Proof that outsourcing works by piratenews

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Proof that outsourcing works

POSTED BY: PIRATENEWS
UPDATED: Thursday, September 25, 2008 08:26
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Wednesday, September 24, 2008 6:12 PM

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!

www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article4810644.ece

Too bad US workers are spineless.

What's the best way you got back at an ex boss?

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008 7:26 PM

FREMDFIRMA

Quote:
What's the best way you got back at an ex boss?

Man, if I could only answer that question without incriminating myself...

I've delivered a full on humiliation conga on two occasions, one being a cab company that broke certain unspoken rules of the profession, using dangerous and unsafe cabs, and subjected some passengers to undue risk - suprisingly, it wasn't Metrocars that time, and the company in question isn't in business anymore.

The other was a security firm delving into some pretty unsavory business, with a personnel dept head whose closets were just brimming full of skeletons just waiting to be dragged out in a nice, public conga line...
They're defunct too, and I had damn little to do it that, honestly.

But I'll go with a nice non-incriminating example...

When I was a kid, I decided to grab the only jobs I could walk to, having already realised what a suckers game it is when a job that requires a car and telephone doesn't pay enough to support them and thus later moved to other means of income.

So I bagged up some work at the local nursery, which closed on the death of it's owner, and then the local fast food joint, which was about the only place that'd hire a fifteen year old - learned a lesson there too about sexism, while I had the skills to run a register without training, it was abundantly clear the only folks who got to do that were girls, and only the pretty white ones, of course.

And since they needed someone with a little more brains to do maintainence, I got stuck with it, which was fine - and managed by ruthless efficiency to often reduce a six hour shift to four or less, even when throwing in side jobs not on the list like doing a full washout of that stinky and in my opinion at the time, somewhat unsanitary cooler, learned a lesson there too, as one of the managers expressed it in no uncertain terms, that doing the job quickly and efficiently was costing me money.

SOoo, come around, a year, and half a dozen commendations, nine employee of the months, and other laudatory crap later... and the manager hands me my one year service pin, and a raise of... ten cents.

And I went off on him, told him in pretty explicit detail what he could do with that pin, to which he retorted that my worthless, stupid, useless, less than human juvenille self wasn't gonna get no better than this cause I was just a stupid kid, although not in those exact words.

To which I told him that he could fuck himself, cause not ONLY was I gonna bag another job, I was gonna bag one making more money, AND I was gonna do it in time to eat lunch ON my fucking employee discount cause you can't officially cut that off till the end of the business day and ain't that just too bad for you, cause without anyone else to do it, YOU will wind up scrubbing the goddamn drive through pads tomorrow, won't you now ?

All of this, mind you, delivered with a deadbang copy of the same patronising smile he used on me when he told me being speedy and efficient at a job was ultimately self destructive.

And damn me if I didn't make good on it, scoring a better job with slightly better advancement opportunities that made fifty cents an hour more, with potential bonuses on top of that, and was indeed back in time to score the next best thing to a free lunch as an added slam on top of it.

And the final coda came when I decided to pick up breakfast, although alas at full price, there the next day, and that damn manager is out there with a bucket of degreaser and the brush, scrubbing the damn drive through pads...

I think that was like the first time an adult flipped me the bird and really meant it - I found it extremely satisfying for some reason.

-Frem
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HumiliationConga

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Thursday, September 25, 2008 7:24 AM

PIRATENEWS

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!

Getting a higher-paying job the same day is always good therapy. A kick upstairs.

Me, I just hired a limosine to pick up my last paycheck, fired for something having nothing to do with my job, while I was top employee of the month. Probably because the crackho GM tried to divert attention for him disappearing for weeks at a time in rehab or jail. That job required all employees and managers to see my arrival by limo. Petty and vindictive, but in a fun way.

I've never been fired for incompetence, always for competence - "insubordination" for suggesting improvements for higher profit, or for exposing alcoholic criminal employers to potential arrest.

I admit I'm not a very good slave, and make a better CEO.

CEO piratenews 2nd from left in British F3 Championship, hobnobbin with royalty, F1 & Indy 500 champs, and fascist CEOs

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Thursday, September 25, 2008 8:26 AM

FREMDFIRMA

Save yourself a buck next time, PN...

Just rent the limo, and bribe a cabbie to drive it, it's quite a bit cheaper, if you don't mind your driver being scruffy and grouchy.

Any taxicab operator is licensed and qualified to drive one, as well as an ambulance, taxicab, school bus, municipal transport, fire engine or hearse occupied by a cadaver.

I can't even bust your chops for that stunt, since my mother rented me a freakin sports car for my grand entrance to the junior prom, coming in stag, not to mention.

Didn't leave that way, however, and man oh man did that cause a brawl later, too - despite the fact that I never did date the girl, just talked with her a bit and gave her a ride home.

I wouldn't be any good as a CEO, not real good at that whole delegating authority thing, and unwilling to dirty the hands of another with a nasty job unless I happen to be the pointman on it.

I'm the go-to guy for the dirty, nasty, damn near impossible job, you hand it off to me, and then leave me the hell alone till I come back and tell you the matter is handled, and keep your questions to yourself as you hand me the next one.

-Frem

It cannot be said enough, those who do not learn from history, are doomed to endlessly repeat it

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