Bad News; Serenity going staight to DVD by BlackoutNights

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Bad News; Serenity going staight to DVD

POSTED BY: BLACKOUTNIGHTS
UPDATED: Saturday, April 1, 2006 05:11
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Friday, April 1, 2005 8:08 AM

Universal sci-fi thriller “Serenity” headed strait to DVD

By Ami Railtafgib
Staff Writer

A source at Universal films who wished not to be named said today that the studio’s much anticipated release of the science-fiction film “Serenity” will not be shown on the silver screen this fall and will instead be mass marketed on DVD just in time for Christmas.
“After our test screenings, we just thought this would be the best move,” said the source, who wished not to be named. “We understand this will upset the six or seven fans out there who were waiting for the movie, but we need more than that for a blockbuster.”
The film was to take up where Joss Whedon’s short-lived television series “Firefly” ended.
Based upon huge DVD sales of that series, Universal entered into a contract with Whedon to produce the movie. However, it was discovered last month that the sales numbers were less than truthful about the amount of fans in the marketplace.
“What we have here is the case of three rabid fans buying more than 2 million copies of this series,” said the source, “and then using multiple on-line aliases to make it seem like there’s an audience for this film.”
“It’s deceptive; it’s untrue, and Universal is ashamed to even be associated with this thing. While we appreciate all the hard work of the cast and crew, the notion of us showing this movie to empty theaters worldwide is less than appealing.”
Whedon said in a telephone interview he was unaware of the studio’s move. Star Nathan Fillion, the captain of the starship the movie was named after, also was surprised.
“Who told you this?” Fillion asked.
And actress Summer Glau sounded on the verge of tears.
“This was going to be my breakout movie!!”
Still, Universal believes Christmas sales of the DVD will be excellent.
“Those fans who bought the series will buy multiple copies of the movie to try and get us to make a sequel,” the source laughed. “It’s wishful thinking, but that’s not going to happen.”

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Friday, April 1, 2005 8:11 AM

ZAPHODB

And so April Fool's Day begins....

Industrial Looniee & Madness - http://www3.telus.net/vchrusch

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Friday, April 1, 2005 8:14 AM

RAT

Cute!

-Ratboy

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Friday, April 1, 2005 8:25 AM

THESOMNAMBULIST

Dood - that was not funny.

I almost put my boot through my monitor from disgust.!

April fool's ! - What numbskull thought of this. Everyday is pretty much a practical joke as it is!!!!

I'm off to take some oxygen.

Thanks
TheSomnambulist

www.cirqus.com
For Pictures:
http://www.cirqus.com/lightfantastic.html

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Friday, April 1, 2005 8:38 AM

TOMANTA

Not so much funny as just cruel....

---
"Timeline? Time isn't made out of lines, it's made out of circles. That's why clocks are round."

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Friday, April 1, 2005 8:44 AM

EBONEZER

Oh you guys, give 'em a break. Its April Fools day, if you can't take a joke, probably you should go back to bed right now.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/yeabig/

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Friday, April 1, 2005 8:45 AM

CIARA

~snicker~ cruelly funny, or funnily cruel, I cant' decide--*happy sigh* ahhhh a legitimate reason to lie--all day long!!! Does that seem right you you?

Just a humble supplicant in service to all things Joss

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Friday, April 1, 2005 8:49 AM

BROWNCOAT1

May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.

Two words:

SPECIAL HELL!!!

__________________________________________

"May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."

Richmond, VA & surrounding area Firefly Meet Up:
http://firefly.meetup.com/9/boards/

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Friday, April 1, 2005 9:10 AM

HAKEN

Likes to mess with stuffs.

Let me join you in that special hell. For at least one day anyway.

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Friday, April 1, 2005 9:29 AM

LUPINS

Evil!!! This was just evil!!!

I've had a crappy crappy work week and this almost brought me to tears. Thank GOODNESS this is a joke...this is a joke...right??

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Friday, April 1, 2005 9:45 AM

RUE

I have a vote and I'm not afraid to use it!

I saw the title ... it was the first thing I read ... what a way to start the day

but I'm in - this'll put it back at the top

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Friday, April 1, 2005 9:49 AM

WHISPER

Really, I'm laughing on the inside.

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Friday, April 1, 2005 9:51 AM

THATWEIRDGIRL

I bet we could buy enough dvds to justify making a sequel...come on...we can do it!

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
Can we not revel in our cyber-love?

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Friday, April 1, 2005 10:03 AM

ELWOODMOM

Nice try! See how easy us browncoats can read through the bull??

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Friday, April 1, 2005 10:37 AM

TOMANTA

Quote:
Originally posted by Elwoodmom:
Nice try! See how easy us browncoats can read through the bull??

If only there were more like us on the World of Warcraft forums. People there will literally believe anything.

---
"Timeline? Time isn't made out of lines, it's made out of circles. That's why clocks are round."

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Friday, April 1, 2005 10:39 AM

SGTGUMP

That had me going there for a minute. Good one.

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Friday, April 1, 2005 10:43 AM

TETHYS

Quote:
Originally posted by Haken:
Let me join you in that special hell. For at least one day anyway.

IT Lives!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL just kidding Haken, good to see ya posting

as to mine....I am about to call out for work, but I've been here for 4 hours

muahahaha

****EDIT****

I have just been informed that if I do so, they would dock me 1/2 day's pay. Talk about being dense.............

"Your mouth is talking. Might wanna look to that"
I am: http://redwing.hutman.net/%7Emreed/warriorshtm/bigcat.htm

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Friday, April 1, 2005 11:10 AM

the movie is not the Series. Only the facts have been changed, to irritate the innocent; the names of the actors and characters remain the same

Quote:
Originally posted by BlackoutNights:
By Ami Railtafgib

C'mon folks, it's right @the top. Would it help if he said it was written by Lirpa Loof?

Keep the Shiny Side Up . . . (wutzon) Stones, "Sympathy for the Devil"

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Friday, April 1, 2005 12:00 PM

CHRISISALL

The first four lines had me holdin' my breath...
In the words of Hudson from Aliens:
That ain't funny, man. It ain't funny.

Yeah, it WAS funny. Good one. Almost had me crap my tightpants, but good one.

Chrisisall

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Friday, April 1, 2005 1:33 PM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!

Quote:
And actress Summer Glau sounded on the verge of tears.
“This was going to be my breakout movie!!

.....a SPECIAL Hell.....count on it!

See this face? It's me... NOT laughing

.....much.

And a happy foo's day to you too!

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

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Friday, April 1, 2005 1:47 PM

FINN MAC CUMHAL

I read this this morning before I left for work. In my usual way of only reading half the news, I didn't get down to the bottom where it started getting stupid, so the whole day I've been wondering if this were true or not. Luckily I tend to be skeptical of everything so I didn't immediately believe it, but resigned myself to do an intensive internet search when I got home from work.

Now that I find out it was all just a cruel joke, I don't know what to do with the rest of my night.

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Friday, April 1, 2005 2:39 PM

STARRBABY

That was actually very clever. I got a huge kick out of the whole five or six fans who bought up the DVDs . . .lol.
Too bad they're on to us, huh?

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Friday, April 1, 2005 2:54 PM

INEEDSERENITY

I almost cried after reading the headline. April 1st is a terrible day!

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Friday, April 1, 2005 3:04 PM

CHANNAIN

i DO aim to misbehave

Quote:
Like BC1 Said
SPECIAL HELL!!!

My heartbeat just plain stopped - but I gotta say, that was pretty darn well written.

This is the other special hell, right? The one that's lower than the first one?

Fans come and fans go...but zealots are with you until the bitter black end.
I draw...therefore I am. http://www.mnartists.org/artistHome.do?rid=7922
Minnesota Meetup - join us! http://firefly.meetup.com/45/

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Friday, April 1, 2005 3:09 PM

0REAVER0

ahhhhh evil Ban him i almost died that was the worst aprils fools!!!!111

0Reaver0

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Friday, April 1, 2005 3:13 PM

CAITE

I totally fell for this one too. Thank god I read it all the way through and saw it was a joke

Good one!

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Friday, April 1, 2005 3:16 PM

TENTHCREWMEMBER

Could you please just make it stranger? Stranger. Odder. Could be weirder. More bizarre. How about uncanny?

Y'know, I would have bought if the discussion link didn't have APRIL 1, 2005 right above it...

...no way around that I guess. Well at least you had fun with it. It looked good, well except for the author's name, that too was a blatant give away...but me, I like more cruelty in a joke...

Cilantro!
TCM (Creator, Killer and Resurrector of CAPTION TIGHTPANTS!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't, I repeat, DON'T go to these links...
http://www.zazzle.com/contributors/home/default.asp?cid=23847914695881
5760
AND
http://www.cafepress.com/10thcrew

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Friday, April 1, 2005 5:55 PM

BLACKOUTNIGHTS

Ok, now that the day's almost over I'll say it.
APRIL FOOLS! HA!

Man, that was fun.

Thanks Channain for the compliment on the writing and to all who got a kick out of this. And a very special thanks to Haken for putting it on the news section. THAT was unexpected. What a hoot.

Less than 200 days to go Browncoats. I've got to keep you on your toes. It's my duty, Bubba's.

"Keep Ted Turner and his damned Crayolas away from my movie!"—Orson Wells.

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Friday, April 1, 2005 9:06 PM

INIRE

Super Special Hell!

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Friday, April 1, 2005 11:20 PM

JUTIN

Some of the shit that was said could just simply be called an April Fools' joke, but the part in "quoting" Summer Glau and some of the phrasing detailing the film is just complete douchebag ragging on a wildly entertaining franchise... not to sound too much like a sobbing fan but you are a total fuck-head and need to realize the difference between a joke and just simply bashing the best sci-fi since The Matrix or Star Wars... and I appologize to anyone else who reads this comment for my language. It's meant for the intended and none other.

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Friday, April 1, 2005 11:28 PM

CALIGARI

I believe Evan Dorkin went on record on LJ with much that I second. I quote....

"April Fool's Day is the dullest fucking day of the year. If you need a license to pull something over on someone, you're a dweeb. It's the 24-hr period equivalent of a "funny" t-shirt or bumper sticker. It sucks. If you're planning an April Fool trick, go home, get under the covers, and think deep, bad thoughts about why you are such a giddy loser who plans dull whimsy by the calendar. You are probably so crushed by the monotony of school or the cubicle that you need this hilarious smidgen of release. Mayhaps suicide will scratch that itch far better, hmmmm? Keep thinking until it's midnight and the desire to pointlessly fool someone has passed."

Ya know, anyone that can come up with the brilliant _Milk and Cheese_ must know a proper place for humor....

http://www.livejournal.com/users/tomehoarder/

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Saturday, April 2, 2005 1:07 AM

AX3001

A bit of history about april fools if your interested...

The closest point in time that can be identified as the beginning of this tradition was in 1582, in France. Prior to that year, the new year was celebrated for eight days, beginning on March 25. The celebration culminated on April 1. With the reform of the calendar under Charles IX, the Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year's Day was moved to January 1.

However, communications being what they were in the days when news traveled by foot, many people did not receive the news for several years. Others, the more obstinate crowd, refused to accept the new calendar and continued to celebrate the new year on April 1. These backward folk were labeled as "fools" by the general populace. They were subject to some ridicule, and were often sent on "fools errands" or were made the butt of other practical jokes.

continued at:
" http://wilstar.com/holidays/aprilfool.htm"

Just thought people might be interested

Ax
~~

Zoe: Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?

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Saturday, April 2, 2005 1:27 AM

MISSJASADIN

OMG. I think my heart stopped.
Damn April Fools *shakes fist*
But must be calm, all is good... Serenity

jasadin

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Saturday, April 2, 2005 1:50 AM

REEQUEEN

Quote:
C'mon folks, it's right @the top. Would it help if he said it was written by Lirpa Loof?

The name was the first thing I looked at (good thing I've a habit of reading things backwards), plus I was looking for the link - all good Whedon fans provide links!

Okay, I admit my heart stopped for a split second.....

"He has a gorm horizon. All gorm that falls past it is lost forever." UserFriendly http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20050114

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Saturday, April 2, 2005 7:51 AM

ZOIC

“We understand this will upset the six or seven fans out there who were waiting for the movie, but we need more than that for a blockbuster.”

I think this line gave it away.

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Saturday, April 2, 2005 8:11 AM

CHRISISALL

I bet Joss woulda got a kick outta this. Any way to foward some of this stuff to 'em?

Some gorram funny stuff, it is...

Chrisisall

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Saturday, April 2, 2005 8:13 AM

ZOID

B.o.N:

You're a baaad man. And I don't mean Tom Brady 'bad'; I mean O.J. 'bad'...

By the way, your Mommie doesn't really love you. That's right! I heard her talking with Mizz Smith and she said she was just going to leave you at the kindergarten... Forever!

-zed

P.S.
And it's April 2nd, so I'm not even foolin'. *sigh* I guess you'll just have to go live with strangers who don't love you...
(Your mommie doesn't love you! Your mommie doesn't love you! Nah, nuh-nah, nuh-nah, nah!)

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Saturday, April 2, 2005 10:53 AM

P1NKISPUNK

You got me!!! I was on the verge of tears of rage...until the whole 3 fans buying 2 million box sets. Ha!

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Saturday, April 2, 2005 12:54 PM

BAGELHOT

Crap. I just sent an email to universal studios telling them of my disappointment. Curse that April fools thing! I agree with one of the earlier entries. You should go to the "special" hell for pulling that little stunt but since it's april fools day I guess a "Sucker" stamp should be placed on my head instead.

nice.

Derek<<<<<

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Saturday, April 2, 2005 1:27 PM

WHITEFALL

Hi folks... i'm new. Been lurkin on your site for awhile, and now i registered.... and um.. hi. Anyways, i couldnt let this perfect opportunity for a applied quote go un-used... (though i loved the "special hell" thing)

Wow Ax3001, that was so...... historical!

And lol, a cruel april fools joke to be sure, but having just read the WoW homepage, i came prepared, hehe.

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Saturday, April 2, 2005 2:01 PM

LOSTINTHEBLACK

Thanks. I nearly wet myself from panic after reading that. Cruel bastard.

Then I wet myself laughing when I remembered it was April Fools. That was better than ceran-wrap on the toliet seat. Cheers for your creative, semi-humorous evil.

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Saturday, April 2, 2005 8:04 PM

THEGREYJEDI

am I the only one whose skepticism immediately denied the possibility of such a thing the moment I saw it? And I saw the author's name before reading any of it. People, people. Calm down. BON, nice piece of work.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Engineer - USS SereniTREE.
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Saturday, April 2, 2005 8:31 PM

RAT

Quote:
Originally posted by TheGreyJedi:
am I the only one whose skepticism immediately denied the possibility of such a thing the moment I saw it?

No!

-Ratboy

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Sunday, April 3, 2005 12:29 AM

JAK

Son of a bitch. It's April 3rd now! I should've looked at when it was posted, but... son of a bitch! I was so pissed after reading the title that I didn't really pay attention to the rest to realize it was a joke. Summer almost in tears... Son of a bitch!

I agree. The Very Special Hell.

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Sunday, April 3, 2005 6:07 AM

KISSTHESTRAWBERRYLOVERMRTAM

Ha Ha - that was brilliant, well done!

I thought surely there would be outrage amongst the forums and the earth shattering news would have been plastered everywhere as soon as i logged in!

Nice one!

Sarah

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Sunday, April 3, 2005 12:26 PM

STEELCAGE

That scared the crap out of me... Phew..

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Sunday, April 3, 2005 1:17 PM

REAVERINA1985RIVIERA

You

, you almost had me.

I read this on April 3rd, I thought it was real untill I read "three rabid fans buying more than 2 million copies". Rabid fans don't have that much money.

Don't do anything like this again.

---------------------------------------------
The real-life box droppin', man-ape gone wrong thing, now without the pesky falling boxes

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Sunday, April 3, 2005 6:27 PM

VETERAN

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Just as I clicked on this I noticed the date. Good one.

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Monday, April 4, 2005 12:29 AM

FREDIKAYLLOW

I myself am actually a big fan of April Fools Day, tricking quite a few people into drinking a bottle of salt water (oh, good times) but I didn't notice the date on the post and was literally hyperventilating while i read this. i'm not over exaggerating, i was sitting at the computer screen, fanning myself with my hand.
It was rather well done though, and although i didn't think it funny at the time, it was once i knew it was a joke.
Congratulations!!!

No Power In The 'Verse Can Stop Me
xoxox-FREDIKAYLLOW-xoxox

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Monday, April 4, 2005 1:51 AM

HUITZIL

wow, that's great, I 've found the five or six other people in the world with as severe dissociative identity disorder as myself! and we're all wearing brown :)

___________
All guilt is relative. Loyalty counts. And never let your conscience be your guide.

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