FIREFLY: THE VIRTUAL SEASON by kayleeholic

The problem that Simon faces is that he must adapt to the world that Kaylee lives in. Because of his fugitive status, he will never be able to return to the Core Planets or the "civilized" world because he would be recognized.

Aside from that, seeing Kaylee interact in Simon's world would be interesting. Maybe a scene where they have to rescue someone, and Kaylee masquerades as a Companion in order to help someone(s) escape.

Damn I love you guys for all this! This is getting a bit cumbersome in the idea exchange area though (unless I'm the only one seriously writing episodes) If anyone wants to see a word doc that's written up so far, email me at: bigsister9874@yahoo.com and I'll forward you what I got.

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Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

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Friday, January 17, 2003 2:50 PM

LEGALBEGAL

No need to worry you are not the only one seriously writing eps here. I am working on a first episode using some of the same stuff that you are I think that Jubal is a good way to start. I will be postinng something once all the kinks are worked out.

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Friday, January 17, 2003 3:23 PM

Quote:
Serenity is on a planet called Iris. This is not as much frontier as is a Core world, but not too far in that they don’t feel comfortable. Simon is with Zoe, Mal, and Jayne in a saloon buying the data from an information broker, who is very skittish. Simon does the talking, but Zoe does the glaring. Mal, seeing he is not needed walks out of the bar, to walk around some before returning to Serenity. He idly glances in windows, but doesn’t stay too far away from the saloon were everyone is. He sees a bauble in the window in a side alley and has a flash of Inara wearing it:

I'll start off by admitting that I haven't read through all your dialogue yet, but I can tell you this: The crew can't buy information from an information brokerfor way too many reasons.

1) He'd have to access the Cortex and that would immediately tip off the Allience.

2) Any money they earn goes towards resupply of the ship and crew.

Now a fix for this might be to have Inara and Simon go on alone to broker for info or find a reliable contact, but I ahve to think Simon and River both are too hot for that sort of thing. Now, this idea could be somethign that builds up over the course of our season...

If we start small, and work up to this whole not-so-bad business contact (instead of Badger) that gets them legitimate jobs, the process of acquiring that person is a story in and of itself. Just establishing that there IS an information brokerage system/person that they can count on that will get them jobs/info is an "episode" without any crucial character development.

Simply the fact that Jayne has betrayed the crew is cause for alarm and is a great basis for a character piece. We don't need to answer all the unanswered questions about Book and River and what companions are in one go. Take it slow, and the story should develop with the character interaction at the forefront; Firefly was rarely plot or "gimmick" driven.

I'm also compiling a full episode packet and, out of that, I'm making a glossary. That way we'll know that Paradiso is on a planet in the Georgia system, and things like that, to add concreteness to the settings.

Also, I feel Firefly is about the finite, the samll, the personal. Huge conspiracies and flashy or grandiose encounters are the realm of Buffy, IMO, and don't suit the hyper-realistic nature of the Firefly-verse. I'm not trying to sound negative, because all the ideas sound great, but I think pulling in the reigns a tad might be of some use.

Do I sound like a jerk? I don't mean to. Does anyone see where I'm coming from?

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Friday, January 17, 2003 6:18 PM

SENSOU

I see where you're coming from, Guailo. Remeber Ozam's Razor: Keep It Simple. It's very unlikely that the crew would get involved in any large conspiracy, or that more than one "story" would be happening at a time.
That said, what would happen if Patience got involved again? Would it be business or bullets?

Sensou
The difference betwwen sports fans and sci-fi fans is that sci-fi fans have never trashed a train, booed Canada, or torn a man apart limb from limb.

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Monday, January 20, 2003 4:31 AM

No, you don't sound like a jerk. We are all adults, and opinions should be welcomed. *"It's a small world after all" plays in the background"*

That said, I like the idea of developing the idea of an information broker over time. Also, the points you brought up could be explained:

Quote:
1) He'd have to access the Cortex and that would immediately tip off the Allience.

If there are anonomyous (sp?) ways of accessing information on the internet now, there must be ways of accessing the Cortex in the future.

Quote:
2) Any money they earn goes towards resupply of the ship and crew.

As the ship's medic, he could be entitled to a cut (much SMALLER of course) of the take from each job. I don't think that the medicine that Simon uses on River to try to help her would be part of the standard medical fare in the ship's infirmary, and they can't be cheap (mental therapy drugs aren't nowadays, so we can just assume they aren't in the future) so Simon has to have some sort of cash flow.

But I like the ideas that you put in. The way the original script was going, it looked like I had a movie on my hands! Any and all input is appreciated, and damn if this isn't the most fun I've had since the show started!

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Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

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Monday, January 20, 2003 5:44 AM

KAYLEEHOLIC

Likewise thoughts on Simon and how he could buy the data-chip off the information dealer.

So we have the outline of the pilot above. And it seems that lostangel has 'volunteered' to write the first episode of our virtual season so that means the first virtual season of 'firefly' is well and truly underway.

Lostangel ( may we call you angel ? ) perhaps you could post chunks of the episode here so that we can take a look and 'advise' as it progresses.

On a different note, I have been concepting out ideas for a second virtual episode, tentatively entitled 'the teachings of shan yu' which would be the second 'arc' episode of the virtual season and would take a look at what happened to river. but, it would also include kaylee having to go undercover, so to speak, as a companion, when inara has a bout of sickness.

any comments on this idea, other ideas or any more comments on the pilot are always welcome.

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Monday, January 20, 2003 6:03 AM

Youse guys (I'm from Jersey by the way) may call me anything you like. Angel is fine, as is LA (my real name is Leigh-Anne). Creativity is appreciated, as long as its something my mother can read about me.

I don't mind posting the chunks, and other authors are appreciated. I don't claim to be a writer, just a compiler who takes liberties with other people's stuff.

Someone mentioned making a website or something to make this easier, if anyone has that kind of know-how, it's a fine-dandy idea.

Keep 'em comin' guys!

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Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

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Monday, January 20, 2003 7:07 AM

Quote:
As the ship's medic, he could be entitled to a cut (much SMALLER of course) of the take from each job. I don't think that the medicine that Simon uses on River to try to help her would be part of the standard medical fare in the ship's infirmary, and they can't be cheap (mental therapy drugs aren't nowadays, so we can just assume they aren't in the future) so Simon has to have some sort of cash flow.

See, here's an idea that I think could be a start to the whole thing. See how this sounds:

Objects in Motion by fireflyfans.net

Simon brings the issue of a "cut of the take" to Mal at the start of the show, they go to some old buddy of, say Wash's (just to be different) who gets them a simple score because Mal insists that if Simon wants a cut, he'll have to pull his weight. Simon is hesitant because to him that means being a physician and not a criminal, but Mal tells him that's the deal, otherwise it's just the food and clothes Simon and River need to keep them on as crew that they'll get. Simon agrees.

Wash's old buddy, Hui (chinese for "gray"), is similar to Wash as we saw him in his early days: burn-out in a flowered shirt with a scraggly beard and hair and general appearance. They grew up "hyping transports" (the future equivalent of boosting cars) and hot rodding them through asteroid fields and early allience blockades for fun. Hui's a ship wiz and an electronics genius and willing to help outlying colonies with restricted electronics for a price.

Here we have a conflict in a semi-trustworth character, who may or may not be reliable, but who is not malicious. Also, there is conflict in that Simon is new to the whole crime scene and that can be further complicated by the fact that Kaylee becomes instant pals with this new character based on thier common intrest. Simon gets jealous, antics ensue.

Somewhere in the middle of the story we come to find out that the crew's movements are being monitored by Niska due to a transponder on the outer hull of Serenity. Wash's buddy Hui works freelance and cuts into Niska's blackmarket dealings which only sweetens the pot: Niska can take out two birds with one stone.

Mal, Wash Kaylee and Simon are working out the deal with Hui to ship communication gear to a colony world called Ambrosia, within Allience territory but unwilling to pay for or deal with Allience monitored transmissions. Simon pipes in claiming that he wants his "cut" to be information or a means to gather information in the form of equipment, not money. Mal and Wash are taken aback because such equipment is expenseive and will reduce the overall take. Simon's naïveté and his boldness (not to mention his deviousness at formulating this plan) makes Mal prett mad, but there's no turning back now. They have a potential new connection for crime and that's a thing on which a price can't easily be placed. Mal begrudgingly agrees.

As the ship begins to arrange a place to load the goods, Simon and Kaylee have a confrontation where Kaylee has to set Simon straight about his jealousy, but in the end Kaylee realizes how much Simon is really attracted to her. Simon is still fighting the truth but later in the story, this will be taken care of.

During this, the confrontation between a disguised and clearly wounded/tortured Jubal Early and Mal takes place. Jubal ambushes Mal in an alley and the odd terms of Jubal's being alive are cursorally discussed. Jubal is notforthcoming about why he's there, except that he asks Mal if they still have River with them, jsut before Wash smacks Jubal on the head, knocking him unconcious.

Mal and Wash hurry back to the ship. If Jubal is around, he may have attacked the crew as well, and they may have been double crossed by Hui. Wash insists that's not possible, but Mal likewise insists that when doing crime, anything is possible.

They hurry aboard and call back the rest of the crew. Jayne is out carousing and Inara has taken a client whhile Zoe has stood guard at Serenity. Mal needs everyone back at the ship ASAP so they can leave the planet. Whoever hired Jubal to bounty River is evidently persistant and it could jeopardize others in the crew. He's about to warm the engines when Simon berates him for giving up too soon and mistrusting people too easily. Mal left Simon and River before and they were nearly killed, and although Mal had eventually returned to rescue them, it hadn't made the fact that they were abandoned first go down any easier. Simon yells at Mal and says that noone here is in the War anymore and that they all can work together as a team without having to live in fear; he ould co back to the Allience if he wanted that. Book calms him and Mal must consider what he's said.

Jubal confronts Hui and we see that Hui is completely capable of being frustratingly non-forthcoming when interogated. However, Jubal finalizes the conversation with a threat that he won't be back, but Niska will, and Adelai Niska make the Reavers look tame. Jubal leaves Hui with a puzzled look on his face; who the heck was that guy and how does he know Niska is coming and why?

Jayne make sit back to Serenity and begrudgingly gets ready to leave his less-than Companion "professional friends" behind. He's wasted drunk, and stumbles up to his quarters.

Making all the pre-flight preps, Kaylee has gone to check a seal malfuction when Siomon comes up to appologise to her for being suspicious and jealous and that he had no right. She is getting continually frustrated with him and tells him that eventually saying sorry isn't enough; eventually you gotta take one path or the other and there's no turning back and sorry won't do anymore. Juast at that time Wash calls down and tells Kaylee they are ready to lift off. She aknowledges.

Serenity leaves the atmosphere we see Jubal in the landing port as Serenity lifts off. He mumbles that there is only one true Serenity. He looks at his timepiece attached to a tether at his waist like a pocket watch and determines 15 more seconds till Serenity reached orbit. He takes out a small device, a detonator control, and is clearly about to blow up serenity somehow once she's out of the reletive safety of the atmosphere. Hui jumps him from behind and they wrestle for the detonator, which Jubal manages to activate, but earlier than intended.

Aboard serenity we see Kaylee and Simon still standing near the shuttle entrance when a explosion is heard and venting occurs right near them. Kaylee grabs Simon, wh is a little shaken, tosses him into the shuttle and launches with no pre-flight set up. The shuttle tumbles down towards the planet and Simon grabs the controls. The transponder placed by Jubal was also a mine intended to kill all aboard by exposure to the vacuum of space, but it was detonated early and now there's a fire instead of decompression. Wash struggles to get Serenity under control just as Simon and Kaylee plummet to the surface.

Kaylee manages to hot-wire the thrusters to give them slightly less than a crash landing and Simon decides then and there that he's got to make a decision about which path to take with her and, in the crashed shuttle, they kiss.

Elsewhere, Jubal Early runs from Hui with a final warning: "Once Niska has you he never lets go. Never." Hui is puzzled but glad to be rid of the bounty hunter and goes off to tend his wounds from thier fight.

Serenity lands but the shuttle is a wreck. They'll only have Inara's now because there's no way to get the damaged one back to it's dock on Serenity. Wash offers that perhaps Hui can get it going and they can come back for it after the job. Mal reminds Wash that Hui could have set the bomb on Serenity or had it done, but Simon adds that as a team, as a crew, they can't be suspicious of everyone forever. There's a time when one has to choose a path, or there's no turning back. He offers Kaylee his hand and she takes it, smiling, and they put their arms around each other and board Serenity. Mal looks at Zoe and Wash: "What?", he says.

End credits.

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Monday, January 20, 2003 7:39 AM

Woo! Exciting! Helluva episode! I kept skipping little bits and having to go back I was so excited.

I think that the detonate a device once they break atmo idea is a super great one! I think that the photography for that sequence would rule.

Go man! Yeah!

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Monday, January 20, 2003 8:09 AM

Geez, this is good! Is there gonna be more detail? I can't wait to see it fleshed out. I don't think I could do justice to your literary skills Guailo.

Of course, if you want, I could try.
______________________
Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

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Monday, January 20, 2003 8:37 AM

Thanks folks, but I couldn't have gotten to this point without bashing heads together with you lot, so the state it's in has to be attributed somewhat to you people as well.

I loosely consider myself a writer because I'm trying to get published writing Doctor Who as we speak...not an easy endeavor. Sci-Fi is what I really love, but Firefly also hits a chord in that it's a western family drama like Gunsmoke or something, and I grew up as a little kid watching that stuff first before I ever saw my first Star Trek.

Fleshing out the details is mandatory here. I don't really like that Inara, Zoe, River, Book and Jayne are in the background or completely left out. Writing out Inara is easy: giver her a client to tend to. Jayne I can see being allowed to wander off and reaise hell, if for no other reason than he wouldn't be ding it on Serenity in that case. Zoe is a great charcter but doesn't have a lot of deapth yet, so I'm not really certain what to do with her. And Book can't simply talk like Yoda every show and River can't stqand around acting weird...that gets old. However, I think maybe with the latter two, there could be scene or two where Book and River are discussing that she's been much more calm since shooting up all the badies in the cargo hold. She doesn't feel remorse and hasn't wigged out, and that makes Book concerned. Delve a little into both thier psyches, but that seems forcing them into an already complex story.

I also don't mind calling it something other than "Objects in Motion" since that was a title brought up for other story ideas. How about "Crossroads" since it deals with making a new ally, choosing sides, etc?

As far as fleshing it out, any ideas you folks have is more than welcome. :)

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Monday, January 20, 2003 9:01 AM

I forget where it was mentioned, but a good River/Jayne connection would do wonders. (oh yeah, I think I mentioned it!

But if you think about it, Jayne is not as bad as he wants us to think he is, actually, he's not as one-dimensional as he wants to believe he is, but not nearly as complicated as anyone else on board. Maybe River can find comfort in his mental simplicity (that sounds bad, please tell my you know what I'm talking about)

Book definitely needs some episodes devoted to figuring out who he really is and what his past is about.

Having an episode where Zoe is not the sterotypical warrior woman would be good. She is so level headed, even when being forced to choose between the two men in her life, so doesn't get visibly agitated, just takes care of business. Maybe an episode where she thinks she's pregnant, then gets all moody because she thinks it's the hormones and stuff (then find out she's not, can't have a baby in season 2, have to wait a bit for that)

We could also do something where Inara starts looking at the greener grass thing. Maybe she momentarily wants a simpler life, where she doesn't have to deal with politics and soothing of egos and such. She tries to become a cook, or a mechanic, or farmer, only to realize she is doing what she does best. All sorts of moral dilemmas and such. A good twist is if Book helps her to realize this.

I am keeping all of the suggestions given out, and the great part about having a Season 2 is the multiple episodes. Enough room for everybody to shine!

______________________
Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

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Monday, January 20, 2003 11:52 AM

All y'all have such great ideas!

Gets me to thinking too. A suggestion, if I may (an a tangential rant maybe, later):

Maybe the subplot or sideplot, whatever, of this ep with Wash's old buddy, etc., could be that Jayne, Book, and River get into a situation somewhere. They get humped. Jayne has consistently given us the "You're gonna tell us how a preacher knows so much" lines. And Book has been most varied around River. When he's around River, he's not being all Yoda. I saw Jaynestown for the first time this weekend and even with semi-crappy sound, I was still fascinated by the tug-of-war for the pages. That devolved into comic relief, kinda, but the scene at the dining table was great.

So Jayne and Book and River are cut off from the rest of the crew and the rest don't immediately understand that they're gone. Simon is too wrapped up in making choices about Kaylee. (Does this set up a later "guilt" arc?) In this situation, Jayne keeps trying to be in control while Book out guesses him or second guesses him or just plain gets it right where Jayne doesn't. And River affects people, maybe even goes a little Jedi, certainly does the fool 'em thing, like she did with Badger.

Serenity goes down, the shuttle crash lands and River is the one helping Simon out of the rubble. Book gets the inside information on Early (he's still our major villain here, right?) and presents it to the captain. Jayne thinks Mal's same thoughts about Wash's friend being a traitor and before Simon can give his "we have to decide" speech (Which was FANTASTIC, btw), Jayne goes off and tries to do him in. This leads to more tension between Jayne and Wash (anybody else just *hate* it when Jayne calls him "little man"?). There might be a fight there. There might also be a chance for Zoe to step up and really duke it out with Jayne. That arc could continue. Or Wash could tell her that this is his fight and then he whoops up on Jayne (represed rage, post traumatic stress disorder, generally angry at him for being such an ass all the time) and the power structure on board Serenity shifts. A little or lot. For a time or for good.

Just some ideas.

No tangential rant right now. I'll hang onto it.

Sarah

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Monday, January 20, 2003 12:40 PM

I like. This has the possibility of being its own episode all by its little ole self.

Definitely a keeper.

______________________
Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

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Monday, January 20, 2003 3:41 PM

I did ultimately find out today that the role of a bounty hunter is included in the episode "Heart of Gold" or "Trash", cant' remember which. I'll see if I can locate that info again, but as it's one of the un-aired episodes, perhaps leaving JE out of things for a start might be in order.

Just another tangent. :)

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Monday, January 20, 2003 3:44 PM

SENSOU

Going back to the "River goes Jedi" thing, is it possible for her to aquire the Jedi mind trick?
Alliance officer: River Tam, you are ordered by law to stand down (or whatever the cops say)
River::waves hand:: This is not the girl you're looking for.
A.O.::to subordinates:: This is not the girl we're looking for.

Are there other mind tricks?

Sensou
The difference betwwen sports fans and sci-fi fans is that sci-fi fans have never trashed a train, booed Canada, or torn a man apart limb from limb.

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Monday, January 20, 2003 4:37 PM

RIVERSSHOT

About the Book/River scene, where they discuss the shooting rampage: yes it would be going into a complex storyline, but actually going into the character's psyches might shed some light on the quiet/frigid girl turn sharpshooter into a calm, relaxed demeanor.

Story lines with River will always be fun... Of course I'm bias, I love River.

~Rivers_Shot~

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 4:51 AM

Quote:
About the Book/River scene, where they discuss the shooting rampage: yes it would be going into a complex storyline, but actually going into the character's psyches might shed some light on the quiet/frigid girl turn sharpshooter into a calm, relaxed demeanor.

I agree, but it just seems like squeezing too much into the one story.

How about this: A two-parter where we see the events of "Objects in Motion" with Hui, Jubal and all the rest running around and crashing shuttles and whatnot in part one, and then in part two, we see the rest of the crew (Book, River, Zoe, and Inara) doing whatever they did while everyone else was doing the rest. Basically, the end of part one and the end of part two would be the same but from different perspectives. Part two could include all the Book/River stuff, Inara making a connection for the crew in some way also and Zoe getting a chance to be in charge while Mal is away. Could work...

Mal: “The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.”

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 5:13 AM

Here's what I wrote as an opening to the episode. It only gets us to where a deal was made, but it's a start. BTW, I like the 2 parter thing.

Crossroads

Scene opens into the galley, where everyone is settled down to dinner. Book has turned their protein bars, carbohydrate paste and a few odds and ends into a relatively decent meal. You see Simon trying to eat, but he gets interrupted every few minutes with River playing with her food, or trying to steal things off other people’s plates. Simon gets upset, and Mal orders River to her room.

MAL: Simon, calm her down now.

Simon gets up and chases River who has taken to dancing around the table, taking things and putting them down in other places.

SIMON: I’m trying. Tell Jayne to stop trying to trip me up and I’ll get to her faster.

JAYNE: But it’s so gorram fun ta see ya fall.

Simon catches River and leads her away to her room. On his way back, Simon looks at Mal and brings up the subject of getting paid.
SIMON: Mal, I need medicine to keep her calm, and I need medicine to try to help her.

MAL: Don’t see where that’s any of my business son.

Simon gets mad and throws his napkin on the table.
SIMON: If I got paid here, it wouldn’t be, but since I’m dependent on you for the food I eat and the clothes I wear, it is your business.

MAL: We went through this before. Fas as I’m concerned you are a part of this ship like a generator or a light bulb. I take care of you and your sister, who has no function on this ship at all, if’n you want a cut of the take, you gotta be there. Fair’s fair, an’ that’s the rules. Case closed.

Simon gets up and leaves. Kaylee looks at Mal and starts to plead.

KAYLEE: Come on Cap’n. It’s not right Simon can’t help his sister.

JAYNE: They’re not lyin’ in some ruttin’ Alliance prison. ‘Sides, that means less for everyone else.

KAYLEE: Well, I don’t mind getting less.

MAL: Kaylee, you don’t get paid either. You’re just like the Doc, you don’t go on the job, you don’t get a take.

KAYLEE: Yeah, Cap, but you don’t say no to me like you do to Simon. He has his sister to think about, and it’s just not right.

Mal just gets up and leaves the table. Everyone left looks uncomfortable, but trys to finish their meal. Later you see Zoe and Wash in bed together, and Wash, while playing with Zoe’s hair (this is a family show) comments on Simon’s plight.

WASH: Isn’t it a shame that Simon can’t to more to help River?

ZOE: Mmmm. Yes, it is, but what can he do? He’s not a fighter, and it would take too long to make him one. If we could make him one.

WASH: But what if he did something simple but pivotal? You know, like actually help and all.

ZOE: It’s a thought, just don’t think that it’ll happen any time soon.

You see Zoe close her eyes and go to sleep, but Wash stares out into the dark, obviously thinking.

Cut to commerical break.

We come in to see Wash in the infirmary getting a check-up from Simon. Wash’s shirt is open and Simon is listening to his lungs, etc.

WASH: Doc, why do I need these check-ups? I’m fine.

SIMON: You are required to undergo regular physicals to maintain your pilot’s licence. I’d like at least one document on this ship to be valid. Besides, you came to me, your physical isn’t due for another six months.

Wash looks around, as if someone else might be in the infirmary. He gets off the examining table and pokes his head out in the hallway, making sure no one is around. He closes the door and almost whispers.

WASH: I been thinking about last night at dinner….

SIMON: (whispering) Why are you whispering?

WASH: (whispering) I don’t know, seemed like the thing to do

SIMON: (whispering) Oh.

WASH: (whispering) Anyway, last night at dinner (sees the look on Simon’s face) Oh (clears throat) Uh, about last night at dinner, I was wondering, um, I might be able to help you. See, I have a buddy that might be able to help us out, and it looks like we would need someone of your…, ah, someone with your…, well, we might be able to use you.

SIMON: What are you talking about?

WASH: Well Hui contacted me a while ago, asking if we could partner up on a little project of his, thing is, we need a real gentleman to pull off the negotiations. His contact was for the Alliance, and looks at most of the transport captains as back-born low lifes. We need someone that can talk the talk.

Cut to a conference with Mal, Simon, Wash, Zoe, and Jayne.

MAL: I can talk that (chinese for God damn) talk. I can be high born.

Jayne smirks and shakes his head. Zoe goes really blank in the face. Mal looks around and gets annoyed.

MAL: Let’s not forget the wanted felon on board here. How will he do negotiations with an Alliance Patriot and not get recognized? Let’s not forget the good Doctor’s acting skills the last time we used him.

WASH: Cap’, Inara has enough stuff in her shuttle to disguise anybody. Besides, this will be a good haul. Hui says that the parts are premium, state of the art Alliance monitoring equipment. You know how much those cost on the black market.

MAL: (sighs) Fine. What do we need to do?

Cut to a meeting of Wash, Hui, Mal, Simon, Zoe in a back water saloon in a dusty town.

Hui is a burnout surfer-dude looking guy with Wash’s taste in Hawaiin shirts and sunburned balding scalp, but what’s left of his hair is pulled into a scraggly pony-tail.

HUI: We have Fancy Pants pose as the buyer of the cargo, tell the authorized transporter that he wants to drop off the merchandise at Ambrosia, instead of Persephone. We have them transport the material onto your boat, then we get the hell outta dodge before anyone realizes that the real buyer is locked away at some retreat for the week.

JAYNE: Dodge?

SIMON: An expression from Earth-that-was. It means get the (chinese for hell) out of there.

HUI: Dude, an aficionado for the old ways. (Holds up his hand in a Hang-10 sign) Sweet.

MAL: Whatever. What’s our cut?

HUI: Well, the standard. You take the cargo to the spot that I say, and then you get 10 percent of the cut.

MAL: 30 percent.

HUI: It’s my heist, you’re just the transport.

MAL: It’s our ship on the line. And our Doctor doing the acting. 25 percent.

HUI: It’s my contact. 20 percent.

MAL: And my crew on the line. 18 percent.

SIMON: and an additional 5 percent off the top for me. Separate from what you give the rest of the crew.

Hui, Mal, Zoe, Jayne, Wash: What?

SIMON: (swallows nerviously, but plunges on before he has a chance to stop himself) The way I understand this little plan of yours, you can’t fool anyone without me. You need me to how did you say it? “Talk the talk?” How’s your Mandarin? How’s your etiquitte?

JAYNE: This ain’t a ruttin’ dance. You’ll be on the Cortex.

SIMON: They’ll see me. If they are expecting a high born, they’ll know an imposter by the little things.
There is a stalemate as Hui and Simon stare at each other, neither blinking, jaws clenching.

HUI: Well, you drive a hard bargain… I guess…

SIMON: What is the cargo?

HUI: Does it matter? It’s cargo.

SIMON: How am I supposed to talk an Alliance Guild Transport into handing over my cargo if I don’t know what it is?

HUI: Fine. It’s components to pick up Alliance waves on planets that don’t have a Cortex.

SIMON: My share is to be part of the cargo.

______________________
Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 5:25 AM

LEGALBEGAL

Hello All Just a few points I wanted to bring up here.

Lost Angel I totally agree that we should probaly give JE a rest as he was in the last ep we got in the real series and in one of the three new ones but keep writing and I think we should put it in latter on. It is not trash as that is the return of Saffron.

Guailo (did I spell that right) Your Hui story sounds great IF I may comment again drop Jubal from the story and flesh it out as a two parter this would be an excellent begining and I think it fits well with what we already know. Also I dont think Niska would do this by himself maby his goans are after HUi and when he finds out from them that serenity is there also he enters the fray.

Just a thought take it as you will but please write I think your idea has excellent potential and could be a good jumping for the rest of us. We already have a volunteer for episode two so I will start working on epiosde three.

Any Idea on that other web site.

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 5:35 AM

Thanks Bud. I didn't suggest that we give Early a break (don't want to take anyone's credit) but I do agree with the idea. I think Guailo did.

Can't wait to see your ep!

By the way, I tried the Yahoo discussion group that some people have going on, but I couldn't get the hang of it, so anyone with an idea, speak up!

PS: I see Hui to be a space version of Cheech or Chong.
______________________
Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 7:30 AM

Quote:
PS: I see Hui to be a space version of Cheech or Chong.

I wouldn't go so far, but sort of. I was thinking someone that looked nearly exactly like Wash. It could even be a gag initially. I don't know. But in the final, I want to be sure of several things:

1) Hui stays true to the vernacular.
2) Hui be a good guy and really be trying to help out. I like the exchange above, but I envision him as being really positive.
3) If it's a two parter, Objects in Motion then Objects at Rest, include JE but keep him distant.
4) Keep River exceptionally calm and have Book more worried about that than when she was acting out. I always saw the random behavior of hers to be manifestations of the crew's sub-surface thoughts.

Mal: “The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.”

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 7:58 AM

very super cool. I really want to read more. Can't rush genius I know. :)

I really liked the "old ways" aside with the Hang 10. Very groovy.

Sarah

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 9:16 AM

Sarahetc, that means a lot to me, coming from you.

I have been a fan of yours since I first read your fic. I wish I was as creative, I'm just expanding on what other people are saying.

Everyone has such good ideas, it's easy to look good! *smooches to everyone out there*

______________________
Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 10:44 AM

OK. Here's a revised version with a spaced out River and more mellow Hui. Opinions are appreciated and stuff:

Crossroads

Scene opens into the galley, where everyone is settled down to dinner. Book has turned their protein bars, carbohydrate paste and a few odds and ends into a relatively decent meal. You see Simon trying to eat, but he gets has a problem concentrating on the warm homey feel of everyone chatting and no one stealing something or beating someone up. He looks at River who is sitting at her place in the table just staring at her plate. Jayne looks around, and leans over and snags a lump of something off her plate. River doesn’t move, just starts to make a smiley face in her mashed potatoes.

SIMON: Hey! Give that back.

JAYNE: Why? She ain’t eatin’ and it’ll go to waste.

BOOK: Put it back son, there’s plenty on the table.

Jayne sees the look on Kaylee’s face, like she watched him kick a puppy, and he huffs, but puts it back on the plate. River doesn’t move.

KAYLEE: River? Honey? Why don’t you try to eat somethin’?

SIMON: Mei-mei, here, have this.
He picks up a piece of a vegetable and puts it in her mouth. She opens her mouth and accepts the food but doesn’t chew. She calmly takes the food out of her mouth and uses it to decorate her picture. Simon, visibly upset by all this gives up and leads her back to her room. Some of the crew are upset, Book especially so.

BOOK: She has been like that for days. I’m starting to get worried.

JAYNE: I’m startin’ to enjoy it. She’s not that bad when she’s a statue.

KAYLEE: I’m worried. I wonder if she’s getting better or worse?

SIMON: (re-entering the galley) It means that she’s getting worse. (turns to Mal) Captain, I need medicine to try to help her.

MAL: Don’t see where that’s any of my business son.

Simon gets mad and throws his napkin on the table.
SIMON: It is because you don’t pay me. I’m dependent on you for the food we eat and the clothes we wear. You know the only reason why I’m here is because I need to help her.

MAL: You’re here because you’re a fugitive from the law, and I’m lettin’ you hide her here. Fas as I’m concerned you are a part of this ship like a generator or a light bulb. I take care of you and your sister, who has no function on this ship at all, if’n you want a cut of the take, you gotta be there. Fair’s fair, an’ that’s the rules. Case closed.

Simon gets up and leaves. Kaylee and Inara look at Mal and starts to tag team him with nagging, pleading and just plain female noise.

INARA: Mal, that was very crude of you. How could you call our ship’s doctor a lightbulb?

KAYLEE: Come on Cap’n. It’s not right Simon can’t help his sister.

KAYLEE and INARA continue, simultaneously.

BOOK intercedes: Ladies, please. Now the good Captain is responsible for everyone on the ship, and sometimes he has hard decisions to make (gives a dissappointed look to Mal) If he feels that there is a good reason to treat part of his crew as less like a part of the crew, and more like a part of the cargo, I’m sure that he has his reasons.

JAYNE: Sides, they’re not lyin’ in some ruttin’ Alliance prison. AND, that’d be less for everyone else.

KAYLEE: Well, I don’t mind getting less.

MAL: Kaylee, you don’t get paid neither. You’re just like the Doc.

KAYLEE: Yeah, Cap, but you don’t say no to me like you do to Simon. He has his sister to think about, and it’s just not right.

Mal just gets up and leaves the table. Everyone left looks uncomfortable, but trys to finish their meal. Later you see Zoe and Wash in bed together, and Wash, while playing with Zoe’s hair (this is a family show) comments on Simon’s plight.

WASH: Isn’t it a shame that Simon can’t to more to help River?

ZOE: Mmmm. Yes, it is, but what can he do? He’s not a fighter, and it would take too long to make him one. If we could make him one.

WASH: But what if he did something simple but pivotal? You know, like actually help and all.

ZOE: It’s a thought, just don’t think that it’ll happen any time soon.

You see Zoe close her eyes and go to sleep, but Wash stares out into the dark, obviously thinking.

Cut to commerical break.

We come in to see Wash in the infirmary getting a check-up from Simon. Wash’s shirt is open and Simon is listening to his lungs, etc.

WASH: Doc, why do I need these check-ups? I’m fine.

SIMON: You are required to undergo regular physicals to maintain your pilot’s licence. I’d like at least one document on this ship to be valid. Besides, you came to me, your physical isn’t due for another six months.

Wash looks around, as if someone else might be in the infirmary. He gets off the examining table and pokes his head out in the hallway, making sure no one is around. He closes the door and almost whispers.

WASH: I been thinking about last night at dinner….

SIMON: (whispering) Why are you whispering?

WASH: (whispering) I don’t know, seemed like the thing to do

SIMON: (whispering) Oh.

WASH: (whispering) Anyway, last night at dinner (sees the look on Simon’s face) Oh (clears throat) Uh, about last night at dinner, I was wondering, um, I might be able to help you. See, I have a buddy that might be able to help us out, and it looks like we would need someone of your…, ah, someone with your…, well, we might be able to use you.

SIMON: What are you talking about?

WASH: Well Hui contacted me a while ago, asking if we could partner up on a little project of his, thing is, we need a real life gentleman to pull off the negotiations. His contact was for the Alliance, and looks at most of the transport captains as back-born low lifes. We need someone that can talk the talk.

Cut to a conference with Mal, Simon, Wash, Zoe, and Jayne.

MAL: I can talk that (chinese for God damn) talk. I can be high born.

Jayne smirks and shakes his head. Zoe goes really blank in the face. Mal looks around and gets annoyed.

MAL: Let’s not forget the wanted felon on board here. How will he do negotiations with an Alliance Patriot and not get recognized? Let’s not forget the good Doctor’s acting skills the last time we used him.

WASH: Cap’, Inara has enough stuff in her shuttle to disguise anybody. Besides, this will be a good haul. Hui says that the parts are premium, state of the art Alliance monitoring equipment. You know how much those cost on the black market.

MAL: (sighs) Fine. What do we need to do?

Cut to a meeting of Wash, Hui, Mal, Simon, in a back water saloon in a dusty town.

Hui is a burnout surfer-dude looking guy with Wash’s taste in Hawaiin shirts and sunburned face, his hair is pulled into a pony-tail and he is wearing plastic Ray-Ban type sunglasses on a cord around his neck, which is just an affectation because everyone is out in the black.

HUI: We have Senore Fancy Pants pose as the buyer of the cargo, tell the authorized transporter that he wants to drop off the merchandise at Ambrosia, instead of Persephone. We have them transport the material onto your boat, then we get the hell outta dodge before anyone realizes that the real buyer is locked away at some retreat for the week.

JAYNE: Dodge?

SIMON: (absently) An expression from Earth-that-was. It means get the (chinese for hell) out of there.

HUI: (Looks at Simon with a whole new respect) Dude, an aficionado for the old ways. (Holds up his hand in a Hang-10 sign and gives a wink) Sweet.

MAL: Whatever. What’s our cut?

HUI: Well, the standard. You take the cargo to little hideaway, and then you get 10 percent of the cut.

MAL: 30 percent.

HUI: Dude, It’s my heist, you’re just the transport .

MAL: It’s our ship on the line. And our Doctor doing the acting. 25 percent.

HUI: It’s my contact. 20 percent.

MAL: And my crew on the line. 18 percent.

SIMON: and an additional 5 percent off the top for me. Separate from what you give the rest of the crew.

Hui, Mal, Wash: What?

SIMON: (swallows nerviously, but plunges on before he has a chance to stop himself) The way I understand this little plan of yours, you can’t fool anyone without me. You need me to how did you say it? “Talk the talk?” How’s your Mandarin? How’s your etiquitte?

HUI: Senore, dude, let’s take a step back here. I’m starting to feel some bad vibes flowing from you. Why don’t we chill, take our time, and think this over. Wine?

He offers a leather flask to everyone. Wash’s face lights up, but Simon’s face shows a touch of disgust and Mal calmly refuses anything from a container that he can’t see the bottom of.

WEASH: Is that hooch? Man I haven’t had any hooch for ages!

Simon smells the flask as its passed by him and shakes his head to clear the fumes.

SIMON: I can understand why. (getting back to business) They’ll see me on the Cortex, they’ll see how I move and other body language. They’ll hear the inflections of my voice. It’s more than what you say, it’s how you say it. If they are expecting a high born, they’ll know an imposter by the little things.

There is a stalemate as Hui and Simon stare at each other, neither blinking. Simons jaws are clenching he’s so nervous, then he realizes that Hui has dozed off with his eyes open. Wash notices when he hears a small snore and nudges his friend to wake him up.

HUI: Huh? Well, you drive a hard bargain… I guess…

SIMON: What is the cargo?

HUI: Does it matter? It’s cargo.

SIMON: How am I supposed to talk an Alliance Guild Transport into handing over my cargo if I don’t know what it is?

HUI: Fine. It’s components to pick up Alliance waves on planets that don’t have a Cortex.

SIMON: My share is to be part of the cargo.

MAL: Son, you mind?

SIMON: I’m firm. Those are the terms. Agree, or we are gone, and you’re out a set of Fancy Pants.

Cut to Commercial.

______________________
Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 10:51 AM

KETHRYVERIS

Just a couple of questions. What happened to Simon saying "God knows we have enough drugs" in War Stories? I was under the impression that when they stole all that stuff from the hospital in Ariel Simon kept as much drugs as he thought he would need for the ship. Also, they never said what happened to the drugs that got left behind when Wash and Mal were kidnapped by Niska in the same episode. Zoe, Book and Jayne found the container sitting there full when they went looking for them. I kind of assumed they took them back to the ship with them. Maybe Simon could need money for info on other people that were at the school with River or something. I just don't think he'd need drugs unless it was a particular one that was working but he only had in small quantities.

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 11:02 AM

Good Point. Let me do some re-wording.

Thanks for the heads up.

______________________
Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 11:57 AM

Hey. The continued interaction is good, but like, let's not go overboard. :) The falling asleep thing seems a little excessive.

Per River at the beginning, it seems to work better with her calm to the point of catatonia like this. The frenetic River was good, but this new version is better without the other version being bad. Dong ma? In stuff like Safe and Ariel we've gotten to see River being all hyper. Son of a bitch dress me up like a gorram doll, etc. (Aside: I can say bitch, right? What about the effword?)

The slower River also works Book more into the conversation with Jayne. And this is a shameless push for incorporating my Book-River-Jayne subplot. :) Of course, that subplot means that Jayne can't be at Simon's negotiation.

Like, commercial break:

Meanwhile, back on Serenity

JAYNE and BOOK are working out. JAYNE is spotting BOOK for bench presses.

JAYNE: Can't agree with you preacher. Brain pan's slimy. No good no more.

BOOK: There is more to that girl than we'll probably ever know, Jayne.

JAYNE: So? Already know more'n I want to about her. Know she got way with a knife. Know's she can't tell a gun from a stick even though she can kill with her eyes closed.

BOOK finished his set. He sits up and towels off a little. JAYNE reaches for the push-up straps. RIVER enters from the catwalk above.

RIVER: (to BOOK) Know what you think about at night, your secrets. Know that your brains are full.

BOOK is mellow but JAYNE moves a little to keep his distance.

RIVER: (con't.) Know that your hands have a memory that your heart doesn't want. They itch and stay dirty. Serenity's a name not a place.

Cut to JAYNE looking sidelong at the two of them. BOOK is his Yoda self.

JAYNE: You was sayin', Preacher?

BOOK: What makes you say those things, River?

RIVER turns and heads toward the cargo bay doors

RIVER: Outside there's air and words. Do penance, get absolved. Buy more ammunition.

BOOK goes to follow her, motioning for JAYNE to come with him. RIVER exits and BOOK and JAYNE hurry to follow her.

Cut to: LA's scenes with everybody else that are so swell and makin' me antsy to read more of. A whole bunch of them. Most of the ep.

Cut to: BOOK and JAYNE following RIVER who is maybe 5 steps ahead of them. JAYNE carries only his knife.

BOOK: Let's let her wander a little more. Don't seem to be any feds around.

JAYNE: That's the thing about feds, preacher. The ones you gotta really worry about you can't never see.

RIVER stumbles, falling to her knees. BOOK and JAYNE catch up with her. BOOK bends to help her up, while JAYNE looks around.

RIVER: Simon's asking them right now and they're looking at Simon and they're seeing me and they see you too but you'll never see them.

JAYNE: See! Feds! We gotta get back right now.

BOOK: Simon is okay, River. He's with the captain.

A flash in the sky draws their attention. Shuttle #1 is going down.

JAYNE: Gorramit! Come on!

JAYNE breaks into a run. BOOK pulls RIVER to her feet and drags her with him, after JAYNE.
They return to the landing site to find Serenity gone.

Cut to commercial.

LA : ?? Did I hijack your story? I really didn't mean to.

Sorry sorry sorry. Say the word and I'll delete the whole post except for the compliments and add more compliments.

Sarah

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 12:14 PM

Girl, you didn't hijack nuttin'. No money's being made on this, just some fun. The more the merrier, and you bet this is going in the mix!

I agree about the sleeping part. I have to learn to read the stuff I write.

Thanks, and keep 'em comin'!

______________________
Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 3:34 PM

Captain!

Word to your history episode. The idea makes me drool. Do you have specific thoughts?

Also, dig your signature. It doesn't matter if you're out of tune, cos you're cool!

Sarah

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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 4:07 PM