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"Here's a strawberry, sorry for farting near you...Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that's the deal."

"The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2"

“You seen my cell phone?...What’s it look like? Like two horses fucking. It’s a phone, son. It looks like a phone."

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Quote:

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"You worry too much. Eat some bacon... What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon."

"The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain't spitting it out."

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."

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