Take Turns Writing: "The Hippie and his Shotgun" by Succatash

The Hippie and his Sho..."/>

FIREFLY UNIVERSE

Take Turns Writing: "The Hippie and his Shotgun"

POSTED BY: SUCCATASH
UPDATED: Thursday, April 29, 2004 19:24
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 12878
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Sunday, March 28, 2004 8:44 AM

They finally came to a door. The Hippie and the Big Man looked nervously at each other.

"Should we open the door?" asked Teela.

"Sure, let's get out of here," answered Ebo.

Ebo pushed the door open and they found themselves in an alley. A giant limosine waited in the alley. It was empty.

The Big Man smiled and pulled some car keys from his pocket.

"Hey, that's your car?" asked Teela. "Wow, let's go for a ride!"

So, they all piled into the back of the limo, and the Big Man got behind the wheel and they drove away.

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Sunday, March 28, 2004 10:02 AM

"Hey...um..Big Guy," ebo referred to him as this because he hadn't told his name yet, "Can we go here?" she handed him the slip of paper with Tash's adress on it.

The Big Guy nodded.

Teela opened the sun roof, "I saw this in a TV show once." She stood out the sunroof and started shreiking and lauging. Omunious music began playing. A low hanging over pass loomed in the distance.

Ebo yanked her down. "I saw that too. It was the begening of an episode of six feet under."

The limo stopped in front of a large house. There was a large, well manicured lawn. And the long drivwway was lined with huge trees. There was a pond out back with a large yaht floating in it. The yaht was to big for the pond, and couldn't go anywhere, it was a plaything of the rich.

They started up the drivway, parked, and knocked on the door.

A butler arived at the door and looked down his nose at them.

"yes?"

Ebo spoke up, "We're, uh, looking for Succatash?"

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Sunday, March 28, 2004 10:37 AM

The butler said: "Oh. Well, I'm Succatash. And you are..."

"I'm Ebonezer. That's Teela Brown. He's the Hippie. And the big one is...well, we don't know his name, we just call him Big Guy."

"Why'd you come?"

"I got a letter full of...some white powder from you. Could you explain?"

"Sure, step inside, won't you?"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Monday, March 29, 2004 2:43 PM

"So, why again did you send my the powder?"

"Ebo, he told you three times! Tash, so sorry, but could you say it just one more time?"

"Alright, last time." but Tash beamed that so many people were paying him some attention. "Back in '02..."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Monday, March 29, 2004 3:51 PM

"wait!" ebo called out stopping him before he started, "I'm confused already...are we talking 2002 or 1902?"

Teela sighed, "does he look like he was around in 1902?"

"He could be like that guy with the picture. you know, The one that ages, but he doesn't?"

Tash groaned, "2002! Can i get on with it now?"

"Look you have a pool!" Ebo shouted, running over to a large sliding glass door looking out over the yard. She pressed her face up against it and left a big smear.

The big guy picked her up and put her in a chair and held her there.

Tash began his story, "Heres the deal. Back in 02 i was really into ecoterrorisim."

"Ecowhat?"

"Ecoterrorisim. Its when you terrorize the people who destroy wilderness, logers and people who build condos and the like. Somebody told me about this cool thing where you mix powdered clorine, like you put in a pool, and this type of hair gel. You put it togther and let it sit and in sponantouslty combusts." he noticed Ebo's confused look, "It catches on fire."

"Cool!"

"So thats what the powder was, clorine. I forgot to add the hair gel."

"wait," Teela held up her hand, "So why'd you send it to Ebo?"

"Her family owns the largest logging company in South America."

"Really?" the Big Guy asked.

Ebo nodded nonchalantly, "Yeah...i felt a little guilty about destroying all the habitats untill my inheretance cheaks started coming."

"How much?" the hippie asked.

Ebo pulled a peice of paper out of her pocket and handed it to the Hippie, "I keep losing count. Too many zeros. Can we do that thing with the hair gel? That sounds like fun."

-----------

Note- that hair gel thing really works. Supposedly anyway. I've never tried it, but i want to!

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Monday, March 29, 2004 4:03 PM

The Big Guy looks at the check. "Tzao gao!"

Teela looked at the check. "Bu ke neng! Wode tian, that's a lot! How often do you get these?"

"Oh, about once a month. But can we try the hair gel and chlorine thing?"

"Bi zui. No, we're not spontaneously combusting anything. How many of these do you have?"

"Lemme do tha math." Ebo was mumbling something. "A few dozen."

"Go-se, you're one of the richest people in the world!"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Monday, March 29, 2004 4:09 PM

"Cool. Lets go buy some hair gel yes?"

"Have you cashed any of these?" Teela questioned.

"A few of the ones i havn't lost yeah."

"and you spent the money how?"

"Charity. Theres this kid down the street from me who needed a bike. So i bought him two really nice full suspention titanium ones. Then all the other kids wanted one and well, how could i resist?"

"Haven't you ever bought anything for yourself?"

"I bought a pie once," she thought a moment, "and a small island off the coast of mexico. And now were going to buy some hair gel right?"

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Monday, March 29, 2004 4:10 PM

And now a brief message from our sponsor.

PLEASE STAY OFF THE GRASS

thank you.

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Wednesday, March 31, 2004 2:50 PM

OOC: Where has everybody gotten themselves off to? I guess I'll just add another part myself then...
----------------------------------

"No! No hair gel!" Teela siged.

"Whats this about a small island of the coast of Mexico?" The hippi grunted.

"Its a small island off the coast of mexico. I bought it. What don't you understand?"

"You bought it?"

She nodded, "uh-huh. It even came with a water slide."

"How did you buy an island?"

"E-bay."

"oh right..." he hippi thought a moment, "So who's up for a trip to a small island off the coast of mexico?"

"I didn't buy a boat," Ebo pointed out.

"I'll handle that," the big guy said, "My limo has full aquatic capabilities," he leaned in to Ebo and wispered, "And a fully stocked supply of hair gel."

Ebo squeeled with delight.

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Friday, April 2, 2004 3:50 PM

"So, where's the nearest port? And what's the name of the island?" Teela asked.

"Well, the nearest port is...I don't know, who's the navigator?" Ebo rumaged for a map. "Can you read this? I could never use a map."

"So, cartographer isn't your dream job."

"Car-what?"

"Never mind. Now, what's the island's name?"

"Oh, yes. It's Isla Nublar."

"Great. Just wonderful." Teela sighed and leaned back, map shading her eyes.

"Something wrong?" Ebo seemed sort of worried.

"Foolish things. Nothing much. Big Guy- drive, ma shong. Just follow the signs."

Sign: "Nearest port----20 miles."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Friday, April 2, 2004 4:43 PM

"whoo hoo! Port!" Ebo cheered when they found it. She looked around, "Funny, i was expecting more alcohol..."

The Bug Guy pressed a button and big rubber floats inflated around the edge of the limo. They set off into the water, the made it out about a mile past the breakers and sank like a rock.

Ebo looked out the window at the fish swimming by, "Pretty! I want one!" she hit the button and the window started to go down.

The big guy quickly hit the up button on his side and put the windows on Child Saftey lock. After thinking for a moment he locked the doors as well. Then he decided that it might be time to start thinking about this sinking thing that was happening...he didn't remember this as being what was supposed to happen.

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Saturday, April 3, 2004 4:05 PM

"Hey. Cool. Is this supposed to happen?" Ebo piped up. (Piped is such a cool word!)

"Um, I don't remember. Where's the Manual?"

"Great." Teela said, sarcasm dripping off the word. "I'll find the Manual. Okay, got it. If hovering, go to page 42. Nope. If floating, go to page 222. Sadly, no." Teela kept reading. "No, no, no, sorry, ah ha! Here we are! If sinking, go to page 5,000. Page, page, okay. 'THIS SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING. PLEASE LEAVE THE VEHICLE.' Hey, look, all caps and underlined. Well, I suppose we should leave the car then. Everyone got a flotation buddy?"

"Yup." Ebo said, grabbing Teela's arm.

The Big Guy got a sad look on his face. "I don't have a buddy."

"I'll be your buddy." Teela said.

"Now I don't have one."

"Sure you do. I'm your buddy, he's my buddy, and your his buddy. Very simple."

The Big Guy was looking out the window. "Sorry to interrupt, but we need to leave."

"Oh. Yes."

They all took a deep breath and opened the door...but the water wasn't coming in...

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, April 4, 2004 5:25 PM

Then they noticed the Hippie. "He's still here, isn't he?" said Ebo.

"Apparently." said the Big Guy. "Well, now that we know that, why is the water not rushing in?"

"Good question."

The Hippie grunted: "Do you want it to come in?"

"No."

"Well, there you go."

"Okay then."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Tuesday, April 6, 2004 4:14 PM

*Break from story*

A lone man stands holding a sign: PLEASE REVIVE THE SILLINESS!!!

A woman walks up to him. "What silliness?"

"An RP thread. Like Douglas Adams spread across 5 people."

"Oh, I love Douglas Adams!" The woman runs home and grabs a sign and marker.

Soon, millions started chanting. Who knows what, for all we care it could be "Organleggers!"

*End of break. Have fun*

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, April 11, 2004 9:18 AM

OOC: I was gone all week with out DSL! SCARY! But I'm back now, and, er, stuff.

-----------

"What about tash?" Ebo asked. This floatation buddy thing wasn't going so well.
"Tash can be the hippi's buddy."

"I see."

"So why isn't the water coming in?" Tash asked.

"Oh, of course," the big guy slapped his head, "I forgot to turn the child safty lock off." he poised his hand over the button, "Please put all seat backs and tray tables in their upright and locked position. In the unlikly event of a water landing your seat cusions can be used as flotation de-"

"Hey look!" Ebo shouted, inturrupting the Big Guy, "An underwater bubble house thing." she pointed at a underwater house thing, "Its like that old cartoon, Sealab 2020."

Tash spoke up, "Its 2021 now. Cartoon network revised it for adult swim."

Teela sighed, "Were not having fun anymore are we?"

"No."

"Not so much."

"Nope-o"

Ebo pushed her nose against the glass, "Hey look, their having a party at that bubble house thing."

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Sunday, April 11, 2004 12:20 PM

"A party? Think we can join? I haven't been to a party for a while." Tash wondered.

"Sure, why not?" The Big Guy replied.

"So, let's go."

"Okay then."

"Okay."

"Okay. Going. Bye." Ebo said.

All of them followed her, all deciding that she had the right idea.

Teela, who had a unique swimming style, reached the door. She waited for the others. She gestured "Do we knock?"

Tash shrugged. He knocked. It echoed.

A tall ma-, wom-, well, something opened the door. It gestured to come in. They went in, and took a breath.

"Thanks." all of them breathed, sooner or later.

"Chips?" It asked.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, April 11, 2004 4:44 PM

"Yes, please we would love some chips." Ebo said. Everyone nodded in agreement.

The thing offered them a large bowl, it was filled with a a bunch of small, green, plastic things with metal dot's on them.

Teela picked one up and sniffed it, "This is a wierd chip."

Tash examened one, "I think its a computer chip."

The big guy sighed, "Thats not exactly what a had in mind."

Ebo crunched, "Aww, there not so bad," se said through a mouthfull of chips.

"Follow me and you can meet the other guests," the thing said and slopped off down the hall.

The group followed.

"Excuse me everyone," the thing said, "we have some new guests. They come from land."

The other guests said things like, "How nice." and "facinating." and "What i see here in not a negitive occurunce but a potentaily positive learning experiance." Teela made a mental note to avoid that last guy.

They decended a few stairs and entered the large room the other guests greeted them in the (what they assumed) was the costomary fasion by picking them up, tying them to stakes, and setting them on spits to rotate over a fire.

"Dinner will be served shortly," the host thing announced.

"This is a strange kind of party," the big guy said wairily, he blew on his coat where it had caught on fire.

"But isn't it fun!" ebo laughed.

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Monday, April 12, 2004 5:28 AM

"Am I the only one who realizes that we may be dinner?" Teela asked innocently.

"No, no." replied Tash. "I seem to think the same thing."

"So, any ideas on how we get out?"

"Sorry."

The Big Guy asked: "Will brute strength help?"

"Sure!" a few voices said.

"I'll try." He tried. It worked. Well, halfway. The Big Guy was now closer to the fire than he wanted to be. "Well, if I succeed, I fall into the fire. If I don't, I fall into the fire. Let's try again." He tried. He fell, but not into the fire, thereby smothering it. "Hey, whadda ya know! It worked! So, should I untie you or what?"

Ebo was still giggling. Everyone looked, well, tried to look, and they all reached a silent consensus: she needed help.

Then Tash said: "That's a possibility, untying us. Or you can fight off those people."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Monday, April 12, 2004 4:38 PM

Ebo rolled here eyes, "Silly Tash. They're not PEOPLE. They're swamp things. I hope they're good cooks too because I'm famished!"

"I'm on fire," Tash said shaking his leg as best he could to get it out.

The big guy put the small fire on Tash's leg out then untyed him. He put Tash on his feet then moved onto Ebo.

"Look out behind you!" Teela screamed.

Thinking fast the Big Guy grabbed the Ebo's stick (with her still tied to it) and swung it at the thing behind him. It hit the thing in the head hard enough to knock any person out. Unfortuanatly, the thing wasn't a person. It's soft skin absorbed the blow and conformed around the stick and Ebo's legs.

Ebo giggled, "That tickles!"

The thing licked Ebo's leg, tasting.

"Ick! You tasted awful! Realease them! We don't want to eat them!"

"We could order chineese," another thing offered.

The others agreed. They untied the prisonors and kicked them out into the ocean. They swam to the surface and hitched a ride on a passing whale.

"You know, I think they where going to eat us," Teela said after she caught her breath.

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Monday, April 12, 2004 7:00 PM

As the whale swam in the moonlight, the mood in the air shifted. Clouds began to boil and seeth across the star dappled sky.

It now was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly a shot rang out! The maids screamed!! Bathed in St. Elmo's Fire, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon!!!

"Remember, there is only ONE absolute - There ARE NO absolutes!!!"

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Tuesday, April 13, 2004 3:19 PM

But they were Zen Pirates, so they had nothing to fear.
..........
If you want to see the Zen Pirate picture here's the URL: http://www.wunderland.com/WTS/Andy/SBHarvest/tshirts.html#ZenPiratesTs
hirt

Funny, no?

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Wednesday, April 14, 2004 6:08 PM

the zen pirates invited them onto the boat. They sprinkled our hero's with herbs and greeted them with a friendship pipe ceremony.

They then took them below deck and served them tea.

"Well," Tash said, sipping his tea, "this is certainly anti-climatic."

Suddenly a crew member came running below deck, "We are under attack! Please take cover!"

Teela looked confused, "Who would attack the zen pirates?"

"We do not know, but their ship is large and square, and they sing."

"Oh boy! Songs!" Ebo exclaimed, "What are they singing?"

"Perhaps you should come hear for yourself."

They followed the crew member topside and saw the large, vaugly building shaped ship coming towards them. They heard singing float accross the water:

"It's grand to be an accountant, and sail the great accountant sea! To (something) and (someting) the funds offshore and..."

-----------------------------------

"When did this become not funny?"

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Thursday, April 15, 2004 12:39 PM

"Accountants? Jeez, these things keep on getting...odd..." Teela paused.

Ebo, who was trying to pick up on the song, began singing: "The story General Stanley told..."

"Are you on the right song?" asked Tash.

The Big Guy noticed Teela. "You okay?"

"My mind hates me. So it's trying to convince me the song is familiar. Gorram the thing."

The Accountants were drawing closer. "It makes a fellow proud to be-why as a kid I vowed to be- what luck to be allowed to be an Accontant!"*

"Obviously a Lehrer influence." the Big Guy joked.

They all looked at him.

"What?"

The Accountants pulled up to dock...
_________________
*Of course, all due respect to Tom Lehrer, a wonderful man with wonderful music.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Thursday, April 15, 2004 5:21 PM

"Uh...Hi!" Ebo said, grinning boradly, "Are you here to have a sing along?"

"No!" one of the pirate accountants shouted, "We're here to pillage, and plunder, and ruin all you're stock options! ARRGGHH!"

"Oh. Well then. Have fun with that." Ebo said and grabbed Teela's hand, dragging her away.

"Wait!" the accountant pirate jumped in front of them, "We're do you think your going?"

Ebo rolled her eye's and pointed, "That way. Have fun with your plundering." She turned past the pirate and dragged Teela by. Teela flashed a smile over her shoulder as she got dragged
away.

"Stop them!" the pirate yelled and a group of pirated grabbed them, Tash, and the Big Guy, and tied them to the mast.

-----------------------------------

"When did this become not funny?"

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Friday, April 16, 2004 2:43 PM

"How can you plunder when we have nothing? Just out of couriosity, of course, for you seem to be doing a fine job at...well, I'm not quite sure what." Teela asked.

"That's a good question. But I cannot answer that without a representative." one of the pirate accoiuntants replied.

"Well, fair's fair." Teela muttered.

Ebo was laughing in glee. No one looked at her, they were used to it by now.

The Big Guy asked Tash "How do we get out?"

"Well, usually, some random hero, heroine, diety, or act of something or other gets us out. What's it say in the script?"

"I have no clue. Wait, there was a script?"

And the accountants began lighting torchers and drawing closer.

And Ebo laughed on...

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Friday, April 16, 2004 8:05 PM

Ebo laughed, "You guys can't kill us!"

An accountant grunted in amusement, "And why is that?"

"Well, you COULD kill us if you really wanted to, but is it worth the trouble?"

"What trouble?"

Ebo rolled her eyes, "Duh. Killing Americans in International waters is taxed. You have to pay 45% of all booty plundered to the american government."

He came closer, shoving his nose in Ebo's face, "There are ways around that."

"Sure, but you have fill a 34-p AND a 87-g fourm for each member of your crew. Not to mention finding someplace to convert you plundered gold, sliver and tea into american dollars with out really screwing up the exchainge rate."

The pirate gestured at another member of the pirate crew, "What if he kills you? He's not American. He's brittish."

Ebo sighed, "Thats even worse. You have to pay a 10% proccessing tax in adition to the origonal 45%"

"We could kill you and not report it."

"Ha! That'll never work! A jump in our gross anuanl income with out a career change or raise is total red flag for the IRS. They'll be all over you in an instant," Ebo snorted, "And you call yourselves accountants. At least your writing off all the money you spent on those charming outfits," she noted the calculator dangling from the pirates ear.

The pirates face fell, "You mean that..."

"You haven't been writing that off? How about the ship? Tell me you write off general matence on your ship," she noted their faces, "No? What kind of crappy accountants are you?"

Another accountant nearby smacked the leader, "I told you!"

"Told you! Told you!" mocked a parrot on his shoulder, "Write off Polly's crackers I say, but what do you say? Nooo..."

-----------------------------------

"When did this become not funny?"

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Monday, April 19, 2004 2:21 PM

"Shut up, you bird!" said the leader.

"Polly told you, Polly did. SQUACK!"

"What a nice parrot," remarked Tash sarcastically.

"It is," replied the Big Man.

"Oh yes," agreed Ebo.

"Has it occured to anyone that the rope is untied?" asked Teela.

"So it is," said Ebo. She went over and patted the bird's head.

"Who did that?" asked the Big Guy, who also patted the bird.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Monday, April 19, 2004 3:29 PM

"Bad rope, Bad rope," the parrot sqwaked.

The leader sighed, "Yes, it does that sometimes. Makes the general catching and threating diffucult at time."

"So," Tash said, scarching his head, "Are you going to chaise us or..."

"No," the leader sighed, "You can go."

"Oh wonderful!" cried a good pirate (you know, one of the nice, tea drinking pirates who's name i can't remember) "Would you like to join us in a tea cerimony?"

The acountant pirates agreed, and they all went below deck. This left the accountant pirates ship empty.

Tash whispered something in the big guys ear. He grinned and passed it onto the Hippi, who grinned and passed it along to Teela.

They grabbed Ebo and climbed into the Accountatns ship and sailed away.

-----------------------------------

"When did this become not funny?"

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Friday, April 23, 2004 3:38 PM

"What'd they say to you?" Ebo asked.

"What?" Teela replied, trying to remember knot tying class.

"What'd they say?"

"Oh. I believe it was along the likes of 'The spotted coukoo bird is flying backwards.'"

"Nope," said the Hippie. "It was 'It's a cold day fro plontooning.'"

"I said 'Ceader Lattice: works everytime.'" Tash commented.

"I thougt it was 'Johny Longtorso, the man who comes in pieces!'" said the Big Guy.

"Communication of the Modern Era. Always gets screwed up." Ebo remarked.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Friday, April 23, 2004 4:06 PM

OOC: (they fuck you with the cell phones!) Teela your funny.

IC (or something like that):

"So," ebo said, looking around, "where are we going?"

"your island, wasn't it?" Tash said.

"Oh boy!"

"Where is your island?"

Ebo shrugged, "Somewhere off the coast of mexico."

"Mexico has a rather large coast."

"So?"

"So there are currents, winds, latuidues and logitudes to deal with to find our way there. Do you even no the co-ordanatns?"

"Nope. But I'm sure we'll make it eventually."

Tash sighed and stomped off grumbing about a GPS.

Ebo found a compass and took the wheel, "It's simple. I know that its off the west coast, and were in the pacific ocean. So we don't even have to go around Bottom America, or through Pan-land..."

Teela raised an eyebrow.

"...and west is that way. All we have to do is find the coast of mexico and go down it, looking for any small, partialy uninhabitied islands. I think mine is pink."

"Pink? I don't think that-" Teela was cut off by a sudden jarring. They ran to the bow and found they had run aground on a small, partialy uninhabeted island. They could just see the coast of mexico to the west. They could tell because it was wearing a large sombrero.

"Aww.. its not my island. This one is purple."

-----------------------------------

"When did this become not funny?"

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Friday, April 23, 2004 4:44 PM

Don't squat with your spurs on.

The Big Guy said, "I don't know about anybody else but I'm hungry." He grabbed a rope and swung down onto the purple island.

The Hippie picked up a shot gun, grabbed a rope in the other hand and said,"I'm right behind you big guy." as he slid down to the shore.

Teela shouted, "Wait for me", looked around for a handy rope, and, not being able to find one, just hung and dropped from the bow.

Tash leap over the side landed with a nifty little roll ending upright on his feet. He looked back Ebo, now alone on the deck, and said, "I meant to do that."

Ebo shouted,"Wait, this isn't my island. It's purple." Realizing nobody was listening, she got of the boat and trundled down the beach after the others. The monkey followed.

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Friday, April 23, 2004 5:19 PM

"Nice monkey," said the Big Guy.

"What monkey?" the rest chourused.

"The nice one that's right behind Ebo." The Big Guy pointed.

Ebo turned around. "Nice monkey. I'll call you..." She ran through a list of names. "Monkey. Yes. Monkey. Come Monkey!"

The monkey climbed onto her shoulder.

Teela and Tash were looking around. "So, why do you think it's purple?" Tash asked Teela.

"Volcanic activity?" Teela pondered.

"Yeah, good guess. Hey, they're going."

"We should go then. Hey Ebo how do you get a pink island?"

"You see..." Ebo started to explain.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Friday, April 23, 2004 6:16 PM

"...there was a sale on pink paint down at the local hardware store. I HATE pink. its a terrible color and whoever invented should be shot."

"I think you just implyed that we should shoot god," Tash mused.

"I don't care if John Lennon invented pink. He should be shot."

"Um, well he kind of already..."

"Anywhoo, I decided that if I didn't want to look at the color pink why would anybody else? To save other people the pain an heartbreak of pink I bought the whole lot and painted my island pink. Thats the story and-hey why did we stop walking?"

The hippie's eyes widened, "We've got some local color happening..."

-----------------------------------

"When did this become not funny?"

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Sunday, April 25, 2004 4:17 AM

"Hey, they're repainting the island!" Ebo said. "Aww, and I liked purple."

"That was anit-clamatic," Tash remarked.

"Whoa, like, deja vu," Teela replied.

Then they started to walk around, and they came up to a group.

The Big Guy started "Pardon me, but-" He was cut off when the group started worshiping him, and muttering something. Everyone else looked up, and they all started worshiping too.

The Hippie tapped The Big Guy. "What're they sayin'?"

"Beats me."

"Well then." Teela said. "Let's find that out, shall we?"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, April 25, 2004 8:59 AM

Suddenly Teela's head started hurting, she started to fall but Tash caught her. "Whats wrong?" he asked.

"Its deja vu again. I can't help thinking this has already happened...and i keep thinking of blue hands and some guy named jeremy...Whats happening to me?"

The Very Important Historian 2.0 stepped out of the bushes.

"Didn't i kill you?" the Hippie grunted.

"That was my brother," the VIP 2.0 said, "I am a new and improved model."

"Whats better about you?"

He pulled a gun and shot himself in the chest, "kevar padding." he said, pulling his shirt up to reveal the bullet lodged in his chest, "In anycase, this felling of deja vu is perfectly natural because, well, this has happened to you before."

"what has? Pirates?"

"Accountants?"

"Pink?"

"No no, this bit about being warshiped. Something about going back in time, and almost falling off a cliff, and arrows. I'm a bit fuzzy on the details."

"So how did we get out of it?" Teela asked.

"I don't know."

"But arn't you supposed to be a historian?"

"Well sure but you can't be everywhere at once. There was a smashing good cricket game on the BBC that demanded my attention. Shame that the game was runied when a spaceship landed in the middle of the field..."

The big guy sighed, "Well, you've been no help what-so-ever."

"Can i shoot this one then?" the hippie said, already pulling his gun.

"Hey guess what!" Ebo shouted, "These people think were God! Its the second coming of the great Teela, and Big Guy they think that your some dude named Jeremy. There also threating to chop off Tash's head and put it in a pickle jar. Still trying to fugure that one out. Oh yeah and something about an apocolypse or something."

-----------------------------------

"When did this become not funny?"

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Sunday, April 25, 2004 11:48 AM

Smashing Hitchhiker's reference Ebo!
__________
"Wait, wait, wait. I prefer my head on my shoulders, thank you very much," Tash told Ebo. Tash grabbed his head in protection.

"The Apocolypse!" The Big Guy shouted. "No, no, no. I like the world very much." And he grabbed a tree.

"Hey, you can understand them!" Teela shouted.

"Oh yeah. It's simply a slur of Celtic, Latin, and Babylonian. I mean, come on." Ebo told Teela.

"So, tell them that it's not the end of the world, we don't know who Jeremy is, and that Tash will not have his head removed."

"It's a little late, they're taking Tash away." Ebo said pointing.

"Wode tìan, it's a wonder you're still alive." Teela muttered, as she ran after them.

"Should I help?" asked the Hippie.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, April 25, 2004 12:06 PM

The next few minutes were pure chaos. Teela stumbled and hit her head on a rock. She lay unconscious as they cut off Tash's head and put it in a jar.

Meanwhile, the Hippie and the Historian circled each other in a fight to the death.

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Sunday, April 25, 2004 1:01 PM

Teela woke up. She didn't open her eyes, the sun was up there, and that HURTS! "Hiya!" a voice shouted. Groan. "Ebo..." she didn't know how to end that sentance.

"I'm not Ebo." The voice sounded hurt.

"Yossarian, leave me alone." Groan.

"I not Yossarian." The voice sounded even more hurt.

"Then who the hell are you?" Teela opened her eyes, and was greeted by a head in a jar. She shot up. "AAAAAHHHHH!! Where's your body?"

"It's me, Tash. You tripped. You have klutz genes."

"Don't remind me. Ugh."

"So, now I'm a head in a jar. These nice people cut it off. Did you know that thay actually do steralze their medical supplies? Very nice people really. Oh, and they want to give you something."

"As long as nothing gets cut off." The natives lead Teela to their villiage. One dressed in a doctor's lab coat brought out something green. "It's a jumpsuit. We ran out of red. It doesn't do much."

"Cool. I like jumpsuits."

Meanwhile...

It was the third try of the death match. First, there was a horrible cutting noise, and they couldn't do anything. Then there was this scream. Third try.

"Today is a good day for you to die!" shouted VIH 2.0.

"No you!"

Ebo looked over. "Can't you guys just be friends?"

"Because," they chimed together.

"Jeez. Okay, to make this fair, draw your weapons. I'll count paces, tell you when to shoot, and then yout turn around and shoot. One...Two..."

Something came crashing through the bushes, which interrupted Ebo's very nice counting...

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, April 25, 2004 1:32 PM

The scary sound in the bushes grew louder.

In the confusion, the Hippie carelessly squeezed the trigger and his gun went off. Teela was accidentally shot in the neck.

She was seconds from dying. Ebo cried, "We must save Teela!"

Succatash bubbled inside his jar, "There is only one way. Teela must become a head in a jar, just like me."

Hours later, Teela and Tash smiled at each other inside their new Giant Sized Jar.

"Thanks for being my new roommate, Teela," said Tash. "It sure helps on rent. Now, we can live forever in paradise, and help save the world. Together."

Ebo looked jealous. She said, "Maybe I'll cut off my head too, I want to live forever, it looks like fun."

Teela and Tash looked at each other and smiled knowingly.

Meanwhile, the Hippie and the Historion 2.0 battled furiously, unaware of their surroundings.

Suddenly, the crashing sound in the bushes grew really loud and the Big Guy emerged with a roll of toilet paper in his hands.

"What's been going on?" he asked. "Did I miss anything?"

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Sunday, April 25, 2004 2:54 PM

The Teela head spoke up."Nothin' much. Tash became a head in a jar, I got a cool jumpsuit, then I got shot in the neck, and then I became a head in a jar, sharing with Tash."

"Okay..." The Big Guy was sad.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Ebo asked.

"Teela was my only friend. Now I'm alone again."

Tash saw this, and said hesitantly "You can carry the jar." The Big Guy brightened.

"And Ebo, living forever isn't all it's cracked up to be." Teela said.

"Really?" Ebo said.

"Uh, yeah." Teela was racking her mind for a non-depressing reason.

"Oh. Okay!" Ebo didn't reasons.

The death match, take 4, was still continuing. Outerworld: 3, Deathmatch: 0. All of a sudden, a chime sounded. "Oh, a Cricket match is on! Sorry, can we do this later?" A vortex opens, the VIH nods his head, and steps in.

"Bye!" Ebo waved.

"See you 'round! Tash, when and how do we pay rent?"

"Bye! Good question, workin' on it."

The Hippie grunted. "Chicken!" He shouts! A ball shoots out of there, grazing his head. "I heard that!"

The vortex closes.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Sunday, April 25, 2004 3:53 PM

"Hey! So i get the jumpsuit right?" Ebo said eagerly.

Tash shrugged, then realized he didn't have shoulders anymore, he nodded instead, but his head just bobbed around, bubbling angrly he gave up on body lauguage he said, "Sure. Have fun with it."

"Yay!" she snatched the jumpsuit off Teela body and pulled it on. "Alrighty then lets take this baby for a test drive! Lets try flying," she jumped up and dpwn but didn't fly. "Nope, superspeed?" she tried running but if anything the heavy fabric slowed her down. "Nope, superstength? No. Can i shot flames? no. Repel bullets? I don't wanna try. So whats this thing good for?"

------------------------

Tash, good to see you back, it was become the Teela and Ebo show there for a while.

-----------------------------------

"When did this become not funny?"

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Monday, April 26, 2004 3:22 AM

Ebo, it always ends up as Teela and Ebo shows.

But seriously, welcome back Tash.
___________
"To fly, try throwing yourself at the ground and missing." Teela told her.

"How do you miss?"

"Don't be afraid of the ground. It will hurt more if you forget to miss the ground."

"Okay. One...two...three!" Ebo jumped.

"Look over there!" Tash shouted.

"What?" Ebo jerked her head, and saw nothing. But she was floating.

The Big Guy started talking to her. "Okay, don't wave, you are not breaking the laws of physics."

"Cool! I'm flying!" Ebo started rising upwards. "WHOO-HOOO!!! Wait, I'm breaking the laws of physics!" She started barrelling downwards.

"No yer not!" shouted the Hippie, who believed physics were a waste of time, and never bothered to learn it.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Monday, April 26, 2004 3:11 PM

Ebo screeched to a halt. She found herself hovering a few inches off the ground, "Cool! I feel like that dude in that movie!"

She darted up into the air, did a barrel roll, and dove back at the ground, "Weee! This is fun!" She stopped and hovered near the ground, "So now what do we do? Weren't there natives or somesuch thing?"

"Oh yeah, where'd they get off to?" the Big Guy looked around.

"Hey look!" Teela said, "Smoke!"

"Oh boy! Must be a party!" Ebo shouted. She started to fly off towards the smoke but the Hippie grabbed her ankle and pulled her down. Ebo suddenly thought about how much it would hurt if she fell and found herself lying in a crumpled heap on the ground.

"No parties," the Hippie said firmly, "Remember what happened last time we went to a party?"

"We ate chips," Ebo said, rubbing her head.

"Are you forgeting the part where we almost got eaten?"

"yes."

"Hey guys, the smoke seems to be getting closer. Under circumstances where i had legs, i would be running about now," Tash said.

-----------------------------------

"When did this become not funny?"

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Monday, April 26, 2004 6:01 PM

Despite the approaching scary smoke, Teela and Tash smiled and bubbled inside their new big jar. Tash said, "Since Teela is my roommate, we upgraded to the Super Jar with built in jet packs. We're leaving."

Teela rubbed her nose on the jar and the jet packs ignited. The heads of Teela and Tash flew into the air.

"Wait!" cried Eboneezer. She began to fly after them. But the Big Guy grabbed her leg and the Hippie grabbed her other leg.

All three of them flew clumsily into the air in pursuit of the Big Flying Jar O' Teela-Tash. The Hippie and the Big Guy clung tightly to Ebo's legs. Beneath them, Mother Earth was on fire!

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Monday, April 26, 2004 6:23 PM

"You guys seriously need to consider loosing some weight," Ebo grunted.

The big guy rolled his eyes, "Like i didn't see that stupid cleche coming. Joss would be disapointed."

"Joss? What is he a cowboy or something?"

The Big Guy sighed.

"Where are we going?" Ebo called up to the Jar o' TnT.

"Up." Tash responded.

"Oh. Ok."

"Won't the air pressure lesson to the point that our lungs will colapse and our bodies explode?" The Big Guy asked.

"I don't have lungs," Teela said.

"Ditto," Tash bubbled.

The Big Guy looked to Ebo, she shugged, "Apparently, I'm some sort of robot. I'm not too concerned."

"What about you?" the Big Guy asked the Hippie, "You're human, arn't you concerned?"

The hippie shook his head, "No. My shotgun has a built in oxygen tank."

"So everybody is covered for this going off planet thing but me?"

-----------------------------------

"When did this become not funny?"

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Monday, April 26, 2004 6:30 PM

Teela and Tash smiled at the Big Guy. Teela said, "Don't worry, Big Guy, our Big Jar comes with an extra Life Support Air Hose." Teela pushed a button and a long hose emerged from the side of the Jar. Tash smiled knowingly, and the Big Guy sighed in relief.

The Big Guy grabbed the air hose and put it in his mouth and began sucking air. Teela shook her head angrily, and cried, "No! Are you crazy! You'll kill yourself!" Bubbles rose furiously in the jar.

Tash smiled wisely and spoke gently to the Big Guy. "Uh, the air hose. It doesn't go in your mouth...."

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Monday, April 26, 2004 6:39 PM

The big guy blushed and said, "oh, of course," and stuck the tube in his ear.

"Why are we going off planet?" Ebo asked.

"Because the earth is on fire," Teela said patently.

"Why?"

"I imagene its Donald Trumps fault."

"Why?"

"Because he's rich and you can blame things on rich people."

"Why?"

"Do you want me to pull over?" Teela said angrly.

Ebo fell silent. After a while she said, "Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Were are we going?"

"No!"

-----------------------------------

"When did this become not funny?"

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Wednesday, April 28, 2004 1:13 PM

"That actually is a good question Teela." The Big Guy said. "Where are we going?"

"Um, away?"

"To where?" the Hippie asked.

Tash piped up: "If I just say some random planet, will you be quiet?"

"Sure!" said Ebo.

"Yup." said the Hippie.

"Of course. We're Americans." The Big Guy said.

"Okay then. We're going to Jupiter."

"Oohh."

"I see."

"Makes sense."

And they flew on...

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

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Wednesday, April 28, 2004 1:20 PM

They flew some more. A short beard began to appear on the Big Guy's face.

Ebo's hair got a little longer.

The hippie got more wrinkles.

Tash and Teela stayed pretty much the same.

The Big Guy and the Hippie were begeing to get hungry.

"Wow," Ebo said absently, "Jupeter sure is a long ways away....Hey! Who wants to play the license plate game?!"

_______________________

I'm trying to win tickets to disneyland! So i sent a fax asking for them. And i got a fax back! But the freakin fax maciene (the one built into the freaking computer) is having some sort of melt-down and won't receve it!

damn technology!

-----------------------------------

"When did this become not funny?"

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Wednesday, April 28, 2004 4:15 PM

Teela started to tell Ebo: "Honey, there aren't lisense plates-" then she looked up. She muttered to herself: "Well I'll be damned."

A Winebago passed.

"Any food there?" the Hippie asked.

"Hey look-a burger bar!" Ebo pointed.

The Big Guy read: "Big Bang Burger Bar. Interesting. Let's get something to eat."

"Sure. Why not." So they parked.

"Whadda y'all want?" Tash asked back.

"Lesse..." Ebo began...

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | TOP | HOME

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