes, of course we have him," Teela's palms were sweating.

"Oh him yes! Yes of course!"

"Yes! Of course! of course!"

"Of course!"

"Yeah," Jeremy said, "and by of course we have him we really mean no we don't."

"No."

"Not so much."

The grinned at Joss who was gripping the dashboard in anger.

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Monday, March 1, 2004 2:58 AM

WREN


"Has anyone else noticed the Doctor is with us?" asked Jeremy
"Doctor Who?" responded Teela
"Precisely," said the Doctor, who was sitting on the back seat with Jeremy.

Teela blushed. "I am so sorry Doctor," she said, "I forgot all about you. I think all that kissing has affected my brain. Errrm what are you doing here?"
"This is the Tardis," said the Doctor, "I made it look like a Nissan Xterra to help save you."
"I thought it could only look like a police box because the part that alters the shape was broken," said Jeremy, pleased to be showing off his knowledge. "Well I fixed it," snapped the Doctor, "now do you want to go home or not?"

"Can't leave yet, we have to rescue someone else," answered Teela.
"A red haired, semi naked man with soup and paper in his hair?" asked the Doctor.
"Yes," said Teela in suprise.
"He's in the boot," said the Doctor, "I rescued him from a bar brawl. Now put your foot on the accelorrator and hold on tight."

Teela did as the Doctor ordered. There was a dragging sensation, Pink Floyd music filled the air, then they found themselves on a street. From the police sirens, gun shots and loud music they knew it was America. Climbing out of the car Jeremy walked over to the newspaper stand. "It's the day after we left," he said, "and we are in L.A."

"Got to go now," said the Doctor, "invasion of the Daleks to deal with and K-9 has a modelling assignment for some lollipops." He let Maniac out of the boot and then the Tardis disappeared.

"So what should we do now?" asked Teela.
"I would suggest we run," responded Joss.
"Why?" asked Jeremy, looking around for trouble but not seeing any.
"Because whenever the Tardis lands something such as monsters, robots, or mad women wraped in tin foil, usually appear and start causing trouble," said Joss. The others thought for a moment, realised Joss was right and began running down the road.




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Monday, March 1, 2004 7:04 AM

WREN


They eventually grew tired and stopped. Behind them they could hear loud bangs and see bright lights.

Looking around they found themselves in a graveyard. Maniac lifted his leg and peed up a grave. He let out a large burp, then curled into a ball and went to sleep.

"I am getting a bit tired of asking this question," said Jeremy, "but what now?"

A noise drew their attention. Joss gestured for silence and crept commando-like through the grass. A few minutes later he was back. "You have got to see this," he said. The others followed him, Teela carrying Tash.

Peering round a tomb they saw a stunningly beautiful, but slightly anorexic looking teenage girl fighting a bunch of men dressed in suits. Everytime she killed one a pile of sewage would appear. "Should we help?" asked Teela.
"Seems to be doing fine on her own," observed Tash.
"How does she manage to do those high kicks and backward flips without showing her nibbly bits?" wondered Jeremy. Everyone turned to look at him and he blushed. "Did I say that out loud?" he asked. They turned back to find the fight over and the girl gone.

"Who was that?" wondered Jeremy.
"I am Felicity the Fox Executive Slayer," said a voice behind him. Turning they found themselves confronted by the girl. "It is my duty in life to hunt down and slay all Fox Executives. Who are you?"

Once introductions had been made Felicity explained that only one slayer was born every generation. The power she had came from the first slayer who had been made to watch Fox reality shows non stop for a year. A Sensor trained each slayer, hers was named Gerald.

"Do you stab them through the heart like vampires?" asked Joss.
"Not quite," said Felicity. She pulled a glowing red hot poker out of her backpack. "I have to shove this poker right up their ars......" Letting out a yell she did two flips and demostrated on a Fox Executive who had been sneaking up on them.

"What's with the sewage?" asked Tash.
"Once their corporeal body is destroyed they return to their true form," explained Felicity.

Jeremy noticed another suited man. He tried to do a high kick, but ended up knocking himself unconcious. When he came to he was introduced to Felicity's boyfried. "But your a Fox Executive," said Jeremy.

The boyfriend explained that he had worked happily for Fox until a script about a Firefly and it's crew landed on his desk. Upon reading it he suddenly regained his soul and made it his mission in life to bring Firefly to the masses. He had told the 'Powers That Be' that it was a space western reality show involving men who liked arson and women who loved flies. They had loved the idea and handed over the money. "I always wondered why they agreed to fund the show," murmured Joss.

"What is your name?" Teela asked the boyfriend.

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Monday, March 1, 2004 4:57 PM

EBONEZER


"My name," he started, "is-"

He was cut off by a stream of lava shooting up into the air behind him.

A TV set fell from the sky and a news anchor calmly described how the Le Brea Tar Pits were experencing some unusual volcanic activity.

"My god," Teela rolled her eyes, "how many bad TV shows and movies are we going to cross over with before we get to the end?"

"Oh lots," Joss said, "Such is life."

"Uh," Tash said, "Should we maybe consider running away?" Moisture was gathering on the outside of his jar.

They turned and ran away from the oncoming lava.

"Man," Teela puffed, "I miss my Xterra."

"Couldn't we cross over with some decent movies involving not running?" Jeremy complained.

Just then a beat up station wagon pulled up in front of them.

"Briggs! Don't hurt my wifes car!" An older looking black man in the passenger seat shouted.

"Aw, come on Murtaugh. We gotta go catch bad guys!" the driver, a white man with shoulder lenght hair yelled back.

They ran on, "Leathal Weapon is not a good movie," Tash rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on," Jeremy said, "It's got some of the best exploasions ever."

Just then a large building exploded a few blocks away.

"See?"

They ducked into an alley to avoid the shockwave.

When it had passed they stepped out.

"Jeremy!" Teela said, "You lost your hat!"

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Monday, March 1, 2004 8:52 PM

SUCCATASH


Just then, the pale shadow of the Master appeared in the alley. He was a ghostly form, barely visible, and looked bloody, bruised and beaten.

The sick Master whispered, "Attacked... was I. A mighty power, by ... Barely escaped, did I. Dying, I am."

The sick Master floated wobbly, and smiled sadly at Teela. A tear trickled down his face and splashed transparently on a tiny stone by her feet. Instantly, a black rose sprouted in the cold ground and bloomed. Teela stared in wonder.

The Master lowered his head and a piece of red material floated down from the sky.

Teela reached up and caught it out of the air. "It's a piece of my Super Suit!" cried Teela, joyously. Then her forehead wrinkled. "But it's been torn. Where is the rest of it?"

The Master panted. "All I could save, this is."

Teela strapped the red material around her chest, like a bra. She couldn't help but ask, "So, what kind of powers do I have?"

"Into your bra..." the Master gasped. "Transferred, the power is. Unknown, you're full powers are. Teela, know, do I ... The power to control the minds of men, you now have..."

Succatash interrupted them. "Well, no shit. You can't take claim for natural Boob Magic. What about flying? Or running fast? Can she still do that?"

The Master ignored the question, and coughed sickly. Instead, he turned to Jeremy and handed him a blue latex condom.

"Restore the Balance!" warned the dying Master as he faded away. He continued to whisper as he diappeared,

"Train the new Master, you must. Maniac, his name is. Help him you must," gasped the Master as he finally died.

Teela shrieked and fell to her knees. Jeremy held her tightly and said, "It's okay, sshhh, it's okay." He looked at the blue condom in his hand and added, "It's me I'm worried about."


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Monday, March 1, 2004 11:24 PM

MANIACNUMBERONE


The sound of the lave woke Maniac, and grunting with strange pleasure, he lept towards the source of the sound.

Finding lava pouring around him, Maniac jumped up on the tombstones and sprang from one to the next, till he was next to the gaping hole spewing heat and lava. Maniac felt the heat and howled, but shrugged it off.

He lept to a large mausoleum. Next to it, a tall statue of an angel that looked like it was giving the bird stood 12 feet tall.

At that moment, Maniac heard a powerful voice pierce through the roar of the lava, "Restore the Balance."

Moments later maniac felt a power flow into his body and he reached down to the statue of the angel and picked it up above his head, more with his mind than with his body, but he didn't know that.

Maniac jumped with incredible strength and called mighty words that he didn't understand. Plunging down, Maniac crammed the angel statue into the top of the spewing lava hole, plugged it, and landed with more grace than he was used to.

"Mng" Maniac said with slight pleasure, and was distracted for a moment as a half mile away the diverted lava spouted from a different, new spout. "mng" He said again, and pulled a stick from his bushy hair.

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Tuesday, March 2, 2004 4:37 PM

EBONEZER


"Question." Tash said,

"You seem to have a lot of those..." Teela sighed

"That's only because the Mighty Ebonezer is confused, and sense I have no body to interefer with her thought waves, she comunicates through me."

"Why doesn't she just add herself to our little mix?" the boyfrind of the slayer chick asked.

"Too many charchters, and that makes her even more confused."

"Gotcha."

The stood around staring at each other for a little while. Jeremy scratched his nose.

"So didn't the 'Mighty Ebonezer' have a question?" he asked?

"Yes, but she's forgotten what it is. You've distracted her."

"Ah."

"So, now what?" the boyfreind asked.

"Don't you have some Fox Execs to slay?" Teela asked.

"Some what?"

Teela rolled her eyes, "oh nevermind."

Just then a man in a loin cloth ran by.

"Maniac!" Joss yelled, "Catch him!"

They all took flight after him.

"Oh yeah," Tash said, "The Mighty Ebonezer wants to know why we need a Master. What good did the last one do?"

"Can the Mighty Ebonezer gimme my Xterra back?" Teela winned.

A VW Bug appeared in front of them.

"That is not an Xterra!" Teela shouted

"It was the best she could do. The 'X' key is alot of work to hit, and she's already done it a few times this post. She doesn't want to get carpal tunnel."

They pilled into the VB bug, but the slayers boyfriend wouldn't fit. He was forced to be left behind.

And there was much rejocing.

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Wednesday, March 3, 2004 3:31 AM

TEELABROWN


Joss was directing Teela. "Okay left...go strait for-wait! There he is! Bank right!"

"Okay, okay, we might be able to catch him, but he has some sort of jetpack. Does it work?"

"Well, um, the funny thing about that..." Joss began.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Wednesday, March 3, 2004 5:22 PM

EBONEZER


"It's in the bushes," Tash said calmly.

"Huh? How do you know?" Joss asked.

"Hello, the voice of the Mighty Ebonezer runs through me," Tash said, "Duh."

"Ah."

They squeeked around a couple of hard left corners then realized that the maniac was running around the same block. They turned around, and drove the other way and met him head on. Joss shot a tranqualizer dart from a gun he found under the seat.

"Hey the Mighty Ebonezer didn't do so bad giving us this bug," Teela said, "It has fun little surprises. Tell her thanks."

Tash cleared his throat, "Hi, you've reached the Mighty Ebonezer. I'm off doing important stuff and can't come to the psycic think-y thing right now. Please leave a message which i will proptly ignore."

"Important stuff? What kind of important stuff?" Jeremy asked.

"Somebody told her she looked like a lesbian today and she's documenting what she wore exactly."

"So she never get's the comment again?"

"No. It's a look she want's to repeat. She hasn't been laid in a while..."

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Thursday, March 4, 2004 2:38 PM

TEELABROWN


Teela slightly blushes when she hears the laid bit...but she's read Catch-22 and 1984, so she's sort of used to it. Besides, she LOVES limericks (and we all know they can be rather inappropriate...)

"Okay, next subject point. Joss, did you hit Maniac?"

"Might have to try again. He can resist tranquilizers pretty well. I suppose the Master did too?"

"Well, when we worked, we weren't running or chasing or anything really exciting. So I suppose he could."

"Hey, Tash and The Mighty Ebonezer are hungry! Could we get some food?" Tash echoed from the back.

"Later, we need to get Maniac subdued at least."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Thursday, March 4, 2004 3:30 PM

EBONEZER


"But we're huuuunnnnnnggggggrrrrrrryyyyyyyy!" Tash winned.

"Later!"

"Look at me, I'm withering away to nothing!"

Jeremy scratched his head, "Tash, I hate to break it to you, but you are nothing. Sort of. What I mean is you have no body. Or a stommach. So how can you be hungry?"

"It's a uh, um, well.. It's like this see-"

"We got him!" Joss yelled, "the maniac is down!"

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Friday, March 5, 2004 2:54 AM

TEELABROWN


Joss alone went out. "Okay, all who have appendages that work, help me, if you'd be so kind." The sarcasm was thick.

A bunch of "rather sorry" and "Sure, Joss" echoed from Jeremy and Teela.

So, they managed to get Maniac in the back. Somehow. It's a rather small car.

"Okay, we're going for celebratory meal, but you don't get any." Teela said with a mischevious smile.

"HEY!!" Tash cried out.

"Just joking, Tash. And The Mighty Ebonezer. What do you want?"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Friday, March 5, 2004 3:24 PM

EBONEZER


"Flat bread!" The Might Ebonezer called out through Tash.

"Flat what?" Teela asked.

"Flat. Bread. Bread that is flat. She doens't understand why you don't understand," Tash said.

Teela gave him a look.

"It's like a tortilla, but thicker."

"How about hamburgers?" Jeremy suggested.

There was a chours of:

"Yeah hamburegers!"

"Good Idea!"

"Yummy!"

Tash looked dejected. "Flat? bread?" He said meekly.

"Tell ya what," Joss said, "We'll get some bread from the hamburger joint, and somebody will sit on it. It'll flatten right out."

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