Raid on Black Diamond by Malicious

I say we leave this planet in the dust! Leave the FemaleReaver, the ants, Bride7 and most of the Windmills!

-Ratboy

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 4:38 PM

MALICIOUS

What about Ebo? Did anyone save her when the pleasure planet went kerplooey?

Mal-licious

I think I will add cursing and the hurling about of things to my repertoire.

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 4:47 PM

In classic Pezman fashion:(Let's hope not!!) "I couldn't say."

-Ratboy

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 4:51 PM

I did. Caught her up in Aegis with me. Near as I can tell she's been chilling in her quarters. I like it here. It's nice.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Engineer - USS SereniTREE.
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 4:55 PM

First, I must say that TheGreyJedi ensured that Captain Ebonezer was on board before we departed Rukus. I myself had a short conversation with her (and gave my report) after the dissolution of Rukus while we were trapped in extra-dimensional space by Grey's Ether Drive. The captain has since been occupied with "important duties". (It's time for her prom, I think.)

Second, I must stand corrected regarding our superpower discussion. Clearly the power of Mal-licious to hi-jack threads surpasses any power we have seen active on this site, and is only rivaled by the sheer force of Mal-licious' charisma and beauty. Forgive my oversight.

Third, while the crew of the Sereni-Tree offers its condolences for the resources lost to Cozen Enterprises, Inc, the Sereni-Tree will counter-sue Cozen Enterprises, Inc, for operating a luxury resort in a dangerous environment with inadequate backup provisions for vital systems.

Fourth, the crew of the Sereni-Tree, at great peril to their own lives, rescued a sizeable fraction, perhaps all, of the population of the planet Rukus. The bill for this service will be forwarded to Cozen Enterprise's main office. The parrot-gram Captain Jack Silver was included in this rescue, and is currently being re-charged at our expense.

P.S. Our previous thread was:

BLACK DIAMOND SKI RESORT
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=9377

P.P.S. Cozen! Glad to have you back!

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 5:08 PM

Wow! Our twentieth Clubhouse thread! Why, it seemed like only yesterday that we were on... the nineteenth!

Back to our regularly scheduled hunt for the FemaleReaver:

---------------

* She spoke to them again. The FemaleReaver was stirring them up, playing upon their emotions, manipulating them. She was riding the fever of some deep-seated belief they held. She was clearly in control. But where in the ‘verse did she learn to speak Yeti? Or was she exhibiting some dark, twisted twin to ThatWeirdGirl’s Confusion power? *

* The Real Me continues to sneak along the ledge, high over the large clan of Yeti who fill the cave. He is accompanied by Jake7, Rat, Needleseye, and ImEarly. The band of friends finds a boulder that hides them adequately from the crowd, and they pause for a break. Down below, the FemaleReaver stands before the large crowd of Yeti, uttering some more growls at them and gesturing forcefully. The creatures break into howls of approval, waving their arms about and pounding the cave floor. *

* The Real Me turns to his friends and whispers: *

Looks like one hell of a lot of albino Wookies! Well, gang, I’m not sure what she’s saying to them. If only Ebo were here! But at a guess, I’d say that she’s getting them ready to fight against us…

* The Real Me pauses in thought, carefully studying the FemaleReaver’s gestures. *

Or else she is getting them ready to attack the human settlements on this world! That might be more likely. I don’t know if she would want to set herself up as their queen, or if this would just be some great distraction that she uses to get into other mischief.

Well, we could sort of use a plan. Does anyone have any ideas? I’d sort of like to recapture her and take her back to her cage on the Serei-Tree, but she is REALLY dangerous, and MUST be stopped. Furthermore, she has tried to kill me on a couple of occasions; she seems to have a personal vendetta against me.

With my powers, I could get us down there around her, or get her up here with us, but then we’d have the problem of defeating her and getting out of here before the Yeti come to her aid. Hmmmm…. I MIGHT be able to open a portal below her that leads back to her cage, but I would run the risk of just putting her loose on the Sereni-Tree. Maybe back to the General Lee?

Or maybe we can handle her here…

* The Real Me waits for suggestions. *

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 5:08 PM

*looks at the ants. looks at the dead ants in the hot tub. looks at the ants. looks at his empty bottles of wine. looks at the ants again.*

Um.

*looks at the ants.*

Damnit. Damnit to hell.

*hops out of the hut tub, washes the insectness off of him using the shower-thing nearby and runs through the night-time snow towards a cliff and leaps off, yelling something unintelligible as he falls from sight. A minute passes. A low rumble shakes the snow from the ledges of neaby rooftops. Aegis flies up into the sky, the repulsor wings emitting a harmonic hum.*

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Engineer - USS SereniTREE.
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 5:09 PM

CALLMEATH

Quote:
Originally posted by Malicious:
Okay, it's taking too long to load the old thread, so I've created this one to document the legal battle with Cozen, the superpower discussion, the hot-tubbing, the dancing with Yeti and the building of snow snakes.

Continue.

Mal-licious

I think I will add cursing and the hurling about of things to my repertoire.

Thank God. Dial-up blows.

*Continues work on giant snowman-devouring snake.*

Ta ma duh, this is taking forever. Maybe a 50 foot long snake wasn't such a great idea after all.

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 5:48 PM

COZEN

*A billion (or so) red African fire ants advance in formation upon the Sereni-Tree space, er, tree.*

Yummy!

Another billion (or so) ants swarm about the FemaleReaver, just cuz she's annoying.

64,000 Yetis, scratching furiously, give up the Hustle, and march upon the jacuzzi. En route, they spy a delicious Snowman, with trailing Snake.

Yummy!

***
This day begets evil deeds.

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 6:08 PM

CALLMEATH

Quote:
Originally posted by cozen:
*A billion (or so) red African fire ants advance in formation upon the Sereni-Tree space, er, tree.*

Yummy!

Another billion (or so) ants swarm about the FemaleReaver, just cuz she's annoying.

64,000 Yetis, scratching furiously, give up the Hustle, and march upon the jacuzzi. En route, they spy a delicious Snowman, with trailing Snake.

Yummy!

***
This day begets evil deeds.

Dammit, I worked hard on that snowsnake!! I ain't giving it up without a fight!

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 6:13 PM

EBONEZER

*Ebo wakes up.*

*She has no idea where she is, or any kind of recolection as to how she got here. It seems to be some sort of spaceship.*

Yeah ok. I think someone has some explaining to do. Brief explaining as we all know i have the atention span of a - hey whats that?

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/yeabig/

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 6:27 PM

MONTANAGIRL

Quote:
Originally posted by CALLMEATH:
Dammit, I worked hard on that snowsnake!! I ain't giving it up without a fight!

You hold 'em off with the gun, I'll go get the darts.

If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot. - D'Argo

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 6:52 PM

Ok. You might recall the trip to the asteroid of Rukus, the beach party place. Rat blew it up, so we had to make a hasty retreat. I scooped you and some others up in Aegis, my mecha with repulsor wings, as we fled to the SereniTREE. To avoid being smote into tiny pieces by wayward chunks of former planet, I dropped us into the 4th dimension using the as of then untested Gravity Drive. From there, we return to normal space and head for the Black Diamond Ski Resort. Snow, hot tub, relaxing. Then FemaleReaver and several brides and maybe NeedlesEye and Rat and TRM and some others go off and fight things and Yetis and suddenly living giant windmills. And the Cozen showed up and demanded reparations for Rat blowing up Rukus. And is annoying us with endless ants. To which I decided to take to the skies in Aegis. Given that I don't recall you leaving the cockpit, and I don't remember helping you out, you might be in the cockpit of Aegis with me.

Whew.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Engineer - USS SereniTREE.
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 7:05 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by ebonezer:

Yeah ok. I think someone has some explaining to do. Brief explaining as we all know i have the atention span of a - hey whats that?

Right. The beach pleasure planet Rukus was destroyed when Rat (of whom there is no crew record remaining in the Sereni-Tree computer) disabled the one and only power plant on the planet and the planet fell apart.

We escaped.

We landed on the Black Diamond Ski resort planet.

Skiing. Snowmen. Lounging in the jacuzzi, sipping wine. "Beloved." "Sweetest." "Caress." "Lips."

---------

Most of the rest involves the Quest for the FemaleReaver. Note that the Questers are currently far removed from the resort.

The FemaleReaver escaped from her cage on the Sereni-Tree, apparently turning Bride1 to her cause. Bride1 was... uh... dealt with by Needleseye, some kind of supernatural aquatic creature we picked up on Rukus.

Rat, Jake7, Needleseye, and myself went after the FemaleReaver in the General Lee, one of our shuttles. She had stolen a speeder-pod and made her way to the Land of the Yeti. We chased.

We picked up newcomer ImEarly, found unconscious and almost naked in the snow.

The General was disabled, I was abducted by Yeti who wanted to eat me, but I was saved by Jake7, Needleseye, ImEarly, and ThatWeirdGirl (whom I portaled in and who taught the Yeti how to dance).

Meanwhile, Rat had enslaved some Windmill Giants with his music. Leaving TWG, the rest of us continued our search for the FemaleReaver, finding her preaching to a bunch of Yeti in a cave.

Cozen awoke and started this ant thing.

You are now up to date.

EDIT: No, Grey, I encountered Ebo in the cargo bay during our time in the 4th dimension, though it is possible that she climbed back into Aegis.

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Wednesday, April 13, 2005 7:35 PM

*In the Yeti cave, the FemaleReaver sees the ants that have suddenly appeared to disrupt her preaching to the Yeti. She growls a few harsh commands in the Yeti language and the creatures begin to run out of the cave, scratching themselves. Once outside, they begin marching on the resort, to join the army of 64,000. *

* The FemaleReaver laughs at the swarming ants as she does a backflip to a higher vantage point to avoid them. She jumps up again, and climbs a bit higher up the side of the cave wall… *

* She climbs until that moment that FemaleReaver notices TheRealMe, Jake7, NeedlesEye, Rat, and (maybe) ImEarly, who are no longer obscured from her vision by that boulder. The FemaleReaver smiles with sharp teeth, and addresses TheRealMe with a hiss: *

“Nice of you to drop in for dinner, dear!”

* The FemaleReaver pulls a wicked-looking knife and jumps for TheRealMe, intending to drive the weapon into his heart with all the weight of her body behind it. There is no room on the ledge to dodge, but TheRealMe waves his hand and creates a dimensional portal interposed between them. The FemaleReaver enters the portal, only to fall out of another one just a few feet to her left. She lands hard, but keeps her footing, wheeling around to come at TheRealMe again, attacking with uncommon savagery. *

Look, Dear, can't we talk this over?

SIDE NOTE: All the ants on the planet start getting lethargic because of the uncommon cold of the environment...

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 4:28 AM

* In the Yeti cave, the FemaleReaver ignores TheRealMe's companions and charges him with her wicked-looking dagger. He attempts to interpose a second dimensional portal to block her, its other end being set for high in the cave to give her a nice long fall. She sees this ploy, dodges low, and stabs TheRealMe in the thigh. The FemaleReaver gives an evil smile, licking her lips, as she twists the dagger. The Real Me goes to his knees in pain, but draws back a fist to punch FemaleReaver in the nose with all his might. The FemaleReaver staggers back, nose bleeding, having left her dagger in TheRealMe’s leg. She draws a second dagger and leaps toward him again. *

* TheRealMe turns to his friends, and whimpers: *

Help!

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 5:37 AM

THATWEIRDGIRL

*twg and the small klatch of Yetii are enjoying a snack of snowcones when they hear a great rumbling*

Um, what’s that? You live here, what’s that noise?

*the Yetii get fidgety and all use their best ‘I’m innocent acts’*

Hewitt: It sounds like the other Yetii are mad.
Lichna: I think they’re headed this way.

*the group stands at the mouth of the cave. A endless sea of Yetii approaching them. twg quickly hides*
the lead Yeti:
We are raiding the resort! Come! It is your duty as native creatures to protect our home from offworlders
Hewitt:
We’ve already dealt with the strangers. We like them. You’ll like them too if you give the a chance. *Corbin reveals twg sitting behind an ice boulder* This one’s nifty. She’s really confusing, but loads of fun!

*twg looks up at the looming Yeti, doubt and rage etched on his face. She smiles, giggles, and then falls into an uncontrollable fit of laughter*

Hi! Sorry *gasp* can’t help *giggle* myself. Nice to meet you. Where ya going? There is a wicked party Jacuzzi at the resort I bet you’ll love. Oh, and the skiing is fabulous, well, I wouldn’t know, see, I fell off a cliff and did some unplanned base jumping…oh my goodness it was incredible! It’s the absolute ultimate! Have you tried it? Well you got to, you just have to try it! *twg finally breathes*

*the Yeti carefully examines the strange petite human female standing before him acting like nothing is strange. He smiles.*
You’re right, this one is entertaining. We’re only marching on the resort because another human-like female told us it was necessary for our survival. Is this one a representative of her kind? If so then we have no reason to invade…well, that Jacuzzi sounds nice. They call me Assan.

*Assan and twg talk for many minutes, discussing the many adventures of the club-tree-ship crew. It is decided the Yetii will help combat the ants. Assan sends a company of Yetii to assist TRM and the hunters with the FemaleReaver.*

*the Yetii and twg walk toward the resort*

So, all I’ve eaten is a few snowcones…what do y’all have to eat here?

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
Can we not revel in our cyber-love?

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 6:40 AM

SOULOFSERENITY

The Man They Call Soul...

Soul steps forward from his hiding place in the shadows. He looks up on the ledge and sees TheRealMe with a knife in his thigh, blood pouring down his leg. Female Reaver is running at him, and for some reason, TheRealMe's friends are standing, staring at the FemaleReaver, but not coming forward to help. So Soul pulls his bow off of his shoulder, notches an arrow, and lets it fly. The arrow strikes the wall, ricocheing and whizzing by TheRealMe's face.

"Not me!" TheRealMe cries, seeing Soul standing on the floor of the cave. "Her!"

"Sorry!" Soul shouts back. "I'm not too good with this thing."

"Then why do you use it?"

Soul looks down at the bow. "It's just so cool-"

"Just shoot her!" TheRealMe cries again. "Stop making love with your bow!"

Soul grumbles under his breath, but he notches another arrow, takes careful aim, and lets it fly.

______________________

But if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 6:41 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
...She sees this ploy, dodges low, and stabs TheRealMe in the thigh. The FemaleReaver gives an evil smile, licking her lips, as she twists the dagger. The Real Me goes to his knees in pain, but draws back a fist to punch FemaleReaver in the nose with all his might. The FemaleReaver staggers back, nose bleeding, having left her dagger in TheRealMe’s leg. She draws a second dagger and leaps toward him again.*

* TheRealMe turns to his friends, and whimpers:*

Help!

*Two arrows go whizzing by. jake7, meanwhile has been fumbling in her suit, looking for her trusty remote. As the FemaleReaver jumps at TRM once more, she runs next to TRM and presses the purple button, activating the force field, just as the FemaleReaver is upon TRM. She bounces off the force field and falls a few feet down the side of the mountain.*

I'm not sure how long this force field lasts, and I'm not sure how long it will take the FemaleReaver to claw her way back up here, but maybe now is a good time to use the portal to get the hell off this mountain top!

*she inspects TRM's leg*

We need to get back to SimonWho so he can patch you up, TRM.

I'd take the blade out, but as you're not bleeding, it may be stemming the flow.

*Thinking of blood, she notices the Reaver blood on the ground. jake7 glances at Needleseye to see if she's going into a trance like she did when TheGreyJedi cut himself to get us out of the 4th dimension. She hopes that Needleseye can take advantage of the situation and take care of the Reaver.*

--------------
MAL: Everybody's makin' a fuss.

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 6:59 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
EDIT: No, Grey, I encountered Ebo in the cargo bay during our time in the 4th dimension, though it is possible that she climbed back into Aegis.

See, as I said, I didn't remember helping her out. Doesn't mean she didn't get out. So I have no clue where Ebo is right now. If she's in the cockpit with me, she's being right quiet.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Engineer - USS SereniTREE.
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 8:11 AM

IMEARLY

ImEarly reappears.

Hey, how did the Female Reaver get here? I knew I should have waited to write in my blog.

Jake7.

You might wanna remove that dagger quickly from The Real Me's leg, looks painful. I've got some Motrin in my backpack if you want it. Although it doesn't look like it'll do him any good.

Go sign my Guest Book,
http://www.geocities.com/thisbrownhouse
Then download Serenity,
http://homepage.mac.com/rocketplane/FileSharing8.html

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 8:50 AM

THATWEIRDGIRL

*twg clicks on comm*
I'm sending a large contigency of Yetii to assist you with the capture of the FemaleReaver.

Quote:
Originally posted by jake7:
I'd take the blade out, but as you're not bleeding, it may be stemming the flow.

I'd suggest leaving the balde there, for now. More damage could be done by removing it and it does seem to be stopping the blood. Well done Jake7. I'll see you guys soon. over.

*twg and the Yetii begin chanting as they march.*

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight
we're just a little bit crazy!
one, two...

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
Can we not revel in our cyber-love?

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 8:55 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by ImEarly:
ImEarly reappears.
Jake7.
You might wanna remove that dagger quickly from The Real Me's leg, looks painful. I've got some Motrin in my backpack if you want it. Although it doesn't look like it'll do him any good

ImEarly, in this case, the blade seems to be helping to control the bleeding. If we remove it, we risk TRM bleeding to death.

I know *I* don't want that to happen!

It's painful, but this may be better until we can get him to SimonWho.

For this pain, TRM's going to need something a bit stronger than Motrin...

--------------
MAL: Everybody's makin' a fuss.

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 9:04 AM

SIMONWHO

*there is a wheezing and groaning noise and a blue box appears behind jake7 and ImEarly*

There is a doctor in the house. Now let me have a look at you.

*examines leg gingerly*

Mmm. That's a bit nasty. Why would you want to store a dagger in your leg like that? Surely some sort of knife drawer or scabbard would be better.

Well, you have a choice, TRM. I can either do a very basic patch up job on the spot which will prevent you from bleeding too much but you'll still be in pain and unable to run. Or I can take you back to the resort and operate on your properly. I even have a glamorous medical assistant to help me (MontanaGirl, no need to mention what branch of medicine you're involved in, OK?).

Up to you.

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 10:10 AM

MALICIOUS

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
Second, I must stand corrected regarding our superpower discussion. Clearly the power of Mal-licious to hi-jack threads surpasses any power we have seen active on this site, and is only rivaled by the sheer force of Mal-licious' charisma and beauty.

Forgive my oversight.

That is why you are on the Oversight Committee!!

Also, please do not bleed in the hot tub.

Mal-licious

I think I will add cursing and the hurling about of things to my repertoire.

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 3:31 PM

Well, ImEarly, the FemaleReaver got up here with us around the time of my post on April 13, 2005 at 19:35 (by this site’s time). She had been swarmed by Cozen’s ants and spotted us while she was climbing to safety. Then she attacked me.

* The Real Me is very thankful that some folks have come to his rescue, but he’s a bit uneasy as he doesn’t think that the FemaleReaver fell TOO far down the cliff-side. His teeth grind in pain as he attempts to sit up straight, with Jake7’s help. The FemaleReaver’s dagger is still embedded in his leg, and there is quite a lot of blood coming from that wound. The Real Me is made somewhat uneasy by Needleseye’s strong interest in this sight. Then The Real Me looks up at Doctor SimonWho, who has just emerged from his Blue Box. Jake7 lowers her force field to allow SimonWho to examine TheRealMe. *

Quote:
SimonWho said:

Well, you have a choice, TRM. I can either do a very basic patch up job on the spot which will prevent you from bleeding too much but you'll still be in pain and unable to run. Or I can take you back to the resort and operate on your properly. I even have a glamorous medical assistant to help me.

Hmmmm… A quick, painful patch-up or the proper medical care… with a glamorous assistant? Well, Doc, let me think…

* The Real Me’s com-link beeps. *

Hello, this is Me. Uh huh. Thanks.

* The Real Me puts his com-link away, and looks up at those around him. *

It seems that ThatWeirdGirl is sending us some Yeti to help capture the FemaleReaver. Also, it seems that she has averted the Yeti attack on the resort. With that in mind, Doctor, I should think it best to opt for…

* At that moment, the FemaleReaver leaps up from where she had fallen over the cliff. With her second dagger, she makes a violent slash at the neck of TheRealMe, though he dodges sufficiently to turn it into a deep cut on his face. She twirls like a dancer, and smacks SimonWho in the face with the heel of her boot, sending him sprawling. As others converge on her and more arrows go flying, the FemaleReaver performs three perfectly executed back-flips, jumps high into the air, curls herself into a ball, and dives into the door of SimonWho’s Blue Box. The Blue Box makes some odd wheezing and groaning sounds, then slowly starts to disappear. With wonder in his voice, TheRealMe whispers: *

She’s GOOD!

* TheRealMe and his companions sit on the ledge in the great Yeti cave, as ants start to swarm up over the cliff face near them. TheRealMe holds his cheek with one hand, and his leg with the other, blood flowing from between both sets of fingers. He glances up at Needleseye again, who seems to be meditating. *

Ah, I think it’s best if we go for the quick patch-up Doc…

Wait! Where is ImEarly?

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 4:13 PM

MONTANAGIRL

Quote:
Originally posted by SoulOfSerenity:
Soul looks down at the bow. "It's just so cool-"

*Sigh* There's just something about a man (or elf) with a bow. *Gets lost in reverence as drool dribbles from the corner of her mouth.*

Right, back to your regularly scheduled thread.

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
I even have a glamorous medical assistant to help me (MontanaGirl, no need to mention what branch of medicine you're involved in, OK?).

Sure, Simon!

I know just how to scratch 'em behind the ears to calm them down during the exam. I'm sure that would work on TRM.

Simon? Simon!

If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot. - D'Argo

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 4:14 PM

COZEN

*A couple million or so ants hoof it up the cliff face toward the cave where TheRealMe lies bleeding even as he is surrounded by his able freinds. A closer examination of the ants reveals that each tiny red creature is decked out in spiffin' combat gear, all helmeted and featuring razor sharp protective armour.*

They might be G.I. ants.

*Meanwhile....*

*Meanwhile, the Sereni-Tree floating spaceship vehicle is boarded by another couple million (or so) antish "guests", having been sent on a re-con mission by the cozen clusterthingy. As if by invisible command, they break up into companies, each comprised of 131,072 ants.*

*The ants get into things. Well, they get ito just about every damn thing.*

*They find ice cream. Beneath a pool table, in the kitchen, on top of couches, chairs, the bar, in all the private quarters, heck, even in the toilets and on the bridge, the ants keep stumbling over vast (to them, they're smallish critters) caches of ice cream. And, pepsi. Gallons of freakin' pepsi.*

*A feast ensues.*

***
Diabetic ants: the next eco-trauma?

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 4:23 PM

MONTANAGIRL

Quote:
Originally posted by cozen:
They might be G.I. ants.

Hahahahahahahahaha! Damn, I love having you around coz!

Hey, get those ants away from my Pepsi!

If you can be an idiot, I can be an idiot. - D'Argo

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 4:27 PM

MALICIOUS

Quote:
Originally posted by cozen:
They might be G.I. ants.

(Mal-Licious groans in agony and her eyeballs roll right back into her head.)

THAT WAS MY JOKE IN 7TH GRADE!!! Joke thief!

However, excellent way to tie it into Rat's fav band. Way to go.

Mal-licious

I think I will add cursing and the hurling about of things to my repertoire.

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 5:16 PM

EBONEZER

Quote:
Originally posted by cozen:

They might be G.I. ants.

I don't get it...

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/yeabig/

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 5:46 PM

I don't either.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Engineer - USS SereniTREE.

http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 6:29 PM

NEEDLESEYE

*TheRealMe, distraught with Needleseye staring at the gore splashed about the cave, reflexively smacks her on the shoulder with the back of his hand.*
HEY!
*He quickly pulls his hand back, just in case. Thinks a hungry pursuit of his blood is at least predictable and far less creepifying than her staring. (Staring because the real Needleseye was working a 12+ hour shift and couldn't be here to save TheRealMe. Sorry.) Needleseye's darkened eyes quickly look at TheRealMe. With a low growl she says something, but it makes no sense. She is speaking another language, then she snaps out of it.*

TheRealMe, why are you bleeding everywhere? UH.. bleeding... ooh....
* checks self mentally*
OK, OK, I didn't do that did I? No, no, not possible, you'd have no arms.

*Nervously humming again at the sight of a companion's bleeding flesh, flowers spring up all around where they are sitting and on their clothes and hair and in TheRealMe's wounds. They slow the bleeding while they wait for SimonWho to gather his wits after the FemReaver's kick. The sight of TheRealMe's wounds with flowers on top suddenly reminds her of Grey, and she smiles a little smile*

Tasty

*TheRealMe confused by Needleseye's comment* - Oh no I'm not!

Wait! I wasn't..

Oh nevermind.

Keeper of Jayne's goggles. 8)

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 6:45 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by cozen:
They might be G.I. ants.

Well, if you insist!!

--------------------------------------------------------------

There's an ant crawling up your back in the night time
There's an ant crawling up your back in the night time
But you think that's okay while you're sleeping

That ant crawled in your head in the night time
That ant crawled in your head in the night time
But you think that's okay while you're sleeping

Some day that ant will grow up to be President
Some day that ant will grow up to be President
But you think that's okay while you're sleeping

The President calls your name in the night time
The President calls your name in the night time
And that will spoil your dreams while you're sleeping

The man ransacked your house in the night time
Yes, the man ransacked your house in the night time
As the ant crawls up your back while you're sleeping

-TMBGIA

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 7:02 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
dives into the door of SimonWho’s Blue Box. The Blue Box makes some odd wheezing and groaning sounds, then slowly starts to disappear.

Let's go get the General and regroup at the ship! I think we can use the Sereni-Tree's sensers to track her through space-time....that is....if she's leaking tachyon emissions!

-Ratboy

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 7:43 PM

MAI

*POOF! A large cloud of strange mist forms in front of our soon to be ant food crew. Mai appears, looking slightly bewildered*

WHOA.

One minute I'm sittin' in the jacuzzi relaxing about to be attacked by some strange ant creatures and the next thing I know I'm here.
Where is here exactly? Well it doesn't matter.
The important thing is... umm, huh, what was the important? OH YEA!

*Reaches into handy dandy satchel and produces a large bottle of Ruckus beach sun tan/massage lotion stuff. Not only does it block sunburn, and make your skin softer, it also

*Puts on glasses to read the fine print*

IT ALSO KILLS strange ant like creatures that are about to eat your entire crew alive!

*Rummages in satchel and starts frantically throwing out bottles of lotion*

Hey everyone grab a bottle and start taking 'em down!

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 8:33 PM

(YES, MontanaGirl, the scratching behind the ear thing would be QUITE effective.)

* The Real Me takes some of Knibblet's Stupendous Sunscreen from Mai, puts a dab on his index finger, and flicks it toward some of the menacing G.I. Ants. As the blob hits the stone and starts to spread out and touch them, the G.I. Ants start exploding one by one. *

Oh, that's WAY better than a magnifying glass!

Uh, I mean, Rat, do you think we can modify the Spamguns to take this as ammunition?

Now, how are those ants getting into the Sereni-Tree through our air-tight seals? Someone would have had to let them in. But who...

* The Real Me smacks his forehead. *

The Cozen love-clones! They have GOT to go! ALL of them! We're going to have to dump them onto the surface of Black Diamond.

Oh, well.

* The Real Me feels around the flowers sprouting from his leg and with a grunt, pulls out the dagger of the FemaleReaver. More flowers no doubt take root to staunch the bleeding. *

Oooooh. Weird! Uh, thanks, Needleseye. Uh, I mean...

* The Real Me is slightly creepified. *

Tell me the truth, Doc! I'm gonna survive, right? I won't end up as... a vegetable?

* The Real Me staggers to his feet. *

Or, Doctor SimonWho, do you have a remote control to your Blue Box? Or did ImEarly sneak on board? ImEarly? Hello?

Well, if not, then I guess we need to see to saving the Sereni-Tree. For now. But because I have the FemaleReaver's dagger, I can zero in on her later, no matter where she is in space-time. Doc, we'll get your Blue Box back.

* The Real Me reaches out to create a dimensional portal. *

Back to the General Lee, then back to the Sereni-Tree? Let's see.... who do we have here? TheRealMe, Jake7, SimonWho, Needleseye, Rat, SoulOfSerenity, Mai, and (maybe) ImEarly? Then there's ThatWeirdGirl with the Yeti. I'll make sure she gets back, too. Everybody else should be back at the resort or the Sereni-Tree.

* The Real Me pulls his com-link and flips a switch. *

Calling everybody! Calling everybody! The planet of Black Diamond is no longer safe for us. Regroup at the Sereni-Tree. We have a PEST problem there!

* The Real Me pauses in thought, then presses another switch. *

Pssst! Ebo? You know, this planet is getting mighty unfriendly to our peaceful selves. Say, when was the last time you declared war on somebody? Been a while, huh?

* The Real Me smiles, puts away his com-link, and begins to step through the dimensional portal. *

So, Mai, are you learning how to teleport?

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 9:21 PM

SimonWho, you should know that Bride2 and Bride3 were wounded during the events surrounding the escape of the FemaleReaver, and Bride1 was killed.

I sent Bride2 and Bride3 to the Sereni-Tree's Infirmary.

* The Real Me pauses, still working on the problem of fighting an entire planet with the available resources. *

Say, SimonWho... Do you still have the super-power to destroy an entire planet?

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Thursday, April 14, 2005 11:20 PM

SIMONWHO

Well, see, I still think we're guests in the Cozen cluster and to destroy one of his planets smacks of careless, to destroy two... well, I think the ants might strip the flesh from our bones if we do. So, thanks ants. Thants.

*patches up the wounded including himself*

You know, I think that bitch chipped a tooth. Oooh, I'm irked now. And she stole my machine. In fact, how did she managed to dematerialise it, it's a very complicated instrument that...

Oh crap. Guys, big problem. To allow for a speedy exit, I programmed it to rematerialise right over by the hot tub. That's where the FemaleReaver is heading right now.

Come on, we've got practically no time to spare. Fortunately I set the timer ahead a bit so the General could rendez-vous pretty much simultaneous but we have to hurry. Everyone to the General, quick!

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Friday, April 15, 2005 3:25 AM

*The Real Me pauses as he's about to step through his dimensional portal. *

Oh, I hadn't realized that she would still even be in the same dimension. I could take us straight to the resort! We could pick up the General Lee later. The General's main thrusters had been disabled, anyway, so we'd have to find some way to move it. Or have a giant carry it.

Okay, is everyone ready?

* The Real Me concentrates *

Okay, my dimensional portal is going to the resort now, opening near the jacuzzi. Let's go. Let's get her!

* Holding the FemaleReaver's dagger in his right hand, and a tube of sunscreen in his left, The Real Me limps through the portal. On the other side, he sees the resort and the jacuzzi, mostly abandoned (though MontanaGirl and CallMeAth might still be bravely attempting to hold their snowman line, nearby). Ants are everywhere, but he squirts out some sunscreen, and they retreat or explode. *

*Immediately, The Real Me checks to make sure that the earlier portal he made for ThatWeirdGirl is still in existence. It is. *

* Suddenly, he sees SimonWho's Blue Box start to materialize, making its strange groaning noises. The Real Me nervously watches his friends come after him, one by one. He hopes they hurry, and that ThatWeirdGirl hurries, or has already come through, for The Real Me resolves that the FemaleReaver will not escape again! He will shut down all the portals as the door of the Blue Box opens. *

*Hopefully, he won't cut anyone in half! *

Ready, everyone? Here she comes.

* The door on the Blue Box starts to open. *

The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

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Friday, April 15, 2005 6:28 AM

SOULOFSERENITY

The Man They Call Soul...

Soul steps through the portal and sees the strange blue box as it slowly opens. He looks around, and is suprised that he can put a name to every face in the room, given that he has never seen any of them before. Before he fired the arrows in the cave, he was hiking up the mountain, but then something hit him, and...and then he woke up in the cave as the FemaleReaver charged at TRM. He fired the arrows out of instinct, and now he followed instinct again, pulling out an arrow and notching it, aiming carefully at the opening box...

______________________

But if your hand touches metal, I swear by my
pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

http://havenofsouls.blogspot.com/

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Friday, April 15, 2005 6:49 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
* The door on the Blue Box starts to open. *

*jake7, quickly steps out of the portal behind TRM and notices the blue box opening. She handles the remote, finger on the purple button, in case they need a force field. Suddenly, she notices a flashing red light on the remote. She looks closer at the light.*

Crap! The battery indicator is low! Well, I guess we're out of luck with a force field until I can get some new batteries. Maybe Rat will have some Duracell Ultras for me later?

*she turns back to watch the blue box open further and the FemaleReaver steps out.*

--------------
MAL: Everybody's makin' a fuss.

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Friday, April 15, 2005 7:18 AM

*Sends Duracell Ultras through the portal.*

Well, it looks like y'all have things covered on that end, I think I'll go see how the repairs are coming on the General.

-Ratboy

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Friday, April 15, 2005 7:39 AM

BRIDE7

Quote:
Originally posted by jake7:
*she turns back to watch the blue box open further and the FemaleReaver steps out.*

** Only it's not FemaleReaver, it's Bride7 **
What's with all the guns...and arrows, were you expecting someone else??
Oh, and check out my cool blue box, some women just gave it to me and said I should bring it here!!!

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Friday, April 15, 2005 8:02 AM