An intervention Malicious by Rat

Hey, Rat?

Have you got a grounding strap and some rubber-soled shoes?

Presentimentally,

zoid

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 7:05 PM

CAITE

I have a straight jacket left over from...erm...well, let's just say I have one!

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 7:11 PM

let's see *rummage, rummage* I can give you duct tape, rope, handcuffs, and bungee cords.

or we can just get her drunk and trick her into thinking the topic of a thread was her idea and therefore she already highjacked it.

www.thatweirdgirl.com

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 7:26 PM

MONTANAGIRL

Or we could go back and hijack her thread(s) again.

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 7:33 PM

Y'all do realize that Mal-Lady is eventually gonna become aware of the existence of this thread, don't you?

*zoid continues to inch away from Rat, as he would from a lone tree in the middle of a field as a thunderstorm approached*

Ummm... Are your clothes by any chance flame retardant, Rat?

Whispered aside to twg-gy: Maybe we should just sacrifice him to 'Lishus? Save her the trouble, and hopefully get us off the hook?

Ominously,

Some Other Guy Posing As Zoid, Whom Is Definitely Not Here; He's Been Out Of Town For Weeks Now, And Would Never Have Come To So Heretical A Thread, As Everybody Plainly Knows, So Please Don't Roast Him Along With These Heathens

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 7:39 PM

It has been my experience that Mal-licious "intervenes" regularly and with no trouble what-so-ever. I don't see why WE have to do one for her.

????

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 7:40 PM

MONTANAGIRL

Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:
Whispered aside to twg-gy: Maybe we should just sacrifice him to 'Lishus? Save her the trouble, and hopefully get us off the hook?

You can't sacrifice Rat, he supplies me with root beer and Pepsi at the treehouse.

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 7:50 PM

*zoid is now moving at a goodish pace away from what he mentally refers to as 'the hypocenter' of the coming event.*

Shouting to be heard across the ever-widening distance: Hey! Guys? Do any of y'all have any dynamite or gelignite or C4 or similarly excitable materials on your persons, or in your immediate vicinities? Just wonderin' is all!

*zoid goes back to calculating individual blast radii for the intervention party members and minimum safe zone.*

Jumpingly (into handy foxhole-ily),

That Guy Pretending To Be Zoid Again

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 7:56 PM

EBONEZER

I'm just gonna go stand over there. Next to Zoid. I mean that-vaugly-zoid-shaped-individual.

Say Zoid, you know I'm your bestest friend, right? Say bestest friend, at what spot do you think would be the best place to stand to avoid being burninated?

Oh hey, is that a foxhole? Do you mind if i see what its like down there? I've always wondered.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 8:11 PM

"Sure, Ebo!" zoid says loudly, looking at the gathering dark clouds, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Mistress' petticoats as She goes to smite the infidels. "Plenty of room in here for the Faithful," louder now, "who know which side their bread is buttered on!"

Whispered to Ebo, whilst cowering in foxhole, er, 'fighting position' (foxholes become fighting positions when females are present): "Just remember: No matter what, don't look back."

C'mon, Ebo! Sing along! (nudges Ebo and waves hands in air):

Oh 'Lishus, please don't burn us,
Don't grill or toast your flock,
Don't put us on the barbecue,
Or simmer us in stock,
Don't braise or bake or boil us,
Or stir-fry us in a wok...

Oh please don't lightly poach us,
Or baste us with hot fat,
Don't fricassee or roast us,
Or boil us in a vat,
And please don't stick thy servants Mal,
In a Rotissomat...

Grovelingly,

zoid (the actual one, now that he's clear of the danger of flying body parts and associated simmering goo)

P.S.
With thanks to Monty Python for the Divinely toadying hymn, used absolutely without permission of any kind, and unapologetically stolen from http://www.intriguing.com/mp/
_________________________________________________

"Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me." The Ballad of Serenity

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 8:30 PM

* The Real Me jumps into the foxhole, too. He looks around, puzzled. *

Say, where are the foxes?

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 8:44 PM

TRM, who had better sense than those soon to be known as 'the deceased', asked:

Quote:
...Say, where are the foxes?

A couple of counties over by now, I should expect. *zoid sniffs air for telltale scent of brimstone.* Hey, 'Me... You didn't happen to notice any standing pillars of salt on your way to the fox-, er, fighting position, did you?

*zoid is still nervously humming the hymn under his breath while appraising the gathering cumulus mammatus, which has a distinctly reddish cast to it. I mean, 'creme brulee'!, he quickly amends his thought.*

Meekly,

zoid
_________________________________________________

"Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me." The Ballad of Serenity

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 9:10 PM

It IS true that I can open a portal to safety on the other side of the planet...

* The Real Me peeks over the edge of the foxhole at "ground zero". *

...but I've always been curious about what the apocalypse would look like.

* The Real Me pulls out some dark, smoked glass and uses it to shield his eyes. *

The Real Me

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 9:11 PM

I'm scared, somebody save me.......PLEASE!!

-Ratboy

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 9:21 PM

EMBERS

now let's all calm down,
Mal-licious knows that we love her and we all want what is best for her...

let us stick to "I" statements....

I think it is important to hijack threads whenever possible because they can become dull when not about Mal-licious
err...
maybe that isn't the direction you wanted to go?

rat?
rat?
are you there??

if I may I would like to say that I just got back from Tom Lenk's 'Special Friends' play, and Joss attended w/Alyson & Alexis...and Jane Espensen was there too...and Danny Strong came on and was in the play...and I'm so over-whelmed and excited that I can't punctuate!

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 9:41 PM

* Conversationally, to Zoid: *

The fear. She can sense it, right?

The Real Me

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 9:47 PM

Rat, perhaps coming to the sudden realization that he and his cohorts were planning to subdue a goddess and what the potential consequences of such acts might be, pled beseechingly:

Quote:
I'm scared, somebody save me.......PLEASE!!

-Ratboy

Well, maybe you can plead insanity or something.

Life Lesson For Guys #1: Just because a lady suggests something, doesn't necessarily mean you should actually do it (i.e., this intervention thingy). Some examples:

1. "Why don't we go to a strip club together?"
This may seem like a good idea, especially since she may be genuinely sincere when she makes the suggestion. But that's only because she's never been to a strip club before. Once she gets inside, your life will resemble an episode of "The Twilight Zone" thereafter. She'll either forever see you as a pig (which you are, but with plausible deniability, until she crosses that threshold) or she'll really dig it and later leave you for one of the girls. Best answer: Just say, "No."

2. "How do I look in this bikini/dress/muumuu? Be honest!"
Again, she suggested it; but if you follow her suggestion -- I don't care if we're talking Chandra North here -- you should immediately hire a private investigator to find your brain for you. The answer to this question, regardless what she's wearing, is to smile wolfishly and say, "You're beautiful!" Remember this: Any detail whatsoever will immediately land you in Purgatory (and I ain't talkin' about the ski resort). She has already made up her mind exactly how she looks in the clothing in question. Unless you're The Amazing Kreskin, you've got no chance of reading her mind in such minute detail; whatever you say will not only be wrong (even if it's complimentary), it will hurt her feelings.

So, yeah, 'Lish suggested it; and I can sympathize with you for the hole you've dug for yourself (all the married guys can)... But, uh, this is one of them 'every man for himself' moments. If you're young, maybe you could make yourself properly penitent and She'll only make you lie at Her feet for awhile, peeling grapes...

Sorrowfully,

zoid
_________________________________________________

"Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me." The Ballad of Serenity

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 10:01 PM

TheRealMe asked, rhetorically:

Quote:
The fear. She can sense it, right?

*zoid, now wearing camo face paint and a helmet, tilted rakishly to one side, lights a Lucky Strike with his trusty Zippo. Exhaling, he peers over the rim of the foxhole at the deceptively peaceful pastoral scene.*

"Yup."

Stoically,

zoid
_________________________________________________

"Burn the Rat and boil the twg-gy, you can't take the fighting position from me." The Ballad of Mal-mageddon

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 10:27 PM

THEGREYJEDI

I would just like to note that the lady this intervention is being held for isn't, y'know, here.

Irony: Having a thread to host and intervention for someone who hijacks threads and then the hijacker doesn't show.

Also Irony: Singing a song in an airplane by a band who was in a plane crash. (Thanks Con*Air.)

Irony vol. 3: Naming an airport after the man who fired all the air traffic controllers. (Referring to Reagan and the air traffic controller strike. Speaking of which, it was said firing that opened a position for my father to get his current job as an air traffic controller at Charlotte/Douglas International Airport. He's held this job for over 20 years. So if you're a pilot and are flying by Charlotte/Douglas and talk to a TK or Tower Kid, that's my dad. He also goes by Sandy.)

------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 10:35 PM

THEGREYJEDI

*stands calmly in the "middle" of the field next to Rat in full Shepherd garb.*

"Just in case I need to perform last rites, I'm here."

*mutters the Litany Against Fear*
I must not fear. Fear is the Mind Killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 11:01 PM

TheGreyJedi wrote, in part:

Quote:
I would just like to note that the lady this intervention is being held for isn't, y'know, here...

Mmm-hmm... The lady in question has got work tomorrow, unlike us ne'er-do-wells. Rat didn't post this exercise in delayed hara kiri until after her bedtime.

Care to place a wager that this thread will drop off the bottom of the Recent Threads list before Our Mistress notices it?

Care to make a side bet that having noticed the thread, she won't post to it?

Care to make a third bet that, by this time tomorrow evening, Rat and any other unrepentant co-conspirators will either be smoking holes in the fabric of spacetime or else securely shackled to Her throne, plying their pedicury talents on the Divine digits?

I'll give you astronomical odds...

Prognosticatively,

zoid

P.S.
In a reverse of the Cap'n's statement, you might want to think about moving out of the middle... Not an ideal location, at present... Maybe a place out on the edge. We've got plenty of room in the foxhole *dammit!* fighting position, with welder's goggles for eye filters, and Spam and Ovaltine for breakfast. Dint'cha ever see what happens to them preachers what stands the field in "War of the Worlds" or "Dragonslayer"? One second they're all, "Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death..."; next second, flying body parts and simmering goo. It's like they wuz asking for it.
(NB: Y'all do know that the priest that gets flash-fried in "Dragonslayer" was Ian McDiarmid, a.k.a., Emperor Palpatine, right?)

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 11:06 PM

THEGREYJEDI

Astronomical odds? Well. I place my money on her never seeing the thread.

But I remain safe in my undertaker duties.

------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 4:51 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheGreyJedi:
Astronomical odds? Well. I place my money on her never seeing the thread.

But I remain safe in my undertaker duties.

*Bump*

My money says that she WILL see it!

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 5:09 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:

TRM, who had better sense than those soon to be known as 'the deceased', asked:
Quote:
...Say, where are the foxes?

A couple of counties over by now, I should expect. *zoid sniffs air for telltale scent of brimstone.* Hey, 'Me... You didn't happen to notice any standing pillars of salt on your way to the fox-, er, fighting position, did you?

Right! Ebo said that she had gone fox-hunting before she re-appeared on the Sereni-TREE. I guess she was wildly successful.

No, Zoid, no pillars of salt that I noticed.

* The Real Me carefully examines his current surroundings. *

You are mistaken, Zoid. I think that this is a foxhole. If YOU think that it is a fighting position, then WHO DO YOU PLAN TO BE FIGHTING??

* The Real Me starts to edge away from Zoid. *

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 5:31 AM

I'm gonna feed her chocolate. and ice ceam with cocolate. and creme brulee and maybe a chocolate souffle.

See, if I tie her up here, I know she'll stay around long enoug to enjoy the treats.

*looks around wildly*

So, um, this foxhole is kinda cozy. I heard there was some crazy person posing as all the treehousers.

*joining Grey*
Where the fear has gone there wil be nothing. Only I will remain.

*fumbles will rosary in pocket mumbling something about being too young to die*

www.thatweirdgirl.com

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 5:57 AM

TRM queried:

Quote:
...You are mistaken, Zoid. I think that this is a foxhole. If YOU think that it is a fighting position, then WHO DO YOU PLAN TO BE FIGHTING??

*zoid sticks finger in painfully ringing ear, and wiggles it*

Dude... I'm right here and it's a small fox- er, 'fighting position'.

Actually, it wasn't my idea to call it a 'fighting position'. The US military, in an attempt to seem more sympathetic to its growing female membership, mandated the change. Foxholes must now be called 'fighting positions', cockpits are euphemistically referred to as 'flight decks'.

I sh*t you not. So, while this shelter was originally a foxhole, as soon as Ebo climbed in it turned into a 'fighting position', in accordance with the proudest traditions of military history. I still think they need to rethink their strategy on this one though: As soon as you put a female member in a foxhole with a guy, it's all about fighting? I'm with you: I think that's the wrong message to send.

I don't know what the new, politically correct term for 'slit trench' is; but, we sure as hell need one cause this fox- *crap!* fighting position is getting crowded...

Linguistically,

zoid
_________________________________________________

"Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me." The Ballad of Serenity

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 8:11 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheGreyJedi:
Astronomical odds? Well. I place my money on her never seeing the thread.

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
My money says that she WILL see it!

I think she WILL see it, but won't post unless we stop talking about her. I don't think she cares what we say about her, just that we say it about her!...

So...how'bout them Bucs?

-Ratboy

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 8:45 AM

CAITE

I'm shocked and a bit shaken that Malicious hasn't stopped by yet!

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 10:05 AM

MONTANAGIRL

Quote:
Originally posted by TheGreyJedi:
Also Irony: Singing a song in an airplane by a band who was in a plane crash. (Thanks Con*Air.)

Thanks for the memory

! But wasn't it "a bunch of idiots" singing the song, and if so, is that a reflection on those of us who persist in posting to this thread? Just askin', since I seem to be one of them. Oh, well.

*gets out guitar and starts playing "Sweet Home Alabama"*

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 11:19 AM

Caite:

Any minute now. 4:04PM EST. She should be getting home from work right about-

*suddenly seeing an actinic flash out of the corner of his eye, zoid finishes donning his chem warfare defense suit, and flattens himself onto the floor of the fox-hunting pit thingy*

Momentarily Blindly,

zoid
_________________________________________________

"Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me." The Ballad of Serenity

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 11:35 AM

i'm scared.

somebody hold me...

www.thatweirdgirl.com

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 12:02 PM

(Mal-Licious jumps down into the big hole in the ground, behind all her buddies. She leans forward and says....)

Hi Guys! What's up? What's everybody doing in this big hole? Huh? Huh? Huh?

(The entire gang jumps and turns and all start talking at once...Mal-Licious at first attempts to hear what they are all saying or, rather, babbling, but just then something catches her eye: The title of this thread.)

(Mal-Licious's eyes squint dangerously...her lips tighten to a thin line...)

You guys started a thread about me! Thank you! It is sooo nice to be loved! Let's have some food and beverages delivered!

And they partied happily ever after.....

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 12:49 PM

*kissing Mal's feet* we're not worthy of your love

thank you

www.thatweirdgirl.com

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 12:54 PM

I know, but what can I do?

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 1:21 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Rat:
I don't think she cares what we say about her, just that we say it about her!...

Quote:
Originally posted by Malicious:
You guys started a thread about me! Thank you! It is sooo nice to be loved!

Told ya so!

-Ratboy

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 1:52 PM

*zoid is so happy that Mal-mageddon has been averted by the magnanimity of Our Goddess!*

Well, honestly, it would have been cool to see the Wrath of Goddess sfx; but, at least zoid thus avoids the dry cleaning bill that flying body parts and simmering goo would have entailed. So that's a good thing. He wasn't so sure about seeing Rat depilated from head to toe, clad in a loincloth and chained to 'Lishus' throne, either. But he did have a rather detailed mental image of TiPpY, dressed as Princess Leia and similarly shackled, which was quite appealing.

Oh well. Another perfectly good apocalyptic scenario wasted. At least the major perpetrators seem to have abandoned the perfectly ludicrous idea of stopping Mmmm-a-licious from hijacking threads. *zoid starts chuckling drily* 'Tie her up'! *hee, heee!* With duct tape and rope and bungie cords! *Hah, Hah, Hah (cough), ha-ha!*

'That's just so rich!' thinks zoid as he takes out his collapsible shovel and starts making his corner of the fox trench deeper. 'Maybe I could make this into a tunnel,' he muses, 'and come out on the other side of that hedgerow before somebody changes their mind, and I'm standing too close...'

Martinizingly,

zoid
_________________________________________________

"Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me." The Ballad of Serenity

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 4:00 PM

* The Real Me releases his long-held breath and decides that it might be a good time to go purchase new underwear. *

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 5:04 PM

EBONEZER

hey guys, guess what! My birthday is next month! Feburary 22nd! Whoo hoo!

*grabs thread and runs away.*

(I had to do it. This thread needed a good hijacking.

)

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 5:08 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:
But he did have a rather detailed mental image of TiPpY, dressed as Princess Leia and similarly shackled, which was quite appealing.

TiPpY?

Oh, and I am PONDERING whether to approve of or disapprove of "Mal-mageddon."

People? Any comments on it before I render my verdict?

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 5:13 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Malicious:
Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:
But he did have a rather detailed mental image of TiPpY, dressed as Princess Leia and similarly shackled, which was quite appealing.

TiPpY?

Oh, and I am PONDERING whether to approve of or disapprove of "Mal-mageddon."

People? Any comments on it before I render my verdict?

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

Regarding "Tippy", I believe that Zoid fumble-fingered "Twiggy" = "TWG" = "ThatWeirdGirl".

If you allow me an opinion, I think that you should NOT unleash "Mal-mageddon" upon us.

(Pssst! Happy Not-Yet-Birthday, Ebo!)

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 5:25 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
Regarding "Tippy", I believe that Zoid fumble-fingered "Twiggy" = "TWG" = "ThatWeirdGirl".

I don't know. Zoid is not a fumbly-fingered kinda guy. I think there is another, more sinister explanation.

I meant "Mal-mageddon" as a word in general. I won't kill yas. I love yas!

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 6:10 PM

TRM:

Yes, I am referring to the former Ms. thatweirdgirl.

Over on the '...NASA Day of Remembrance' thread, she had posted something that I thought was really poignant (especially the end), and I replied:

Quote:
twg-gy:

Amen, Sister! Nothing weird about those sentiments. Are you sure you've chosen your moniker correctly?

How about, "ThatPrettyYoungWomanWithTheHeartOfAPoetessAndThePlayfulnessOfAPuppy"?
Or 'TPYWWTHOAPATPOAP'... 'TiPpY' for short?

Appreciatively,

zoid

P.S.
I like the way TiPpY looks, too. Kinda reminds me of a rollercoaster ride... Fits you, I think.

She liked it, so I'm sticking with it. She's too lovely and sweet for me to think of as a 'weird girl'. And 'TiPpY' sort of suggests 'off-center' or 'likely to go in any direction without notice' to me, too. Much nicer descriptives for a free-spirited female than 'weird', don't you agree?

So, 'Lish was right. She knows me so well.

v/r,
-zed

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 6:20 PM

CAGEYBEE

*wanders into the thread, late as usual*

Wow, things are peaceful here. You know what it needs though? A chocolate river!

*quickly hops into the cab of the river-digging machine and sets to work. notices, off in the distance, a large hole with several people inside, one of whom is TRM*

Inner monologue: What's he doing digging a river? He's the one who gave me this machine. How odd....Its raining Mal, hallelujah, its raining Mal

Never hurts to suck up late, right?

me

~Mal- "how drunk was i last night?"
~Jayne- "i don't know. i passed out."

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 6:46 PM

TRM,

zoid has a new name for me: TiPpY.

What d'ya think?

All Hail Mal!

www.thatweirdgirl.com

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 8:37 PM

ALIENZOOKEEPER

(Shakes his head in disbelief)

Y'all are definitely weird. And that's a good thing 8-)

Anyway, just dropping by with a case of root beer, so's we can all salute the Challenger astronauts (and Columbia, too, that's next week).

Keep flying,

Vince

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Thursday, January 27, 2005 9:41 PM

What brand of RootBeer? Huh...Huh...Huh?!?

-Ratboy

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Friday, January 28, 2005 9:12 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by cageybee:
....Its raining Mal, hallelujah, its raining Mal

I like the song. It's catchy. Connecting all my threads together via 1 chocolate river is an excellent idea! Good thinking!

Will someone just please keep all those brides out of this one? I need my space.

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

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Friday, January 28, 2005 9:37 AM