The ugly TRUTH about BREAD!!!!! by Static

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The ugly TRUTH about BREAD!!!!!

POSTED BY: STATIC
UPDATED: Thursday, March 31, 2005 22:36
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Thursday, March 31, 2005 1:45 PM

The TRUTH about bread!

More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score
below average on standardized tests.
In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the
average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were
unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as
typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.
Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example,
nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously
cumulative:
99.9 percent of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread
99.7 percent of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread
within 6 months preceding the accident
93.1 percent of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served
frequently
Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all the people
born since 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a 100% mortality
rate.
Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as
little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat. The
average American eats more bread than that in one day!
Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of
cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given
only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items
such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 80
percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being
taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey
bread-pudding person.
Newborn babies can choke on bread.
Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind
of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant
scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread
restrictions:
No sale of bread to minors.
A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign complete celebrity TV spots and
bumper stickers.
A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we
might associate with bread.
No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to
children) may be used to promote bread usage.
The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

==================================================
http://burstsofstatic.blogspot.com/

Did you know that 83.4% of all statistics are made up on the spot?

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Thursday, March 31, 2005 1:59 PM

EMBERS

Quote:
Originally posted by Static:
The TRUTH about bread!

Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all the people
born since 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a 100% mortality
rate.

actually this is only a problem in the Western world
I believe that in China the big killer is rice.

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Thursday, March 31, 2005 3:40 PM

COZEN

Much the same can be applied to the harmful effects of saliva, though only when swallowed in small amounts over long periods of time.

***
Thus, George Carlin makes in on to fff.net

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Thursday, March 31, 2005 4:22 PM

EMBERS

actually the more I think about it...
the more I think it is that pesky breathing.

if we could just cut out the breathing
then we would get rid of the real cause of death.

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Thursday, March 31, 2005 6:52 PM

BADGERSHAT

... dude, I think you need to take an extended leave of absence...

--Jefé The Hat

***************************
--Don't bother trying to predict, figure out, second guess, criticize, or suggest anything that comes from the mind of Joss Whedon, for you shall usually be wrong, and shall find out the Truth and Purpose in due time.
(This is the Truth of Whedoning)

"I like smackin 'em"--Jayne

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Thursday, March 31, 2005 7:11 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL

Quote:
Originally posted by Static:
Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

aw man...i've been hooked on peanut butter for years...sigh

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
Can we not revel in our cyber-love?

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Thursday, March 31, 2005 10:36 PM

RAT

Quote:
Originally posted by Static:
It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat.

*Sniff* He was a good friend! He only signed on for the all-U-can-eat beer and macaroni&cheese, but no, they just had to put him in the dough study!
Classic case of bait & switch.

-Ratboy

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