REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

Spanking now a felony in Texas

POSTED BY: HARDWARE
UPDATED: Wednesday, June 22, 2011 06:10
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 5269
PAGE 1 of 1

Saturday, June 18, 2011 1:19 PM

HARDWARE


http://www.volunteertv.com/national/headlines/Mom_pleads_guilty_to_spa
nking_own_child_124072014.html


Quote:


CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas (CBS) -- A judge in Corpus Christi, Texas had some harsh words for a mother charged with spanking her own child before sentencing her to probation.

"You don't spank children today," said Judge Jose Longoria. "In the old days, maybe we got spanked, but there was a different quarrel. You don't spank children."


Rosalina Gonzales had pleaded guilty to a felony charge of injury to a child for what prosecutors had described as a "pretty simple, straightforward spanking case." They noted she didn't use a belt or leave any bruises, just some red marks...


Wow. Just wow. I hope the citizens in Corpus Christi are paying attention. Judge Jose Longoria needs a one way ticket to Nuevo Laredo after he is not elected again next term.

Sidebar issue. As a convicted felon Rosalinda Gonzales is now a person prohibited from firearm ownership. What a violent offender!

Discuss.


It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so, and will follow it by suppressing opposition, subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young, and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics - RAH

...and he that has no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. Luke 22:36

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 1:45 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

I hope the citizens in Corpus Christi are paying attention. Judge Jose Longoria needs a one way ticket to Nuevo Laredo after he is not elected again next term.



Why do you assume that the judge isn't an American citizen? Or are you just in favor of deporting ALL those with whom you disagree?

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 2:00 PM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


Quote:

Why do you assume that the judge isn't an American citizen? Or are you just in favor of deporting ALL those with whom you disagree?
No, just those with foreign-sounding names with whom he disagrees!

On the other hand, yes, this is PC taken too far. Surprises me this is Texas, where I'd think a good spanking wouldn't be considered noteworthy. It's bad to spank a child, but for it to result in all these consequences? Bullshit...there should be something in the middle, like some kind of COUNSELING or something...or education, whatever you want to call it. We DO need to change the mindset of hitting a kid, or a dog, or anything, but that's not the way to do it!


Hippie Operative Nikovich Nikita Nicovna Talibani,
Contracted Agent of Veritas Oilspillus, code name “Nike”,
signing off



NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 2:39 PM

WORLDSPRAYER


Being that I am from Texas, I can say I am both surprised and not surprised. Texas has lately (last 10 years-ish) had an apparently large influx of out-of-stater's. As a result, certain areas of Texas are becoming more and more liberal, Austin being a prime and exaggerated example of such. That being said, I think this is slightly nuts. It is nice to believe that everyone can rationally discuss things as a correction...but that is operating under the assumption that everyone has a rational, mature, adult mentality and thought process. Children...do not have this outside the prodigies. Quite simply, children learn their best lesson I think via pain. Don't touch the stove it's hot....oh? See what happened? Don't lie...oh that hurt? Don't call that darker or foreign sounding person bad names...oh you don't like the taste of soap? Keep swishing. Pain is the most natural manner of instilling in a person the concept of consequence. I have found it very interesting that as the American "values" standard is at an apparent all-time low, the belief that corporal punishment is "bad" is at an all-time high (I could be wrong i admit.) I do not believe this to be a coincidence. Physical punishment administered via rational and deliberate decision (not made and carried out in anger at what the child did) is/can be one of the healthiest tribulations for a growing and developing person. I know this: I would rather any child of mine grow up with a dislike for me for spanking them in their youth than them grow up with the misguided belief that they can get away with something with only a "talking to".
According to: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/20/fourteenyearold-can-get-l_n_8
64927.html
Children in some states ARE capable of getting life sentences for crimes committed...so that instilling of right and wrong better start early.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 2:53 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Y'know, being an Austinite, I find it humorous to hear my city being called an "exaggerated" liberal hub. What's funny is, in the last 20+ years, I've watched Austin become more and more conservative. It's to the point now that we sometimes refer to it as "South Dallas" or "North Houston".

Hell, we used to get "spats" (spanking with a wooden paddle resembling a cricket bat) in middle school, and it was no biggie. It was still easier than what I'd face at home, and at least they told you in advance exactly how many times you were going to get hit!

Is it right to hit a child? Nope. But is spanking a FELONY? Seems more than a bit overzealous.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 3:41 PM

HARDWARE


Quote:

Originally posted by Kwicko:
Quote:

I hope the citizens in Corpus Christi are paying attention. Judge Jose Longoria needs a one way ticket to Nuevo Laredo after he is not elected again next term.



Why do you assume that the judge isn't an American citizen? Or are you just in favor of deporting ALL those with whom you disagree?



Not what I was implying at all. Just wanted to send him someplace "nice" after his enforced retirement. I don't give a damn what his ethnic origin is. He is, I presume, an American citizen.

In any event, my prejudices against foreigners have nothing to do with this case. Please discuss the issue at hand. You have plenty of other threads in which to snipe at me.



It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so, and will follow it by suppressing opposition, subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young, and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics - RAH

...and he that has no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. Luke 22:36

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 3:50 PM

HARDWARE


Interesting that you bring up dogs Niki.

I have a good friend named Wendy who trains dogs with purely positive methods. I exchanged professional services with her. I built her a basic website for her business and she helped me train my dogs (all rescues). My male (N) dog was starved as a pup before he was rescued. As you no doubt know, this can lead to developmental disabilities that last the lifetime of the dog.

At the age of 1 1/2 we started working with him on not jumping on visitors when they enter my house. We worked on this with him for a year. At the one year mark Wendy said; "Some dogs need a small negative to help them learn." We started using a negative reinforcement of a water bottle. He jumped on visitors, he got a squirt of water. Behavior broken in 2 months.

Is that a huge negative? I don't think so. Did it stop the maladaptive behavior? Yes, very effectively.

I think that very young children especially can benefit from mild negatives. As my aunt used to say; "Nobody ever died from a swat on the rear."

It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so, and will follow it by suppressing opposition, subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young, and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics - RAH

...and he that has no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one. Luke 22:36

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 4:51 PM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


So you think children learn their best lesson via pain. That pretty much says it all. You just joined a few minutes ago, and this is the first thread you've felt worthy of joining in which to respond. Interesting. I feel so strongly against what you said that I'll leave it at that.


Hippie Operative Nikovich Nikita Nicovna Talibani,
Contracted Agent of Veritas Oilspillus, code name “Nike”,
signing off



NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 5:09 PM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


So once again we have half a story and a knee jerk outcry from the usual suspects. According to the Texan Attorney general's departmemt in Texas, spanking is not a crime in that state, so who knows the back story to the sentencing. We do know that this mother does not have custody of her children, who currently live with their paternal grandmother, which gives some indication that not all is right.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 5:22 PM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


Oh, Hardware, I think you blew it on that choice of examples. I'm a big fan of Cesar Milan and his methods, and I've trained all my own dogs--I have two Siberian huskies and people are always amazed we have them off leash when hiking, because all the books say you should never let a Sibe off leash. Ours roam, but they always check in before five minutes have passed. So I THINK I have somewhat of a grasp of how to train a dog.

First of all, a squirt of water in the face isn't PHYSICAL PAIN, which is what we've been discussing. Second, the answer is that in my opinion your trainer didn't use all the methods available to her (NO offense to your trainer, each has their own method). I've heard of trainers using stuff like that, including physical pain, but they're never as effective as Cesar Milan's methods. If he was there, he would have shown you quite quickly that negative reinforcement was not only not needed, but was CONTRARY to imparting the lesson in a way which would be effective with many, many dogs. It might not have harmed your dog, because I agree it's a small negative and your dog is/was probably pretty okay to begin with, but it could have been disasterous with insecure OR aggressive dogs.

Negative reinforcement which includes any physical pain may solve the problem for a short duration, or solve one problem, but isn't an effective method of dealing with any valid animal training. It's always a matter of the owner's attitude toward the dog and not being a good enough "pack leader" which makes training difficult. CONSEQUENCES are different from reinforcement; dogs need rules, boundaries and limitations, but PAIN is never part of it.
Quote:

It's one of the most common mistakes someone without a lot of dog training experience will make: trying to get the dog to "avoid" a behavior by punishing them for it. But does this really work, and if it did, wouldn't it be much easier to train dogs? One of the first distinctions that you have to learn in working with dogs is that they don't respond to punishment the same way humans will.

Yes, dogs will avoid behaviors if they know that that behavior will produce some sort of negative response. That is the essence and theory behind negative reinforcement. But adding to a dog's fears and anxieties isn't exactly the most productive way to get them to become a healthy member of your household. Instead, a dog will respond just as strongly to positive actions that lead to positive results.

Quote:

While a combination of positive and negative reinforcement may be adequate to discipline a human child, positive reinforcement dog training is far superior to any negative reinforcement plan with your pets. The fundamental reason behind this is that dogs are pack animals and are accustomed to a stratified social hierarchy. In the wild, dogs take their cues for behavior from an alpha leader of the group. Rather than punish bad behavior, the alpha will tend to reward good behavior, and as a result, dogs tend to work to be in favor with the alpha dog.

Negative Reinforcement Causes Fear

One of the primary reasons why negative reinforcement is not an adequate or appropriate form of canine behavior training is that it leads to fear. If you reprimand your dog harshly for a misbehavior, he may come to associate the punishment incorrectly in his mind. In many cases, the dog interprets your punishing him for cruelty or meanness on your part and fails to link the admonishment with the behavior that you were addressing. As a result, your pet may come to fear you and may still continue to misbehave in the same manner. Fear is a dangerous thing in dogs, as it can often lead to aggressive behavior. As a result, your punishing your pet with negative reinforcement can lead to biting, growling and other undesirable behaviors.

Negative Reinforcement Trains Dogs to Avoid You

Punishing your dog for a bad behavior can also train the dog to avoid committing that action in your presence. Pet owners who reprimand their dogs harshly for urinating inside the house, for instance, may find that the dog discontinues this behavior in your presence. However, he may continue to urinate inside when you aren't home or when you are in a different room. This behavior is somewhat linked with fear as well.

Positive Reinforcement Solidifies Your Authority

By rewarding your pet for good behavior instead of punishing him for misdeeds, you help to reinforce your dominance over him. Dogs that recognize their dependence upon their owners for food, treats and affection are more likely to see their owners as authority figures in the family pack. Once your dog respects you as the alpha, you will find that training him becomes much easier. In the wild, dogs tend naturally to respect and defer to the alpha dog for leadership and guidance. Your pet will follow your commands and obey your training methods much better if he sees you as the dominant member of your pack.

This is not to say that negative reinforcement has no place whatsoever in pet training. When training puppies not to bite, for instance, a sharp yell immediately after a bite is a good way of notifying the dog that his behavior was wrong. Do not continue to admonish him for the action, however, as a punishment any more than a second or so after the misbehavior will be confusing to him. If you have questions about proper training techniques for your pet, speak with a veterinarian or professional trainer for additional advice.

In other words, distracting the dog’s mind from what it’s concentrating on with a noise or something works better than water in the face and doesn’t cause them fear. Even the “bites” Cesar uses aren’t painful, just a quick grip with the fingers that is instinctively felt like a bite from the pack leader, but is in no way painful. I'm just guessing, but I'll bet Cesar would say "this is the kind of behavior that can often be redirected by distraction"--making a loud noise which turns the dogs attention (and he'd most likely turn toward the noise, causing him to get back on all fours) and then giving him positive reinforcement, consistently, would have solved the problem. Maybe not, nothing is universally true, but a spritz of water in the face isn't the best method, as far as I'm concerned, and it's not the same as causing pain anyway. JMHO

Aside from which, as above, dogs react differently than children to negative reinforcement. And even with children, nobody will ever convince me that negative physical reinforcement is a good way to teach a child anything.


Hippie Operative Nikovich Nikita Nicovna Talibani,
Contracted Agent of Veritas Oilspillus, code name “Nike”,
signing off



NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 5:24 PM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


I'm a big fan of Cesar Milan as well. Positive reinforcement definitely works better with doggies, and reputable trainers only use those methods these days.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 5:29 PM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


Now why doesn't that surprise me in the least? :biggin: Did you catch his Down Under shows? I got a kick out of those in contrast to the ones in the UK and US. Didn't see a single episode with some dumb woman who'd made her dog into her "baby", dressed it up, let it run the entire household, etc. Many of the same mistakes I've seen elsewhere, but from what I SAW anyway, you guys have a more realistic approach to your dogs than some of us do! Some of the stuff I've seen people do--did you catch the PINK poodle...or whatever small dog it was? Or the one where the woman GOT a small dog TO BE an accessory and dressed it accordingly? Hard not to vomit sometimes...


Hippie Operative Nikovich Nikita Nicovna Talibani,
Contracted Agent of Veritas Oilspillus, code name “Nike”,
signing off



NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 5:34 PM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


Mind you, we do have a squirter in the kitchen. But it only works temporarily.

I've posted much on the kids stuff before. I don't believe that physical punishment is a ethical or moral way to rear children. And contrary to populist, mainly right winged crap, not using physical punishment is not not synonomous with laissez faire parenting (no rules or consequences). My experience has been the complete opposite, it is actually a lot harder to set limits, ensure they are being consistently adhered to and working out consequences for behaviour that you want changed, than it is to give your kid a passing slap when they have pushed your buttons. The parents I have observed who use physical punishment tend to have had a lack of self control and a thoughtless approach to parenting than those who use other parenting strategies.


And I don't believe that it's legislated against in Texas. Sometimes you have to have the full picture to understand sentencing.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 5:37 PM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


Quote:

Originally posted by Niki2:
Now why doesn't that surprise me in the least? :biggin: Did you catch his Down Under shows? I got a kick out of those in contrast to the ones in the UK and US. Didn't see a single episode with some dumb woman who'd made her dog into her "baby", dressed it up, let it run the entire household, etc. Many of the same mistakes I've seen elsewhere, but from what I SAW anyway, you guys have a more realistic approach to your dogs than some of us do! Some of the stuff I've seen people do--did you catch the PINK poodle...or whatever small dog it was? Or the one where the woman GOT a small dog TO BE an accessory and dressed it accordingly? Hard not to vomit sometimes...


Hippie Operative Nikovich Nikita Nicovna Talibani,
Contracted Agent of Veritas Oilspillus, code name “Nike”,
signing off




Niki, we have our fair share of nutty dog freaks down here as well. Most of them come to my dog park.


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 5:49 PM

WORLDSPRAYER


As with everything, there is likely more to the story. My statement was more in argument to what the judge stated: We don't spank anymore..maybe in the old days....but not now (paraphrase) Old days? What were the old days? Are we that different now than we were 20, 40, 60, 100 years ago? Technologically yes, socially I don't believe so. Opinion on that one.

NIKI2: I'm not sure why my recent joining has any bearing on the validity or lack thereof of my opinion. So i decided to join the community...so? I didn't think that made me less of a voice. Anyhow, I do believe for CERTAIN lessons...yes pain can be the best teacher. Just as other lessons require positive reinforcement. And also that frankly, different children will require different levels of each. Nothing is static, nothing is certain.

I will refer to one occasion that I believe, very strongly, that reinforces this: My brothers girlfriend's son decided to "play" with a very expensive chess set...by taking the fragile pieces and slamming them into the board shattering them. His mother stopped him after half the board was destroyed and very firmly, not yelling, explained that no that was wrong (age was about 4 i think). Not ten minutes later...he was back in the room, picked up another piece and proceeded to destroy it. My brother stopped him, said it was wrong, and proceeded to spank him. The set was indeed left alone from thereon in during the visit.

This is a case I believe that demonstrates the fundamental flaw of the belief that physical punishment never needs to be used. Children, applying more to the younger they are, are increasingly unable to recognize a non-physical reaction to their actions. That is a matter of both physical and social development. Ultimately there is the natural physical understanding: Pleasure is good, pain is bad. It is the natural, very animalistic instinct that children have and (hopefully) grow out of.The concern I would pose to not implementing some form of physical response is that if a child does not learn immediately at an intuitive level that there are consequences to it's actions, then it will be either more difficult to instill such knowledge or impossible altogether.

As a person serving in the military, I will say that I have witnessed first hand a shockingly large number of people, primarily in entry phases, demonstrate a true mis-understanding of consequence. They truly did not understand the difference between right and wrong. I have wondered for years as to how many of those "failures to adapt" (as the military calls it) had simply never been spanked as a child.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 5:56 PM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


Quote:

Originally posted by WORLDSPRAYER:

This is a case I believe that demonstrates the fundamental flaw of the belief that physical punishment never needs to be used. Children, applying more to the younger they are, are increasingly unable to recognize a non-physical reaction to their actions. That is a matter of both physical and social development. Ultimately there is the natural physical understanding: Pleasure is good, pain is bad. It is the natural, very animalistic instinct that children have and (hopefully) grow out of.The concern I would pose to not implementing some form of physical response is that if a child does not learn immediately at an intuitive level that there are consequences to it's actions, then it will be either more difficult to instill such knowledge or impossible altogether.



By your reasoning, we should use physical punishment on babies then. Babies understand pain bad and pleasure good more more wholly than anyone else, so should we be spanking 6 week olds to whip them into shape when they cry, don't sleep, soil themselves. That'll teach them.

Your understanding of the human condition and of childhood is fundamentally flawed.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 6:16 PM

WORLDSPRAYER


I confess you just threw a curve-ball on that one. You just used a completely different form of situation. We're not talking about controlling/shaping a child's physical needs/requirements. We're talking about social change and instruction. Do you begin instructing and expecting social norms and desires to be met by a 6 week old? No you don't. A parents desire at that point is that the child simply live and be healthy. If that means waking up at all hours, feeding and cleaning then so be it. That's called the first steps of being a parent. How about a 6 year old? Hopefully IMHO Yes you do. As I stated above: but more clearly now I hope: Situation Specific. I most certainly did NOT..repeating here..did NOT state that physical punishment was to be used in response to everything, I'll even go so far to say that it shouldn't be used in MOST situations especially as the child ages into later childhood. All I am saying is that to rule out physical punishment as a tool entirely is foolishness in my opinion. To point back to my earlier example, in some situations, such as destruction of property, a punishment must be one that will embed itself into not only the child's immediate memory, but it's instinctual memory, so that the next time they feel the urge to destroy something not only do they have to think about it, but there is a natural, reflexive reaction against it. You cannot say that pain is not a form of instruction. I doubt there is a person alive who has not touched something hot as a child despite being told otherwise and learned that yes...it was hot. There is a reason the military smokes a soldier who misbehaves. Physical suffering creates a fast and lasting impression that resonates deeper than words. When experienced in balance, it can be perfectly healthy.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 6:31 PM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


Quote:

Originally posted by WORLDSPRAYER:
I confess you just threw a curve-ball on that one. You just used a completely different form of situation. We're not talking about controlling/shaping a child's physical needs/requirements. We're talking about social change and instruction. Do you begin instructing and expecting social norms and desires to be met by a 6 week old? No you don't. A parents desire at that point is that the child simply live and be healthy. If that means waking up at all hours, feeding and cleaning then so be it. That's called the first steps of being a parent. How about a 6 year old? Hopefully IMHO Yes you do. As I stated above: but more clearly now I hope: Situation Specific. I most certainly did NOT..repeating here..did NOT state that physical punishment was to be used in response to everything, I'll even go so far to say that it shouldn't be used in MOST situations especially as the child ages into later childhood. All I am saying is that to rule out physical punishment as a tool entirely is foolishness in my opinion. To point back to my earlier example, in some situations, such as destruction of property, a punishment must be one that will embed itself into not only the child's immediate memory, but it's instinctual memory, so that the next time they feel the urge to destroy something not only do they have to think about it, but there is a natural, reflexive reaction against it. You cannot say that pain is not a form of instruction. I doubt there is a person alive who has not touched something hot as a child despite being told otherwise and learned that yes...it was hot. There is a reason the military smokes a soldier who misbehaves. Physical suffering creates a fast and lasting impression that resonates deeper than words. When experienced in balance, it can be perfectly healthy.



Eh, well I'm probably the worst person to talk to about military discipline, as I think generally it constitutes abuse and I abhor the whole culture...

Leaving that aside, I can honestly say I don't think there is ever a good reason to use physical punishment for a child, because there are other, better ways that you can teach consequences, and you named one yourself. If you touch something hot, you learn not to touch it. Kind of a natural consequence that doesn't need an additional piece of pain from a parent. Children learn consequences very early on quite naturally and parents can assist them in developmentally appropriate ways. I can't think of one instance where adding pain delivered by an adult would be beneficial. Perhaps you could describe one to me.

That being said, I have in anger smacked my child once or twice. Not on my better parenting days, I might add. It happened when I lost control and let a situation escalate to where I couldn't think of anything else to do. I think that is when most parents do smack. What did my child learn from all that. That we all make mistakes sometimes, I hope that is all that he took away from those occasions.

I don't want to come across as judgemental of parents who smack (I've been told that I do). I think parenting is a hard deal, particularly when we insist so vehementally on doing it in iscolation. Individualism and parenting = bad combination in my books, I do believe in that truism that it takes a village to raise a child. So while I understand why parents resort to smacking, I don't believe that it is an effective or moral way to raise a child because it delivers one fundamentally flawed message. It is okay to hurt the ones you love.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 6:40 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

As a person serving in the military, I will say that I have witnessed first hand a shockingly large number of people, primarily in entry phases, demonstrate a true mis-understanding of consequence. They truly did not understand the difference between right and wrong. I have wondered for years as to how many of those "failures to adapt" (as the military calls it) had simply never been spanked as a child.



Has it ever occurred to you that maybe they joined the military in the first place BECAUSE they don't know right from wrong, and are severely screwed up already, possibly from TOO MUCH corporal punishment as a child?

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 7:55 PM

FREMDFIRMA



Hooo boy.

Ok folks, this how it is - you got two options for dealing with a child.

Empathy and Reason, or Force and Fear - and no, this *IS NOT* something you can split the difference with, it really is that black and white, primarily because once you start down the darker path, if you don't check step IMMEDIATELY - you've done fucked it up beyond your own ability to salvage, period.
Quote:

“As long as the child will be trained not by love, but by fear, so long will humanity live not by justice, but by force. As long as the child will be ruled by the educator’s threat and by the father’s rod, so long will mankind be dominated by the policeman’s club, by fear of jail, and by panic of invasion by armies and navies.”

Boris Sidis, from “A lecture on the abuse of the fear instinct in early education” in Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 1919.


Hell, people knew this as early as 1750, and there was much discussion about it, but here's the rub - along comes a lady by the name of Alice Miller, who managed to make the connections in a way that folks like Doc Perry have later scientifically PROVEN, but even then she had sufficient credibility for folk to mull it over, and in the end it resulted in the use of violence against ones own children being outlawed.

Did you never wonder *WHY* some places are socially and emotionally twenty some years ahead of us, leastways in my opinion they are, and what was the turning point where their development accellerated and ours stalled ?
The very MOMENT, you use violence against a child - you break them, maybe only a little, but then a little more, and a little more and a little more, and OMG why does my kid hate me....
Gee, I WONDER ?

And not just you, but your whole fucking culture, your whole society, everything and anything that enabled that violence - unless they choose the route of denial and continue the cycle by becoming exactly the thing that terrified them as a screwed up defense mechanism, and most of you KNOW this.

And it *IS* violence - just to be clear, grabbing a child out of the street when they don't look before they step, or snatching a childs hand away from a hot burner, that's force... and in response the child via empathy ALSO responds to your fear *for them*, they see and respond to your protective effort as something OTHER than harm, this is as clear a demarcation as there is.

Violence is something altogether different, "I'm going to cause you pain and harm" - whatever your reasons, the *INTENT* is pain and harm, you can not shovel any mountain of bullshit big enough to cover that up, it is what it is, and it causes quantifiable damage, emotionally, psychologically, even physically.

Not to mention every single excuse shovelled out in respect to using violence against children was at one time used to justify beating your wife - ponder THAT for a moment, still think it should be okay to beat your wife ?
Show of hands, now, WHO thinks that should be okay ?
WHY NOT ?
It's the same fucking argument, don't dare try to deny it - that they are not people, they are property.

Besides which, what lesson are you teaching but "might makes right", your ACTIONS mean everything to a child, and when you instill such lessons in children, we ALL face the consequences of those actions, not all at once, but many years later when the bitter harvest of that foul sowing comes to pass.

And I for one, and sick of choking on your evil.
Damn RIGHT it should be illegal to use violence on children as a control mechanism.
Quote:

"Every Smack is a Humiliation"
A Manifesto

By Alice Miller

Many researchers have already proved that corporal punishment can indeed produce obedient children in the short term but, in the long term, it will have serious negative consequences on the child's character and behavior. This disastrous development toward later crimes can be prevented if there is at least one single person who loves and understands the child. During their whole childhood, dictators like Hitler, Stalin or Mao never came across such a helping witness. They learned early on to glorify cruelty and hypocrisy and to justify these actions while committing crimes against millions of people. Millions of others, also exposed to physical maltreatment in childhood, helped them to do so without the slightest remorse.

Children should not be the scapegoats for the painful experiences of adults. The claim that mild punishments (slaps or smacks) have no detrimental effects is still widespread because we learned this message at a very early age from our parents, who had taken it over from their own parents. This conviction helped the child to minimize his suffering and to endure it. Unfortunately, the main damage it causes is precisely our numbness, as well as the lack of sensitivity for our children's pain. The result of the broad dissemination of this damage is that each successive generation is subjected to the tragic effects of seemingly harmless physical "correction." Many parents still think: What didn't hurt me can't hurt my child. They don't realize that their conclusion is wrong because they never challenged their assumption.

When legislation laws prohibiting corporal punishment were launched in Sweden in 1977, 70% of the citizens asked for their opinion were against it. In 1998, the figure has dropped to 10%. These statistics show that the mentality of the Swedish population has radically changed in the course of a mere twenty years. A destructive tradition of millennia has been done away with thanks to this legislation.

It is imperative to launch such legislation—prohibiting corporal punishment—all over the world. It does not set out to incriminate anyone but is designed to have a protective and informative function for parents. Sanctions could simply take the form of the obligation for parents to internalize information available today on the consequences of corporal punishment. Information on the "well-meant smack" should therefore be broadcasted to all, since unconscious education to violence takes root very early and inflicts disastrous imprints. The vital interests of society as a whole are at stake.

This text can be distributed and published by everybody to disseminate the information as widely as possible. —Alice Miller


http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php
Bear in mind that not only has been proved out in a social sense over twenty friggin years, the groundbreaking work of CITIVAS, Doc Perry and Baylor U have in recent years proven it out in a physical, scientific sense, right down to visible differences in brain structure and chemistry.

Ergo, I don't see how any rational being could argue against it, but then, they locked Galileo in a tower for making similar heretical claims just because they defied what folk wanted to believe.

-Frem

I do not serve the Blind God.

NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 9:06 PM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.


Quote:

Quite simply, children learn their best lesson I think via pain
You can teach avoidance via pain, but you can only teach performance via reward.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Saturday, June 18, 2011 9:17 PM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


Not to mention learning something deeper than 'if I do this I will be smacked/hurt'. How about learning how to treat other people with decency, empathy for fellow humans and other living things, that truth, integrity, generosity, courage are values to be treasured and lying, cowadice, meanness of spirit are flaws. And in the end, kids learn most from example. Which is why smacking a kid for hitting their sibling is kind of an insane logic.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, June 19, 2011 5:09 AM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


The example you cite is flawed in that the only two options you are comparing is a parent TALKING TO a child and spanking him. Children don't reason the way adults do, talking to them rarely works that well. That does not change the fact that physical pain doesn't work either, not for the psychological well-being of the child. Magons' right; it takes more time and effort (and learning) to not simply resort to spanking, and I think both that and the mentality that one "owns" a child are more common than others.

My interest was that you joined at the same time as you put up your first post, and it was that post, which I always find curious. That someone would find a Firefly site and their first post is in RWED--and usually that's where their only post is. Given people here use sockpuppets to back themselves up, I'm leery of people who only come here to post in RWED. That's all. New voices are always welcome, so I'll say "welcome" and let it go at that.



Hippie Operative Nikovich Nikita Nicovna Talibani,
Contracted Agent of Veritas Oilspillus, code name “Nike”,
signing off



NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, June 19, 2011 6:12 AM

PIRATENEWS

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!


Quote:

Originally posted by Kwicko:
Quote:

I hope the citizens in Corpus Christi are paying attention. Judge Jose Longoria needs a one way ticket to Nuevo Laredo after he is not elected again next term.


Why do you assume that the judge isn't an American citizen? Or are you just in favor of deporting ALL those with whom you disagree?



Some of the courts in TAXas NEVER allow English to be spoken in court, and only allow Mexican flags, because they have secceeded to Jewish Nazi Mexico.

So the judge might well be Mexican not a US citizen. So-called Hispanics are usually called Mexicans in Taxas.

Since 70% of judges in USA never went to law school, never passed a bar exam and never got a law license, why should they be US citizens?


"You're talking full-on Grassy Knoll conspiracy theory!"
-Rick Castle, Steam Punk

NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, June 19, 2011 7:07 AM

BYTEMITE


Quote:

My interest was that you joined at the same time as you put up your first post, and it was that post, which I always find curious. That someone would find a Firefly site and their first post is in RWED--and usually that's where their only post is. Given people here use sockpuppets to back themselves up, I'm leery of people who only come here to post in RWED. That's all. New voices are always welcome, so I'll say "welcome" and let it go at that.


It's true. There's always a little bit of suspicion when someone appears and first posts in the RWED. My most recent suspect just vindicated themselves by posting elsewhere on the site. I've always tried to take new members at face value, but sometimes they give me reasons early on to question them. Even then, usually they satisfy my suspicions and all is well.

I would almost say it's unfair for us regulars to act like this, except I always keep thinking that someday we really will see someone with some malicious intent and NO interest in Firefly come stirring up trouble. Even kaneman likes Firefly, you know, even if he (she?) likes to stir up the left-wing on the board. I'll tolerate a lot if I know someone is here for genuine reasons.

Spanking... As usual, I see both sides here. As someone who has been spanked, whipped, and slapped by both parents, it's hard for me to see it as a big deal.

On the other hand, I wouldn't allow any of my other friends or relatives to touch me that way, and my parents were outraged on a few times when it did happen. So why is it okay if my parents do it? Why is it okay if anyone touches my ass in any way? It's a little messed up.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, June 19, 2011 7:17 AM

THEHAPPYTRADER


Internet ate my response which was long and on an itouch, so i'll just try an post a short version.

If the chessboard and the 4 year old was a temporary thing, like the kid would not be near it again the punishment can be effectively used to get quick temporary results.

If this situation would come around again, I would deny him access to the board everytime he used it inappropriately. Eventually he'd realize that he gets access to it longer with appropriate play and the constant access will reinforce the desired behavior.

In general, I prefer to deny access to preferred item or activity for bad behavior and reward them with it after the bad behavior stops. The length of time depends on the age and attention span of the child. A 3 year old, maybe 10-20 secs so they can make the connection of how they got what they want (good behavior). Gotta be careful with the timing, we don't want them to forget what happened or think they were rewarded for a tantrum. With an older child I would have them waiting longer so they can understand consequences. 'If I do bad behavior I can't have what I want for a while' as opposed to 'when I stop.'

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, June 19, 2011 7:21 AM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


Excellent, Happy, I agree 100%. The big thing about training dogs is you have only a few seconds after the act to connect it with any correction; it's longer for children obviously, but the concept is the same.


Hippie Operative Nikovich Nikita Nicovna Talibani,
Contracted Agent of Veritas Oilspillus, code name “Nike”,
signing off



NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, June 19, 2011 7:27 AM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:


Spanking... As usual, I see both sides here. As someone who has been spanked, whipped, and slapped by both parents, it's hard for me to see it as a big deal.

On the other hand, I wouldn't allow any of my other friends or relatives to touch me that way, and my parents were outraged on a few times when it did happen. So why is it okay if my parents do it? Why is it okay if anyone touches my ass in any way? It's a little messed up.




Yuppers. Why is it that if you hit your wife or husband - or any random stranger - hard enough to leave a mark, it's called "Assault and battery" (generally a felony) in the legal system? But somehow, when you do it to a CHILD, it's okay?


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, June 19, 2011 7:32 AM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

Originally posted by piratenews:
Quote:

Originally posted by Kwicko:
Quote:

I hope the citizens in Corpus Christi are paying attention. Judge Jose Longoria needs a one way ticket to Nuevo Laredo after he is not elected again next term.


Why do you assume that the judge isn't an American citizen? Or are you just in favor of deporting ALL those with whom you disagree?



Some of the courts in TAXas NEVER allow English to be spoken in court, and only allow Mexican flags, because they have secceeded to Jewish Nazi Mexico.




Do you have ANY evidence to back any of these asinine claims? I'm actually IN Texas, mind you. I've been in courts in far South Texas, and all business was conducted in English.

As usual, PN, you're so full of shit your eyes are brown.

Quote:


So the judge might well be Mexican not a US citizen. So-called Hispanics are usually called Mexicans in Taxas.



Wrong again. They generally refer to themselves as Hispanic, or as Mexican-Americans. More often, in my experience, they refer to themselves as "Texans" or "Americans".



"Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservatives." - John Stuart Mill

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, June 19, 2011 7:36 AM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


Miiikeeee, you're responding to PN. You might want to look to that. (Yes, I know it's a steal, but it's sooo appropriate!) Attempting to reason with the unreasonable? Isn't that one of the definitions of "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result"?


Hippie Operative Nikovich Nikita Nicovna Talibani,
Contracted Agent of Veritas Oilspillus, code name “Nike”,
signing off



NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, June 19, 2011 12:00 PM

FREMDFIRMA



Re: Chessboard.

Why on earth did you let a 4yr old mess with an expensive, fragile chess set to begin with ?

Seriously, that's like leaving an open can of tuna on the counter and getting the mail, while expecting the cat not to have stuck their face in it - on what planet would you have to be for that expectation to make sense ?

I see your example as someone pawning their own negligence off on a child, and then using violence as a response - children act like children, expecting otherwise is inhumane.

Case in point, expecting said child NOT to jump in puddles and using violence to enforce it, or investing in detergent and rainboots.

In reference to this, and the notion of performance via reward, I offer you this, also by Doc Perry.

Emotional Development: Curiosity - The Fuel of Development
http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=4043
Quote:

Constrained Curiosity

For too many children, curiosity fades. Curiosity dimmed is a future denied. Our potential — emotional, social, and cognitive — is expressed through the quantity and quality of our experiences. And the less-curious child will make fewer new friends, join fewer social groups, read fewer books, and take fewer hikes. The less-curious child is harder to teach because he is harder to inspire, enthuse, and motivate.

There are three common ways adults constrain or even crush the enthusiastic exploration of the curious child:

fear
disapproval
absence

Fear: Fear kills curiosity. When the child's world is chaotic or when he is afraid, he will not like novelty. He will seek the familiar, staying in his comfort zone, unwilling to leave and explore new things. Children impacted by war, natural disasters, family distress, or violence all have their curiosity crushed.

Disapproval: "Don’t touch. Don’t climb. Don’t yell. Don’t take that apart. Don’t get dirty. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t." Children sense and respond to our fears, biases, and attitudes. If we convey a sense of disgust at the mud on their shoes and the slime on their hands, their discovery of tadpoles will be diminished.

Absence: The presence of a caring, invested adult provides two things essential for optimal exploration:

sense of safety from which to set out to discover new things and
the capacity to share the discovery and, thereby, get the pleasure and reinforcement from that discovery.


I happen to know a family with wayyy more hassle in that regard than normal, Kira, aka "Crash" is prolly THE most inadvertently destructive being I've *ever* met - imagine your conventional tween, then imagine them loaded on amphetamines, and that this is their natural, normal state ALL THE FREAKIN TIME.
Without any known cause, mind you, her pediatrician is as baffled as anyone else, she's on no meds, nor anything dietary likely to have such effect, it's just who and how she is.

It's our very inability to accept things like that, which lead down such dark paths.

-Frem

I do not serve the Blind God.

NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, June 19, 2011 12:25 PM

PIRATENEWS

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!



F1 and MotoGP boss Mad Max Mosley visits a Nazi bordello in London

Formula One and MotoGP cancel US GP after Texas outlaws spanking
http://dragonaters.blogspot.com/2011/06/motogp-cancels-us-gp-after-tex
as.html


FI boss Mad Max Mosley in Nazi porn gangbang
http://piratenews-tv.blogspot.com/2008/04/fi-boss-max-mosely-in-nazi-p
orn.html





Mad Max Mosley

NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Sunday, June 19, 2011 11:27 PM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


Quote:

Originally posted by Fremdfirma:

Re: Chessboard.

Why on earth did you let a 4yr old mess with an expensive, fragile chess set to begin with ?

Seriously, that's like leaving an open can of tuna on the counter and getting the mail, while expecting the cat not to have stuck their face in it - on what planet would you have to be for that expectation to make sense ?

I see your example as someone pawning their own negligence off on a child, and then using violence as a response - children act like children, expecting otherwise is inhumane.

Case in point, expecting said child NOT to jump in puddles and using violence to enforce it, or investing in detergent and rainboots.



And I might say that slamming chess pieces into a chess board to smash them is fairly destructive behaviour from a 4 year old. While a lot of parents think punishment, they might instead be better served by asking what was demonstrated by that behaviour. Children's behaviour is generally not random, and actually means something. Might it be that the 4 year old is majorly pissed off with Mum or Mum's boyfriend about something. 4 years olds often struggle to verbalise something that upsets them and show it through behaviour, so while you would be letting them know aforesaid behaviour is unacceptable, you'd also be wanting to look a bit deeper as to why this child needs to destroy things.

Very young children, it can be pretty difficult to stop the destruction.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Monday, June 20, 2011 12:13 AM

THEHAPPYTRADER


This is a 4 year old, they do break things just to break things. Curiosity, visual, tactile or auditory stimulation, or perhaps just a cry for attention. It's possible this is a sign of deeper troubles, but that's not a conclusion I would jump to. Not unless the child was trying to hurt themselves through breaking the pieces.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Monday, June 20, 2011 12:58 AM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


Not my experience with 4 year olds. Break things accidentally, yes. Be careless with something, perhaps. But to smash something, be reprimanded and them go back and do it again. I'd be looking deeper.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Monday, June 20, 2011 12:54 PM

THEHAPPYTRADER


Just curious, is your experiences from raising your own year olds or did you work at a school or something. I don't mean to be insulting, just saying that if your experiences are based on your own children who were raised well enough not to engage in that kind of behavior, you expectations might be a little off.

My experiences working with children come from working in lower income school districts, working with community groups for children such as boys and girls clubs, and more recently working with children who have developmental delays or behavior issues. It's possible my expectations of typical 4 year old behavior are slanted more in the other direction.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Monday, June 20, 2011 1:35 PM

BYTEMITE


The one good thing about not responding to punishment is that whenever I was punished for swimming in the duck pond for snail shells or stomping in puddles or tearing my clothes, I completely forgot the lesson about a minute after the punishment ended. Which was usually soon, because I could guilt trip like no one's business. They eventually just kinda gave up on me, and I raised myself to have the standards and value systems that I read about in books.

Also, I have a cousin with that kind of crazy hyperactivity.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Monday, June 20, 2011 2:39 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

Originally posted by Bytemite:
The one good thing about not responding to punishment is that whenever I was punished for swimming in the duck pond for snail shells or stomping in puddles or tearing my clothes, I completely forgot the lesson about a minute after the punishment ended. Which was usually soon, because I could guilt trip like no one's business. They eventually just kinda gave up on me, and I raised myself to have the standards and value systems that I read about in books.




Yup. My old man was real big on just wailing on us with whatever fell to hand - belt, switch, 2x4, piece of pipe, fist, whatever - and wailing us until we cried, then wailing us for crying, yelling "Knock it off, or I'll give you something to REALLY cry about!"

After a while, I would just go blank, and not give any reaction at all, and it would eventually stop. Thing is, it never made me think "I've done something wrong; that's why this is happening." I just knew that what was happening was what was wrong, not my behavior, but HIS reaction.

"Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservatives." - John Stuart Mill

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Monday, June 20, 2011 3:49 PM

BYTEMITE


It wasn't so meta for me, I just didn't care about whatever it was they were trying to teach me. Also, no impulse control.

The downside is that in real life I act like I was raised by wolves, and there's plenty of social concepts that will not make sense to me.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Monday, June 20, 2011 10:45 PM

FREMDFIRMA



That's not necessarily a bad thing - case in point, how my familys racism never stuck with me.

Some of our social concepts are not, by my own moral standards, anything but foul - why accept them just cause everyone else does ?

-Frem

Select to view spoiler:


Kyubey, you just got *bitched*!


ALL HAIL MADOKA !!
personal in-joke, and surprisingly relative

NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Monday, June 20, 2011 11:44 PM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


Quote:

Originally posted by TheHappyTrader:
Just curious, is your experiences from raising your own year olds or did you work at a school or something. I don't mean to be insulting, just saying that if your experiences are based on your own children who were raised well enough not to engage in that kind of behavior, you expectations might be a little off.

My experiences working with children come from working in lower income school districts, working with community groups for children such as boys and girls clubs, and more recently working with children who have developmental delays or behavior issues. It's possible my expectations of typical 4 year old behavior are slanted more in the other direction.



My experiences are from working with families, as well as personal experience of having a child, being apart of a community that includes children, having extended family. I have both experiencial and theoretical knowledge of the developmental stages of childhood. Good enough for you?

Children's behaviour MEANS something. It's how they communicate their emotions and their needs, particularly prior to them learning how to adequately verbalise those things. A baby crying means something. It means they are hungry, wet, in pain, needing comfort. A good parent learns to distinguish between the types of cries to better understand what they mean. That continues on through childhood.

So you can either dismiss a childs behaviour as being naughty and simply punish a child, or believe it is just something children do and ignore it, or you can think about what that behavour might mean. Children have emotions that are real and important, contrary to what a lot of adults believe. Your experience may demonstrate that you work with a lot of angry, frustrated children.

That's not my theory based upon observation of my own child, that's the basis of child therapy.


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Tuesday, June 21, 2011 12:08 AM

THEHAPPYTRADER


It didn't have to be 'good enough' I was just curious is all. And just because it could be considered normal does NOT mean it should be ignored. Quite the opposite, ignoring could lead to problems later on, not to mention immediate danger to the child and of course chess destruction.

I wasn't in the room with that child, but I am guessing he wasn't told NOT to break chess pieces till it started happening. Initial destruction could have been mere curiosity with continued destruction being the child rebeling against restrictions placed on their environment.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Tuesday, June 21, 2011 12:19 AM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


Happy, I'm not sure what your point of disagreement is? If a child is rebelling against his environment, then that behaviour is a clear statement of how he feels. He feels angry and frustrated. Therefore the behaviour means something.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Tuesday, June 21, 2011 12:49 AM

THEHAPPYTRADER


Quote:

Originally posted by Magonsdaughter:
Happy, I'm not sure what your point of disagreement is? If a child is rebelling against his environment, then that behaviour is a clear statement of how he feels. He feels angry and frustrated. Therefore the behaviour means something.



Then perhaps we aren't disagreeing after all. I must have misinterpreted your meaning when you spoke of 'looking deeper' which I assumed meant looking for an abnormality or behavioral problem. I saw the behavior as fairly typical and not severe enough to warrant psychological concern, just active parenting, which is what all kids need anyways.

I suppose our only disagreement is what we consider 'normal,' but if we agree on the same solutions, then that's not much an issue.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Tuesday, June 21, 2011 1:28 AM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


No, no, not thinking that it was abnormal behaviour as such, just destructive. Was the kid pissed off about something is all I'd be wondering.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Tuesday, June 21, 2011 7:04 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht


Hi World Sprayer, don't be put off by people being snot heads. I for one welcome your presence and opinions on this board. And don't let their talk about the military get you down. This board is totally uncensored meaning everyone can say exactly what they feel. So if someone is mean to you or disagrees with you you can talk trash right back, you can state facts to back up your position, you can say that this is how you believe, you can ignore them. Whatever you say will not be censored except by your own self in deciding what to write. I think you sound like an interesting and reasonable person.

I believe that spanking can be fine in certain situations as long as bruises aren't made. I think that if a parent chooses to use spanking as a child rearing tool it should only be used occasionally and saved for situations that require an immediate and clear punishment and it should only be used on children under the age of about 7, once they hit that point there are much clearer ways to communicate apropriate behavior to them. When I was little I can remember being spanked two, maybe three times. All of them were when I was blatently disobeying with rebellion as my intent. When spanked I remember understanding why clearly, I knew I was being spanked because I was behaving out rageously. The time I remember clearly was when I was throwing a huge tantrum, I was about four, because I didn't want to go to bed and finally, after trying to calm me down in more conventional ways my grandma popped me on the rear and I shaped up. So charging this woman with a felony is unnecessary and isn't solving anything. Its possible that she was charged because her kids were already taken away from her for worse offenses and this renewed her bad profile with DHS.

And unlike Frem I believe that spanking can be used affectively if the parents are clear about reasons and making sure the child gets it. Some children don't benefit at all from spanking, I think how a parent chooses to give punishment has to depend on the child and what their understanding level and needs are.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, June 22, 2011 12:28 AM

MAGONSDAUGHTER


And trying hard to be as respectful as possible, I believe that 'I was spanked as a child and it never did me any harm' is possibly one of the worst ever arguments in favour of spanking. Commonly used, but not a good one.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, June 22, 2011 6:10 AM

FREMDFIRMA



I disagree, Riona, vehemently so - but then, you knew that.

I've seen too much of the damage it causes to ever think it a good idea - just cause they can't articulate it to you doesn't mean they don't take harm from it, and in fact those stages are where the risk of damage are the greatest, as Perry once again illustrates here.
http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/perry96.php

The brain is USE-DEPENDANT, if you start out teaching force and fear, that becomes the path of least resistance, you see.

-Frem

I do not serve the Blind God.

NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

YOUR OPTIONS

NEW POSTS TODAY

USERPOST DATE

OTHER TOPICS

DISCUSSIONS
The Islamic Way Of War
Sun, November 24, 2024 08:51 - 41 posts
Favourite Novels Of All Time?
Sun, November 24, 2024 08:40 - 44 posts
Russia Invades Ukraine. Again
Sun, November 24, 2024 08:17 - 7495 posts
Russia to quit International Space Station
Sun, November 24, 2024 08:05 - 10 posts
human actions, global climate change, global human solutions
Sun, November 24, 2024 08:03 - 946 posts
Russia should never interfere in any other nation's internal politics, meanwhile the USA and IMF is helping kill Venezuela
Sun, November 24, 2024 07:48 - 103 posts
Japanese Culture, S.Korea movies are now outselling American entertainment products
Sun, November 24, 2024 07:24 - 51 posts
The parallel internet is coming
Sun, November 24, 2024 06:04 - 180 posts
Giant UFOs caught on videotape
Sun, November 24, 2024 05:43 - 8 posts
California on the road to Venezuela
Sun, November 24, 2024 05:41 - 26 posts
Russia says 60 dead, 145 injured in concert hall raid; Islamic State group claims responsibility
Sun, November 24, 2024 05:37 - 71 posts
MAGA movement
Sun, November 24, 2024 05:04 - 14 posts

FFF.NET SOCIAL