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Americans are sick and tired of "fake conservatives" and of politicians who promise one thing and do another. They want someone who is genuine and who speaks from the heart. That is what they will get from Michele Bachmann. ....

Abortion: As a former foster-mother for 23 children, Michele Bachmann understands that each and every child is precious. .... The truth is that the United States of America is NOT going to survive if we keep killing approximately a million unborn children each year.

Health care: The truth is that the bill is so bad that one poll revealed that 45 percent of America's doctors would consider shutting down their practices or retiring if Obama's plan is ultimately adopted.

Global Warming: Michele Bachmann is one of the few members of Congress who are willing to stand up and tell the truth that carbon dioxide is one of the fundamental building blocks of life on earth and that it is NOT causing global warming.

Taxes: Now the Democrats want to raise taxes on an American people that is already being taxed to death. (???)

Israel: The anti-Israel policies of Barack Obama could end up being completely disastrous for the United States. The U.S. needs a president that understands that Israel is a great friend and ally.

Gay Mariage: Michele Bachmann supports both a federal and a state constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage and any legal equivalents. This is very refreshing (???) at a time when even many Republican lawmakers are coming out in favor of gay marriage.

Socialism: ... there is little use denying that we are quickly becoming a socialist nation. Her speech on "gangster government" has become a classic. (Damned straight!)

Leadership: The conservative movement in the United States desperately needs a true leader right now, and Michele Bachmann can provide the kind of inspirational leadership that most other Republican politicians simply cannot. One recent example of Michele's leadership was a massive grassroots conservative rally organized by Michele (SHE organized it?) on the steps of the U.S. Capitol to protest the health care reform bill that drew 10,000 to 20,000 participants – far more than the 2,000 originally predicted.

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On Bill Bennett’s radio show, Bachmann recently expressed fear that information collected would be misused by the Obama administration, saying, “Certainly the collection of this information is going to be part of an ongoing political campaign by this administration.”

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‘we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States..”

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Michele Bachmann reveals she used to be a Democrat until the day she witnessed Gore Vidal besmirch the founding fathers. “Until I was reading this snotty novel called Burr, by Gore Vidal, and read how he mocked our Founding Fathers. And as a reasonable, decent, fair-minded person who happened to be a Democrat, I thought, ‘You know what? What he’s writing about, this mocking of people that I revere, and the country that I love, and that I would lay my life down to defend…I knew that that was not representative of my country. And at that point I put the book down… I looked out the window and I said, ‘You know what? I think I must be a Republican. I don’t think I’m a Democrat.’”

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In response to Obama attending the G-20 summit to promote economic cooperation among countries, Bachmann says the real intent is to “bind the United States into a global economy.”

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If you look at the G20, what they’re trying to do is bind together the world’s economies. Look how that played out in the European Union when they bound all of those nations economies together and one of the smallest economies, Greece, when they got into trouble, that one little nation is bringing down the entire EU. Well, President Obama is trying to bind the United States into a global economy where all of our nations come together in a global economy. I don’t want the United States to be in a global economy where, where our economic future is bound to that of Zimbabwe. I can’t, we can’t necessarily trust the decisions that are being made financially in other countries.

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Bachmann says this will lead to one-world government, and “I don’t want to cede the United States’ authority to a transnational organization.”

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From hiding in the bushes at a gay-rights rally to boasting about the marriageability of her 13-year-old daughter, Bachmann has the gift of gab that keeps on giving. Here are 12 of her greatest hits.

Her Divine Calling

Michele Bachmann has friends in high places. Pastor Mac Hammond of the Living World Christian Center, a mega-church in suburban Minneapolis, twice risked his church’s nonprofit status for Bachmann’s campaigns. When he offered her his pulpit during her first run for the House in 2006, she took the opportunity to talk about an even more powerful friend who had endorsed her candidacies: the Lord in Heaven. After God chose her husband for her and then told her she should “submit” to him (he, in turn, told her to study tax law), she says God “called me to run for the Minnesota Senate… God then called me to run for the United States Congress. And I thought, ‘What in the world would that be for?’ And my husband said, ‘You need to do this,’ and I wasn’t so sure. And we took three days, and we fasted and we prayed, and we said, ‘Lord, is this what you want? Is this your will?’ And long about the afternoon of day two, he made that calling sure.”

“False Imprisonment” by Lesbians

Shortly after sponsoring an amendment to ban same-sex marriage in April 2005, Bachmann attended a meeting at a community center in Scandia, Minnesota. At a certain point, witnesses heard a series of “piercing screams” before witnessing the congresswoman emerge from the restroom “in a crouching run” while crying, “I was being held against my will!” Bachmann filed a report with the county sheriff about two women “believed to be part of a LGBT group.” According to the report:

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Bachmann said both women stood in front of the bathroom door and then one woman put her hand on top of the door and her other hand on the door handle and leaned her body weight toward the door to hold it shut. The other woman put her hand on the door as well. … [Bachmann said she] was absolutely terrified and has never been that terrorized before as she had no idea what those two women were going to do to her.

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The women in question denied holding the door shut and said they were merely chatting with their local senator while waiting in line. Bachmann’s complaint was eventually dismissed.

Dr. Bachmann’s Christian Counseling Center

Perhaps Bachmann’s imprisonment scare in Scandia is connected to her husband’s Christian counseling center, Bachmann & Associates, which specializes in “men’s & women’s issues,” “abuse issues,” “spiritual issues,” and “shame.” Minneapolis’ City Pages magazine spoke to Minneapolis resident Curt Prins in 2006, who attended a Minnesota Pastors’ Summit where both Marcus and Michele Bachmann spoke:

For Marcus Bachmann's session, Prins says there were more than 100 people crammed in a room at Grace, and most of the presentation involved stereotypes of gays. "He was saying how homosexuality was a choice, that it was not genetics," Prins says. "He was claiming there was a high predominance of sexual abuse in the LGBT community. There was no research to back any of this up." (Marcus Bachmann refused to answer questions about the seminar.)

The climax of the presentation was when, according to Prins, Bachmann brought up "three ex-gays, like part of a PowerPoint presentation." The trio, two white men and a black woman, all testified that they had renounced their homosexuality. "One of them said, 'If I was born gay, then I'll have to be born again,'" Prins recalls. "The crowd went crazy."

”Listening to him," Prins surmises, "it becomes clear that he's had a huge impact on her. He might be the spearhead of this whole religious/gay issue."

Dr. Bachmann told City Pages that converting gay people is not the purpose of his practice. "Am I aware that the perception is out there? I can't comment on that." He continued, "If someone is interested in talking to us about their homosexuality, we are open to talking about that. But if someone comes in a homosexual and they want to stay homosexual, I don't have a problem with that."

Her Children’s Marriageability

In a three-page Christmas letter from 2003 acquired by a local blog, Bachmann waxed optimistic on her four children’s suitability as spouses. 13-year-old Elisa “was born to be the perfect wife… Future mates will have to apply as she does not advertise herself.” After marveling at the way her daughter Caroline “pulls her jeans over her 14-inch hips,” Bachmann noted that “King Henry had his six wives, and if our Caroline had been one of them, I think she would have been called Caroline the Vibrant.” She described her son, Harrison, as “utter perfection” and a “female fantasy treasure.” And her eldest son, Lucas, got a cheeky personal ad: “Chick magnate [sic] needs wife to put him through med school, clean house, pay bills and run his life. Must be willing to gamble against onslaught of socialized medicine diminishing return on investment.”

Equating Homosexuality with Pedophilia

Just last week Bachmann spoke on the House floor about the dangers of hate-crimes legislation. Protecting victims of homophobic crime, she explains, means protecting pedophiles:

[P]eople who are practicing pedophiles would be considered protected under this legislation, but not, I understand, veterans, not, I understand, pregnant women, not, I understand, 85-year-old grandmothers would be protected under this law. But who would be protected? A pedophile, someone who considers themselves gay, someone who considers themselves transgender, someone who considers themselves a cross-dresser? That is who is protected.

It wasn’t the first time Bachmann equated gays with child molesters. In 2004, she told a talk-radio host that same-sex marriage is dangerous because “it is our children who are the prize for this community, they are specifically targeting our children.”

Even Jesse Ventura Thinks She’s Wacky

Bachmann got her political start with Minnesota’s Maple River Education Coalition, of which former Governor Jesse Ventura once said, “That Maple River group, they think UFOs are landing next month. They think it’s some big government federal conspiracy!” This from a ex-professional wrestler who’s on the record as saying bipartisan America is “East Berlin” and that 9/11 was an inside job.

Saddam’s Palace: Just Like the Mall of America

Bachmann was among the congressional delegates who visited Iraq in July 2007. Whereas many of her peers came back with doubts about Bush’s war, Bachmann came back with a renewed sense of righteousness—and some groan-worthy Americanisms. She described touring one of Saddam Hussein’s former palaces to the Minneapolis Star Tribune: "It's absolutely huge. I turned to my colleagues and said there's a commonality with the Mall of America, in that it's on that proportion.”

Partially Obscured at a Gay-Rights Rally

Another bizarre Bachmann moment caught on camera: the time she appears to have hidden behind a bush at a gay-rights rally. In 2005, at a protest of her proposed constitutional amendment outlawing same-sex marriage, a student activist caught sight of Bachmann and her posse crouched behind the shrubbery—and had the presence of mind to snap a few pictures, which he posted on his blog. Reached by the Minneapolis Star Tribune for comment, Bachmann pleaded sore feet. “I had high heels on and I just couldn’t stand anymore. I was not in the bushes.” Why was she at the rally? A rumor that “I was going to be a focus of the rally” felt “fairly personal,” she said.

Her Secret Knowledge of a Plan to Give Iraq to Iran

In 2007, Bachmann told Minnesota's St. Cloud Times newspaper that she had knowledge of an “agreement made” between Iraq and Iran: “They are going to get half of Iraq, and that is going to be a terrorist safe-haven zone where they can go ahead and bring about more attacks in the Middle East, and come against the United States.” This was why, she said, Iran wanted the U.S. to pull out of Iraq. Bachmann declined to specify how she learned of the partitioning plan, but noted that it was all part of “their natural cultural ties, the long history of Iran and Iraq wars, and regional security.” The St. Cloud Times posted the interview on their Web site on February 10, but the peculiar Iran-Iraq discourse didn’t find its way into the national press for almost two weeks.

Fears Fellow Congressman Keith Ellison Is a Terrorist. (Actually, He’s Just a Muslim)

In an interview with a San Francisco talk-radio station last month, Bachmann asserted that her colleague, Minnesota Representative Keith Ellison, consorts with known terrorists. Referencing a group of imams arrested in the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport three years ago, she explained, “The imams, the imams, were actually attending, ah, Congressman Keith Ellison’s victory celebration, when he won as a member of Congress.” She went on to talk about terror-related accusations that had been made against the six imams, not mentioning that these allegations had since been disproven. (Nervous airline passengers had apparently misinterpreted the imams’ praying as reminiscent of the 9/11 hijackers’ “patterns.”) Furthermore, the imams were in Minnesota to attend an imam conference—not an Ellison victory party. On MSNBC, Ellison fired back: “This is not true. I think it could even be psycho-talk.” A Bachmann spokesman defended her statement while admitting that “the details may be a little rough.”

Her Gay Stepsister

A surprise visitor came to one of Bachmann’s anti-gay speeches in the Minnesota Capitol: her stepsister Helen LaFave, who attended the event with her same-sex partner of 20 years. At the time, Bachmann claimed she had polled her family members on the gay-marriage ban, and that they’d voted 6-3 in the ban’s favor. But two siblings say she never discussed the issue with them. Stepbrother Michael LaFave notes that, though he’s “proud” of Bachmann, he wishes she “would have been honest. Dick Cheney had the good sense to do that with his daughter…. He knew how much it would hurt his daughter.” Michele Bachmann, more ruthless than Dick Cheney? Perhaps she took it as a compliment.

The Bush Hug That Wouldn’t End

Remember that freshman representative who was so elated to meet President Bush during a State of the Union address that she squeezed his hand, arm, and shoulder for more than 30 seconds, grinning wildly at the camera and clinging to him “like a teenage girl meeting Justin Timberlake”? That’s our belle, Michele.

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That woman is some kind of deep, seventh-level-ninja super-double-secret level of batshit crazy. And dumber than a box of hair.

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"Does that mean that someone's 13-year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus? That night, mom and dad are never the wiser."

"During the last 100 days we have seen an orgy. It would make any local smorgasbord embarrassed … The government spent its wad by April 26." -Rep. Michele Bachmann, accusing the Obama administration of premature fiscal ejaculation, May 2009

“Really, now in Washington, I’m a foreign correspondent on enemy lines.”

“Now we’ve moved into the realm of gangster government. We have gangster government.”

“We now have an imperial Presidency.”

“It is the mother of all ironies that the kids who voted en mass for Barack Obama are the ones being fitted for shackles and chains.”

“I wish the Amercan media would take a great look at the people in Congress and find out, are they pro America or anti America.”

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”If our founding fathers thought taxation without representation was bad, what would they think of taxation WITH representation?”

“Many teenagers that come in should be paying the employer because of broken dishes or whatever occurs during that period of time. But you know what? After six months, that teenager is going to be a fabulous employee and is going to go on a trajectory where he’s going to be making so much money, we’ll be borrowing money from him.”

“Any of you who have members of your family that are in the lifestyle – we have a member of our family that is. This is not funny. It’s a very sad life. It’s part of Satan, I think, to say this is gay. It’s anything but gay.”

"If we allow businesses to be prosperous and accrue capital, they’ll be giving their employees more than they can even begin to imagine. But when we continue to tie cement blocks on businesses (like the minimum wage) and constrain them, they can actually do less than their employees."

"No one that I know disagrees with natural selection — that you can take various breeds of dogs ... breed them, you get different kinds of dogs," she said. "It's just a fact of life. ... Where there's controversy is (at the question) 'Where do we say that a cell became a blade of grass, which became a starfish, which became a cat, which became a donkey, which became a human being?' There’s a real lack of evidence from change from actual species to a different type of species. That's where it's difficult to prove."

“There’s already an agreement made; they’re going to get half of Iraq and that is going to be a –a terrorist free,-a terrorist safe haven zone."

''The President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day.''

''It is horrific to know that in the African American community, 50 percent of all African American pregnancies in the United States end in abortion, 50 percent.... There are Americans all across this country who would love to adopt African American babies, but they can't because 50 percent of all African American pregnancies today are ending in abortion.''

''[Pelosi] is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said she has even said she is trying to save the planet. We all know that someone did that 2,000 years ago.''

''Lady Liberty and Sarah Palin are lit by the same torch.''

''This cannot pass. What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass. We will do whatever it takes to make sure this doesn't pass.''

''It's under the guise of -- quote -- volunteerism. But it's not volunteers at all. It's paying people to do work on behalf of government.... I believe that there is a very strong chance that we will see that young people will be put into mandatory service. And the real concerns is that there are provisions for what I would call re-education camps for young people, where young people have to go and get trained in a philosophy that the government puts forward and then they have to go to work in some of these politically correct forums.''

“I am so proud to be from the state of Minnesota. We're the workingest state in the country, and the reason why we are, we have more people that are working longer hours, we have people that are working two jobs.”

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