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Originally posted by Magonsdaughter:

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Originally posted by JEWELSTAITEFAN:

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Originally posted by Magonsdaughter:

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Originally posted by JEWELSTAITEFAN:
Yes, as I mentioned before, I too am distressed and disgusted when women make these claims that they feel the emotional need to experience violence in order to believe their partner cares about them or loves them. But just because their claims and statements are distressing, disgusting and depressing, does not mean that I should discount, disregard, dismiss, or disrespect their feelings, needs, or societal hangups. You should do more to listen to these women if you really care about them, instead of insulting them and degrading their perspective as if it should not be stated or exposed to the light of day.

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I'm disgusted by you, you pompous moron. The women I have empathy for.

You're just a perpetrator in sheeps clothing. Worse than the man who punches and kicks because you don't face the consequences that they do, but in terms of being an enabler, you are right up there. I feel for the women in your life, and I hope they find the strength to piss you off real soon.

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Perpetrator?
Because I grant the assumption to adult women that they can really, really, actually, make decisions for themselves, they can be self-arbiters of their situations, they can be responsible enough to choose their own partner instead of having somebody else choose for them, they choose to not constantly seek out those who beat them? Accepting that adult women are capable of reasoning, thinking, deciding, capable of making choices, and not just dumb drones makes me a perpetrator? How quaint of you to let us know just how low your expectations are of adult females, that they can only be victims and unthinking baby machine drones.

I am beginning to understand why you so often refuse to err on the side of freedom - you don't even think women in civilized society should have or strive for the freedom to make their own decisions in their lives. I don't know if you think you are the proper arbiter of whom they should mate with, or if you think only their father or other males in the family should be the sole deciders for them, but you certainly seem to think women should not have the freedom to decide for themselves (because they will choose wrong, according to your definition).

Any judgement I have of them is downgraded when they seek out and crave violence and my judgement is upgraded when they reject such behavior.
So far, in my life, I have successfully resisted the temptation to capitulate to the women who want to fight, and just slap them around to satisfy them. Instead, I just reject these women and let them go find the violent guys they crave. Their need to be violent has been too repugnant for me to change to their ideal, no matter how attractive they were to me.

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Nice try, but basically a big fail on your behalf. You're trying to wheedle yourself out of a nasty position, but you can't quite do it, can you?

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Tell me, where are all these women you meet that crave violence and seek it out, and that you feel such personal contempt for? Are they women you know

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and have spoken to personally,

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or are they women you have heard about and made assumptions about?

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That is, do you look at women who remain in abusive relationships

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or have patterns of abuse

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and think they 'crave it' (your words in a previous post - nice one)

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I've tried to post some information on how abusive relationships can function and some of the factors that may keep women, and men too, bound up in them,

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but it's clearly not something you can comprehend. I expected that it would be too complex for you and I was right. Easier to lay some blame, huh?

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As for the other attacks upon me, well fair call,

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I've been laying the hobnails into your guts. But in response, they really just made me laugh,

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especially that I refuse to err on the side of freedom, which I take to mean the following
"if you do not blindly follow and accept every philosophy of right winged pundits in the USA, then you are a freedom hating commie and should be wiped off the face of the planet" To which I reply, 'guilty, your honour'

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For men who use violence against women, it goes something like this.

She just gets me SO jealous. I keep telling her, over and over again, but do you think she listens?

I keep telling her, look, don’t speak to these other men. You know they are only going to try to pick you up. Do you think she listens? No.

We were at a nightclub the other night, and do you know what she did? She said she recognised some old high school friend, and went straight up to talk to him. Left me to talk to some dude she hasn’t seen for years!

I think she’s doing this deliberately to get at me. She knows I get angry when she talks to other men. But she still does it.

Yeah, I shouldn’t have assaulted that dude in the nightclub. I lost it. I saw red. But what am I supposed to do? If only she’d do what I say and stop making me jealous, I wouldn’t be getting so angry.

As someone who has worked with hundreds of men who use violence against women, this type of thinking is all too familiar. He blames her for making him feel particular things. He sees himself as the victim, not her. He recycles the same distorted thoughts over and over again: that she is treating him unfairly, that she is doing this deliberately to get at him.

He not only thinks it, he verbalises it. He talks down to her, as if it’s something that she is doing wrong, that she doesn’t listen to him because she’s too “hopeless”. Over months and years, his propaganda starts to wear her down and makes her think that maybe she is to blame.

He locks onto these thoughts, a form of tunnel vision, where in his sense of self-righteousness her needs become invisible. She becomes the enemy. And like all enemies, she loses her humanity and becomes someone who needs to be punished for “making him” feel bad.

One can imagine the range of tactics that he might use. He assaults another man in the nightclub, not because he has “lost it” and cannot control his anger, but to deliberately make her too afraid to talk to other men. He emotionally abuses her on the way home, telling her that she “needs his protection”. He checks up on her mobile to see what men she might be talking to. He takes control of their finances, making sure she doesn’t have enough money to go out without him.

These are all deliberate tactics of power and control. They are all choices that he makes, based on entitlement-based expectations, and sexism. Rather than taking responsibility for his own life and emotions, he blames her for him feeling bad. He feels entitled to control her, irrespective of the effects on her life. He looks down at her for being a woman – and yes, he might love her at the same time, but she is still inferior in his eyes.

He might well be a “good man” in many ways. Indeed, he might be your affable friend. Your dedicated work colleague. The mate in your football or basketball team. His partner might want to stay with him, only wanting his violent and controlling behaviour to stop. Or maybe she feel too afraid to leave – separation can be a time of increased risk, as he feels that his control is threatened. She might be unable to leave due to a lack of support, and due to the isolated space he has placed her in.

This week saw the release of the latest VicHealth Violence Against Women Community Attitudes Survey. It is a sobering read. Almost two-thirds of respondents believed that violence is caused by some men being unable to control their anger. Over two in five that rape results from men not being able to control their need for sex. Over three-quarters that it’s hard to understand why women stay in relationships when men use violence. Only two in five believe that women with disabilities are more likely than other women to experience violence, when research shows they are twice as likely.

These attitudes make it harder for women experiencing violence to reach out for help. They are the attitudes that keep all of us from actively noticing the warning signs. They are the excuses that make it easier for men who perpetrate violence to feel justified in their use of power and control tactics.

Just as we need the perpetrator of violence to take responsibility for his behaviour and to make safe, respectful, nonviolent choices when he is feeling angry or bad, all of us men need to identify how we feed sexism and gender inequalities, and how we comply with rigid stories of what it means to be a man – stories based on putting down and dehumanising the “other” through defining ourselves based on what we are not … not feminine, not gay, not someone with any hint of gender diversity and fluidity.

As men, we can create space and acceptance for diverse masculinities. We can speak up when we hear our friends or colleagues make offensive jokes or demeaning comments. We can work towards putting into place maximum quotas for men, rather than minimum quotas for women.

Violence against women is always an individual choice. It is never excusable. But all men need to stop enabling these choices and stop contributing towards a culture that too often tolerates gendered violence.

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PHOENIX -- Arizona Cardinals running back Jonathan Dwyer head-butted his wife and broke her nose after she refused his sexual advances, and punched her in the face the next day, police said Thursday.

The details surfaced in a law enforcement report a day after Dwyer was arrested on aggravated assault charges and deactivated from all team activities after he was taken into custody at the Cardinals' practice facility and headquarters in Tempe. He spent a night in jail and made a brief court appearance before being released on a $25,000 bond early Thursday.

The arrest came at a time when the NFL and its commissioner are under fire over a series of violent off-the-field encounters involving some of the league's marquee players, including Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson and Greg Hardy.
The NFL has said the Dwyer case will be reviewed under the league's personal-conduct policy.

Dwyer was arrested Wednesday for investigation in two altercations that occurred on July 21 and 22 at his Phoenix residence, just days before the Cardinals reported to training camp. His wife left the state after the incidents, but came forward a week ago after Dwyer apparently sent suicidal text messages including a photo of a knife.

http://www.foxsports.com/nfl/story/police-cardinals-rb-dwyer-head-butt
ed-wife-broke-her-nose-091814?cmpid=msn%3Afoxsports%3Aansfox11>1=msnans

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On Friday afternoon, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, who had spent the previous 10 days out of the public eye while the league endured its worse scandal in history, held a press conference where he spent 45 minutes spouting platitudes on how to fix the NFL's current predicament and then evading questions about how his lack of leadership has led us to this point.

Goodell's performance (if you can call it that) was widely panned. Among other things, critics pointed to Goodell's lack of accountability through all this, and how Goodell, the same man who appointed himself overseer of the league's personal conduct policy, doesn't appear to hold himself to those same standards.

This includes the commissioner's handling of the Saints bounty scandal several years ago. At the time, Goodell said that "ignorance was not an excuse," and would not have any bearing on the sanctions that followed.

"I think you can't handle situations one way, but then when you are involved in a situation do the complete opposite," Saints linebacker Curtis Lofton told ESPN's Josina Anderson Sunday morning. "I think that there's no accountability in that something needs to change.

http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/24719267/curtis-lofton-on
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Originally posted by ElvisChrist:

So if that's true, what did you mean when you said "Oy, what a culture?"

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Back in June, Solo was involved in a physical altercation with her sister and 17-year-old nephew at a family event in Washington, and was subsequently charged with two domestic violence assault misdemeanors. She's entered a not guilty plea, and a trial is set to begin onNov. 4. Solo, 32, faces up to six months in jail based on the charges.

Solo has also continued to play for the U.S. women's team amid the charges, and is expected to start when the team plays in the CONCACAF championship next month. The decision has sparked some debate as to why Solo is allowed to play in the light of Ray Rice's dismissal from the Baltimore Ravens last week.

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