The Awful Thread by BYTEMITE

REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

The Awful Thread

POSTED BY: BYTEMITE
UPDATED: Saturday, July 19, 2014 19:36
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 8077
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Tuesday, December 17, 2013 10:40 AM

Presenting hilarious and topical irreverence gathered from across the internet.

Feel free to contribute.

For our hard of hearing audience, I offer an interpreter for this message.

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Tuesday, December 17, 2013 11:09 AM

America loves a winner!

Niki will have a field day with this one...

Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen

I'm just a red pill guy in a room full of blue pill addicts.

" AU, that was great, LOL!! " - Chrisisall

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Tuesday, December 17, 2013 12:00 PM

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013 11:17 AM

A random airport security guard wins the father of the year award.

Because the actual father is definitely not.

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013 11:21 AM

This thread is part of the horrifunny series. If you like your humor on the dark and twisted side with a hint of schadenfreude, we will find ways to oblige you.

And remember, Yackety Sax makes everything 10 times more hilarious.

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013 11:46 AM

America loves a winner!

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:

And remember, Yackety Sax makes everything 10 times more hilarious.

It really does.

LOL

And the nonchelantness of the dad-o-the-year fellah...wow. I bet if his iPhone/ tablet had fallen off , he'd have shown more concern.

Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen

I'm just a red pill guy in a room full of blue pill addicts.

" AU, that was great, LOL!! " - Chrisisall

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013 12:18 PM

Lemee put my progeny back on the table they just fell off of while I put my coat on and get my shit. Oh you got 'em okay cool thanks.

Along the same lines:

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013 12:49 PM

Another for the road

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013 2:38 PM

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...

Byte, that first one is hysterical...many thanx!

(The faceplanted one, not so much...)

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013 2:47 PM

Apologies. It is here because it is awful.

For perspective, I could have posted the one with someone taking a smart phone picture of their baby playing with a king cobra. This was tame by comparison.

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013 3:06 PM

Introducing a cat named Waffles the Terrible.

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013 3:13 PM

America loves a winner!

Wow. That cat really sucks at being a cat.

Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen

I'm just a red pill guy in a room full of blue pill addicts.

" AU, that was great, LOL!! " - Chrisisall

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Thursday, December 19, 2013 11:17 AM

Your awful for today:

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Thursday, December 19, 2013 12:12 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
Your awful for today:

The site I saw that one on labeled it as "Nightmare fuel."

I can't rightly disagree...

"Goram it kid, let's frak this thing and go home! Engage!"

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Monday, January 6, 2014 10:13 AM

I feel ill, as though something on earth were horribly wrong.

So instead of engaging in the impossible task of trying to narrow it down, I have decided to assume this is because I haven't updated this thread often enough.

I hope you like spiders!

https://vine.co/v/h9PBY0Z2DIz/embed/postcard

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Monday, January 6, 2014 11:52 AM

I also present:

Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer. In the only form any self-respecting admirer of decent literature could palate - making someone else with a robust sense of sarcasm suffer through it instead.

http://markreadstwilight.buzznet.com/user/journal/4398741/mark-panason
icyouth-will-read-entire/

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Tuesday, January 7, 2014 4:29 PM

*ahem*

Extreme Sports: Internet Drama.

(Everyone Loses Version)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/02/america-2014-years-old_n_4520
508.html?ir=Technology

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Tuesday, January 7, 2014 5:43 PM

America loves a winner!

So, most of them were joking, and don't believe the usa is 2014 years old. Good.

From the linked huff page, it seems Big Foot really was shot and killed by a Texas man.

Isn't that interesting.

Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen

I'm just a red pill guy in a room full of blue pill addicts.

" AU, that was great, LOL!! " - Chrisisall

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Tuesday, January 7, 2014 10:26 PM

Come to my country and DIE

Bwah hah hah

Blue ringed octopus - 20cm small and one of the most venomous sea creatures on the planet.

sweet looking little thing

Not so much this....

Great white shark. Lovely smile.

Saltwater crocodile surfing

Tiger snake. Common and deadly.

What lurks in yonder woodpile?

Redback spider

Rare sighted but vicious - the bunyip

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Wednesday, January 8, 2014 12:38 AM

Awesome.

So is the redback spider related to the black widow, or are those markings convergent evolution?

(:P @ last picture. Nice shop)

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Wednesday, January 8, 2014 1:32 AM

They belong to the same genus.

Some more...

Sydney funnelweb

Eastern brown snake

stone fish

This guy is just ugly. The blob fish.

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Wednesday, January 8, 2014 9:15 AM

America loves a winner!

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
Awesome.

So is the redback spider related to the black widow, or are those markings convergent evolution?

Does look a lot like a Black Widow.

Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen

I'm just a red pill guy in a room full of blue pill addicts.

" AU, that was great, LOL!! " - Chrisisall

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Wednesday, January 8, 2014 10:34 AM

In fairness, the poor blob fish looks normal if it's under the correct water pressure conditions it was adapted for.

This would be like if we pushed an unprotected human out of the space shuttle airlock into hard vacuum, retrieved the body, and commented on how ugly it is.

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Thursday, January 16, 2014 10:38 PM

For your awful of the day, I present to you amazon reviews of sugarless gummy bears. And a dire warning.

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/8007586048/hCB84573D/

There are more like this.

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Tuesday, January 28, 2014 3:38 PM

I'ma just leave this here.

http://www.reddit.com/r/iama/comments/1u75hh/_/

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Tuesday, January 28, 2014 4:49 PM

Bi-sexual... I wonder if he reserves one for each gender...?

"Goram it kid, let's frak this thing and go home! Engage!"

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Tuesday, January 28, 2014 5:21 PM

And the adventures of a VERY patient mailman...

-F

ETA: Some kinda tech error, try posting link directly.

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Monday, June 9, 2014 5:52 PM

Is that the one where the cat refuses to let him put the mail in the mail slot? (link not currently working)

Here is a new awful to make up for the lack of awful posts.

Girl hits girl with shovel. Excellent amount of questionable behaviour over boy paramour involved.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2627439/BOTH-girls-infamous-sh
ovel-fight-video-arrested-disorderly-conduct-revealed-brawling-BOY.html

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Monday, June 9, 2014 7:11 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Brenda:

That is just eeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nature is a horrifying/disturbing/disgusting force to be reckoned with.

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Monday, June 9, 2014 7:37 PM

Politics is a horrifying/disturbing/disgusting force to be reckoned with.

Religion is a horrifying/disturbing/disgusting force to be reckoned with.

Ignorance is a horrifying/disturbing/disgusting force to be reckoned with.

Humankind is a horrifying/disturbing/disgusting force to be reckoned with.

But ... why belabor the obvious?

... oooOO}{OOooo ...

Make it idiot-proof, and someone will make a better idiot.

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Monday, June 9, 2014 7:50 PM

Quote:
This guy is just ugly. The blob fish.

You gotta be f'ing kidding me with that!

Looks like a jellyfish that swallowed Mel Brooks.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 12:54 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Brenda:
without nature where would we be?

In NOT-Hell.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 11:27 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Brenda:
Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
Quote:
Originally posted by Brenda:

That is just eeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nature is a horrifying/disturbing/disgusting force to be reckoned with.

That is true Byte but without nature where would we be?

Not produced by a revolting and unhygenic process of swapped body fluids, grown from a few cells via feeding off another entity until our size causes gross swelling in the host, pushed through a biological tube stretched to heretofore unexpected proportions, and then made to live independently in a grotesque constantly necrotizing shell the consistency and squishiness of a sponge filled by toxic and biohazardous substances with only the inevitability of death to look forward to.

Our unnatural undying and clean scientific metal abominations will have it so, so lucky. :(

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 11:30 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
Not produced by a revolting and unhygenic process of swapped body fluids, grown from a few cells via feeding off another entity until our size causes gross swelling in the host, pushed through a biological tube stretched to heretofore unexpected proportions, and then made to live independently in a grotesque constantly necrotizing shell the consistency and squishiness of a sponge filled by toxic and biohazardous substances with only the inevitability of death to look forward to.

Our unnatural undying and clean scientific metal abominations will have it so, so lucky. :(

You're such a poet. :D

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 11:38 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by AgentRouka:

You're such a poet. :D

Note that this is just skimming the surface of the utter foulness that is biology, and that I have neglected to detail several other unsavory processes that aren't fit for polite conversation.

And that I haven't gotten into despair and the terrible angst-ridden ennui of being a living thinking creature that understands what is happening to it and can feel PAIN at all.

Nature is not merciful or kind.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 12:01 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
Quote:
Originally posted by AgentRouka:

You're such a poet. :D

Note that this is just skimming the surface of the utter foulness that is biology, and that I have neglected to detail several other unsavory processes that aren't fit for polite conversation.

And that I haven't gotten into despair and the terrible angst-ridden ennui of being a living thinking creature that understands what is happening to it and can feel PAIN at all.

Nature is not merciful or kind.

That it is not.

But there's joy, too. Like imagining your last two posts recited in a full voice of utter contempt, accompanied by Bach's Toccata And Fugue in d Minor.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 12:49 PM

Quote:
But there's joy, too.

Joy, n: A chemical reaction with no particular distinction from any other state of existence, evolved apparently as a means for reality to screw with us as a precursor to irony, disappointment, and/or misfortune.

I'll just go look for more internet noise to post here now. And with world weary enthusiasm, into the fires I go again.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 1:17 PM

For your consideration.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 2:20 PM

Are they trying to dispose of their kid using a cannon?

Um.

Well, it's a creative way to go about it, but daaang.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 2:53 PM

It's PROBABLY been decommissioned and filled with cement, so they're probably posing for a silly camera shot.

But we'll never know.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 3:05 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by BYTEMITE:
and filled with cement,

Why would they do this if not because SOMEone stuffed their kid into a historical artifact at some point. *narrows eyes*

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 3:45 PM

Quote:
Why would they do this if not because SOMEone stuffed their kid into a historical artifact at some point. *narrows eyes*

I think it's probably more a case of kids climbing into a cannon on their own thinking "oh fun!" and getting stuck.

...Not that anything like that has ever happened to me.

... <_<

>_>

*Actually totally climbed into some monument cannons and a tank before*

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 3:49 PM

G: Oh wow.

Full credit, that's incredible, awful, and a little bit funny, but without the bad ending or gruesomeness.

Haha, the kid looks like he doesn't know what to think. Probably was a doll and they pulled the real baby out of the stroller (or good video editing), but cool concept.

I've noticed that there's been a preponderance of bad things happening to kids in this thread, perhaps I should try to find other sources of bathos and schadenfreude.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2014 3:59 PM

Oh my god, that youtube comment section.

Thank you G, you've given me a double dose of perfect awfuls.

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Wednesday, June 11, 2014 7:15 AM

Dont speak, seep.

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Wednesday, June 11, 2014 9:44 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Brenda:

I'm actually at a loss for words.

It's okay, I often have that affect on people, expressions of my worldview are actually on the order of lovecraftian in terms of the contagious erosion of sanity and it's best to ignore them. That's what I do, I spend most of my time acting like a silly overdramatic dork, because why not?

Here is some new awful because somehow I haven't posted it yet.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/trypophobia-is-a-real-terrifying-thing-
and-you-definitely-ha

I don't actually have trypophobia, so I will exercise my non-existent better judgment and not post images from the opposite phenomenon, which mostly involves extreme closeups of people lancing ingrown hairs and blackheads.

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Wednesday, June 11, 2014 10:26 AM

Some of my friends were into the underground scene like that, but I didn't want to deal with all the mind-altering whatsit, let alone other people under the influence of mind-altering whatsit.

If the world is really as cruel as I think it is, I'd rather face it with my eyes open and my senses intact.

However your assessment is probably accurate. I have had some pretty rotten experiences with religious types, and arguably a lot of aspects of my attitude developed as a form of rebellion against their expectations.

Hilariously, I'm probably one of the few people on Fireflyfans who routinely has precognitive, out of body, and near-death experiences. I've actually SEEN hell. And I know none of it's real. Trololol!

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Wednesday, June 11, 2014 11:20 AM

A hundred thousand happy customers can't be wrong.

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Wednesday, June 11, 2014 3:39 PM

Quote:
I think I will pass on the other stuff. It's too early in the morning for me to be looking at it.

Likely a good choice. Now is never the right time for some of this stuff.

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Wednesday, June 11, 2014 4:54 PM

On ideas that probably aren't very smart.

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